The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

d2footballJRC

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Please DOnt find solution and update us weekly!!..

Ive been DYING to get my hubby to do Zumbaaa, not because he needs to BUT because I NEED him tooooo .. I would freaking piss in my pants!:devil:

I would be the equivalent of that Asian dude on American idol at Zumba. I'd be so bad at it, they put it on youtube, It'd go viral and my life would be ruined as I would be required to do Zumba before the National Anthem at ball games.

mcjmommy

I have told my husband that I don't want to take my kids to Disney World until they are old enough to understand that there is no crying allowed. I guess I may have to stipulate that we can't take them to the gym until they figure that rule applies there too!
Seriously, I'm more emotional than the next girl, but I know better than to spring a "together zumba" session on my husband as a pleasant surprise ... Sorry man

CinJay

I think you should stand your ground -- it's dangerous to be distracted when you're lifting. BUT how about making it a date some other way, like getting together for a smoothie afterwards, or something that reconnects you?

Or try taking up a different sport together outside the gym? (Or try dance lessons together?)

this is a great suggestion!

songbyrdsweet

She obviously wants to spend time with you and thinks this is the way to do it. Is there any way you could do your thing, she could do hers, and you could meet together after for a cool-down period? Maybe a few laps around a track? Let her know that lifting is really important to you but if you try to lift and talk at the same time you could lose your concentration and get hurt. Then pick some sort of activity you can both enjoy and suggest doing that a few times a week.
BTW, the crying is the most manipulative, pathetic thing she could have done. I don't cry (especially in a public space) if I don't get what I want. I find it childish and demeaning. Grow up and talk like an adult.

I don't cry either. I think I've cried twice since I've been with my bf (7 months). He's a crier hehe ^_^ Sometimes I let him know he's throwing a tantrum. But most of the time he's just being sensitive/emotional. Some people are super sensitive and it's not intentionally manipulative.

She does cry a lot, I don't think she was being manipulative. I told her she's just full of lots of hormones once thinking that would be a good comment to help make her feel better.. Let me tell you.. I'm smooooth with the ladies.. :-(

:laugh: Ooooh not a good line! Unless a woman tells you FIRST that she's being hormonal, anything you say like that will make her feel like you're not taking her emotions seriously. Everyone is entitled to their emotions and how they express them. Some people are 'criers'...it's just how they blow off steam. You shouldn't take it personally or feel guilty (I don't anymore). Just know that she'll get over it. Emotional people generally see things more clearly after the situation is over.

Shelbert79

I know it sucks for you, but I had to crack up a bit :laugh: . I LOVE hanging out with my husband but I don't like going to the gym with him, because although we don't talk and we do our own thing, I feel like I can concentrate more when I'm there 'alone' and he feels the same way. We work out at home seperately and it works for us. Good luck, hopefully she'll calm down and bit.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Hi.....Your wife sounds like an annoying, pain in the *kitten*, who is also a snotty snot who just wants attention. Ignore her attitude, and tell her to back off your alone time. she can join you after you lift for cardio or something.
It sounds like you do enough stuff with her, she needs to stop being a little brat.

Good Luck.

(PS...you should print out this entire thread and have her read it, with all the comments. other comments are great, and then maybe she would understand better)

AND----if any of you don't like what i am saying, too bad. I don't sugar coat anything. this is the real world :-)
we ALL deserve to be happy.

ouch, a bit harsh, no? I feel for him, but sheesh....

harlanJEN

I'm sooooo getting back to you on this ! Just read it .. but am off to the gym to pick up heavy things and put them down.
No ZUMBA for me either ! EGADS !

SafireBleu

I don't know dude sounds like she needs to get a grip. You could suggest she lift heavy with you but she should let you do your thing. I wouldn't want to work out with my DH with us though he'd be in Zumba and I'd be loading up the weights. Honestly though she needs to let you do your thing. She needs to understand that you work out differently than she does and you are doing what works for you. Nothing wrong with driving there together and coming home together and doing your own things while you are there.

AlSalzman

I feel your pain. I'm pretty much at the gym to get tea-bagged by my spotter when I bench-press, so yeah... having my wife there would be pretty awkward.

LMAO......Nothing like getting tea bagged first thing in the morning to make your day!

///Tribiani voice///

how YOU doin'?

zombilishious

Buy her "New Rules of Lifting for Women" to empower her and motivate her to do her own thing without being right next to you, then set a day or two on non-lifting days to do cardio together. You might have to take a day to introduce her to the weights, but it would benefit both of you in the long run!

I actually had the same problem, but minus the hysterics. Hubby wanted to work out with me, but isn't as into it as I am, so he was getting upset that I wouldn't be done on the treadmill at the same time as him, and therefore w.s not in the weight area at the same time.

Instead, I convinced him to do NROLFW with me (ha! I use heavier weights than he does!) and I do cardio on my own on my non-lifting days.

chatipati1

I was cracking up reading that! You need to say...you have your thing (Zumba) I want to have mine (lifting) we don't have to do everything together...but after we are done...we can do something together...like get a coffee etc. It reminded me of how I walk a lot...sometimes at parks, neighborhoods and once in awile the high school track. My husband hinted he wanted to walk...so one day...I said I am going to the track and he wanted to go. I am no fashion statement...but I did wear athletic shoes...he wore these ....boots???? He said his heal hurt and his heal feels best in these boots... (he wears dress shoes everyday for work...so where these boots fit in idk). Then we got there and he said...I am not here to race...race? I was walking...ok, walking fast..but that is what I do....were we not there to walk? So, he decided he would not come back until his heal heals...it was his decision. Maybe your wife need this to be her decision...idk...

TeutonicKnight

Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.

Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.

She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!

Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

songbyrdsweet

I don't know dude sounds like she needs to get a grip. You could suggest she lift heavy with you but she should let you do your thing. I wouldn't want to work out with my DH with us though he'd be in Zumba and I'd be loading up the weights. Honestly though she needs to let you do your thing. She needs to understand that you work out differently than she does and you are doing what works for you. Nothing wrong with driving there together and coming home together and doing your own things while you are there.

Yup! That's what I do. In the car we talk about what we're gonna do, we go do it, and then on the way back home we talk about our awesome workouts. We still have together-time.

Dremak1

I have the same problem but in reverse. I have been working out and running and my hubs decided he wanted to do it too. I ran my first two miles without him in like 24 minutes then I stop by the house to run with him - 1 mile....in 49 minutes...... I was like - look I will run "WALK" with you but you have to let me do my thing first otherwise I will never stay in shape nor lose anymore weight. Personally, I like my alone time when I am working out but as long as I get my workout in first I will slow down and do his thing just for the quality time together.

songbyrdsweet

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

Holy crap, dude. :huh:

NicolePatriot

Omg your post made me laugh! I am sooo sorry for laughing at you but she really needs to get a grip. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to do every single thing together. Just tell her maybe on the days when you're at the gym she can go out with her girlfriends for a girls night...although that might get kind of expensive for you...haha. Besides that, I'd just recommend sticking to your guns about this...if not, you're going to resent her for it if she gets her way.

Either way, good luck!! Don't cut off any body parts, lol.

d2footballJRC

Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.

Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.

She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!

Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

Maybe, maybe we get them both committed.. Only I'm afraid mine would go all bounty hunter on me when she got/broke out. ;-)

bexblonde

She obviously wants to spend time with you and thinks this is the way to do it. Is there any way you could do your thing, she could do hers, and you could meet together after for a cool-down period? Maybe a few laps around a track? Let her know that lifting is really important to you but if you try to lift and talk at the same time you could lose your concentration and get hurt. Then pick some sort of activity you can both enjoy and suggest doing that a few times a week.
BTW, the crying is the most manipulative, pathetic thing she could have done. I don't cry (especially in a public space) if I don't get what I want. I find it childish and demeaning. Grow up and talk like an adult.

I don't cry either. I think I've cried twice since I've been with my bf (7 months). He's a crier hehe ^_^ Sometimes I let him know he's throwing a tantrum. But most of the time he's just being sensitive/emotional. Some people are super sensitive and it's not intentionally manipulative.

She does cry a lot, I don't think she was being manipulative. I told her she's just full of lots of hormones once thinking that would be a good comment to help make her feel better.. Let me tell you.. I'm smooooth with the ladies.. :-(

LOL, probably not the best thing to say to a woman! :laugh:

I do feel for you though. My husband and I do not work out together, although we spend a lot of time together we both feel that when you work out you should be concentrating on your own exercise and doing what is best for you and your body. And there is no way I would ever ask him to do Zumba with me, I asked him if he wanted to do a few dance classes with me once and was nearly laughed out of the house...

Good luck. I think you're being very considerate and hopefully she might come round to your point of view if you give it time.

Blessedmommy_2x

LOVED reading this... and I honestly completely agree with YOU on this one!

For me when it comes to my workouts I get completely "in the zone" I don't do well with holding conversations or people distracting me or anything like that. And I can almost guarantee I wont burn as many calories if I am talking and carrying on during it... I HAVE TO remain focused. When I have a "planned" workout I have to be focused the whole time. If I lose focus or have to stop in the middle and do something I will literally start my HRM and time all over and start again.

Fitness "is your thing" just like its my thing and its totally a personal / important decision to me. I like that you compromise by saying you can do some cardio with her on the off days... The fact is you wouldnt have the amazing progress you have if it wasnt for your total focus and dedication. So I totally understand that...

Personally I think you handled it the best way you could. And although she ended up upset a few times I still feel like you tried to be sympathetic to her needs... which was sweet.

*** My way of including the hubs/family into my workouts is going outdoors with them each day; Playing basketball, running laps, etc. And I even do my body weight exercises out there. So I am burning cals but they all feel included and I don't "have" to be away from them to do it.

Kcham817

She seems a little unreasonable. I use to go to the same gym as my ex and b/c we had different fitness goals we hardly ever " worked out together", crying is a little extreme imo. Hopefully tthe two of you can come to a happy medium.