The gym that causes me marriage stress!!
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I was cracking up reading that! You need to say...you have your thing (Zumba) I want to have mine (lifting) we don't have to do everything together...but after we are done...we can do something together...like get a coffee etc. It reminded me of how I walk a lot...sometimes at parks, neighborhoods and once in awile the high school track. My husband hinted he wanted to walk...so one day...I said I am going to the track and he wanted to go. I am no fashion statement...but I did wear athletic shoes...he wore these ....boots???? He said his heal hurt and his heal feels best in these boots... (he wears dress shoes everyday for work...so where these boots fit in idk). Then we got there and he said...I am not here to race...race? I was walking...ok, walking fast..but that is what I do....were we not there to walk? So, he decided he would not come back until his heal heals...it was his decision. Maybe your wife need this to be her decision...idk...0
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Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.
Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.
She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)
Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!
Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?
Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.0 -
I don't know dude sounds like she needs to get a grip. You could suggest she lift heavy with you but she should let you do your thing. I wouldn't want to work out with my DH with us though he'd be in Zumba and I'd be loading up the weights. Honestly though she needs to let you do your thing. She needs to understand that you work out differently than she does and you are doing what works for you. Nothing wrong with driving there together and coming home together and doing your own things while you are there.
Yup! That's what I do. In the car we talk about what we're gonna do, we go do it, and then on the way back home we talk about our awesome workouts. We still have together-time.0 -
I have the same problem but in reverse. I have been working out and running and my hubs decided he wanted to do it too. I ran my first two miles without him in like 24 minutes then I stop by the house to run with him - 1 mile....in 49 minutes...... I was like - look I will run "WALK" with you but you have to let me do my thing first otherwise I will never stay in shape nor lose anymore weight. Personally, I like my alone time when I am working out but as long as I get my workout in first I will slow down and do his thing just for the quality time together.0
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Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
Holy crap, dude. :huh:0 -
Omg your post made me laugh! I am sooo sorry for laughing at you but she really needs to get a grip. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to do every single thing together. Just tell her maybe on the days when you're at the gym she can go out with her girlfriends for a girls night...although that might get kind of expensive for you...haha. Besides that, I'd just recommend sticking to your guns about this...if not, you're going to resent her for it if she gets her way.
Either way, good luck!! Don't cut off any body parts, lol.0 -
Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.
Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.
She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)
Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!
Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?
Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
Maybe, maybe we get them both committed.. Only I'm afraid mine would go all bounty hunter on me when she got/broke out. ;-)0 -
She obviously wants to spend time with you and thinks this is the way to do it. Is there any way you could do your thing, she could do hers, and you could meet together after for a cool-down period? Maybe a few laps around a track? Let her know that lifting is really important to you but if you try to lift and talk at the same time you could lose your concentration and get hurt. Then pick some sort of activity you can both enjoy and suggest doing that a few times a week.
BTW, the crying is the most manipulative, pathetic thing she could have done. I don't cry (especially in a public space) if I don't get what I want. I find it childish and demeaning. Grow up and talk like an adult.
I don't cry either. I think I've cried twice since I've been with my bf (7 months). He's a crier hehe ^_^ Sometimes I let him know he's throwing a tantrum. But most of the time he's just being sensitive/emotional. Some people are super sensitive and it's not intentionally manipulative.
She does cry a lot, I don't think she was being manipulative. I told her she's just full of lots of hormones once thinking that would be a good comment to help make her feel better.. Let me tell you.. I'm smooooth with the ladies.. :-(
LOL, probably not the best thing to say to a woman! :laugh:
I do feel for you though. My husband and I do not work out together, although we spend a lot of time together we both feel that when you work out you should be concentrating on your own exercise and doing what is best for you and your body. And there is no way I would ever ask him to do Zumba with me, I asked him if he wanted to do a few dance classes with me once and was nearly laughed out of the house...
Good luck. I think you're being very considerate and hopefully she might come round to your point of view if you give it time.0 -
LOVED reading this... and I honestly completely agree with YOU on this one!
For me when it comes to my workouts I get completely "in the zone" I don't do well with holding conversations or people distracting me or anything like that. And I can almost guarantee I wont burn as many calories if I am talking and carrying on during it... I HAVE TO remain focused. When I have a "planned" workout I have to be focused the whole time. If I lose focus or have to stop in the middle and do something I will literally start my HRM and time all over and start again.
Fitness "is your thing" just like its my thing and its totally a personal / important decision to me. I like that you compromise by saying you can do some cardio with her on the off days... The fact is you wouldnt have the amazing progress you have if it wasnt for your total focus and dedication. So I totally understand that...
Personally I think you handled it the best way you could. And although she ended up upset a few times I still feel like you tried to be sympathetic to her needs... which was sweet.
*** My way of including the hubs/family into my workouts is going outdoors with them each day; Playing basketball, running laps, etc. And I even do my body weight exercises out there. So I am burning cals but they all feel included and I don't "have" to be away from them to do it.0 -
She seems a little unreasonable. I use to go to the same gym as my ex and b/c we had different fitness goals we hardly ever " worked out together", crying is a little extreme imo. Hopefully tthe two of you can come to a happy medium.0
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My husband and I go to the gym together once a week. He walks for an hour on the treadmill. I warm up 15mins on a bike, then do a 30min PT session with weights. Afterwards I walk for 15mins on the treadmill next to his. We usually don't say much. Then we get coffees on the way home and hang out.
It's not the actual gym time we spend together, but it sort of feels like it is. Maybe you could find a similar routine that you both benefit from?0 -
Dude, your wife wants to do stuff with you, I think that's a very good problem to have.0
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Someone may have said this, but what about a compromise? Like one day a week you go to the gym together...maybe do strength training together? Okay, so you don't like Zumba, but what about some of the other machines that you can do "together" like the elliptical or treadmil...or what about a spin class together? Lots of guys spin!!
I think that would be a fair compromise....one day a week
My BF, God bless him, his totally not into fitness...he thinks cause he does not have to lose weight, he does not need to work out. Ho hum. I wish I had your issue! LOL0 -
I think she is being a bit ridiculous. My hubby works out all the time without me and I don't care. When we run, if one of us wants to go faster than the other we do and the other just eventually catches up. I like the suggestion of telling her that you want your workouts to be you time but you'd be happy to do something with her afterwards.0
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My husband has no desire to interfere with my relationship that I have with my Personal Trainer...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Same here!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Get your woman in line dude. Stand up to that freaking drama queen.0
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yes, i have to agree with you. she sounds a little smothering and annoying. if anyone would act like that to me, i would leave them crying in the locker room, finish my work out, and then leave, leaving them at the gym. you seem like a much more compassionate and kind person than i am. 0
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Tell her to find a girlfriend to workout with. I would much rather go alone. I don't like talking while trying to workout.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Please DOnt find solution and update us weekly!!..
Ive been DYING to get my hubby to do Zumbaaa, not because he needs to BUT because I NEED him tooooo .. I would freaking piss in my pants!:devil:
I would be the equivalent of that Asian dude on American idol at Zumba. I'd be so bad at it, they put it on youtube, It'd go viral and my life would be ruined as I would be required to do Zumba before the National Anthem at ball games.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Ur so funny!!! Hey Im sorry maybe I should be giving you some advice, but the only advice id give you is GO TO ZUMBA CLASS! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Then do fill me in, id LOVE to hear about it.0 -
This is not rocket science. She just wants time with you. All you have to do is tell her you want time with her too, just not that time. But be sure to have a suggestion of something you can do together when you say this, and carry through.0
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Dude, your wife wants to do stuff with you, I think that's a very good problem to have.
so true, love this response.0 -
Someone may have said this, but what about a compromise? Like one day a week you go to the gym together...maybe do strength training together? Okay, so you don't like Zumba, but what about some of the other machines that you can do "together" like the elliptical or treadmil...or what about a spin class together? Lots of guys spin!!
I think that would be a fair compromise....one day a week
My BF, God bless him, his totally not into fitness...he thinks cause he does not have to lose weight, he does not need to work out. Ho hum. I wish I had your issue! LOL
I'm way to competitive to honestly work out with someone. When I'm on a treadmill and people are on the treadmill near me, they may not know it but we are racing!0 -
LOL, sorry to laugh at your pain but that is so funny0
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I could never workout with my husband, not as in a 'let's share the weights and chat the whole time' kind of way. He knows I don't like to be interrupted, even during cardio. When I'm running on the treadmill at home, someone better be dead if I'm interrupted.
Hell, we don't even ride to work together and we work in the same building. He won't get up early enough to leave at 7am, and I refuse to get up later to leave with him at 8. Don't even get me started on what channel the radio should be on for the ride....:laugh:
Fortunately, we both agree that this works for us and will be celebrating 15 years in June with a trip to Toronto.
Sorry for your pain......I wish you luck.
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So I can totally see how the suggestion that I'm about to make can completely backfire in your face and take away the "ME" factor of your weight lifting time, but have you considered getting her down on the bench and telling her to lift things and put them back down to just give her an idea of how much you need to concentrate to not hurt yourself and that's why you can't pay attention to her? Of course this could turn into her enjoying weight lifting and wanting to do that with you and then it's no longer a YOU thing. But it sounds more like she needs the social aspect of working out which is what classes and walking/jogging/running groups are great for, weight lifting not so much. I mean my best friend and I would go to the gym together and do our cardio next to each other (headphones in so we're in our own zone) and then lift weights on the machines together as well. But we'd still have our headphones in pretty much ignoring each other for the most part. We'd occasionally pop out an ear bud to tell each other something and then just as quickly pop it back in and move on with our workout.
But other than that, I think your wife is just being ridiculous about all of this and y'all should probably go back to your happy separate workout lives.0 -
I think your wife is out of order on this one. She seems to resent you having time to yourself or something.
I would hope that you could resolve it by saying "OK, I'm going to lift... you go do whatever and we'll meet up and stretch/do abs together, then go grab (fave healthy take-away) and eat it while watching Big Bang Theory like we always do..." I mean, that should satisfy her need for "date night" but also give you the space to do what you need to do.0 -
1) You're hilarious
2) I think you handled it very well
3) Zumba isn't that bad (I don't dance either but I love Zumba). Maybe you could offer her a compromise: you will do Zumba with her one time (and explain to her that you'd rather die young, hand-less, and fat than do that but you love her THAT MUCH) if she will let you lift weights in peace.
I think this is a good suggestion. I know Zumba isn't really for guys but maybe it'd show her your willing to compromise and do something 'workout' related with her. If it's too terrible to endure then maybe set certain days (on your off days) to run/do cardio with her.
Tough situation. Good Luck!0 -
I am with you.....when I work out I want to be alone to do my thing. If you want to go with me then fine...but don't expect me to talk to you or hang around. I am there to get my stuff done and that's that. Tell your wife to go find a girlfriend to go play with at the gym.0
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I always worked out with my last long-term partner, but I made sure we discussed our expectations beforehand. We spent our time training for the 5k I did last November, so it was a lot of walking and jogging intervals - all timed to track pace and performance and work on breathing, etc. Some days, I would say, "Look Paul, I feel like my *kitten* is made of lead elephants. I'm going to put my headphones on. k?" He would just smile and nod and know that that was what I needed right then and there. Sometimes, I would tell him to meet me an hour later than normal just to give me some time to myself. I asked him to go to zumba with me a couple of times. He told me no. I wasn't offended.... he's a person and deserves to workout however he chooses. I've never had someone flip their *kitten* on me with regard to working out. If they don't wanna... they don't wanna and it's none of my business. Of course, if they say they want to when they really don't and just say it to appease me then half-*kitten* a workout, I'd be miffed.0
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Great story!! Although, I would never suggest my boyfriend/husband join me in a Zumba class. One, I think it's the corniest class ever....two, a man should NEVER be caught in a Zumba class. It's a lot like a man drinking a martini or any fruity drink....it's just wrong.0
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