Long distance relationships.

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  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    yes, I was in one where the guy was about an hour away. Worked out fine.

    The other was I was in Washington State (as in on the WEST coast) and he was in Alaska. Didn't work out because he said he wanted to try, but when he got there didn't really try and would call me and ask me about how to handle girls who were hitting on him.

    i really think it depends on the guy, if he wants to make it work he will.

    An hour away is not a long distance relationship. Sorry.

    It depends on BOTH the guy and the girl too.

    ummm...EmCarroll stated she was in a 'long distance' relationship that was 30-40 minutes away...I'm just giving MY opinion on that distance.

    "sorry"

    Yeah, 30-40 mins and an hour is not a long distance relationship.

    I'd kill for 30-40 mins or an hour at this point. lol
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    I dated one that lived just outside of Lansing, MI, which is about 4 hours away from me. We didn't mind taking turns for the trips. We lasted 8 months like that, but ultimately broke up because she was becoming jealous of my then lead singer, who now today is my wife.

    Sounds like she was right to be jealous lol.
  • Six6xiS
    Six6xiS Posts: 47 Member
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    I have been in a long distance relationship (330 miles/5 hours) for a year, and it can definitely work. Of course we are trying to get closer to one another geographically in the future, but for now my job is keeping me where I am at.
  • Bethie_B
    Bethie_B Posts: 292 Member
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    I dated an Army guy. We were together for almost two years before he left for Iraq. It did NOT work out. But for me, proximity and physical affection are crucial. It's just about what you can, and cannot live with.
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    My current husband was kind of long distance (4 hour drive away...that would be an 8 hour round trip, not really close enough to meet up for lunch lol). I moved in with him after 3 months.

    I personally don't think long distance works for an extended period of time. I think it can work in the beginning, it can work for short periods (like when military are gone 6mo-yr oversees etc....though I think even this usually only works well with people who have been together a while). But people who have to stay long term for more than a year, chances are very very slim I think.

    I guess what I'm saying, is you don't have to make a decision now, but you need to keep an open mind that in a few months (possibly a little longer) you might hit a wall, and you will most likely have to decide if he's worth moving for or if its not going to work out.
  • arkansascountrygirl
    arkansascountrygirl Posts: 234 Member
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    I was in one he was in W.V and I was in Ar. it didn't last though he was unecessairly jealous if I was not around assuming I was dating another man because I wasn't home when in reality I was at the grocery store, or taking my daughter to a 4 meeting or hanging out with a gal pal. He had major distrust issues and got jealous over every friend I had who I have known way longer than him. I do have a long distance friendship that works well we are a lot alike in that area we remain friends we know long distance relationships don't last or work very well. I do have a good friend out of the whole thing.
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    Yeah, 30-40 mins and an hour is not a long distance relationship.

    I'd kill for 30-40 mins or an hour at this point. lol

    I agree, I don't think 30 min or even an hour is long distance...its not convenient by any means, but still close enough you could probably see each other daily if you really wanted to.
  • doughnutwretch
    doughnutwretch Posts: 498 Member
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    They are tough, but definitely doable. Trust has to be there so if you can't trust him, there's going to be big issues. Make a point to talk often, as in all day long if you can, and Skype at night. See each other as frequently as you can too. Plan to do things together that really help you bond during the little time you do get together.

    My relationship started out long distance. 8.5 hour drive from Denver to Salt Lake and about an hour long flight, and lasted almost 9 months before we sealed the gap and he's now a CO resident. It wasn't easy, but well worth it. The one thing I can say is that if I didn't trust him and/or he didn't trust me, it likely wouldn't have worked out. That's the most fundamental piece to making distance work.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
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    Ever been in one?
    Currently in one...met him here, on MFP. We were friends for many months before we becoming more...that happened when we met IRL Feburary of this year.
    How did it work out?
    Stay tuned. LOL. I won't lie...the seperation can be tough at times...but that's what "creative messaging" and Skyping is for. :blushing:
    How far apart?
    States for us as well.
    Tips? tricks? ideas?!
    Well I would say you'll have to lose the jealousy...it's won't work otherwise. Trust has to be a MAJOR factor. Communicate as often as you can...and realize that if it works, someone's gotta move! Good luck!!!

    ETA I don't know if I could do it very long term if there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak...a goal to not let it go for years being so far apart.
  • cyncetastic
    cyncetastic Posts: 165
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    My current boyfriend and I dated long distance for 15 months before he moved to the city I live in. One of us would fly to see the other every 2-3 weeks. It was expensive, but we made it work.

    I had a couple other long distance relationships before this one - but those didnt work out because neither one of us was willing to move to where the other lived.
  • Twilightsunflower
    Twilightsunflower Posts: 330 Member
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    when my husband got ahold of me again we lived 3000 miles apart. him in new york me in oregon. we had known each other years before but had fallen out of contact. we talked for months before he came to visit. i knew i loved him before he came out. so when he had to go home it was hard. not hard not to cheat but hard not to be near him. i ended up moving a month latter to be with him.
    im not saying that is the answer to all long distance relationships just what worked for us.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    Commitment and faithfulness are the key to LDR's.

    The degree of difficulty is directly correlated to the number of face to face visits in my mind. The more the better...

    They are not for everyone.

    That said, they are most certainly worth pursuing in some cases.

    And let's not forget... at some point SOMEONE has to MOVE!
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
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    I've never done one but my dad exclusively dates super attractive women outside of the United States. Usually Russians all over the world. Not as a sex thing but he's looking for the perfect ideal woman which is really an unrealistic person. It hasn't worked... he goes over there... meets them... they usually fight the whole time... and then he comes back feeling defeated.

    The only cool thing that has happened is he has basically learned Russian and he's been to so many neat places around the world. Otherwise he's been single for 10+ years now.
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
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    Had two. One during college (I was in PRovidence, RI) to a woman in England at Oxford U. We kept it going for about 2 years (4 Freddy Laker trips) but then I got the "Sorry I met someone here who meets my needs more conveniently" letter.

    The second was a woman in Kenya while I worked in Abu Dhabi and then Australia. Over a period of 2 years we got together 6 times for a week or two at a time. I wrote a lot of letters, and got a few back. Eventually I went back to the US and met my wife - just as my Kenyan friend said I should do when I told her I wanted to marry her.

    Long-distance relationships are GREAT for working on your writing skills (at least back in the 1980s before the internet). Not so great for true long-term satisfaction.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    I was in one for a little over a year: Im in Los Angeles and he was in Boston Mass. So that's about a 7 - 9 hour flight. It was really hard. After about a year, I stated that I didn't think I could handle anymore... so we discussed it, he quit his job, and he moved to LA. :) We were together for about 5 years... then broke up, because we realized we were more friends than lovers. We're still really great friends. :)
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    I have been in once since birth. He lives directly below China. Dam it's hot there.
  • DiamondEyes_x
    DiamondEyes_x Posts: 120 Member
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    I'm in one, he's about 5 hours away by train but we make it work. People who say they can't work aren't trying hard enough. My LD will end in 2 years and we've been doing long distance for 1 year. If you love each other, then why not :)
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    *sigh* he's one big baby.

    it's 1 am but I'll say, we are... in different country, different side of the globe; When he's in the morning, I'm at night. We only get to see each other... probably once a year. I had been there like twice. Cost me a bomb to see him, but he's still not here to see me yet.

    We are.... more than 15 hours of multiple flights with pacific ocean apart.

    It's hard.... but..... yeah. I miss him. And he does miss me too, he just think it's redundant to repeat all the time. :ohwell:
  • aimeerocksx3
    aimeerocksx3 Posts: 91
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    I've been in two.

    First one: I was in Chicago, he was in Toronto. It didn't work out because he cheated on me early on in the relationship and didn't tell me for another 1.5 years. I already had problems trusting him (for example, he let 13 year olds kiss him, he'd go clubbing A LOT, he'd limit our skyping to once a week for 30 minutes, etc) so I ended it.

    Second one: I was still in Chicago, he was in Montreal. And, well, we skyped all the time. Even if I was doing homework, and we didn't talk for hours, we'd still be on skype. So at least we could see each other. The main difference was that he TRIED. Eventually I moved up to Montreal, and now we're engaged :)

    So, advise. Number one is trust. If you're too jealous, he'll shy away. Treat the relationship like any other, take time aside just to hang out. The only difference is that there is no physical contact and you need the internet all the time. If both parties are trying hard and want to be in the relationship, it'll work out.
  • supermom2002
    supermom2002 Posts: 180 Member
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    I've had 3.

    They will work if BOTH people want it to work. And you have to trust that person 100%. If you're the jealous type it probably isn't the best thing.

    1st one was my first love. I was young and dumb (i'm now older and still dumb). It worked. I had plans to move back to "home" and go to University. But eventually the stress became too much. I ended it. A month later he was with my best friend. We're still friends now.

    2nd was my ex-husband. He went to boot camp. We got engaged. Moved from TX to CA. 6 weeks later he was deployed for 9 months. We spent more time apart then together during our entire marriage. It worked. I trusted him. Funny thing was he didn't start cheating on me until he was back home and i was pregnant.

    3rd. He just wasn't that into me.

    Will I do it again? Sure. The distance doesn't bother me. Would be nice to have somebody closer for once. For the spur of the moment things.

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