MSNBC POLL: Half Of Men Say They Would Leave A Partner Who G

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Replies

  • TheBakerGirl
    TheBakerGirl Posts: 151
    Honestly, I would leave a boyfriend if he became fat (note: this is assuming he started out in shape). But I don't mean, kinda fat...thats no biggie....but if my guy ever became obese, I would probably leave him.

    The reason for me would not be so much that I wouldn't find him attractive anymore, but I can't picture myself being with someone who cares so little about their health.

    Bottomline, if my man started gaining significant weight, I'd talk to him...if he continued to an OBESE level, I'd leave him.

    yep.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    I think it depends on the reasons why he/she gained weight. To say you'd leave someone just for weight gain is shallow, but if it is weight gain contributed to laziness and lack of self-respect, motivation, self-love, then I don't blame a man or women for leaving. If they started dating you one way, and were attracted to you one way, it is absolutely unfair for you to become a lazy couch potato- especially if that is the opposite of who you were when they fell in love with you.
    For a medical condition (steroids, certain autoimmune disorders, etc)- no way is that acceptable to abandon your partner.
    Gained weight due to pregnancy and not given adequate time to lose it- not a valid reason to leave either.
    Gain 10 vanity lbs or some lbs around the holidays- its ten lbs... really?
    But if you marry someone and they gain 50, 60, 100lbs, and refuse to care or do anything about it, and are living an unhealthy lifestyle, then I certainly do understand it. (honestly, I probably wouldn't leave my husband for gaining weight, but I would be worried about him and may not be as sexually interested).
  • Jena_72
    Jena_72 Posts: 1,057
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.

    I would like to explore this a little further and say from my own experience I don't think it is always just that the wife has gained weight so much as its what she LOSES when she gains it, self confidence, self respect, she doesn't feel sexy or worthy , sex drive goes to hell all the things men LOVE in a woman are surpressed by fat! My husband has never cared about my weight and I love him for that but I know he misses the old confident me so I am going to fight to get her back, sad that not everyones husband will give her the chance to do that, but I get it.
  • TheFunBun
    TheFunBun Posts: 793 Member
    I'm going to agree on the sad but grateful.
    I can't imagine tossing out a commitment over something so small as weight.

    The visual defense is ... not impressive to me. We all age. You can be slim and fit if your body doesn't break down with age (which it does often even for the thin and fit) but you're still going to get wrinkles. I do not want to be with a man who's going to leave me for something more visually stimulating, because there is ALWAYS something more visually stimulating, and eventually with age I'm not going to hold up to this jerk's standard.

    People change. You can't just stay the same as you were when you first met. You're going to change your views, your lifestyle, your habits. Someone at 60 is not the same person they were at 20.

    I think situations like these are why divorce rates are so high. People no longer have any intention of mating for life- we're just ships passing in the night.

    Me, I'm just glad I have an Elizabeth Barret Browning "If thou must love me" kind of love.
  • ToEKnee213
    ToEKnee213 Posts: 1,031 Member
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.

    :flowerforyou:
  • lumberjacks94
    lumberjacks94 Posts: 135 Member
    In other studies: 98% of all men masterbate. The other 2% don't have hands.
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
    I really think it depends on the couple and the people involved.
  • KaciWood19
    KaciWood19 Posts: 396 Member
    I think it depends on a lot of factors, and it varies from person to person. Like others, I wouldn't leave my boyfriend if he gained weight, He certainly stood by me through my heavy times.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,449 Member
    Half of all people who gain weight (probably) do so because of a problem in their life that needs addressing. Maybe they want the other one to leave them alone, and don't have the courage to tell them.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    I believe it. My fiancé's has said that if I were to gain a lot of weight he'd leave. It's totally acceptable as you need to be attracted to your partner.
  • kateroot
    kateroot Posts: 435
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.

    ^ This. Little fluctuations in weight over time are normal, but if you let yourself go you open yourself up to relationship problems. I honestly believe each partner has a responsibility in a relationship to maintain their health, physical/mental/emotional "fitness," and yes, WEIGHT, to the best of their ability.
  • TundraTed
    TundraTed Posts: 254 Member
    There is a big difference between what people say they would do in a situation and what they actually do when in that situation.
  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
    There is a big difference between what people say they would do in a situation and what they actually do when in that situation.

    ^ One of the best answers here! Don't get those studies like the 'real deal', from people who just answer some questions in a state of no emotional involvement. Studies tend to treat people as statistic tools, rather than emotionally and goal driven individuals.
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
    I believe it. What guy would want to be with someone that doesn't take care of themselves? and this is coming from a girl.

    My boyfriend said if I hit 150 he would leave me... I hit 150 but he didn't leave because once I saw that number I started working out again and taking care of myself.

    It wasn't that he didn't love me anymore or wasn't attracted to me, he just wanted the girl he met that took care of herself and worked out and was healthy.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I knew there was a reason I liked the whole lesbian concept
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
    that just says they didn't really love them in the first place. Then again... I may leave if my guy put on 100 pounds and didn't have a medical issue.
  • Kellywithjustay
    Kellywithjustay Posts: 12
    I think the issue here is not REALLY gaining weight. over 1/2 of marriages fail- it has more to do with a general attitude toward commitment than it does about weight gain. Think about the things that go along with gaining weight- depression, anxiety, low self esteem, low energy, low sex drive etc.... those are all things that affect a relationship-

    Those men or women who would leave their partner over weight gain would have probably left for something else eventually. They have an skewed perception- relationships are disposable to them.
  • esphixiet
    esphixiet Posts: 214 Member
    Physical health is in direct correlation to mental health, IMO. If your partner lets themselves go physically, chances are they are not maintaining a healthy mental stance either. I see no problem with leaving a partner who doesn't take care of their wellbeing.

    Leaving a partner in their moment of need is probably the coldest thing a person could do.

    I must have a really exceptional partner (I think I do, regardless), because he "stuck with me" through situational depression and an almost 40 lb weight gain. He's also my biggest cheerleader in my weight loss efforts.

    If my partner left me because "I got fat", I have no doubt in my mind that it would only escalate all the other negative self-perceptions, and most likely would have resulted in my suicide.

    So, thank god I have a loving, supportive, wonderful man in my life.
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    I think this poll is obviously subject to error. I think it just depends on the situation.
  • buffybabe
    buffybabe Posts: 180 Member
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.

    Well said.:heart:

    This^^ exactly...We can ALL be shallow, usually we just are shallow in different ways. My ex used to tell me he would leave me if I ever got unattractive, I told him, that's fine, I'd leave you if you ever lost your job. Both statements were said in a joking way, but basically it shows the things that certain people value. Men ARE visual beings, and I work hard to look attractive for my man. My man also works hard for me in the areas that I find important. I'm sorry, but I don't think that "report" means men are shallow at all.
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
    I've known a few ladies who were thin and their men cheated on them with bigger women too.
    I guess there are a lot of different things that can happen.

    I know my husband likes bigger women, so I do worry about how he will feel when I get smaller, but so far, its been a positive response.
  • NNAhuja
    NNAhuja Posts: 669 Member
    Interesting, my ex left me for a girl who was 10 years younger, and twice as big as me.
    A similar thing happened to me except she was 5 years younger, bigger, AND had horrible extensions (from what I've heard).
  • ambersylva
    ambersylva Posts: 7
    This makes me sad! Not saying my husband is shallow, cause he is not! But this sorta stuff just makes me want to push myself and get fit and healthy, I am already pretty darn FAB!!!! I think it is our jobs to TRY and stay somewhat in good shape! I feel that we do not only owe it to our spouse, kids, but to ourselves! <3 It is also our job as a spouse and/or parent to MAKE SURE our family is healthy!!!!
  • mamnboston
    mamnboston Posts: 81
    Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.
    Not true, I like to power drill my stuff!

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRPNWJI9yJpppQ-pVQKPbBVS6ATcKsbWvmyKUDjVsvjU3Zm3u_3

    haha, you have to admit, that was funny!
  • mamnboston
    mamnboston Posts: 81
    but seriously, why would you want to be with someone so superficial???

    on the other hand, i'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't take care of themselves emotionally, physically and spiritually...
  • Nessa03ca
    Nessa03ca Posts: 14 Member
    Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.

    So funny and yet sadly so true!
  • Monti_e_lmt
    Monti_e_lmt Posts: 189 Member
    Is this dating or married? I didn't have a large history of leaving people for any reason. I wouldn't leave my wife if she gained 400 pounds. (I would worry about her health way before that.)


    That is the the kind of person I wish I could find because I am the same way. It is not true love if you would leave your partner over looks. I don't care if they have a deformity, I don't care if they gain weight, if I love them and they love me and we are good to eachother then why would I ruin that over looks. People can be so shallow. When I get married, it will be for true love.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
    Is this dating or married? I didn't have a large history of leaving people for any reason. I wouldn't leave my wife if she gained 400 pounds. (I would worry about her health way before that.)

    ^^This. I think that if you've made a lifetime commitment to someone in marriage it's supposed to be "...For better, or for worse. In sickness, and in health. As long as we both shall live..." I'm not saying you have to be okay with your spouse gaining an unhealthy amount of weight to the point that it affects quality of life for both of you. You should definitely encourage them to make an effort to get healthy again. However, I don't think it's justifiable to end a marriage because of it.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Interesting, my ex left me for a girl who was 10 years younger, and twice as big as me.
    A similar thing happened to me except she was 5 years younger, bigger, AND had horrible extensions (from what I've heard).

    Same happened to me, except she was older and bigger....btich must have given great head.
  • Nessa03ca
    Nessa03ca Posts: 14 Member
    Funny I was just talking to my fiance about something similiar to this... I was actually thanking him for never making me feel bad about myself after i gained 40 pounds after i had are son. He always made me feel sexy which looking at pictures was not the true I was a fat *kitten*...lol...
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