How do you respond to posts seeking advice?

2

Replies

  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    As far as personal life/relationship questions I try to avoid them at all cost. Over a year ago I was a member of a forum for relationship advice and support and it drove me up the wall sometimes because you'd get people who were asking the same stupid question someone else just asked with the thread still visible on the front page or you'd have members who would give the worst advice and despite you saying otherwise they'd follow the bad advice and wonder why their relationship flopped. I also had a friend who used me as her personal therapist's couch for all her bad relationships. They expect the true answer, salvation and you can't give it to them because they're either lying about something, not saying something until like 40 pages later that nulls all your advice, or simply because you can't. Plus, it's the internet. How are we to know what to do when we don't know you? That stuff's best left for people that are actively in your offline life.

    Medical advice, I tell them to see a doctor. Like relationships, you're only getting so much info about what's wrong and so people say "it's this" or "take that for it" or whatever and they either run around WebMD with their underwear on their heads screaming because it says it's cancer or they hurt themselves by treating what they think it is. There's a commercial for some disease or condition or whatever makes you sick and the slogan's something like "you wouldn't want your doctor doing your job, so why do theirs?"

    Anything else like fitness or nutrition or certain brands of clothes or food, if I have any knowledge on it then I'll make some input provided it hasn't been repeated to the point we've killed the horse and are now kicking it. The main ones I'll never shut up in are mental health discussions namely because I've been through the ringer when it comes to my own mental illnesses and I feel the need to correct misinformed people. Well, that goes for most things, but mental health's a tender subject.

    Basically I either end up walking away from it, giving someone a tip they might use, or giving myself a headache because I started a spat again. Which explains how I got a ban on another forum where people are more thin-skinned. (and younger, like young enough to still think telling on you is the most awesome bit of revenge you can have)

    Thanks, Saragato. I appreciate the time you took to consider a well thought out response, but I kinda expect that from you. :wink:

    And thanks to EVERYBODY who's responding. I really am curious about how different people make the choices they do regarding advice in these settings.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    I like to reply with images and memes that only I find funny.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    I don't reply to a lot of the posts I read because I don't really relate to them...

    But if I do relate, I often write with suggestions to address the info presented. I do tend to make disclaimers that I'm not an expert, I may not have enough info / the whole story, and I acknowledge that what works for me may not work for them... but if it helps a little bit (which I hope it does) then I'm glad to have put my 2 cents in.

    It's up to the poster to sort through the responses and figure out what's best for them.

    I am always puzzled about the people putting up relationship questions though. Just seems odd.

    From what I've seen no matter what type of forum/discussion area you're a member of, there will be people who pose those questions and expect just about expert advice. It's all over Yahoo! Answers, there's a site aimed at teens/college students I've been on for years that has a section for questions ranging from "why is my boyfriend hitting me?" to "my mom took my razor blade, what else can I cut with?"

    As the saying goes, "if you build it, they will come." Doesn't matter if it's appropriate for the site or even the targeted age range, they'll pop up because it's convenient and some people would rather get bad and possibly deadly (in any sense of the word) advice from strangers on the internet than get judged by someone they know. And for that, all I can really suggest is getting a therapist because by law they can't say anything unless you're intending to hurt yourself or someone else and they can get to know you and therefore give better advice. Well, unless you get my old therapist, her answer to everything was "do things that make you uncomfortable and if you come back and haven't then I'll be upset."
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    As far as personal life/relationship questions I try to avoid them at all cost. Over a year ago I was a member of a forum for relationship advice and support and it drove me up the wall sometimes because you'd get people who were asking the same stupid question someone else just asked with the thread still visible on the front page or you'd have members who would give the worst advice and despite you saying otherwise they'd follow the bad advice and wonder why their relationship flopped. I also had a friend who used me as her personal therapist's couch for all her bad relationships. They expect the true answer, salvation and you can't give it to them because they're either lying about something, not saying something until like 40 pages later that nulls all your advice, or simply because you can't. Plus, it's the internet. How are we to know what to do when we don't know you? That stuff's best left for people that are actively in your offline life.

    Medical advice, I tell them to see a doctor. Like relationships, you're only getting so much info about what's wrong and so people say "it's this" or "take that for it" or whatever and they either run around WebMD with their underwear on their heads screaming because it says it's cancer or they hurt themselves by treating what they think it is. There's a commercial for some disease or condition or whatever makes you sick and the slogan's something like "you wouldn't want your doctor doing your job, so why do theirs?"

    Anything else like fitness or nutrition or certain brands of clothes or food, if I have any knowledge on it then I'll make some input provided it hasn't been repeated to the point we've killed the horse and are now kicking it. The main ones I'll never shut up in are mental health discussions namely because I've been through the ringer when it comes to my own mental illnesses and I feel the need to correct misinformed people. Well, that goes for most things, but mental health's a tender subject.

    Basically I either end up walking away from it, giving someone a tip they might use, or giving myself a headache because I started a spat again. Which explains how I got a ban on another forum where people are more thin-skinned. (and younger, like young enough to still think telling on you is the most awesome bit of revenge you can have)

    Thanks, Saragato. I appreciate the time you took to consider a well thought out response, but I kinda expect that from you. :wink:

    And thanks to EVERYBODY who's responding. I really am curious about how different people make the choices they do regarding advice in these settings.

    I'm a long-winded person, what can I say? Well, except for everything.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Divorce/break up/ walk away. No matter what the question is or how little information you know always tell them they're stupid if they don't leave his/her sorry *kitten*. The internet is no place for thoughtful, emotionally-mature responses.

    Funny, I do the exact opposite. No matter what relationship question is asked I like to throw out an "Aww kiss him honey!" It's especially fun when women decide to share stories of spousal abuse.
  • kaned_ferret
    kaned_ferret Posts: 618 Member
    If I find it's something I have personal experiences of, I will try to relate, maybe explain my own experiences and how they worked out for me (for good or bad). I try to NOT advise people, firstly because what I would do in a given situation might not be right for them and theirs, and secondly it's my general feeling that most authors of "this is what situation I'm in - insert something horiffic/depressing - what should I do?" posts are not ready to do anything other than what they already are / think they should be doing, and are just after confirmation that it's the right thing to do (yep, personal experience card played again :wink: )

    If I think it's going to be interesting I will sit back and reach for the proverbial popcorn, and invariably wait for your comments Swanny, because they usually make me smile :flowerforyou:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    First, I WISH somebody would post "does this show off my vajazzling?" God I wish.

    EX.ACT.LY

    :sad:
  • xraylady33
    xraylady33 Posts: 222 Member
    Have you considered trying HCG?



    THIS NEVER FAILS TO CRACK ME UP......LOVE IT!
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    If I think it's going to be interesting I will sit back and reach for the proverbial popcorn, and invariably wait for your comments Swanny, because they usually make me smile :flowerforyou:

    Well ain't you just the sweetest li'l musk producer!
  • sisierra
    sisierra Posts: 659 Member
    I only respond to things i think i can put meaningful input into (unless I just reply for funsies); if i think it is trivial and nonsense i dont bother/ or if someone has already written what i have said i dont respond
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Decision Tree:

    Is question stupid?
    Yes No
    I I
    Funz The best response I can give while considering all angles and legal culpability. <hugs> Then, funz.
    I I
    FUNZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    And by that, I mean I've lost interest and fallen asleep. :flowerforyou:

    ETA: MFP hates tree formatting. What should I DOOOO!!??
  • _Christine_
    _Christine_ Posts: 1,385 Member
    Just stand there and look pretty!
  • LavenderChamomile
    LavenderChamomile Posts: 52
    Usually, I take a peek just because I'm curious...being thoroughly convinced that I'm NOT going to waste my time replying.
    However, as I start to read the replies I become either A) overwhelmed by the amount of stupid advice being given or B) personally involved, and I just MUST reply!!
  • MamaWannaRun
    MamaWannaRun Posts: 273 Member
    First, I WISH somebody would post "does this show off my vajazzling?" God I wish.


    THAT... lol...
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    Usually I start my advice the exact same way I tell my kids "In my opinion, which is the ONLY one that counts..."

    Other than that, my pat answer is "KFC is the best colon cleanse out there!"
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    1. try to decide if I have anything intelligent to say, that hasn't already been stated.

    2. Look to see how many pages have already been created. If my enlightening advice appears on page 14, nobody benefits.

    3. Start typing serious response. Change my mind and backspace it away. Come up with sarcastic reply.

    4. Type sarcastic response, and wait breathlessly to see if I get modded.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    On this forum I’m not anonymous… but when my marriage was falling apart and it was forums where I *was* anonymous that opened up my eyes to ways he was mistreating me (that I thought were normal because my dad was much the same way) and also ways I was wrong.

    I don’t fault the dumb folks (just ignore them or enjoy them), but if I get a chance to offer 2 cents hat might save someone from unnecessarily feeling bad about themselves or being in a bad relationship I’m gonna offer it. They may not listen, but there's so much I wish others would have told me before it's too late. And if I can brighten someone’s day, I will.
  • kaned_ferret
    kaned_ferret Posts: 618 Member
    of course, right now, more than anything, this springs to mind:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KMs3qWFTro
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    hookers and blow...my universal response to everything.
    ...and surprisingly, it usually works.
  • Abells
    Abells Posts: 756 Member
    I didn't make it to read any further on this post than VAJAZZLING


    Monday. Was. Made
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    The overwhelming majority of advice-seeking posts seem to be people that simply want their own ideas confirmed. They aren't really looking to expand their worldview or experience, but find justification and support to the ideas and behaviors they've already done or want to do. My opinion, of course.

    However, rather than being cynical, I often try to answer advice-seeking posts seriously knowing that someone who is genuinely considering something (rather than mind made up) might read the thread and get something useful. That's not to say I'm above a fart joke.
  • k0nfyo0zed
    k0nfyo0zed Posts: 313 Member
    I pretty much avoid the advice-seeking threads. Most people who post questions looking for advice to a personal situation have answers they want to hear, and others will be ignored or rejected. Very few seem to want legitimate advice, most seem to want justification for believing what they do. I especially avoid the diet advice threads *shudder* like when someone asks a question about a super low calorie diet and wants to hear YES STARVING YOURSELF IS A GREAT IDEA!... then they get mad when they are told they need to eat more. No me gusta.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    1. try to decide if I have anything intelligent to say, that hasn't already been stated.

    2. Look to see how many pages have already been created. If my enlightening advice appears on page 14, nobody benefits.

    3. Start typing serious response. Change my mind and backspace it away. Come up with sarcastic reply.

    4. Type sarcastic response, and wait breathlessly to see if I get modded.

    Often, I repeat step three several times, and never make it to step 4.
  • Fit4Evolution
    Fit4Evolution Posts: 375 Member
    hookers and blow...my universal response to everything.
    love it, and you need more cowbells
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    That's not to say I'm above a fart joke.
    You rang?
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    honestly it just depends on my mood.
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    I go to the Bible... God has all the answers, we just need to accept them. :) I never said it was easy! :)
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    I go to the Bible... God has all the answers, we just need to accept them. :) I never said it was easy! :)

    But I like shellfish..
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I've posted a few of these. . In two cases it was a serious question and I used the answers given to make a decision, which in both cases was the opposite of my inclination (salt&pepper and flip-flops). . I find these forums very useful for information on the general state of cool-ness and fashion etc. . I just Divorced after 10 years and am utterly clueless about the current state of the 'single' world. . . Basically, I really need help dressing myself.

    I've also posted silly questions, just to enjoy the fun that follows. .
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    I go to the Bible... God has all the answers, we just need to accept them. :) I never said it was easy! :)

    But I like shellfish..

    haha
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