Dating site slams on weight

2

Replies

  • autihill
    autihill Posts: 23 Member
    People are so rude now! I was also on POF, I posted that I was "a few extra pounds." Well that was all dandy...but once the conversations would go so far and the guys would find out that I wasnt sleezy/ looking for a hook up, they would pull the weight card. Didn't bother me a bit, because people are always going to talk garbage. Fat? Yes I am, that's why I'm fixing it. Classy, money cant buy that :) Happily single, focusing on me and when God leads the right person to me, He will. They will love me for me; fat, skinny, short, whatever! Keep your chin up!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    my advice for overweight people like me who are in the process of losing weight : make sure to also post a picture of yourself doing something active. one of the good things about road races is that they are always popping off photos.

    i think most non overweight people are Ok with larger people if they know that person is active : hiking, running, tennis, etc. it's not necessarily the weight they arent attracted to (although this might also be the case), just the thought that you're going to sit around all day doing nothing.

    unfortunately lots of people are still under the assumption that everyone gets overweight by not being active enough. they seem to not realize that there are those of who us who have always been plenty active, but who also ate and drank a thousand extra calories a day :laugh:
  • watboy
    watboy Posts: 380 Member
    Right on. I was 250 lbs and my girl still loved me and I loved her. Combined we both lost over 100 lbs.
    People are so rude now! I was also on POF, I posted that I was "a few extra pounds." Well that was all dandy...but once the conversations would go so far and the guys would find out that I wasnt sleezy/ looking for a hook up, they would pull the weight card. Didn't bother me a bit, because people are always going to talk garbage. Fat? Yes I am, that's why I'm fixing it. Classy, money cant buy that :) Happily single, focusing on me and when God leads the right person to me, He will. They will love me for me; fat, skinny, short, whatever! Keep your chin up!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    okay..stories? you want stories? I have tried most sites in the 13 + I have been alone. first experience...emailed..no phone or pictures a guy for about2 months. couldn't wait to get his email each morning and night...planned a mtg. I drove 2hrs to where he lived, we met at a parking lot ...well. he was chunky,john deer cap, flannel,green teeth. I didn't really feel an instant attraction,but we had been'friends' for months. well,we went wine tasting,during that time he told me that if the 'date' wasn't going well he was supposed to call his friend,then his friend would call and say he had an emergency at work....45min. later he went to the john. 5min. later he got the emergency call... he then told me that he had another date set up for the evening anyway..another first date....so I drove 2hrs home. that evening he emailed and told me that the second date was much better looking than me,so he wanted to stop all contact. I have about 8 of those aborted attempts at dating sites...yes it is about weight, also confidence or lack of, and what you are willing to do or not do. After every membership ran out I was more depressed than ever. Even singles dances are meat markets....that is why I am ..once bitten, twice thrice ect shy.

    WOW that was so rude of him! Based from what you write, he doesn't sound like an attractive man & yet he had the nerves to do that. Now that is what I call a real *kitten*.
  • jennygettinfit
    jennygettinfit Posts: 11
    wow. I guess the only positive is that you found out he's a DB before you wasted the gas $ to go meet him! you have a gorgeous smile and he's the one missing out. may you find your prince, and may he have better priorities/judgment than that. good luck, girl!:heart:
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    true story :

    one time i met a guy who was with a bunch of friends of friends. i kinda thought he was cute and tried flirting but he blew me off. this was at a coed sports thingy so i was pretty much dressed schlubby in sweats and tee.

    a few weeks later we all went out for drinks and i was dressed nicer. dude tried to flirt with me that time. i was interested too until he mentioned something about thinking that i was one of those sloppy fat girls who always looked frumpy, but since he saw me in a dress and made up, he thought i was kinda cute... :noway: :laugh:

    what made his comments worse was that i dont think he was drunk and i think he trying to make a compliment :explode:
  • GoldspursX3
    GoldspursX3 Posts: 516 Member
    ROFL...some of yall take rejection waaay too seriously. God forbid that someone isn't attracted to you.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    His reason is valid, but something a little more general wouldn't have hurt. :)
  • watboy
    watboy Posts: 380 Member
    Yeah some people do. It's sad though to be rejected. But on a good note it frees you up to acceptance.
    ROFL...some of yall take rejection waaay too seriously. God forbid that someone isn't attracted to you.
  • AngelikaLumiere
    AngelikaLumiere Posts: 862 Member
    I was "not petite enough" moving on...
    I later met a man who loved me just the way I was so I was glad I didn't let that comment turn me into a hermit.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Are you big into running? If not I can understand it. I had a single friend who was crazy into the running and cycling. He didn't seem happy unless he was around people who were the same kind of active as he was. Some people find that stuff very important, and know that gfs don't appreciate it when they run away from them to go run with the runner girls.

    It's like me, it's a plus if you own a motorcycle, since every nice day I'm going to disappear on bike, it would be nice to have bf company and not random dudes I have to explain to my bf company.
  • fitforlife34
    fitforlife34 Posts: 331 Member
    Thanks for all your posts!! It's not that I really care abut what he said, I just thought it was something interesting to post up. I rarely ever have guys say that to me. You're right, he's being honest. But even with me being a more curvy/bigger women I have no trouble getting men or dates. But that guy pretty much made me shut down my account. I'm kind of worried about losing a lot of weight (guys may get too agressive.)

    But Honestly I think beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, and just because you are bigger doesn't mean you don't work out. :) I think there were a lot of great opinions here, thank you!!!
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    Thanks for all your posts!! It's not that I really care abut what he said, I just thought it was something interesting to post up. I rarely ever have guys say that to me. You're right, he's being honest. But even with me being a more curvy/bigger women I have no trouble getting men or dates. But that guy pretty much made me shut down my account. I'm kind of worried about losing a lot of weight (guys may get too agressive.)

    But Honestly I think beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, and just because you are bigger doesn't mean you don't work out. :) I think there were a lot of great opinions here, thank you!!!

    LOL So you're saying you're devastated because you don't get turned down? Can I be you? lol.
  • xoeva
    xoeva Posts: 209 Member
    Be thankful that you found out what an idiot he is BEFORE you even invested time and effort on a first date. I met my husband on a dating site and we've bee together 10 years ( 2 kids + 1 morgage, ha ha). I HIGHLY recommend it...the pickier you are the better...don't be so open minded...I put down lots of details, colour of eyes, etc and then got a smaller list of potential dates and that's what worked for me...also talked on the phone for a few weeks before meeting in person. Good luck and don't let that idiot get you down.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    I wouldnt know what to say or do if a guy told me that on a dating site..... I'll just get on a dating site when I lose these last 30 plus pounds.
  • Inebriated
    Inebriated Posts: 271
    I dont see anything wrong with what he said at all. He wants a running partner to share his interests. He didnt insult your looks or personality.
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
    i hadn't had anyone comment on my weight, but i did have someone comment on my drinking status and that i have kidS instead of a kid.

    i hadn't expressed any interest what so ever in meeting this person, or even messaging with him. but, he had a very interesting and fun profile. so, i simply said " you have a fun profile." that's about it. he replied back that he doesn't date women with more than one child and the "not a drinker" was a HUGE no!

    i'm still not 100% why he even responded to be honest. he was being honest, that's fine. but i hadn't expressed any interesting in trying to get to know him, at all.

    when i did have profiles up, i made sure i had a list of all of the activities i did. you know, like hiking, biking, ice skating, jogging, working out, camping, skiing, gardening, Googling, etc.

    i would try and let it slide off your back. even if he was being honest, sometimes it's best to say nothing if you have nothing nice to say at all. and if he chose to automatically assume you don't have matching activity levels.... then really, it's HIS loss!!!!

    online dating is so ridiculous IMO. most of the guys out there are absolute pigs!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    I'm kind of worried about losing a lot of weight (guys may get too agressive.)
    this is interesting. can you explain what you mean?

    i'm asking because a bit part of the psychological reasons i let myself gain wait was as a deterrent to aggressive guys. after all, fat girls are harder to pick up and try and carry of than small girls..
  • SCVSarah
    SCVSarah Posts: 231 Member
    I don't understand why everyone keeps saying "he was being honest." If he was being honest, he could have said "you're not my type" or "I'm not interested." Instead, he made an assumption that she could not keep up with him and implied that she was over weight. I'm about 30 or 40 lbs over weight and I am more active and in better health than most of my thin friends. So I really feel that it was an unfair judgement. I thought this site was supposed to be encouraging. I was disappointed to read all the "he was being honest" remarks.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    I don't understand why everyone keeps saying "he was being honest." If he was being honest, he could have said "you're not my type" or "I'm not interested." Instead, he made an assumption that she could not keep up with him and implied that she was over weight. I'm about 30 or 40 lbs over weight and I am more active and in better health than most of my thin friends. So I really feel that it was an unfair judgement. I thought this site was supposed to be encouraging. I was disappointed to read all the "he was being honest" remarks.

    i understand what you're getting at, but encouragement shouldnt include ignoring reality. if it does that's just lying.

    dating sites are different than MFP. on dating sites, people are judged by their profile photos and by what they write on their profiles. people make all types of assumptions about others on dating sites based on those photos and summaries. i know this is a site for people dealing with weight issues, but i personally dont see anything worse in some guy saying that he doesnt think we'd be a good fit because of my weight than if he said he doesnt want to because i came off snarky in my summary, because i'm too short, because i hate camping, because i dont want kids, etc. i think what some people forget is that many people arent looking for friends on an online dating site they are looking for people they share physical, mental and sexual attraction to. i know that's why i have used those sites. i have enough friends in my life and great guys who are great people who i have 0% chemistry with in my life. why would i need to go online to just add more to what i'm not looking for?


    also, expecting someone else to read between the lines or infer something specific that's different than what's been portrayed is unrealistic. that's kind of why it's important to make sure you're presenting yourself in a way you want to be seen when you're creating your online dating profile.
  • tinxmo1972
    tinxmo1972 Posts: 3
    Yes I have had a few men say things like that to me! n it hurt my feelings so I used that hurt to drive my exercise to the fullest extreme I can do! by doing this I get rid of their negativity in a positive way and know I am bettering myself for me. You are a very pretty girl n he probably wasnt even worth your time:)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    actually what annoys me more are the guys who put things like "no fatties" or something of the sort in their profile when they themselves arent exactly the pinnacle of health.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    I don't understand why everyone keeps saying "he was being honest." If he was being honest, he could have said "you're not my type" or "I'm not interested." Instead, he made an assumption that she could not keep up with him and implied that she was over weight. I'm about 30 or 40 lbs over weight and I am more active and in better health than most of my thin friends. So I really feel that it was an unfair judgement. I thought this site was supposed to be encouraging. I was disappointed to read all the "he was being honest" remarks.

    He just said this in a more specific way OK. I hate those abstract terms like "You're not my type" or "I'm not interested", it just makes me wonder more & even lose my self-esteem. The problem with most of us is we love to sugar-coat everything, even going as far as lying just to make others feel good.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    And also for most women here, my suggestion will be to make the man chase you, befriend you, message you or drive 2 or more hours to get to your place instead of YOU doing those things for him. I've seen some posts wherein the woman is the one who acted more aggressively than men. Men love adventures, they like to feel "macho" & appearing "too available" to them doesn't give them enough challenge & which is why they find it easy to dump you like a hot potato. See no matter how modernized we are, let us not forget that we are still the same human beings like 50-100 years ago & machismo still exists everywhere, not just in my culture.

    There's nothing wrong with being more empowered but at the same time we should also know how to draw the line between being assertive and aggressive.
  • GoldspursX3
    GoldspursX3 Posts: 516 Member
    Be thankful that you found out what an idiot he is BEFORE you even invested time and effort on a first date. I met my husband on a dating site and we've bee together 10 years ( 2 kids + 1 morgage, ha ha). I HIGHLY recommend it...the pickier you are the better...don't be so open minded...I put down lots of details, colour of eyes, etc and then got a smaller list of potential dates and that's what worked for me...also talked on the phone for a few weeks before meeting in person. Good luck and don't let that idiot get you down.

    This is too funny. In your first sentence you bash this guy for having certain taste and call him an "idiot" then you go on to say,"the pickier you are the better".

    Speak out of both sides of your mouth much?
  • margeauxhunt
    margeauxhunt Posts: 77
    Just remember, anyone can be anything on the internet. He could just be a troll.
  • Girlwithnoname77
    Girlwithnoname77 Posts: 108 Member
    He was being honest. He could have maybe been a little classier about it, but he was being honest. Nobody wasted anyone's time.

    Agree. Still, sorry it hurted you. :)
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
    i had a guy message me out of the blue with " i don't date women with tattoos."

    i was like "huh??" um, ok!

    i think some of it is just because it's the internet and people feel they can say things they wouldn't normally say to another person. and some of it is probably to GET attention! i don't get it. but, i try NOT to judge people by what i see on the outside. outward looks can be VERY deceiving!!!!!!!
    actually what annoys me more are the guys who put things like "no fatties" or something of the sort in their profile when they themselves arent exactly the pinnacle of health.
  • Tourney3p0
    Tourney3p0 Posts: 290 Member
    I don't really see the problem here. Everyone knows where everyone stands. No one's time was wasted. It may have hurt your feelings, but there's really no real classy way to say "You're too fat for me" without saying "You're too fat for me".

    Guess he could have kept his feelings to himself, but then we just get threads about "Why can't guys just be honest?" Can't win either way.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    wow the guy sounds like a real douche, at least he revealed his douchyness to you sooner rather than later so you didn't have to waste your time.

    So appearance doesn't matter at all when dating?
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