What is up with my husband???

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Replies

  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
    It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
    So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
    Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

    I need input..

    Have him get his testosterone checked. My good friend lost his sex drive and had no idea why. He went and got blood work done and everything until they asked to take a testosterone levels test. He was a 231!! THAT IS LOW!!!! He has been on some sort of pills/injections for a few months and last I heard he is wanting it more.

    I was curious and got mine tested, and I was a 610, which is actually a little low for my age. (35)
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    bump
  • brandillyn
    brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
    Thanks guys! How do I delete this now? I have plenty of good answers(:
  • jarrodleeray
    jarrodleeray Posts: 8 Member
    Communication is key. I'm a stoic, quiet, non-communicative kind of guy myself. Been that way all my life. After marrying my wife and having three daughters, I new I had to make a better effort. We talk about everything now. A day doesn't go by that I don't try to let my wife and family know my feelings, but it was hard to initiate and it is also easy to fall back to my old self.

    You need to speak to hime and give him an opportunity to express himself. It ain't going to be easy, but here are a couple pieces of advice:
    -Don't interpret what he says.
    -Don't interrupt him. Let him get it out.
    -Be quiet afterwards.
    -Don't relate it to anything else.

    there speaks a wise man !
  • thechubner
    thechubner Posts: 94 Member
    It could just be regular stress, work related things, family things, etc. Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired - if you keep persuing him eventually he will probably be comfortable in the knowlege that you have the same desire for him that he has for you then he might be more innitiative. I agree with the person who said "be ready to pick up on his cues" maybe he's not being obvious - but maybe he's giving you some kind of subtle hint of his amorous feelings.

    Also - it might not be something you want to do every day, but I bet if you did doll yourself up for him and had a nice romantic dinner ready for him when he got home it would make him feel really special - and show him how special he is to you. Sometimes it's just those little things that can make a big difference. It might seem trivial, but any little thing you can do to show your husband "I love you and appreciate you" won't go unnoticed. He might not SAY it, but secretly he'll be thinking "wow, I'm a lucky guy"

    Good luck!
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    When he says, "I've been wanting to do that for days" I always say, "Then why don't you do anything about it?"

    Then he says, this is an exact quote, "I try."

    You probably give off the impression that you wouldn't be up for it most of the time. I know my wife constantly complains of feeling tired or having a headache, etc. which makes me feel like I'm a jerk if I try to initiate something because she doesn't feel well 90% of the time. Even being married for several years, I still find the initiation phase awkward and fear her response will be negative. Maybe this applies to your situation as well.
  • sneakyjean
    sneakyjean Posts: 15 Member
    This is a very stressful time to be a Marine. Maybe he's just wanting to be wanted - or seduced, or just touched spontaneously to remind him he's loved? He gets a lot of buddy-buddy and has to be responsible and on the ball all the time at work, maybe he just wants someone else with a softer touch to take over at home. If you want him, let him know. Often.

    And thank him for his service!

    Semper Fi
  • MelissR75
    MelissR75 Posts: 735 Member
    Sometimes guys like to feel wanted too and for the girl to start it. Its the chase or the excitement. Every now and then you have to shock him or switch the routine. Sometimes you start or sometimes he does.

    Exactly! I find that doing something different is a total turn on to a guy. Mine is the initiator usually and sometimes he gets frustrated with that. But then I'll shock the heck out of him with a slow strip tease or a walk around in a pair of short shorts b/c I know it drives him crazy. Gotta keep the fun going!!
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    Hm. If he's generally quiet, like my fiance, then he just has trouble putting what he's thinking into words and actions. My fiance sometimes has trouble getting whatever is in his head expressed. I try to ask him questions about how he's feeling and be very very patient with him and not accusatory.

    Good luck.
  • LoriBarefoot
    LoriBarefoot Posts: 218 Member
    bump
  • laurenwarwick
    laurenwarwick Posts: 29
    It's just part of having other priorities. When my husband and I both started working, sex slowed down a lot. We were both exhausted and had a lot on our minds. When it's initiated, we always say "Man, we need to do that more often!" and then talk about why we don't, but it doesn't change. Also, before MFP, my husband told me that he never wanted to initiate it because he was embarrassed about his body. So, there could be a number of reasons, just talk to him!!
  • SunshineKisses_2012
    SunshineKisses_2012 Posts: 471 Member
    Wife’s Journal

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's journal

    Jeep won’t start…can’t figure out why.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thank you for this. This made me giggle.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    My husband is a Marine Vet, just got out.

    Does he have any training or a deployment coming up? Did he just get back? That plays a HUGE role in behavior.
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
    I have lived with my guy for 9 years, I work longer hours then him and cook and clean and I work out more then he does. So he (even tho he is younger then me) doesn't have the energy I do so when I want it I ask for it. I also tell him "Make me want you"
    and then all the sweet stuff comes ;-) good lucky pretty lady :drinker:
  • mmuzzatti
    mmuzzatti Posts: 704 Member
    Thanks guys! How do I delete this now? I have plenty of good answers(:

    Post something about an HCG diet and the forum will delete it for you....LOL!
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Why not give your husband a great massage? If he's stressed he will appreciate it even more. He will relax, you will know you are doing something kind for him, and who knows what it will lead to?
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    My husband does this too! Not all the time. Its an on and off thing. I think its as simple as they forget that girls like to be seduced too. They like to know that YOU want them and want to have sex with them. It feels nice to know that you are wanted. They just simply forget that it goes the other way around too.
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    Thanks guys! How do I delete this now? I have plenty of good answers(:

    Post something about an HCG diet and the forum will delete it for you....LOL!

    You could also mention Dr. Oz, ask if you should workout during your period or accuse us all of being meanies.
  • boggsmeister
    boggsmeister Posts: 292 Member
    Wife’s Journal

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's journal

    Jeep won’t start…can’t figure out why.

    I love that "story"
  • wolfehound22
    wolfehound22 Posts: 859 Member
    I've never had a problem being up front with my wife when it comes to sex, so I am usually the one that tries to initate, problem with this is I also get shot down a lot. Now most of the tiems this doesn't bother me, but if its happening a lot, I'll stop doing it. Maybe I want her to persue me, maybe I just want to be an *kitten*, but I do it.OTher times I like being the one that is getting the attention, and getting asked, its a huge turn on for me. HAve you turned him down a lot before all this happened, it could be that he is paying you back.

    Perhaps it is stress, has he been deployed recently, I'm sure he is under a lot of stress. IS he out of shape, I know when I was packing on the pounds I wasn't as interested.

    Like many said though, sit him down and have a talk, more than just a few words, but a good talk.
  • antoniosmooth
    antoniosmooth Posts: 299 Member
    Yes it is VERY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to get dolled up once in awhile for your husband. Who better to get dolled up for than the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. All of the things you did to catch his physical attention when you were dating you have to continue in your marriage... for the DURATION of your marriage. Obviously he must also keep up his wooing, romance, and charm while you were dating.

    Considering the fact your husband is a Marine I'm sure he's dealing with a fair amount of stress, I know this first hand, I'm a former U.S. Army soldier. Try talking to him about it.

    Have you turned him down for sex often in your relationship and possibly spoke with him wondering if all he cares about is sex? If there have been more than a few conversations about that in the past he could be "leaving you alone" on purpose. He may be doing this not out of spite, it could be because he loves you and wants you to be happy in your relationship by concentrating on the things HE believes matter to you most.

    I'm sure he wants you and desires to be with you sexually. Next time he arrives home attempt to serve him dinner in revealing sexy lingerie, give him a powerful passionate kiss, the kind of kiss that sends a message, I bet his dinner will get ice cold before he gets a chance to take a bite. I guarantee if you meet him at home in various states of underwear, lingerie, naked, apron with nothing on underneath, and anything else you can be creative with, you'll have crazy passionate hot sex AT LEAST twice a week.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Sadly, I can empathise.
  • goofyrick24
    goofyrick24 Posts: 125 Member
    It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
    So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
    Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

    I need input..

    Given your age and location I'm willing to bet I know what your Husband does for a living... I lived in that nice lil town for a while during my 4 years in the corps... My advice would be to remember that Marines are trained to take orders... Tell him to do what you want.. I am willing to bet that if you throw him down on the bed one time and tell him what you want him to do to you...that you will probably need mace to get him off of you in the future...

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