What is up with my husband???

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  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    Talking is good...flirting is good too...just because you are married doesn't mean you have to give up all the fun that dating has to offer...you just get to focus is all on him...and some days it's amazing was a little extra sway in the hips can do...or standing just a little closer when talking/cooking/whatever...or just long appreciative glances...lust is good for a marriage, and preparing for sex really begins the moment both of you are awake, all of life can be foreplay...sexy is not a particular makeup pattern, it's an attitude, and one that can be shared without having to be the hunter if you would rather be the bait...
  • _Dan_
    _Dan_ Posts: 55 Member
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    When he says, "I've been wanting to do that for days" I always say, "Then why don't you do anything about it?"

    Then he says, this is an exact quote, "I try."

    My wife and I have run into the same situation... Sometimes I make advances, and she shuts me down.. not in the mood, stuff like that... some times she doesn't even realize she's shooting me down. If it happens a lot, then eventually I just stop. I don't know if this is what you guys are running into, but it sounds similar to conversations between my wife and I.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
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    When he says 'I try' ask him 'and how do I respond?' or tell him 'honey, if i'm not responding with an obvious yes, then grab me and kiss me or something because i can guarantee i will be feeling the same way'.

    Great advice - when people say 'talk about it' they don't mean 'just say one thing then stop talking'.

    'I try' is a great start to a much longer conversation i.e. 'What do you do to show you're interested so I can make sure I take notice?' 'How would you like me to respond?' 'Is there anything I can do to help you feel in the mood?' Keep talking! Tell him (in a non-judgmental and accurate way) how you feel, what you'd like, ask him how he feels and what he'd like...

    Good luck and keep working on it! :)
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Interesting to read this. If it was a man posting the thread, he'd be at fault and should be more reasonable wanting more sex/attention. With a woman posting, he's in the wrong again :laugh:
  • brandillyn
    brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
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    It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
    So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
    Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

    I need input..

    Okay my spouse and i shared this conversation yesterday! but it was th eother way around! he actually told me i wa addicted to workign out! I laughed and said i'd rather be addicted to exercising than to be FAT AS HELL. well anyway we talked and discovered he doesnt want it all the time either but when he does and i reject he feels that i dont want him anymore so what we vowed to do was more communication and nights out just to get the wanted feeling.

    Now my question to you, and i hate to come off wrong, but Why dont you work? I find that a large number of military wives dont work. If there are small women in the picture I can understand but if not (maybe school age or not yet here) then i think getting something going for yourself is the first step. I was in the military and I know what the pay looks like! two incomes are better than one. and if you are worrried about being at work while he is home then look for something in the daycare industry or so forth. Just my five cents!

    I've actually been applying my *kitten* off. For some reason it's just not working yet, I haven't even been called in for an interview yet... I'm in college though, but it's a "work at home" kind of thing.
  • coconutty420
    coconutty420 Posts: 47 Member
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    i am always boggled by the whole "not getting dressed because im not going out".....who would be more imortant to look good for....your husband or the random public? he is the most important person in your life....and yes we all hang around the house in sweats from time to time but looking presentable and pretty just for him says a whole lot. for example: and ex bf of mine lost his job and was searching for months....it annoyed the piss outta me and killed my sex drive to come home after a long day of work to find him in boxers playing xbox.....even though i knew he was trying to find a job....but i still had those feelings anyway. change things up....cook him dinner in nothing but a thong and a t-shirt....the more blatant you are the more he will notice. many times we think we are beeing obvious but if they are distracted they may not even realize. besides what man doesnt want a "woman in public and a slut at home" if you want it go and get it!!!!
  • mmuzzatti
    mmuzzatti Posts: 706 Member
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    OK, from me, a guy that gets it all the time, anytime and everytime here's how it works......ask! I am 53 years old my wife is 59 we have sex all the time. She will say, hey got time for sexytime today and I say yes or I say I want some and she says yes. We do reacharounds and all other kinds of hints for sex. He is yours so ask or take whatever but do not wait for the other to make the first move! Sex is fun and it's to be shared so go for it! You really are making this harder (In my Beavis voice...he said harder!) than it is!

    Getting all dolled up? I would say not so much dolled up but smelling great, candles lite, a robe with nothing on under, where my shirt, put on my boxers, give me a big kiss and a hug, all the little things are more important than that french maid outfit I bought you!

    Simple....as Nike would say...Just do it!
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,512 Member
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    Wife’s Journal

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's journal

    Jeep won’t start…can’t figure out why.

    Saw this once and read it to my husband, he shook his head and said YEP. He said women can take the simplest things and make them so complex because our thoughts are running 100 miles per minute. I also saw Bill Engvall doing a comedy bit about husbands and wives where he said he is never sure if the wife is giving him the go ahead for sex or not. I can't find it on youtube, but it was pretty funny.

    I think what it comes down to is communication. When he says "I try" ask when? How? Then tell him how you interpreted what he said or was doing. I tell you what is NOT a good idea...don't burst into tears right as he's falling asleep and ask him why he doesn't love you anymore and if you are a hideous cow. Just...trust me. No good will come of it. :tongue:
  • jkleon86
    jkleon86 Posts: 245 Member
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    you said that "NOBODY" is going to see me. But it is your husband you should be doing it for and not worry about everyone else.
    "dolly for him."

    most men get to thinking that the weight loss is also for someone else and start thinking that it isn't them you want anyway so they back off into their self pitty bubble and see if you really want them or not watching your reaction. it is an insecurty thing. you are beautiful don't think that deep down he is not wanting you. they NEED to be reassured all the time that this jurney is also for them as well as for yourself because you love him and want to be healthy and look good for him.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Communication is key. I'm a stoic, quiet, non-communicative kind of guy myself. Been that way all my life. After marrying my wife and having three daughters, I new I had to make a better effort. We talk about everything now. A day doesn't go by that I don't try to let my wife and family know my feelings, but it was hard to initiate and it is also easy to fall back to my old self.

    You need to speak to hime and give him an opportunity to express himself. It ain't going to be easy, but here are a couple pieces of advice:
    -Don't interpret what he says.
    -Don't interrupt him. Let him get it out.
    -Be quiet afterwards.
    -Don't relate it to anything else.
  • bdeezy3396
    bdeezy3396 Posts: 89 Member
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    From a guys point of view, we don't like to get all geared up and told no, so if our wife or girlfriend doesn't put out any vibes or seems evem remotely interested we won't initiate. You don't always have to intiate just let him know you're in the mood, if subtle hints don't work or that is not your style then just flat out tell him. And no you don't always have to get dolled up, but also don't expect anything if you look like you been in bed for days. Keep in mind that we at least try to pay attention so we may misconstrued things as "leave me alone" so as other people have pointed out open communications works best here.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    The best advice you will get: Tell your Husband, not MFP.

    Guys need DIRECT instructions - they really do. They are simple creatures. TELL HIM. I guarantee he has no clue something like this would even bother you, or is right now.
  • mrsmerrithew
    mrsmerrithew Posts: 74 Member
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    OK, from me, a guy that gets it all the time, anytime and everytime here's how it works......ask! I am 53 years old my wife is 59 we have sex all the time. She will say, hey got time for sexytime today and I say yes or I say I want some and she says yes. We do reacharounds and all other kinds of hints for sex. He is yours so ask or take whatever but do not wait for the other to make the first move! Sex is fun and it's to be shared so go for it! You really are making this harder (In my Beavis voice...he said harder!) than it is!

    Getting all dolled up? I would say not so much dolled up but smelling great, candles lite, a robe with nothing on under, where my shirt, put on my boxers, give me a big kiss and a hug, all the little things are more important than that french maid outfit I bought you!

    Simple....as Nike would say...Just do it!

    I hope when I'm your age my hubby and I are still boning like rabbits! Kudos to you! :o)
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
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    does he have a deployment date coming up? has he been deployed?

    there is a great video on youtube about the differences in the ways men and women think. it's meant to be funny, but it's very true. men are good at compartmentalizing and if his mind is on something he is trying to work out, sex is not going to be on the forefront.

    i also agree with those that are asking about YOUR reactions to his come ons, even the really subtle ones. you all need to talk. also, maybe try and change things up a little. if you normally initiate right before bed, try initiating after work. maybe send some flirty texts right before he gets home. or, give him an hour to decompress and then initiate. or, first thing in the morning.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Wife’s Journal

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's journal

    Jeep won’t start…can’t figure out why.

    ^^^ Haha!
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    When he says 'I try' ask him 'and how do I respond?' or tell him 'honey, if i'm not responding with an obvious yes, then grab me and kiss me or something because i can guarantee i will be feeling the same way'.


    great advice!
  • yoashisme
    yoashisme Posts: 48 Member
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    I think this happens to everyone. Most days my husband is all over me so I don't have this happen often but when work is stressing him out I always know cuz that me no sex. I feel the need to have sex three or more times a day so when I don't get it for a few days I attack like a lion. My husband hates me in make up so I don't use it but during the non sex days I think about what I know he likes... We love role playing so I go get a new outfit or make one. Then I bake something sweet and set the mood. This helps him to calm down and get his min off work. And the few times he had said he has wanted it for days I say "well honey you seemed stressed out and I just didn't notice that you want to." I will Also tell him if you wanted it just let me know by doing xyz and It will be on like donkey kong. So talking is good but you sai you have talke to him so I would try other things to make him happy and get his mind off work. You could be all dressed up and have music on and a nice dinner waiting or him one night. You could set up a few pillows infront of the tv and have a movie night naked. You could be washing dishes naked and dancing a little when he comes home. Try and think outside the box.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
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    you won't like my answer (because it's truth) Once they 'catch' you, they don't chase you anymore. It's the nature of the beast. He's caught you- you are his and no longer available for 'conquest'
    If you want a man to seduce you, DON'T GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. Men want a thing until they get it, then they don't really want it anymore.
    It's not MY rule and whipped women will tell you it's not so- but it is. I've been married twice, slept with quite a few men in my day and know my subject.
  • valenief
    valenief Posts: 134 Member
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    my hubby is the same way!
  • 51powerski
    51powerski Posts: 66 Member
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    It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
    So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
    Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

    I need input..

    It's nothing to worry about, it probably just means that he's gay. Dress like a man and see if he attempts to ravish you. If so, theory is confirmed.

    I hope my advice helps you.

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