The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

d2footballJRC

Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.

Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.

She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!

Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?

jaxbeck

OMG This is soooo funny!

Related: Is this why my hubby got that deer caught in the headlights look when I suggested I go to his gym with him LOL

Snow__White

buhahahahahaha
awesome story!

AlSalzman

I feel your pain. Having my wife there would be pretty awkward.

cloud2011

I think you should stand your ground -- it's dangerous to be distracted when you're lifting. BUT how about making it a date some other way, like getting together for a smoothie afterwards, or something that reconnects you?

Or try taking up a different sport together outside the gym? (Or try dance lessons together?)

herownkindofwonderfull

I had a similar problem with my ex when he would tag along with me at the gym (minus the tears and anger... I moreso just felt guilty as he would sit alone waiting for me, as I'm at the gym for 2-3 hours at a time typically). Something that might help: maybe going and having her meet you there after an hour or two, so you guys can do your cardio together or something of the sort. That way, you are still getting your good workout in, and she's getting what she wants too...

that is, if you don't mind doing a little cardio those days? Just a thought!

Eventually maybe she'll get it, and opt to work out by herself and meet up with you for that portion (if she wants to participate in Zumba, etc.)

Hmm?

Maybe...

Dethea

I think if she is dead set on this being your "thing" together... offer her some alternatives.

You keep your lift days, because you NEED them.

But on off days, you could do things together like walk, jog, spin class, anything other than Zumba.

Or, you could just go to the Zumba class and make it hellacious for her :laugh:

herownkindofwonderfull

I feel your pain. I'm pretty much at the gym to get tea-bagged by my spotter when I bench-press, so yeah... having my wife there would be pretty awkward.

^hahaha love it

Martucha123

OMG is this even for real??

rossi02

:flowerforyou: Awww.. I'm so sorry. I feel bad for both of you, she really sees this as another way you two can bond, but rather you work out her way. The only thing I can think of is just sitting her down and trying your hardest to explain to her, that lifting is your quiet time that you concentrate on you. That its what you do to clear your head, strengthen your body and push yourself to your limits. Maybe set a day or two a week that you go together (when you will not be lifting) and see if that works.

Best of luck.

curvykim78

I feel your pain. I'm pretty much at the gym to get tea-bagged by my spotter when I bench-press, so yeah... having my wife there would be pretty awkward.

LMAO......Nothing like getting tea bagged first thing in the morning to make your day!

swisspea

Keep going with your argument, and just explain it in different ways. She's explained why she's upset with you, and you've just got to explain to her that lifting is YOUR thing, and you need to do it for yourself and yourself alone.

My husband and I go on hikes together, swim together and we have biked together as well- but there is NO WAY I want him to do yoga with me (something he's pretty happy about).

jnh17

Hahahahaha! Hysterical!

I would NEVER EVER workout with my husband. We're both alpha's and it would totally end up in divorce.

kiminikimkim

I don't understand why she wants to be next to you in the gym. She could do her Zumba and you could do your strength training.

You should both learn to compromise. Accept her in the gym with you, but she has to accept you're not going to be in the same room with her.

Is she acting out this way because you ignore her at home as well?

kapeluza

I laughed. Couldn't you just be direct with her and tell her you don't like Zumba and you will never be caught doing it? Ever?

Also, maybe why not make one day a week an "outdoor" exercise day, where you both go to a park and run together or do calisthenics or something?

coraliethomas

HAHAHA... That explains why my hubby wont go to the gym with me! I dont think you were out of line at all. There are some things that couples should not do together!

nicolemarie045

Oh man...As I am completely opposite as your wife (Seriously, my husband and I go the gym together, part ways, and find each other when it is time to leave most of the time) But..I can understand where she is getting upset. Sort of. Try to calmly explain to her that you need your time lifting to yourself, just like she needs (enter whatever thing she does..shop, run, read, etc) to herself. Then, maybe if you suggested doing a different type of class together. I know that I can get my husband to body pump or a kickboxing class, but he would have similar run and hide reactions if I came up with zumba or yoga. Or go for a jog together, or something a few times per week. That way, she feels like she is part of your world in fitness, but you still have your own time. Give a little, as it seems like she is honestly trying to spend time with you, but she just is getting too sensitive when you aren't meaning to hurt her feelings. (I do this often, i think all women do. Well, at least those with husbands who don't know how to read minds.)

twkelly

Sorry man! Seems like an impossible situation to get out of. Mybe set one workout day aside to do a "together" workout and see if that satisfies your wife. Then find a class (not zumba) that you can both enjoy. Yoga? Kick boxing? Gym has to have alternatives.

hongruss

Like it! People need their own time & sometimes it can come off as insulting when you say it out loud. Wish I had a solution BUT you lose:mad: however it pans out

Russ

AbiLee1976

I wouldn't dream of going to the gym with my hubby. For all the reasons you've already mentioned but also because I'd hate for him to see me 'dying' on the treadmill or preving over the blokes doing weights!

Tangerine302

Maybe she will enjoy the Zumba (if she still goes) and let you do your own thing. Sorry you have to go through this, but it was kind of funny to read.
I know what you mean by not wanting to talk while you are "working". We have the sweetest elderly neighbor who wanted to talk the whole time while I was scooping her long driveway/sidewalk with heavy, heavy, wet snow one day. I would rather work then talk. ha

Darlingir

I go to the gym with my husband but we do our own thing....I can't talk and sweat at the same time..lol..

wolfi622

Wow! MY wife and I always go to the gym together. She goes her way, I go my way and we meet in the hot tub. Works great! Though we've been married for 30 years so - it gets easier........

sarafil

No, you are not an awful guy....you sound like a very sweet husband who cares about his wife's feelings. Seriously, I think your wife needs to get a grip....I totally understand wanting to spend time together, but couples also need time to do their own thing....and your own thing is lifting. And I really think she needs to respect that, I don't think she is being fair to you. Like others have suggested, I would stand your ground on your time alone to lift, but suggest work outs you could do together on your off days, or doing something together after the work out (go to the gym together, separate to do your individual work outs, and then come back together at the end and go out for coffee, smoothie, whatever). Good luck!

MrsLVF

You can always ask her to lift with you.

engineman312

I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.

this is the best line. i feel for you man. but you laid it out in front of her as it is, and thats the most you can do.

sonyaj1125

My husband and I went through a similar issue. So to avoid exactly what your going through, I work out at 5 am while he's at work and his work out is at 3 pm while im at work! We still go together occassionally since I am just beginning my strength/resistance training. Good Luck!!

ladykaisa

My hubby, lovingly, said last weekend "If you just wait til this show if over, I'll got for a walk with you."

Maybe this may not work, but I was upfront and honest. "No, hun. You watch the show. I want to do my thing, and I can't with you there."

He was hurt, but utimately by the end of the day, we were much happier then if I missed my weekend run and he was dragged out and made to walk for 2 hours.

Maybe put it to her that it's not possible to push yourself, or her to push herself, to the max when you're trying to be eachothers "Date" at the gym. I simply refuse to work out with my guy, and if he wants to push himself, he's more then welcome to my equipment or gym pass. But not "with" me.

loislane22

Ahahahahaha Thank you for the laughs! Great story!

mellabyte

So totally made me giggle, which is a good way to start a work morning.

But, I totally get what you're saying. I like to go "heads down" when I workout also. Headphones on, blinders on, focus and go type of deal. When I go to the gym, it's to work out and not be social. (Minus any passing nods and quick hellos during rep breaks or whatever.)

When I tell my boyfriend, "I want to work out together." It's just me trying to get him motivated to start working out again. (He's off the wagon and having a hard time getting back on.) But I don't mean, "Let's go to the gym and run it like a three-legged race together." I'm all good with stretching together and spotting. But other than that, I'm perfectly happy with being in a solo work out bubble.

Cindym82

LOL this is funny. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together, but we do a little cardio together and then he goes and does his thing for awhile on the free weights and sometimes I go and do a few reps of my own. No way would I stand over him or cry lol