Rant: MFP Forums.
femmi1120
Posts: 473 Member
Not trying to start more drama, but that seems to be inevitable around here any way. So here goes.
I'm seriously disappointed in some of the things I've been reading on these forums lately.
Too many times I've seen people asking a genuine question, asking for advice, or sharing an opinion and watching everyone take turns just ripping them a new one.
These forums are supposed to be for HELP and SUPPORT. Yet I keep seeing snide, sarcastic remarks over and over again and they are just not helpful in the least.
You see people on the forums all the time who don't seem to get it. You get frustrated because you see people like this over and over with the same type of problem. A lot of the time they're inexperienced and genuinely don't know what they're doing wrong, and other times they're just downright stubborn. Either way, you're sick of answering the same questions over and over again, so you lash out. In the end, you don't feel any less annoyed, and now you've made the OP feel like crap.
So, here's an idea, if you're not going to be PATIENT, understanding, and supportive, just don't post at all. Don't even read the topic. Plain and simple.
On to my next topic: eating disordered members. Get off their backs! You don't have to add them if it's so disturbing to you, but otherwise, just leave them alone.
As someone who has had issues with eating, I know how dark of a place that can be. I also know that it's just not something you can talk someone out of. It just doesn't happen. All you can do is set an example, be supporting and understanding, and maybe be an outlet for them.
The rude comments aren't helpful. You might think it's just "tough love" but you're definitely not going to be doing an eating disordered person any favors by making them feel like they don't belong here. What you WILL do is drive them to a pro-ana site, which will just feed their disorder even further.
Just my 2 cents.
*Prepares for the inevitable backlash*
I'm seriously disappointed in some of the things I've been reading on these forums lately.
Too many times I've seen people asking a genuine question, asking for advice, or sharing an opinion and watching everyone take turns just ripping them a new one.
These forums are supposed to be for HELP and SUPPORT. Yet I keep seeing snide, sarcastic remarks over and over again and they are just not helpful in the least.
You see people on the forums all the time who don't seem to get it. You get frustrated because you see people like this over and over with the same type of problem. A lot of the time they're inexperienced and genuinely don't know what they're doing wrong, and other times they're just downright stubborn. Either way, you're sick of answering the same questions over and over again, so you lash out. In the end, you don't feel any less annoyed, and now you've made the OP feel like crap.
So, here's an idea, if you're not going to be PATIENT, understanding, and supportive, just don't post at all. Don't even read the topic. Plain and simple.
On to my next topic: eating disordered members. Get off their backs! You don't have to add them if it's so disturbing to you, but otherwise, just leave them alone.
As someone who has had issues with eating, I know how dark of a place that can be. I also know that it's just not something you can talk someone out of. It just doesn't happen. All you can do is set an example, be supporting and understanding, and maybe be an outlet for them.
The rude comments aren't helpful. You might think it's just "tough love" but you're definitely not going to be doing an eating disordered person any favors by making them feel like they don't belong here. What you WILL do is drive them to a pro-ana site, which will just feed their disorder even further.
Just my 2 cents.
*Prepares for the inevitable backlash*
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Totally agree with what you have said, although as a person who has suffered from eating disorders and still does to a degree, I would never be driven to a pro ana site. I would simply move on or become a quiet lurker.
I must admit, I am quite wary of how to post here, worrying people might wonder why I am here when I am not medically overweight or near overweight, but in the end, there are many forms of eating disorder and that includes overeating, in my opinion. Everyone is surely here to find a better and healthier way of living for themselves,and in that respect, can help one another.0 -
You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on
My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them. 0 -
Welll said.0
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I think a lot of times, it can seem like someone is being "ganged up on" when a lot of people are posting similar things. But many times, people view anything that isn't sunshine and roses as "being mean."
I try really hard to not be mean, I try to respond to each thread thinking that the poster is completely new here... but sometimes people take it the wrong way anyway. There was a girl recently (past few weeks) who had posted several threads about how to lose body fat or how to look less muscular and bulky. When I told her that she didn't have much body fat to lose and that she was stressing unnecessarily over it, I was told I was rude. To me, that would be the equivalent if I was asking how to improve my running speed, and someone told me that I was already pretty darn fast. I wouldn't find that rude at all!0 -
You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them.
:drinker:0 -
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These forums are supposed to be for HELP and SUPPORT. Yet I keep seeing snide, sarcastic remarks over and over again and they are just not helpful in the least.
Amen Sister0 -
You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them.
:drinker:
Love your profile pic. - I may have to steal it for wallpaper!!0 -
You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them.
Actually, have you found that internet forums have gotten a lot worse in the last year or so?
I remember a few years back, it wasn't like it is now. It's not just MFP but many other forums too.
It's weird, but I just can't seem to put my finger on what it is, the closest I can get is that forums seem to have a lot of trolls on them and that many of the personalities come across as the same, almost as if they are the same person on many different sites :frown:0 -
I didn't post anything for a long time because of the way people would answer in the forum. I will NEVER get into a battle of wits, or nimwits, nor will I bash anyone for asking a question that's been asked 5000 times. If you don't like the fact that the same questions are being asked over and over again, simply skip to the next post. It's just that easy.
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Also alot of times people post and expect to get the answer they want or think is right, but when alot of helpful knowledgable people give them the real deal they get offended. For example how can I lose stomach fat....the common and truthful answer is you can't spot reduce, abs are made in the kitchen. But because that is not what they want to hear they want the miracle cure or ab excercise they get offended and see it as an attack on them. That being said there will always be snarky people on any internet board.0
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You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them.
+10 -
I completely agree. I've been on here for about three years off and on and the mean people are out of control. And not the advice givers who are just matter of fact...the really mean people. I am very wary of forums now. It did not used to be like that. I read a post this morning that said they all need to eat a cupcake :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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...So, here's an idea, if you're not going to be PATIENT, understanding, and supportive, just don't post at all. Don't even read the topic. Plain and simple...
It's like this golden rule of life that has been around for ages and crazy how it's still so unknown by millions... Seriously though, you tell 'em!
This is suppose to be a safe place for all of us wanting to make a serious change in our lives... we see people here with amazing success stories and sometimes just need help getting up there as well.
If you want to be a part of it, be apart of the solution, not the problem0 -
Well said! Its my first proper day on here and i was really disapointed in some of the thihgs i read. I felt like not bothering to stay if this was going to be typical of what was being posted. Thankfully there are some 'perfectly normal' people on here too! I want to wish everone luck on their personal journey. : ) 0
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Well said! Its my first proper day on here and i was really disapointed in some of the thihgs i read. I felt like not bothering to stay if this was going to be typical of what was being posted. Thankfully there are some 'perfectly normal' people on here too! I want to wish everone luck on their personal journey. : )
Welcome to MFP! :flowerforyou:0 -
Totally support everything you said. The trouble is the mindless chatter will always be around us. Maybe we could stand up for what we believe is correct...and you did that perfectly...and then just ignore those others who find it difficult to be supportive.0
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I agree completely. To carry it just a bit further, I hate it when someone starts out by saying that they are new here before they ask their question, and they they are bombarded with snarky comments about how they should look for other threads that already addressed their question. Until you've been on here awhile you don't always know how to look for other posts/threads that cover what you are asking. I don't ask ANYTHING on these threads for precisely that reason. No one seems to know how to be nice to the new kids.0
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very well said! and thank you for addressing something that does seem to be way out of control.0
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...So, here's an idea, if you're not going to be PATIENT, understanding, and supportive, just don't post at all. Don't even read the topic. Plain and simple...
It's like this golden rule of life that has been around for ages and crazy how it's still so unknown by millions... Seriously though, you tell 'em!
This is suppose to be a safe place for all of us wanting to make a serious change in our lives... we see people here with amazing success stories and sometimes just need help getting up there as well.
If you want to be a part of it, be apart of the solution, not the problem
Yes I agree with you about the golden rule of life. This is a great place for support however the internet is not what I would consider a safe place.0 -
Finally someone says it! I totally agree!!0
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I first started MFP in November 2010 and it was much more supportive. It is very hostile now.0
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I first started MFP in November 2010 and it was much more supportive. It is very hostile now.
Pretty much. I joined a year ago and even in the last 6 months or so it's become very hostile at times. Thanks OP for creating this thread, you pretty much nailed it. Probably why I don't post often on here anymore.0 -
I totally agree with what you are saying. Many times when I am reading topic posts, I think in the back of mind how brave that person is because of the comments they have gotten or will get.
I also agree that people need to be more patient with posts they've seen a thousand times already as the search function really isn't that great on this site.0 -
My sentiments exactly. I was thinking the same thing this morning. And like another poster stated, unfortunately it's not unique to MFP boards. I'm a member on another weight loss board and the same thing happens there. It's just sad.0
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I agree completely. To carry it just a bit further, I hate it when someone starts out by saying that they are new here before they ask their question, and they they are bombarded with snarky comments about how they should look for other threads that already addressed their question. Until you've been on here awhile you don't always know how to look for other posts/threads that cover what you are asking. I don't ask ANYTHING on these threads for precisely that reason. No one seems to know how to be nice to the new kids.
Totally agree. I've never bothered to even introduce myself here. People post snide and snarky remarks even on that thread!
And I don't buy the "welcome to the internet" excuse. I've been on other internet forums (political and historical)and there are many heated discussions and debates, the overwhelming majority of participants have the good graces to be civil.0 -
I would definitely say it's gotten worse. I've been on MFP before and I don't remember it ever being this bad.0
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I really don't see it as that bad. :indifferent: Maybe it's because I've been picked on, bullied, ostracized, you name it, in real life so much when I was young that some words on a forum don't bother me.
The overwhelming majority of people on here are civil and helpful and really amazing. There's just... an overwhelming number of people. With a community this large, even if just 1% of the population are trolls, that's a significant number of trolls.0 -
I try to not to post much in the forums. My advice is find some like minded friends and ask them. Everyone sees things from different angles and everyone who's angle is different feels like they're being attacked (and maybe they are). Some hate carbs, some hate paleo, some hate something else and we all hate diet pills. Again, I'd suggest finding some like minded friends and ask questions among them. Now not everyone will get this advice before they dive in and get beat up severely but I wish them the best. You have to be pretty tough skinned around here however unfortunate that may be.0
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I try to not to post much in the forums. My advice is find some like minded friends and ask them.
If you want support, that's a great thing to do.
If you want advice and opinions, though... like-minded friends are probably just going to tell you want you already believe to be true.
I like surrounding myself with like-minded friends, too, but I've learned the most from people who had different views from my own. 0
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