MSNBC POLL: Half Of Men Say They Would Leave A Partner Who G
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Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.
As would half the women too.
Personally I prefer prone...0 -
I think the issue here is not REALLY gaining weight. over 1/2 of marriages fail- it has more to do with a general attitude toward commitment than it does about weight gain. Think about the things that go along with gaining weight- depression, anxiety, low self esteem, low energy, low sex drive etc.... those are all things that affect a relationship-
Those men or women who would leave their partner over weight gain would have probably left for something else eventually. They have an skewed perception- relationships are disposable to them.
You are wise Kelly I totally agree0 -
Well let me say this I GAINED all my weight after I got married and my husband did not leave me. He has gained some also but he did not let hisself go the way I did. He now supports me with my weight loss, he has not joined me yet but he does support me. I find it weird that he has a beer belly but does not drink beer, he is small every where but his belly.0
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My hubby was with me when I was slim and loved me just the same when I 324 lbs. Glad I didn't screw up and meet one of those men polled. But then again the poll is posing a what you would do question. You never really know until you are in that situation.
I told myself I would never date/marry a man under 6' when I was a teenager/ young adult. A few years later I met and fell in love with hubby. He's 5'8"......things change like the seasons.
Oh I'm 6'....
Love it!0 -
You know, I'll be honest here. I get it. And it makes me CRAZY when I see people get into relationships and think "Sweet! I snagged me a husband/wife! No need to try anymore!" and let themselves go. Why wouldn't you want to keep up your appearance for your partner and for yourself?
The first time you saw your significant other, the first thing you thought was "damn look at that hot piece!" or some variation (ok, that's what I thought). Point is, physical attraction is the first thing we have. You don't see some random stranger and think "Damn, I bet he has a GREAT personality, I'm gonna go hit on him." No. Be real. You don't have sexy times with somebody you're not physically attracted to (unless you're desperate), so of course, you're gonna be physically attracted to your partner.
If your partner gains a whole bunch of weight and you don't find them physically attractive anymore, that's gonna put strain on the relationship. Basically it would say to me (and I'm pretending to be a man here) "she doesn't care about herself enough to even take care of herself anymore (barring some sort of medical issue--we're just talking lazy relationship weight gain), and she doesn't care about me enough to keep herself in shape and healthy."
Now I'm certainly not one of those women who believes you have to be dressed up and have makeup on at all times to impress your husband, but why quit taking care of yourself? I would not expect my boyfriend to stay with me if I just quit taking care of myself altogether. In fact, I think he's REALLY happy that I've begun to take better care of myself and get in shape (I was overweight when we got together).
Of course, I've got exes who have gone on to date bigger, smaller, uglier, prettier girls than me, but while IN a relationship, I think it's kinda like pulling a switcheroo on your guy to take care of yourself in the beginning then let it all go once you've got him committed to you. Same goes for you, fellas, I'd say something if my bf just stopped caring about his health and let himself go.0 -
I'm quoting myself just to mix something non-bashing in with all the animosity going on on this page of the thread.I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.
Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.
I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.
Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.
So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
I'm quoting you because you're awesome!!!0 -
Well honestly...I won't date anyone unless the at least attempt to take care of themselves. I am not saying they have to be at a perfect weight but a huge part of my life is eating right. If they sit down and eat a pint of ice cream in front of me...it is hard.
My exhubby would buy a 5 lb bag of M&M's and give it to me.
He liked bigger women. When I lost weight he became kind of mean. I refused to gain weight back to please him.0 -
My husband had a serious problem with me gaining weigh. He just wasn't physically attracted to me. I'm not going to wine and cry about it. I did gain weight between hypothyroid disease, fertility treatments and just plan no exercise and bad diet I gained 50lbs. It was my fault. I got smart and got healthy. I'm not to my ideal weight but I've lost about 20lbs and my husband thinks I'm dead sexy now. I don't condone leaving a marriage because of weight. You did agree to love through sickness and health. But the individuals out there that cry because there spouse said they are fat should take an honest look at themselves and see if there is some truth in what the asshat says.0
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Polls are wrong unless they are being used for dancing.
I fall into the other category where I left my gf when she lost weight. She started out at 185-190 and got down to 115 which was good, but as a chubby chaser, this didn't excite me. Of course, there are limits...there's healthy chubby and unhealthy obesity. Good chubby gives you something to hold on to other than skin and bones and I really didn't care for the bruising that I received from her pelvis.
Beauty is the eye of Ra or the beholder or whatever floats your boat. Just remember to use the anchor to steady yourself, not drown yourself. And for Pete's sake, don't kill the albatross, it's good luck.0 -
I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.
Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.
I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.
Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.
So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
You know, I'm not going to dispute what you've said, it's honest and truthfully, pretty accurate for many people.
What baffles me about this is that when I've head this statement from various men and women, it has often times been from people who are definitely not putting their best foot forward in the physical department themselves...0 -
Polls are wrong unless they are being used for dancing.
I fall into the other category where I left my gf when she lost weight. She started out at 185-190 and got down to 115 which was good, but as a chubby chaser, this didn't excite me. Of course, there are limits...there's healthy chubby and unhealthy obesity. Good chubby gives you something to hold on to other than skin and bones and I really didn't care for the bruising that I received from her pelvis.
Ewwwww...bruising?!?! From the pelvis?!?!?! Sounds like she could use some cheeseburgers!!! :laugh:0 -
"Half Of Men Say They Would Leave A Partner Who Gained Weight"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/27/men-leave-weight-gain_n_911143.html
I read this article on MSNBC, and was curious what other myfitnesspal members thought?
My thought is that I am so grateful for my husband. He has never said one thing to make me feel bad about myself for being fat, but has been very supportive of my efforts to change. I've started taking better care of myself for me, but giving the most wonderful man in the world a "hawtter" me will be a wonderful perk!
This article reminds me that unconditional love given, received, and reciprocated is so rare. I am so thankful.0 -
Maybe I'm a bit jaded on this subject because I've been married to the same woman for 21 years but I think after a long period of time physical attraction is just icing on the cake.
Honestly I have to say I know more than a few men who feel exactly the same as the article stated. The absolutely strange thing about it is these men are overweight themselves and aren't even CLOSE to an Adonis or Atlas physique; yet they have the Adonis/Atlas complex in their heads. VERY STRANGE!
Yes physical attraction is EXTREMELY important but I believe once you get past the 5 - 8 year point you realize the physical attributes of your spouse moves further down on the scale (no pun intended) of what is important in the relationship. Your physical appearance can literally change in an instant and is merely just an accident or medical condition away from changing.
When I met my wife she was gorgeous, beautiful when she had a basketball belly during her 4 pregnancies. Still sexy when she was overweight, and stunningly lovely in her 40s. I sure hope she feels the same way ....0 -
Polls are wrong unless they are being used for dancing.
I fall into the other category where I left my gf when she lost weight. She started out at 185-190 and got down to 115 which was good, but as a chubby chaser, this didn't excite me. Of course, there are limits...there's healthy chubby and unhealthy obesity. Good chubby gives you something to hold on to other than skin and bones and I really didn't care for the bruising that I received from her pelvis.
Ewwwww...bruising?!?! From the pelvis?!?!?! Sounds like she could use some cheeseburgers!!! :laugh:
"Sounds like she could use some cheeseburgers" Sigh.
I don't quite understand why it's ok for someone to say that, but if I were to say somebody needed to lay off the cheeseburgers, I'd be chastised for "fat shaming." Skinny people have feelings too.0 -
Maybe I'm a bit jaded on this subject because I've been married to the same woman for 21 years but I think after a long period of time physical attraction is just icing on the cake.
Honestly I have to say I know more than a few men who feel exactly the same as the article stated. The absolutely strange thing about it is these men are overweight themselves and aren't even CLOSE to an Adonis or Atlas physique; yet they have the Adonis/Atlas complex in their heads. VERY STRANGE!
Yes physical attraction is EXTREMELY important but I believe once you get past the 5 - 8 year point you realize the physical attributes of your spouse moves further down on the scale (no pun intended) of what is important in the relationship. Your physical appearance can literally change in an instant and is merely just an accident or medical condition away from changing.
When I met my wife she was gorgeous, beautiful when she had a basketball belly during her 4 pregnancies. Still sexy when she was overweight, and stunningly lovely in her 40s. I sure hope she feels the same way ....
There is a difference in your appearance changing with age, and just letting yourself go completely. It shows that you don't care. Of course if there is a medical condition, multiple pregnancies, and just getting older, things are going to change, but I would find myself unattracted to my boyfriend if he just stopped caring about his health and appearance altogether.0 -
If your man would leave you if you gained too much weight, what will he do when you get older and have wrinkles and are not as attractive as you once were? Isn't that pretty much the same thing? You will most likely be less attractive when you're in your 50's or 60's than you were in your 20's, and if you've married a guy who would leave you based just on appearance, won't he be just as likely to leave you when you get older? Also, being overweight doesn't necessarily mean that you're walking around all depressed and slovenly like so many of you seem to think, so the "I'm a different person now" thing doesn't necessarily hold water. So far I've gone from plus sizes to regular sizes, from not exercising to exercising, I'm pretty much the same person I always have been at the core.
I'm marrying a man who fell in love with me while I was at my highest weight. He loved me when I didn't eat healthy or exercise, he loves me now, and I expect he'll love me when I've lost more weight. He exercises with me now that exercising is a part of my life and he cheers me on in my weight loss, but he obviously loved me before I ever started doing any of that. There are men out there who value things other than looks alone....I guess according to this article it's only 50% though, so I feel really lucky to have found one. 0 -
Amen, I married when I was at my heaviest of 268lbs. They have us women so self-conscious.0
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friends don't let friends listen to or take seriously anything from MSNBC0
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^^^This! lol
Not true, I like to power drill my stuff!Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.
LOL! And I just like to lay there and take it...0 -
When they say gained weight how much weight do they mean?
5 lbs?
10lbs?
30lbs?
100lbs?
What a silly survey.0 -
I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.
Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.
I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.
Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.
So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
I'm a feminist and you're not offending me; however, the research isn't conclusive. There are a lot of cultural assumptions that say men respond to the visual but women don't. A lot of the research is just old, other is made up.
As women become more independent, not surprisingly, they begin to have more choices and also do some of the very same things men do (such as cheat, have more than one partner, divorce, etc.).
For the record, my brother used to say this about whoever he married. His wife put on some weight, and no he hasn't left her.0 -
Top ten reasons to leave partner.
1. Money
2. NO money
3. she was a man in a past life
4. he was a woman in a past life
5. he hit me
6. she would not hit me
7. he hates my pet
8. he chews with his mouth open
9. she is addicted to video games
And the # ten reason to leave a spouse...
LOUD SNORING!
Any other reason is punishable by genital mutilation...0 -
Your right! I am sorry about my cheeseburger comment! I just NEVER heard of someone getting bruised by that! Sorry to have upset you :indifferent:0
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When I got married I started out big at 215. It was my normal weight all my adult life. When my mother moved in with us, I gained 30+ lbs up to 248. My husband also gained weight because of the stress of having her here. I have started doing something about it. He has not. Am I going to leave him because he has not lived up to his word to do something about his weight? No because I do love him and want to help him with his weight issue. If he decides he doesn't want to do anything about it, I will just continue to work on myself. My issue is with his health issues: diabetes, high blood pressure and being 300+lbs. If he was to start losing weight his diabetes and blood pressure would normalize but I would not leave him. Love him too much. My vows were very clear and I promised to love him until death do us part.
Granted, if he doesn't lose weight, it could just be sooner than later.0 -
Your right! I am sorry about my cheeseburger comment! I just NEVER heard of someone getting bruised by that! Sorry to have upset you :indifferent:
It didn't really upset me, per se, I'm not skinny lol, BUT I think body shaming, skinny or fat, is counterproductive 0 -
Maybe I'm a bit jaded on this subject because I've been married to the same woman for 21 years but I think after a long period of time physical attraction is just icing on the cake.
Honestly I have to say I know more than a few men who feel exactly the same as the article stated. The absolutely strange thing about it is these men are overweight themselves and aren't even CLOSE to an Adonis or Atlas physique; yet they have the Adonis/Atlas complex in their heads. VERY STRANGE!
Yes physical attraction is EXTREMELY important but I believe once you get past the 5 - 8 year point you realize the physical attributes of your spouse moves further down on the scale (no pun intended) of what is important in the relationship. Your physical appearance can literally change in an instant and is merely just an accident or medical condition away from changing.
When I met my wife she was gorgeous, beautiful when she had a basketball belly during her 4 pregnancies. Still sexy when she was overweight, and stunningly lovely in her 40s. I sure hope she feels the same way ....
There is a difference in your appearance changing with age, and just letting yourself go completely. It shows that you don't care. Of course if there is a medical condition, multiple pregnancies, and just getting older, things are going to change, but I would find myself unattracted to my boyfriend if he just stopped caring about his health and appearance altogether.
@Meredith I totally respect your opinion and I do see your point.... sort of. May I ask you a question?
If your boyfriend somehow started feeling depressed or began fighting depression and stopped caring about his appearance but was otherwise the same loving, kind, and charming man, while still making you feel like you are the only woman he needs, would you still feel unattracted to him?
I'm not going to judge you Meredith, I'm merely curious. Your outlook is interesting.... 0 -
I would have to say no. My GF of almost 4 years has struggled with her weight, and after giving birth to our son 8 months ago, actually lost quite a bit of the weight but has since put a lot back on. It hasn't bothered me, except for that fact that she now resents ME for losing weight, which I don't feel is fair.0
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Not true, I like to power drill my stuff!Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHA Nice0 -
Maybe I'm a bit jaded on this subject because I've been married to the same woman for 21 years but I think after a long period of time physical attraction is just icing on the cake.
Honestly I have to say I know more than a few men who feel exactly the same as the article stated. The absolutely strange thing about it is these men are overweight themselves and aren't even CLOSE to an Adonis or Atlas physique; yet they have the Adonis/Atlas complex in their heads. VERY STRANGE!
Yes physical attraction is EXTREMELY important but I believe once you get past the 5 - 8 year point you realize the physical attributes of your spouse moves further down on the scale (no pun intended) of what is important in the relationship. Your physical appearance can literally change in an instant and is merely just an accident or medical condition away from changing.
When I met my wife she was gorgeous, beautiful when she had a basketball belly during her 4 pregnancies. Still sexy when she was overweight, and stunningly lovely in her 40s. I sure hope she feels the same way ....
There is a difference in your appearance changing with age, and just letting yourself go completely. It shows that you don't care. Of course if there is a medical condition, multiple pregnancies, and just getting older, things are going to change, but I would find myself unattracted to my boyfriend if he just stopped caring about his health and appearance altogether.
@Meredith I totally respect your opinion and I do see your point.... sort of. May I ask you a question?
If your boyfriend somehow started feeling depressed or began fighting depression and stopped caring about his appearance but was otherwise the same loving, kind, and charming man, while still making you feel like you are the only woman he needs, would you still feel unattracted to him?
I'm not going to judge you Meredith, I'm merely curious. Your outlook is interesting....
If he were beginning to feel depressed or began fighting depression, I would hope that I'd notice or that he'd come to me about it before he packed on 50 lbs. I'm all about getting to the root of the problem before it gets out of control. If I'm too self absorbed to notice that my bf is depressed, then I'm a pretty sh!tty girlfriend! I feel like that falls into a different category than just the standard "I don't need to impress anybody anymore, so I'm gonna let myself go" thing that happens a lot in relationships.
If I gained a bunch of weight and he came to me and said "I would really like for you to take care of your health again, like you used to" and I just refused to, then I'm being a bad partner. One of my friends went through this. He was with this girl who he was totally in love with, and proposed to her. And it was like the second the ring got put on her finger, she became totally lazy. She gained 50 lbs almost overnight it seemed, stopped working out, stopped watching what she ate, and then would get mad when she caught her fiance glancing at another woman who was in good shape. She used to be fit and in shape and let it all go for no reason. He felt like a total *kitten* for wanting her to lose weight and get back to how she used to be, but I mean, can you blame him? I sure can't. He tried to be subtle about it and suggest they go do active things together, and she would shoot it down and want to go out to eat or watch a movie instead. Any time he suggested going to the gym like she used to she jumped down his throat and accused him of calling her fat. It was a lose-lose for the guy. He finally ended the relationship because she just wasn't the person he fell in love with anymore: a person who cared about her health and was active and took care of her body.0 -
Didn't read all 5 pages, so maybe this has been said, but I've heard lots of stories about men and women leaving their partners because their partner LOST weight! I'll bet there are some stories like this on this website.
I think when two people get together, they generally like each other the way they are. .If one of them changes dramatically in appearance, the other often finds them less attractive or feels threatened. There are other factors too. I think when a person gains or loses a lot of weight, their personality and their outlook and their attitude changes as well. . I can say for sure that when I was at my heaviest, I felt much differently than when I was at my lightest, and that was only about a 40lb swing. There are many things you DON'T want to do when you're either Fat or Skinny. If you are athletic, you probably don't want to sit around and watch TV all day. If you bonded with your partner while sitting around and watching TV, you might lose this bonding opportunity. If you get skinny and get that energy and try to encourage your partner to get skinny too. . . well. .you both become resentful.0
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