VERRY embarrassing question!
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Probably has performance issues, Maybe a drug or alcohol problem can lead to lack of interest or ability.0
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I agree with everyone who has said talk to him, stress and depression can have a huge effect on the sex drive.
If you had a healthy sex life before, then talking is the only way you will get a definate answer.
I know when a partner stops wanting you sexually it also has a huge effect on your self esteem, and can also lead to a lot of arguements.
If you believe him about stress then maybe get him away from the stressful situation maybe a holiday where you can relax together, and hope things work.
You need to be prepared for the possibility that he just no longer finds you sexually attractive, as love and sex do not go hand in hand.
Also be prepared to hear things that you do not wish to hear, but you need to know, you say you love him but can you see your life without a sexual relationship, if not then you need to figure out how long you are prepared to continue with your present situation.
Hope it all works out for you x0 -
I've talked to him a number of times.
He insists he doesn't have any "issues".
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and comments.
I think another thing that makes this hard is that I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I have kids. So yeah....the pond I have to fish in is very small. LOL!
Oh...my!
I'm sorry if my posting this question offended anyone...last thing I wanted to do.
I guess when you feel hopeless you post to random public...lol0 -
I can understand not wanting to have sex (for whatever reason)... however, if you partner wants to and communicates that to you, then you have to make it a priority (if that means you seek professional help). Otherwise, it shows just general disconcern for your partner and their needs.
DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU SORT THIS OUT0 -
I have been on both sides of this issue. For the first several years of my marriage, I almost never wanted to have sex with my husband. Even though I loved him very much, and I was attracted to him, I just had no sex drive. For me the issue was hormonal -- I gave birth five times in six years. (Obviously we were having sex *sometimes*, LOL.) From the moment I got pregnant with the first, all the way through finishing up breastfeeding the baby at 15 months old, I just didn't want sex.
I've also been on the other side, since normally my sex drive is... "voracious," LOL... and some of the guys I dated couldn't keep up. *blush*
IMO, the important thing is a) that you let your partner know that an active sex life is important to you; and b) that he is willing to look for solutions and compromise. He needs to at least investigate whether this might be a medical issue, and if it is, be willing to get help. If it's not a medical issue, then the two of you need to look for a solution together.
It is very important for a healthy relationship that, if there is a problem causing significant distress to one of you, then BOTH partners need to be willing to communicate and look for a solution. If you can't do that, that's a sign of a much bigger problem than lack of sex.0 -
I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.
I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.
It's just some armchair medical advice so take it with a grain of salt, but low sex drive is a symptom of low testosterone. Maybe not for everyone, but for some.
my husband's long stint of no desire was due to this and he was super embarrassed to tell me, but he did, because he didn't want me thinking he was getting it elsewhere, then he ended up getting a testosterone shot. He gives himself a shot every other week.
I did the shots for a while but my wife didn't like it. I guess two a days were just to much for her
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After your comment, I reread the original post & have to agree that she must be talking about a woman0
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this is something you should absolutely be talking to him about. don't be embarrassed, sex should be talked about.. and the lack of sex should definitely be talked about.
decide first if this is a deal breaker. if he says, no i don't think sex is important, then you have to decide if you can live that way.
talk to him, drag it all out into the open and discuss it. this is your life, you should be happy...
good luck
Well said Clyde!
Sex shouldn't be a taboo subject between two people who care about each other like you two do. It is serious if it's been this long. Is (s)he sensitive to the fact that you have needs too? It is nice that you are accommodating and understanding of his/her needs, or lack thereof, but what about his/her understanding of YOURS? Does (s)he understand that his/her lack of interest/desire could cause the end of your relationship?0 -
Google "The Great American Challenge" and have some fun 0
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Talk to him instead of MFP. Also, he could possibly have low testosterone if he has no sexual urges for a year. That is if you're positive he's not cheating on you.
^^^^^ THIS!
i dont know if I would've waited a yr to bring up the subject to him. thats just my opinion0 -
Ditch him/(her?).
If you want sex to feel loved (which MOST people do need physcial affection of some sort, and sex is the King of that) and they're not giving it to you after you have told them that's what you want, then that's ALL you need to know. End. Of. Story.0 -
I'd just tell him the concerns you told us.
I'm not the sort of assume cheating, I would lean towards it being some sort of performance issue, but again, you really need to ask him.
If it's just stress and he is too tired, sex is definitely a great stress reliever, and he doesn't have to do much work you know :P
*edit*
Just read your latest comment, a good chunk of a healthy relationship should by physical, in my opinion. He should want to make you feel good, even if he doesn't really want to. (and vica versa of course).
I still think you need to tell him what you said to everyone here though, if you stay together how long is it going to be til he feels like it again... another month, another year, 3 years? I'm not saying leave someone who 'can't' have sex with you, since some medical problems can definitely prevent it, but someone who 'won't'... that's different. You deserve a MUCH better reason than "I'm stressed out".0 -
Could be hormonal or he may be asexual. Some people are, the same way some people are gay.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. My partner and I are very rarely intimate (we go months without) but we've been together for 4 years and our love is stronger than ever. A relationship need not rely on sex.
That being said, make sure to make things clear if your needs aren't being fulfilled. It's something that's important to talk about.0 -
Either the man is gay, or needs to learn "If you aint got it in the hips...you better have it in the lips"0
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Talk to him, it wont be easy and it can cause a fight or two but if you two have the relationship you say you do, then talk and also have him go to his doc to see if he has any underlying medical issue. So many things can cause a man to lose his desire.
If all of that fails, then you will have to decide if you want to stay in a sexless relationship. If not then just be friends and move on to a different person.
Dont cheat, dont deny yourself.. just have some patience and talk...0 -
haha0
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Try spicing things up, find out if he's got some unspoken desires he'd like to roleplay or something (assuming you're okay with them). He might be embarrassed.
I spent two years with a guy who had no libido, the third year he found half of one, and, well, now... we're good. 0 -
he may not like women. my wife is friends with several gay dudes and what you said totally describes them. or he has a major *kitten* issue... i can't imagine going a full year without sex. my wife had issues after our first and 2nd kid, she got all weird about her breasts, i talked to her about it and its a work in progress but never a deal breaker.0
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Could be any of these things combined, the only way you'll find out is by having the uncomfortable talk with him. It'll get teary-eyed, but it needs to be done all the same.0
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There is this rather seemingly "silly" book called He's just not that into you. Yeah, consider reading it. I've even had lengthy conversations with guy friends who confirm things in the book. Just a thought! Luck to you!0
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when your alone one day or night walk up to him naked and jump on him, this may work, if anything it will get it out in the open, a real close girlfriend who i thought was a great friend and only a friend never even considered sex. did this to me and it was awesome. we had a great FWB relationship for a couple of years.0
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Me and my husband have a strict "Never say no to sex" policy.
I would talk to him about this. The only time me or my husband have had lowered sex drives were when we got severely depressed.0 -
Intimacy is very important in a relationship. However, there are other ways to be intimate other than sex. I would say that if you love the person as much as you say you do, then sex is not a reason to leave. Trust me, I know a girl has needs but cheating is definitely not the answer. There are times when my husband and I go months with none for different reasons. It has been this way since we got married and trust me I understand the needs but I would never ever cheat nor leave because of sex.
You have to ask yourself how much you love your man and if he is worth waiting for. If he is not, then you probably should end it and move on because the relationship isn't that important. I would definitely talk to him too.0 -
I'm married for 20 years and part and in some portion of our relationship is missing sex(on my part). I believe that one way or the other this will be part of relationship, but you need to establish a communication and hoping that he will fix this with you. Nowadays, people are more open to discuss and there are professional help around this(i think) so this is one step that both of you could take.0
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Me and my husband have a strict "Never say no to sex" policy.
I would talk to him about this. The only time me or my husband have had lowered sex drives were when we got severely depressed.
thats awesome!!!0 -
Hmmm.,,is he depressed? Medications? Stressed over life issues/work? Medical problems?Those things can affect his sexual libido. I honestly don't feel sex is the beginning and end of all relationships, but its obviously important to you. The first thing is to talk to HIM because only he can address your concerns.0
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Wow, I dont know quite what to say, I have never met a man that didnt want to like 12 times a day.
I really think you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know you love him, everyone has stress, but, I think hes using that as an excuse. Im not saying hes cheating by any means, but something is up.
Hopw things get better for you!! HUGS0 -
It sounds like he should probably already know that there is un-easiness here. Take it from a guy. We are just not wired to behave this way. There is clearly something wrong here. Your thoughts should first be determining what that something is and then gauge the future of the relationship based on your findings. Sounds a little cold but you are obviously reaching a boiling point. Good luck…
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I've talked to him a number of times.
He insists he doesn't have any "issues".
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and comments.
I think another thing that makes this hard is that I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I have kids. So yeah....the pond I have to fish in is very small. LOL!
Oh...my!
I'm sorry if my posting this question offended anyone...last thing I wanted to do.
I guess when you feel hopeless you post to random public...lol
Do not be embarrased at all. Someone may have asked this because I didn't read the whole thread, but, are you comfortable with your body and sexuality?
There was a time in my life when I wasn't happy with my body, awkward, reserved, and would only do it with the lights out. The lack of self esteem completely turned my partner off and he just wasn't interested.0 -
It sounds like he should probably already know that there is un-easiness here. Take it from a guy. We are just not wired to behave this way. There is clearly something wrong here. Your thoughts should first be determining what that something is and then gauge the future of the relationship based on your findings. Sounds a little cold but you are obviously reaching a boiling point. Good luck…
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
my thoughts exactly!0
This discussion has been closed.
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