how without upsetting her do i...
myers0machine
Posts: 685
in Chit-Chat
How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha
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Replies
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about the junk food - you could always tell her that having it around is too tempting for you
or you could educate her on the death trap that is trans fats ;D I know that cut down my junk food consumption a LOT0 -
****ing hell i wouldn't want to be in that position, good luck mate.
(R.I.P even if you say a single word wrong)0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.0
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I'd say the best way is to go slowwww. Before you spark the convo, maybe ask her to go on a few active dates- kayaking, biking, dancing at a club- whatever suits your lives. Also, cook! Cook some healthy stuff, go to a farmers market and enjoying making a fresh meal. Tell her YOUR excited about it, and see what, if anything, sparks her interest.
If you start by saying 'you don't blah blah' or 'you're not blah blah' she's likely going to feel attacked any time you bring up eating healthier, exercising etc. She may end up resenting your comments and protesting the whole thing. Make it about things you want to do with her, and maybe she's hit the ground running and pick up activities and healthier eating solo too!
Good luck!0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
Bingo!0 -
Don't just throw this all on her at one time. Why don't you first start by asking her to partner up with you at the gym. Or maybe you could do something that really isn't looked at as exercise but is....go for a hike, play tennis....taking a dance class together. Once she gets into routine with that she might just start to feel healthier and take it upon herself to alter her eating habits.0
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Definitely do NOT under any circumstances mention her weight. Ever.0
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(R.I.P even if you say a single word wrong)
My husband agreed with you!0 -
Jab and move mate, jab and move..0
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You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
Bingo!
Bingo again! I completely like the suggested above! I think it would work for me0 -
(R.I.P even if you say a single word wrong)
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^^this. good luck!0 -
Do things she likes that are more active ... go shopping, bedroom activities and a romantic walk. I am sure she already knows how you feel.0
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Oh man. Good luck with that.0
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It really depends on your girl. I am a realist so I knew that I was overweight and out of shape. My fiance didn't have to tell me but when I decided to make changes, he became my biggest supporter. He cooks healthier foods and supports my exercise time.
Make sure she knows you would enjoy it if she came to workout with you. A lot of guys go to the gym to get away from their girlfriends. Or encourage her to find an activity she likes ... My fiance suggested hula hooping and I have loved it. Most of all, make sure she knows that you love HER, regardless.0 -
Don't bring up her weight. As sad as it is to say, women don't respond well to it. And if you even say anything she will feel attacked, which won't help.
If you really, seriously, think her health is at risk you need to phrase it as "I love you, everything about you, and I want you around for a long time."
But if her health isn't in serious jeapordy I would just let it be, and tell her that you would love for her to join you in some activities like the gym.
From experience I can tell you, I have never been motivated to get in shape or lose weight from people critizing.... It is only when I have felt complacent and comfortable that I found the strength to change things.
Good luck0 -
Definitely do NOT under any circumstances mention her weight. Ever.
I agree. She probably knows she has put on weight. Most people are their own worst critics. Don't make her feel even worse by pointing it out and making her feel unattractive. I agree with the non-verbal route. Tell her you'd really like to learn salsa-dancing, and would she like to sign up for classes? Most women would kill to have a man do something like that.0 -
I'd say the best way is to go slowwww. Before you spark the convo, maybe ask her to go on a few active dates- kayaking, biking, dancing at a club- whatever suits your lives. Also, cook! Cook some healthy stuff, go to a farmers market and enjoying making a fresh meal. Tell her YOUR excited about it, and see what, if anything, sparks her interest.
This is brilliant! If you go this way, & she gets tired out before you, you could always try to talk her into doing more active dates to build up her stamina
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Tell her to come join you on MFP so she can read your blog posts. Maybe she'll also read some forum posts or become interested in logging her food. *shrug*
If you decide to discuss it with her outright, I suggest you preface your statement with that part about "loving her no matter what." That's usually a good plan.
Also saying that you're just concerned about her health and happiness - not her looks - is also helpful in deterring anger.
Also asking her how SHE feels about her health, and if SHE thinks she'd like to do something about it, is also good, because then it starts and introspective discussion rather than an accusatory argument.
But honestly the other suggestions might be good things to try first - before having a discussion about it outright. :P0 -
I'm glad you posted this. I'm trying to do the same for my husband but nothing motivates him. All he wants to do is sit around watch sports, drink beer, and eat junk. Ugh!0
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You find a new girlfriend. You can't make someone like the same things you like and do the same things you do. Love her for who she is or find someone new.
I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I've never tried to push my eating habits on him. I love him for who he is.0 -
This is the only correct answer.I'd say the best way is to go slowwww. Before you spark the convo, maybe ask her to go on a few active dates- kayaking, biking, dancing at a club- whatever suits your lives. Also, cook! Cook some healthy stuff, go to a farmers market and enjoying making a fresh meal. Tell her YOUR excited about it, and see what, if anything, sparks her interest.
If you start by saying 'you don't blah blah' or 'you're not blah blah' she's likely going to feel attacked any time you bring up eating healthier, exercising etc. She may end up resenting your comments and protesting the whole thing. Make it about things you want to do with her, and maybe she's hit the ground running and pick up activities and healthier eating solo too!
Good luck!0 -
My husband spent 2 months telling me this and every time he opened his mouth all I heard was him wanting me to be thinner. Seriously it wasn't until I saw that my fitness and health had dropped that I did anything. So I have no idea, good luck though0
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oh dear lord, this is a tuffy!
I'm married and I tried getting fit so many times without my hubby-he didn't want any part of it.
So I got us a gym membership and told him I was throwing out all of the junk in the house and that we
were making this life-change together because I've failed too many times just trying by myself and seeing
him eat whatever he wants w/o caring and it worried me for the future.
He's a man though, I mean men are sensitive about this subject too, but you don't want to give the girl low self esteem and make
her feel like you don't like her body anymore!
If I were you, i would do the same and just say you're too tempted and get her to workout with you! it's great to challenge yourselves with each other-share progress and inspiration! It's just all around better if the people in the same household or who spend a lot of time together are on the same page about fitness. I would also just tell her the negative effects things like too much sodium/sugar and all those have on her body, health and future!
Good luck! be gentle
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Don't even go there. ANY way that you choose to tell her that she is too fat, will hurt her and very likely make her resentful and want to go and eat cookies.
Just lead the way - by eating healthy, invite her along to do fun stuff that involves moving, cook healthy meals, make smart choices when you eat out etc. This way you can get her involved and show her that being healthy isn't a chore... without having to say "you're too fat".
When she is ready to make that choice for herself, you have shown her some great strategies.0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
Yup. Say nothing, just set an example. She probably already knows she's out of shape, she doesn't need someone telling her. Buy her some cool workout clothes, bring home some fruit and make her a big fruit salad to keep in the fridge, suggest the two of you start a new sport together (hiking, tennis, etc).0 -
My husband spent 2 months telling me this and every time he opened his mouth all I heard was him wanting me to be thinner. Seriously it wasn't until I saw that my fitness and health had dropped that I did anything. So I have no idea, good luck though
This brings me back to my original point. You cant unring a bell. Until you make a concerted effort to involve her in your healthier lifestyle, really tread lightly. Otherwise they may end up being your famous last words.0 -
you can't make someone do what they don't want to do. period.
thus said, you can ask her to accompany you so you can both pursue your fitness goals....but I would leave it if she says no. bringing up weight & fitness are the proverbial "third rail" of relationships. Don't touch it, man, cause you will live to regret it...0 -
i have no clue if there is a good/ delicate way to approach this. it's her body, regardless of what you think of it, it's HERS. she gets to do with what she wants.....
that said, my ex stated making comments, but it was years into our marriage, and after i had several children back to back. i wasn't gaining weight, but i couldn't lose any weight after my 3rd. i stayed the same weight, but he started commenting about how i should be spending my "down" time. all it really did, was aid my thinking in NOT eating.
when we were in college he would ask me to work out with him. i wasn't gaining weight or anything, but he made it seem like something he really wanted to do, so i agreed. it was fun!! he was the reason i started lifting weights in the first place :-)0 -
yeah This^^You find a new girlfriend. You can't make someone like the same things you like and do the same things you do. Love her for who she is or find someone new.
I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I've never tried to push my eating habits on him. I love him for who he is.0 -
without a heated arguement or having her be upset I have to agree with the previous statements of not SAYING but doing.
"Hey babe look what I cooked for us tonight"
"Wanna go to the gym with me?"
"Lets get something from the store instead of eating out"
Good luck0
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