Question for the married/long-term relationship folks

2

Replies

  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
    oddly enough we gat along great. We only fight about two things. Money and my addiction. I love to spend money, and my addiction had nearly ruined our marriage. I won't go into details here but if you want to know more IM me. Perhaps you could help keep me accountable for my actions.
  • MrsORourke
    MrsORourke Posts: 315 Member
    Married 12 years, still argue about who loves who more. :smooched:
    There are other things too but sometimes you both have to just let go for the mere fact that it is counter productive.

    :heart: This! ^
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Me-Nah, I would never even suggest wihholding sex..I like it too! I think you have to pick ur battles. Mot of hem, if you really think about it, aren't worh the effort. We don't fight, and rarely argue. We've been together 21+ years. Not all of them perfect, but it is a give/take relationship.

    Hope you work it out!

    Nicolette

    Oh I'm not really withholding anything :wink: It's just my joking way of letting him know he's annoying me. I like it too!
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 866 Member
    I have been married to my husband for almost 22 years. We do agree on most things. It is really weird to agree on so many things...like he is me but in sexy man form!! LOL! And yes, I think we may be annoying to other couples because we still hold hands and we are best friends...so go ahead and eye roll!! haha!

    But probably where we disagree is with the kids. He is more strict and I am more lenient. BUT, I think that is a good balance. Having only one way would be bad. We have really well behaved kids (even teens) so I have to think that this balance is perfect. Also, we are both conservative, but I might be a tad more libertarian than he is....but not by much.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    We usually get along and never argue about anything... but sometimes on Friday after we've had a few drinks, we'll start to talk about certain topics and we'll both become passionate about them and go off on tangents. Last week, it was about not eating carbs at night.... he should've known not to get me started on that one. :laugh:
  • Lissakaye81
    Lissakaye81 Posts: 224 Member
    Married 12 years, still argue about who loves who more. :smooched:
    There are other things too but sometimes you both have to just let go for the mere fact that it is counter productive.
    Haha me & my honey do this too lol
  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
    Married for 12yrs this fall, we disagree a few times a month. We used to get into major heated arguements which ended up with us not talking to one another for a few days until one of us apologised.... I have noticed a trend lately though that we argue and then it's over.... no silent treatments anymore.... not sure why that is but I think it's because we both hate it and have too much on the go to not communicate daily....

    Just the other night... my daughter has this little cocker spaniel cross who is almost a year old, completely house trained but still does submissive urination about 1x/wk..... it's annoying yes but I LOVE this little dog....

    The dog pee'd once again, my hubby was mad...

    Him : " how long are we going to put up with this ? she is ruining the house"
    ME : "what do you expect me to do, get rid of her ? "
    Him: " well if you don't do something about it, you and that little dog can find a new place to live"
    Me: "ohhhh..so now you are kicking me out ? ( bahahahaha)
    Him: "well if you don't do something, I will!"
    Me: " you do something about it or to her and YOU will be the one finding a new place to live"


    That was the end of it, it's not going to change, she will continue urinating occasionally and he will just have to deal with it... LOL

    15 min later.... we were cuddling on the couch....
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    Yep...his brother. I have NO respect for him at all, but they ARE brothers and my husband will help him whenever possible. I just let it go. I get the family thing and all that, but when you have someone who is in his early 40s and everyone babies the hell out of him, I just can't support it. Nothing is EVER his fault...which is total bull****. But whatever...I won't get into the whole thing...

    Oh and Politics. We are on the same side, but he likes to rant and rave about it and I just tune him out...

    We've been together for 12 years, married for 9 (10 in October).
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    We disagree on a lot of things but we agree to disagree if that makes sense.

    We've been married for 6 years, together for about 16 and have never had an argument. We have discussions and debates but in the end we realize that we have our own opinions on things and there really is no right or wrong. He knows when I don't agree with him because I purse my lips and get quiet. Sometimes he stirs the pot on subjects because he knows I'll get riled up and then he sits back and laughs.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    I have been married to my husband for almost 22 years. We do agree on most things. It is really weird to agree on so many things...like he is me but in sexy man form!! LOL! And yes, I think we may be annoying to other couples because we still hold hands and we are best friends...so go ahead and eye roll!! haha!

    But probably where we disagree is with the kids. He is more strict and I am more lenient. BUT, I think that is a good balance. Having only one way would be bad. We have really well behaved kids (even teens) so I have to think that this balance is perfect. Also, we are both conservative, but I might be a tad more libertarian than he is....but not by much.

    My hubby and I are are like this as well. Drives our friends nuts! LOL He is truly my best friend and it's sometimes scary how ofent we think the exact same way! LOL
  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
    Yep, there are a few.

    I always remember that I would never want to be married to myself, so it's all good!
  • djkymba
    djkymba Posts: 174
    There's actually a great book - "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman & Nan Silver that explains that something like 80% (I forget the actual amount) of married couples arguments are about things that you essentially disagree on, and will never be resolved - so heading it off at the start is definitely the way to deal with it!

    A-MEN, sister!

    Together almost ten years now, and it took some time for me to get to the point of realizing that you can never change what another person thinks about certain things, and no matter how wrong they are (wink), you just have to let it be.
  • Vegetablearian
    Vegetablearian Posts: 148 Member
    Me and my OH actually share a lot of opinions on stuff or we dont care either way on other stuff. So we never actually argue. Maybe we are odd
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    Yes, and it's horrible. My wife made fun of Eddie Vedder's voice. She only did that once, and she'll never do it again. I taught her a lesson (about appreciation of musicians and genius lyricists).
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Money and housework, which I spend too much of and don't do enough of... those are our two biggies. Otherwise, we don't disagree on much, and we're together nearly 24 hours a day, so it's good that we agree on a lot or we wouldn't be going on 17 years together, 12 years married. LOL

    Are you related to my wife??

    Same 2 issues here. Been with my wife for 21 years.
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
    we tend to argue about strange things then somewhere in the middle of the argument we realize we're arguing the same side from different angles. Unless I am feeling really confrontational I just go along with what he says and believe whatever I want.
  • jamiesadler
    jamiesadler Posts: 634 Member
    Yes anything to do with politics and birth control for kids under 18. We just dont bring it up. BTW we have been together for 14 years.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    Music, my Husband is a music freak, he feels very strongly about it, he tells me I have no taste, or rubbish taste if I don't like things he likes, that I don't know any thing about music and grew up in a backwater that has lost its soul....I don't care enough about music to argue with him and try not too, I just like what I like, and don't mind if he likes it or not, but he thinks that if I don't like something he likes its as if I am saying I hate his Mother...

    We also disagree about how long he spends playing on the computer lol oh and also beer. I hate beer, for one good reason, I was raped as a child by a drunken sailor and the smell of beer sometimes reminds me of that, he loves beer. Its a sad state of affairs and sometimes we disagree about it, but other than that we get along OK :flowerforyou:
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
    There's always little disagreements. It's what keeps life interesting! :laugh:
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    We disagree on everything but only because my hubby has made it a hobby to argue and refuses to ever give in or admit he's wrong. I just know he is ALWAYS wrong. :) I also think that HE thinks he is going to get makeup nooky everytime and it ain't happenin either.
  • AlynnP1005
    AlynnP1005 Posts: 195
    My fiance and I have been together over 9 years, and there are lots of things we agree to disagree about....but we still argue about them sometimes when one of us feels like pushing the other ones buttons LOL Thankfully, we agree on the important topics, like kids, marriage, money, etc. so the rest of the stuff doesnt really matter much in the long run
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
    The damn t.v. He has SIX of them. The sweetie wall-mounted a flat screen by the clawfoot tub so I could watch while I soak. Sweet, sort of. But, the man has no idea. I'm feathering a girl-cave where NO t.v's will ever be allowed. Sigh! :O)
  • trekkietaz
    trekkietaz Posts: 81
    i do that sometimes too and i need to learn to listen and shut up sometimes
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    Golden Rule of Marriage...you can choose to be right or choose to be happy.
  • mdsjmom98
    mdsjmom98 Posts: 333 Member
    Married 26 years, 27 this November. There are a couple things we disagree about, and we've been married long enough to know which pushes the other persons buttons, and it's just better not to talk about it. There's no point in belaboring something that neither side is going to budge on, so agree to disagree. One thing I've learned is to pick your battles, and compromise when possible.
  • k0nfyo0zed
    k0nfyo0zed Posts: 313 Member
    I am a not-quite-typical Christian with a non religious background married to a pastor.

    We disagree on many of the religious/political points you aren't supposed to discuss anyway. (On the political spectrum I'm pretty much purple, and he's pretty solidly red.)
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    Politics and religion. We differ in a lot of ways there. I like having debates and my wife refuses to debate because she doesn't see the point of it since neither of us have any authority to fix anything (aside from voting for whatever politicians we agree with and keeping it to ourselves other than that). I think she has a good point, but the debate is fun for me.

    She is devout Catholic and I am atheist, so we occasionally clash over religious views. Although she does a very good job of respecting my beliefs even though they are polar opposites.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    Sixteen years married, and there are topics that either I need to squash in the bud, or realize that he's in a mood, and let him have his say and ask if he's done, then say "that's nice..." and walk away. Though sometimes he asks me questions and I have to say "I'll listen, but I won't participate in this discussion..." I don't like to argue, and when he is stressed at work and has something on his mind (not even work related), I don't want him to be stressed even more by not being able to express himself. But I don't want to escalate the tension with contrary opinions, and I'm not going to pretend to agree with him, either. Then I'll just be stressed and stew...
  • rebecky27
    rebecky27 Posts: 842 Member
    Money and housework, which I spend too much of and don't do enough of... those are our two biggies. Otherwise, we don't disagree on much, and we're together nearly 24 hours a day, so it's good that we agree on a lot or we wouldn't be going on 17 years together, 12 years married. LOL
    This is us, minus the 24 hours a day part. 17 years together, but 14 years married. He spends more money than I do though! lol
    We hardly ever argue, but those are the big ones. We just come to some sort of compromise, and if not, it is the agree to disagree route and move on. Not worth the energy or stress...
  • Expialidojess
    Expialidojess Posts: 441 Member
    The damn t.v. He has SIX of them. The sweetie wall-mounted a flat screen by the clawfoot tub so I could watch while I soak. Sweet, sort of. But, the man has no idea. I'm feathering a girl-cave where NO t.v's will ever be allowed. Sigh! :O)

    Ha! My husband and I are the exact opposite. I have the tv on all the time, even though most of the time I'm not really watching it, because I can't stand the quiet. He doesn't really care about tv at all unless its football season.
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