The gym that causes me marriage stress!!
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This is a really personal problem. Your wife may feel like something is seperating you two which may be the reason she is trying to make the gym a couple thing. You need to probably step back and see if she is trying to include herself in other parts of your life where you want to be alone.
Asking her why she got upset is the best solution. Another thing you can do is ask her to go to the gym with you and remind her to bring her music and set a time as to when you two will meet when you are done your workouts.0 -
I can totally agree! I like to go get in my zone, and let my music take me there.
Worrying if my wife is ready to go or if I am inconveniencing her because she is done will kill my mood and focus.
Kind of hard to not tell her that without her insisting it's her.
The Gym is my one man vacation!!!!0 -
I can totally agree! I like to go get in my zone, and let my music take me there.
Worrying if my wife is ready to go or if I am inconveniencing her because she is done will kill my mood and focus.
Kind of hard to not tell her that without her insisting it's her.
The Gym is my one man vacation!!!!
That is true, if I can't get a real vacation, maybe at least my man vacation!0 -
No offense, but that is so annoying. Maybe you can ask her to be a little more compromising. Start the conversation with a compliment, with the good ole build 'em up before you tear 'em down technique. Tell her that you're flattered she wants to spend so much time you with and do things together. But you need this time for yourself, by yourself. You need your focus and concentration on track, and working out with her would just be too much fun and distracting (lie). Don't forget to tell her that you're doing all of this so you can be the best looking husband for her, because she deserves it. Lol if that doesn't work, I don't know what will!
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LMBO WOW!!!! I don't know what more to say to you about that situation!0
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HAHAHAHA. everyonee has their hobby or passion. and it's theirs. not "ours"0
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Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.
Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.
She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)
Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!
Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?
Honestly your better than my husband, I can guarentee you he wouldn't have gotten me from the bathroom and he would have been so highly ticked off that I signed him up for zumba....... He would have flipped.... I bought my husband a pullup/dip bar for the house and we will do a cardio workout app on my phone and while I go on to the more prissy things you know he will do dips pullups and weights... You have the right idea though telling her you would do cardio with her on your off days. Your trying and I commend you on it.0 -
My husband and I do different things at the gym. So, when we go together we spend most the time apart..LOL0
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lol. nice laugh for the day0
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Haha!! Thats HILARIOUS! As a wife, I can see how she'd want to spend time with you. Lives get busy and sometimes relationships that you always know are there get put on the back burner... BUT I would NEVER ask my husband to go to ZUMBA! haha Heck, I wouldn't even go to ZUMBA. I agree with a lot of the others... maybe part ways and meet up for a cool down walk on the treadmill or a nice dip in the hot tub or something.0
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Dude, that sucks. You need to explain to her that you have had great success on your current program and you do not want to set yourself back. Tell her you love her, and love the fact that she wants to also be more active but there is a 1 hr time frame that you need to focus on you. You can go to the library, on a hike, a indoor rock climbing course...etc...but your gym time is sacred.
I do not do any of those things with my hubby, nor would I get huffy about it. She is having some sort of self esteem relationship confidence issue that needs to be addressed.
Good luck0 -
My husband made a compromise with me, he would work out with me twice a week, weather that was a Yoga class (and he actually enjoyed it) or help me on my upper body strength training ... just doing lower weights and sets for me next to him. it worked out and than on the other days he did his thing and I did mine.0
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I'm not reading all the comments so apologies if someone's already gone here.
She's not worried about working out with you. She wants more time with you somewhere. It doesn't have to be working out, but she's jealous of that little bit of time you carve out of your busy day to go lift. Find a different time to carve a slice of time just for her, and keep your lifting to yourself.
If she has plenty of your time already and is just freaking for no reason, tell her that. Prepare for blowback, but dealing with a pushy/needy spouse should be direct, or else they just walk all over you as you silently build resentment.0 -
LMAO!
My wife and I always go together. She has her
earbuds in, probably listening to country music,
while I do my thing listening to Metallica! :laugh:0 -
I only just now noticed that you've lost over 100 lbs.
Yes, she is insecure. I don't know how she looks, now, but her comment that "fitness used to be her thing" makes it clear that she's worried about a shift in the power balance.
It is not at all uncommon for a marriage to break down when one partner loses a lot of weight. Specifically, when one partner becomes more attractive than the other.
She's a good looking woman, I married above my "paygrade" in that aspect.
ROTFLMAO!!!!! Oh thats great! hahaha.
Seriously though, there is some other underlying cause in where she wants to go to the gym with you. Its not the gym, its something else, could be an insecurity, could be a comment you made 3 months ago (Say something like - saw "girl X" old friend, she was working out pretty good, etc)
If it persists, DO go see a marriage counselor, really. They can generally nail down the underlying cause pretty quickly. I know sounds lame, sort of like, I can handle my marriage etc… Most times we can, but sometimes, women just are well women, and we are men. Its really true we are different!
You are using man words about your lifting need. You need to find woman words. I let my wife do her thing, and she lets me do mine, and we do stuff together. We certainly don't do EVERYTHING together. We would probably off each other pretty quick if that was the case!0 -
lol.....
http://youtu.be/qh_yc6AKXLI 0 -
you're definitely not doing anything wrong, and this doesn't make you a horrible guy/husband. you just need to make your wife understand that workout time is your "me" time. you can be at the gym together and do your own thing. maybe try explaining to her that the car ride there and back is your time to chat, but when you're in the gym, it's go time. tell her to treat it like your in a competition, and if she wants you to win, then she needs to give you your space to you can focus. if she doesn't want a fat out of shape husband, than she needs to let you do your routine uninterrupted.
secondly, if she understands fitness, she should understand that zumba probably isn't going to help you get the body you want as a man.
if she's still resistant/doesn't get it, maybe suggest that she bring a girlfriend with her instead, so the two of them can go off and do zumba together and leave you to your weights in peace. or you could try and compromise by agreeing to do 10 minutes to cardio together when you first get to the gym, but then for the rest of the hour you do your own thing.
just make sure you tell her how great it is she goes to the gym and your proud of her for keeping her body tight!! giving females compliments will always help win the case
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This is what you say:
"I adore how much you want to spend time with me. You are awesome for wanting to have a special activity just for the two of us that's healthy and brings us closer together. I think that's totally awesome and I want that too.
But you have to understand that lifting is very very important to me. I want to be a healthy, strong person who can help you however and whenever you need me - and I can't be that person if I don't do my lifting. And lifting is difficult! If I'm going to lift correctly and get the proper benefits from lifting, I have to really focus on what I'm doing.
I'm sorry that this didn't turn out the way you were expecting, but you did sign me up for Zumba without discussing it with me first. I am definitely down for taking up a new activity with you; I think that would be super fun! But I think we should discuss it first and pick something that we can both enjoy. We could take up hiking, mountain climbing, biking, a martial art, running together, anything. Just not Zumba, okay?"
How's that? I think that should cover it.
Ladies are tricksy creatures. We get our feelings all in a bunch over silly things sometimes. And sometimes there isn't even anything you can say to fix it. But usually the answer is gently explaining how you feel while also making it clear that you also think she is the coolest person ever. We like flattery to be interspersed throughout so we know you're not mad at us or anything.
Hope that helps. Good luck. 0 -
Hahaha, thank you for lifting my mood0
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Your wife needs to -
1. Learn proper gym etiquette - there's sort of an unwritten code in the weight room and standing over your partner angry while they are lifting is part of that.
2. Grow up - sorry it sounds harsh but the gym is no place for histrionics, if she was upset wait till you get home to hash it out
3. Learn to respect your work out schedule. Zumba is a FAR FAR cry from weight lifting. I would be pissed as hell if I went to the gym expecting to do a yoga class only to find out my partner signed me up for Zumba.
4. Not be so insecure as to have to be joined with you at the hip at the gym
Perhaps she's somehow feeling neglected and you need to talk it out. But just from reading your initial posts (I admit I haven't gone through all these pages)....she sounds very immature and insecure. It is not unreasonable for a couple to go to the gym and go your separate ways there. My boyfriend and I do that all the time. My god you're only there one hour, two tops, you'll be together afterwards. There's no need to be clingy!0 -
I think its a no-win situation really (sorry, I did laugh at this as well!) Whatever you do is going to be the wrong thing I'm afraid! I think you need to have a chat with her and explain your feelings... maybe she could accompany you to the gym but do her own thing whilst you lift? A bit of a compromise? And just make it clear that you wont have time to chat to her so she isnt to get upset with you. Good luck, hope you work something out!0
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I think you should explain to her the dangers of not paying attention and being focused while lifting weights. Maybe pull up some youtube videos on it for her. Buy her some headphones with her favorite music and tell her to enjoy that while she does her cardio on the machines. My husband and I go workout all the time! However, we go together, but not workout together.0
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I think it would help to define the expectations of gym time together before you go. You are going expecting her to do her thing and you do your thing. She is expecting you two to work out together and bond. When you go off to do your thing she might be feeling a bit rejected and once she's upset it's hard to explain why you need to do your lifting alone.
You mentioned telling her you would work out with her on your off days....perhaps sit down with her and work out your schedules. Put down the days you lift and make it clear on those days if she goes with you she's on her own. Also schedule a day or two for your off days where you will workout with her to do cardio or help her work with weights if she wants. Or maybe even give her 10-15 minutes to do cardio with her before heading off to do your lifting if you are able to. If you are both clear on what you are doing before you head to the gym there shouldn't be any breakdowns when you get there. Hopefully when she see that there are times you are working out with her she will let you have your days when you need to lift alone.
Hope it works out for you!0 -
When my hubby and i go to the gym together we usually will walk the treadmills or the bikes together. Then he will go do his thing and I will go do mines. Some days ill take one of the fitness classes while he lifts. That way I meet new friends and get new workout bodies and reasons to always comes to the classes. then afterwards to workout together we will go for a nice swim. Great cardio there 0
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When my hubby and i go to the gym together we usually will walk the treadmills or the bikes together. Then he will go do his thing and I will go do mines. Some days ill take one of the fitness classes while he lifts. That way I meet new friends and get new workout bodies and reasons to always comes to the classes. then afterwards to workout together we will go for a nice swim. Great cardio there
I wish our gym had a pool.0 -
Well, OP - how are things going, now? Is she still mad?0
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I haven't read through all fourteen pages of responses, so I hope I'm not repeating something that has been said ad nauseam!
My husband and I go to the gym together all the time. We have an understanding that he does his thing, and I do mine. We both used to go to the gym independently of each other, so we're both used to doing our own thing. What we do is we do our routines and then we meet upstairs, where there is a pool, hydromassage pool (basically a huge jacuzzi), and sauna. I usually finish my treadmill/weight lifting stuff before he does, and I do a couple of laps in the pool before we meet up and hang out in the jacuzzi for a while. It's a nice way to do our own workouts, but then spend time together doing fun stuff at the gym as well.
Is there a place like that in your gym, something that you can do together after you both work out?0 -
Well, OP - how are things going, now? Is she still mad?
I posted part two about Zumba and the official update of the War in Missouri.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/572812-z-class-that-causes-me-marriage-stress-part-ii0
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