Are people shallow if they hit on you after you’ve lost we

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  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    If a guy hits on you after you've gained weight was he shallow for not hitting on you when you weighed less?

    No. He's a feeder:bigsmile:
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:

    but :grumble:

    doesn't apply to me, lol :tongue:

    I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    No, it just means you are now part of their preference group and you weren't before.

    Doesnt mean they think you are a better person now, just that you are physically attractive now. We have to have separate tastes for friends and lovers, otherwise we'd all just be friends. Probably.
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
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    It is all about the confidence.

    Before I lost weight I wanted to disappear into the woodwork. I wanted to be invisible and have no one notice me.

    As I got more confident, I developed more of a spark.

    Now I have quite a bit of confidence and get noticed. Prime example...last year I used to walk down the hallway and NO one at work would speak to me. I go into my main building and many people say hi to me. The one network guy says hi to me all the time. Before..I could be laying dead on the floor and I would get stepped over.

    My body isn't perfect but I know how to dress it.
  • jmehere
    jmehere Posts: 108 Member
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    No. I agree with you're thinking. Approachability, positivity, loving and embracing life is often considered attractive by most. I've been thin and hated myself. I was completely unapproachable (except by those who were just as crazy as I was) in my prime "hot" years, so it isn't all about being attractive. I can tell a difference, because my feelings of confidence and contentment have been a minority in my life and people (not just in the romantic sense) are more likely to interact with me when I am feeling confident and happy.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    that's a great attitude to have.


    but your friend's reaction mystifies the fu@k out of me. Why do girls get so offended when a boy doesn't hit on them when they are overweight, yet hits on them when they are skinny? because people hit on what they find attractive! simply as that.

    obviously this boy finds you attractive now - be it that you look great or that you are showing such awesome kick *kitten* work on doing what you want to do for yourself.

    i just don't think it's shallow to NOT hit on someone you don't find attractive though. I date fit guys. am i shallow because i don't date fat guys?

    Exactly. Just like I'm not attracted to guys that are shorter than me. Does that make me shallow? No, it's just my preference. Some guys prefer blondes, some guys like brunettes, it's all about personal preference and it doesn't make a person shallow, just makes em honest.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:

    but :grumble:

    doesn't apply to me, lol :tongue:

    I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)

    You wouldn't date them because you put them in the friend zone, or they put themselves there. What if they wanted to date you, but had their own reasons or issues (outside of your being more overweight) that they had to work through? You're saying you'd automatically assume it was because of your weight and discredit any sincerity that might be there. If you ask me, *that* is shallow!
  • xo_morgan
    xo_morgan Posts: 298
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    I only get hit on when I've showered in the last 24 hours.

    Women are picky, I tells ya.

    Personally i hate showers, who needs em:smokin:
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Firstly, paragraphs are your friend.

    Secondly, no it is not shallow.

    Thirdly, there is no thirdly.

    So long and thanks for the fish.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    that makes a lot of sense :flowerforyou:

    but :grumble:

    doesn't apply to me, lol :tongue:

    I would say I am equally nice person and approachable as I was 70pounds ago. I was generally a happy (not jolly) but happy fat person. I spoke to everyone, I engaged in conversation, I dress like I care about my appearance, and I haven't really changed the niceness factor, just shedding some pounds. I'd say for the guys who know me now, if they start flirting, I would not date them, they know me and have had their chance(if they wanted one) to try and do so(date me that is)

    You wouldn't date them because you put them in the friend zone, or they put themselves there. What if they wanted to date you, but had their own reasons or issues (outside of your being more overweight) that they had to work through? You're saying you'd automatically assume it was because of your weight and discredit any sincerity that might be there. If you ask me, *that* is shallow!

    good point. I know who my male friends like and pursue. they have no problem doing so(I am not their type) they friend zone themselves lol . . .I assume they like my personality, great but I would still think of them as shallow if they couldn't look pass my overweight (ness), so not a word, haha and like me then, or now. . .whichever . just my opinion on the matter.

    we are all shallow to a degree we like who we like, nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone as a criteria for dating them
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    In my opinion, 90% of them are shallow. I have been skinny before and it doesn't take long to figure out what exactly your suitors are interested in. Lucky for me, I found someone who loves me for better or worse in sickness and in health.

    If you like the guy, just ask him point blank why he waited to ask you out.

    I can tell you that confidence and weight are not always correlated. I was a frightened little bunny when I was thin and guys were all over it. I wasn't taking good care of myself until after my health declined and I was already fat. Not everyone appreciates a lady who takes care of herself, because she might be intimidating. Although if this guy has been a good friend he might actually be after you and admire your strength. The only way to know is to ask.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    Dating someone has to do with personality, hitting on someone is all about attraction.

    When I was dating I remember hitting on a girl once after she totally changed her hairstyle.
    I thought she looked hot with the new do.

    Unfortunately she turned out to be a *****, and the new look couldn't fix that. :smile:
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    how-you-doin.jpg?w=538
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    Physical looks get their attention.... a personality KEEPS their attention.

    People are allowed to have preferences, and it doesn't make them shallow. Anyone that says they don't have standards is a liar. It may not be "looks" they find important, but it'll be something else. And that 'something else' could be considered "shallow" by someone else's standards.

    Just don't worry about it.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
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    Confidence is very attractive. Congratulations on the weight loss!!:smile:
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    No, it's not shallow, it's normal. As hiker said on the first page, people who obviously take care of themselves are more attractive to people in general.

    That being said, I wish there were more normal/shallow people in Tucson. I've shed an entire person and have only been hit on once - by a jailbait barista boy at a local coffee shop. :tongue:
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    They May be superficial but not shallow. Sometimes they seem synonymous but there is a difference
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
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    ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes :cry:

    This...I basically gave up on reading the post, but to answer the topic question...I would be offended if someone who knew me when I was fat only hit on me after losing weight. I want someone to be interested in me more for how I look.

    However, I don't think it's offensive that if you never got hit on as a heavy person, you suddenly notice more looks and catcalls directed at you after losing weight.
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
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    ughhh wall of text hurts my eyes :cry:
    I couldn't ever bring myself to start.
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
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    Exactly. Just like I'm not attracted to guys that are shorter than me. Does that make me shallow? No, it's just my preference. Some guys prefer blondes, some guys like brunettes, it's all about personal preference and it doesn't make a person shallow, just makes em honest.

    But if you are excludng dating someone b/c of their weight even if you have feelings for them, you are being superficial.

    I have never been attracted to men shorter than me, I'm still not, but I am 5'9" and my husband is 5'7" with shoes on...at first I tried to talk myself out of dating him b/c his physical attributes didn't match up with what I envisioned I wanted. Thank god I changed my mind 11 years ago and gave him a chance.

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