Guys & girls - Marriage pact, real or not?

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  • caitlinsmom07
    caitlinsmom07 Posts: 37 Member
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    My best friend just married her guy she made a pact with! But it was a little different. They would go on a few dates here and there in between other boyfriends and girlfriends over the past 8 years and they knew they always had amazing chemistry.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    I think it is best to marry someone who is your bestfriend. Who better to spend the rest of your life with then someone who understands you and makes you happy?
  • Hopelessbird
    Hopelessbird Posts: 133
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    Just bang each other. If it's weird, then don't marry him. If it's not, then marry him.

    Ha! I did this in college and ended up marrying him a decade later.
  • Specialkayrina
    Specialkayrina Posts: 242 Member
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    I dated my best friend for 3 years....Great companionship but lack everything else..
    I'm so glad I did not married him!
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    Ok, this may sound silly. A very close guy friend and I made a pact several years ago that if we were still single in 10 years that we would marry each other. I completely forgot about it though. A few months ago while we were having dinner, I asked him if he thought I'd ever find someone who could make me really happy. (I've been told I have high standards and that I'm idealistic) He dropped his fork and looked completely surprised. He said, "What do mean? I thought we were getting married!" Since then we've had several conversations about it but neither of us could tell if the other is serious or joking. Now I'm not saying I would go through with this but I am very curious to find out if his reaction meant that he took it that serious. We've never dated or even kissed, just really great friends for years. Well, our 10th anniversary is coming up next summer. Opinions please?

    Funny, I made that pact with a guy many years ago (we said when I was 30 and he 35). I moved and got married to someone else, he did too. Many years later, me married to #2, him still married, we ran into each other. He fessed up that his heart was broken when I left and he know we would have worked. Go figure. HOWEVER, if the chemistry doesn't come with the friendship, exit!
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
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    Is he cute? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a job?

    This stuff is important and will affect how I answer.

    Good questions. He is cute, a mama's boy, stable secure job. Actually, he would make the perfect husband. I've often told him this. Only prob, there is no chemistry between us whatsoever. I'm trying to convince him that we should be roommates but he says I couldn't have a boyfriend and that's he's loyal and expects me to be. But I still can't tell if he's joking with this pact. I've tried to be up front with him, we always end up laughing. But his body language tells me otherwise.
    I don't think you should marry someone who is just a friend. It really deprives you and him of getting the whole package. Just keep pretending like you think he is joking:)
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
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    My husband and I started as really good friends :) no pact or anything. But the chemistry was hot and then not several times. But boy has it grown. We've been married three years and I fall in love with him more every day. If you really want to know if he's serious you have to come out and ask. Be respectful of his feelings though if you have to tell him there's no chemistry. But if you think you may just be telling yourself there's no chemistry because you're scared of losing his friendship, you need to ask yourself some questions too :) some of the Best most long lasting marriages are formed from friendships. This is my second marriage after having been divorced 6 years, and I am so glad I waited to get married again and didn't base it off nothing but chemistry or passion. Friendship is the most important thing. So I think you guys need to have a serious discussion.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    My best friend (female) and I decided within the first 4 years of our friendship (and we met when I was 11, so) that if by 30 neither of us was dating or married we'd go gay for each other. We were half serious because back then we were like sisters, but both of us knew we didn't swing that way.

    I've always thought of those pacts as not really a joke but just sort of a way to cheer each other up for the moment. Like saying, "well we're friends now so even if we never meet our loves we'll have each other and won't be lonely or sad." I suppose it's one of those things you simply assume won't ever happen so it's okay to say.

    If he's really serious about marrying you though, I think either you guys need to start with the dating basics or you need to distance yourself from him. Because yeah okay you're friends and you know things about one another, but there's a difference between being a friend to the opposite sex and being in a relationship.
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
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    From what you've said, he's probably serious. He's probably always liked you but accidentally got into the "friend zone". (Hence his not wanting you to have a BF) Ask him if he's serious, and if he is, go on a practice date. Pretend you just met and are getting to know each other. Some of the best relationships are born from great friendships.

    Agreed! Or atleast have a good make out session that will really tell you if you have any chemistry! Then if you do try a normal dating/relationship B4 you all jump into marriage cause from what I see here I think he is serious!
  • stacyjbaker1010
    stacyjbaker1010 Posts: 161 Member
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    Ummmm Hello! Aren't you suppsed to marry your best friend??? What if True Love has been staring you in the face for 12 yrs??? Super surprised to see all of the negative responses here. Doesn't anyone believe in Happy Endings anymore???

    Second marriage, I married my best friend. It was by far the best decision I've made in my adult life. And no, I don't regret past choices because they've made me the person he loves today.
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
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    This discussion proves that people have a million different ideas about what makes an ideal mate. But in the end, OP, you must decide for yourself what kind of person best suits you: a long-time friend with whom you made a "pact," or someone with whom you have romantic feelings from the very start.

    It's your call, dude. :smile:
  • writerkitty
    writerkitty Posts: 1 Member
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    Casting Marriage Pact Dating Show

    Are you or anyone you know looking for a serious relationship but have also made a "marriage pact" with your best friend that if you haven't found your soul mate by a certain age you would marry each other? Hollywood production company is currently seeking both men and women who would like to fall in love, but have a back-up plan in place if the right partner doesn't come along. If this is you and you would be interested in participating in a reality show, please contact us at your earliest convenience. Please include a brief bio, age, and pic. Put PACT in the subject header.

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