The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

HeidiMightyRawr

I feel bad since I found that really funny! :laugh: I really feel for you though.

I'd suggest a proper sit down chat with her, saying that you like your time at the gym, as "me" time. You like to lift weights, and zumba just doesn't cut it. Reassure her lots that you love spending time with her, just not so much at the gym. Find some other things to do together. Maybe you 2 could go gym together, go your separate ways while in there, meet up after a go for lunch or shopping or something? She obviously just wants to spend time with you, which is sweet, but I understand it can be annoying if it's all the time.

I go to the gym with my bf sometimes, but we have the same sort of goals and do the same lifts etc so it's not like I'm trying to drag him to zumba or anything! We tend to go gym, do our own thing with the weights, and spot each other when needed. It works this way round and we like going together. I don't spend ages trying to chat with him though.

beccci91

She obviously wants to spend time with you and thinks this is the way to do it. Is there any way you could do your thing, she could do hers, and you could meet together after for a cool-down period? Maybe a few laps around a track? Let her know that lifting is really important to you but if you try to lift and talk at the same time you could lose your concentration and get hurt. Then pick some sort of activity you can both enjoy and suggest doing that a few times a week.
BTW, the crying is the most manipulative, pathetic thing she could have done. I don't cry (especially in a public space) if I don't get what I want. I find it childish and demeaning. Grow up and talk like an adult.

I don't cry either. I think I've cried twice since I've been with my bf (7 months). He's a crier hehe ^_^ Sometimes I let him know he's throwing a tantrum. But most of the time he's just being sensitive/emotional. Some people are super sensitive and it's not intentionally manipulative.

She does cry a lot, I don't think she was being manipulative. I told her she's just full of lots of hormones once thinking that would be a good comment to help make her feel better.. Let me tell you.. I'm smooooth with the ladies.. :-(

O M G you NEVER tell a woman that she is hormonal, EVER!

erosales0117

She is a grown women and should understand where he is coming from. Not to be mean or anything, but she seems pathetic and clingy. I meet my boyfriend at the gym and we both go the same days after work, but he does his thing and I do mine. We chat in between sets to see how each other is doing, but other than that we don't bother each other. This is something she needs to learn and it sounds like she refuses to let go.

erosales0117

Keep going with your argument, and just explain it in different ways. She's explained why she's upset with you, and you've just got to explain to her that lifting is YOUR thing, and you need to do it for yourself and yourself alone.

My husband and I go on hikes together, swim together and we have biked together as well- but there is NO WAY I want him to do yoga with me (something he's pretty happy about).

Why does he have to explain to her different ways. She should understand the first time he tells her. She is not a child that you need to repeat and remind. They are both adults and once you have talking it shouldn't be explained again and again.

Candi8099

I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.

BEST.QUOTE.EVER.

As everyone else is saying, suggesting you do something together on your off day(s) is a great idea. I also liked the comment from someone that said maybe catch a smootie afterwards.

Seriously though - GOOD LUCK Keep us posted.

MissNations

My husband and I go to the gym together once a week. He walks for an hour on the treadmill. I warm up 15mins on a bike, then do a 30min PT session with weights. Afterwards I walk for 15mins on the treadmill next to his. We usually don't say much. Then we get coffees on the way home and hang out.

It's not the actual gym time we spend together, but it sort of feels like it is. Maybe you could find a similar routine that you both benefit from?

THIS^^

See if you guys can go to the gym together and each do your thing and meet up afterward for some kind of beverage or supper. Or see if there is some other non-Zumba class you'd both be willing to try...maybe something new to BOTH of you...

Tangerine302

Could you just tell her you can't talk and lift, Zumba, or any other exercise at the same time and wouldn't be much of a partner?
How about go when she's at work, still sleeping, etc.

hamncheese67

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

Ugh. I read this and thought that you should be arrested ... for marrying a 12-year old.

FitN50s

I think you're missing the forest for the trees. It's not really about the gym. She's feeling threatened and looking for a way to get back what she had. Whether she's threatened because she thinks you aren't paying enough attention to her, or if she is genuinely worried about your relationship is something you will only learn from having a sit-down with her. I would guess that your journey has changed a lot about the way you live, which changes the way she lives You aren't the same guy who wants to veg on the couch and stuff your face (assuming that is what led to your need to make such an amazing change). She is unsure now of what the new relationship should be. Your focus is different, your goals are different and she doesn't really know where she fits in. She wants to keep you and keep up with you. She isn't going about it in the best way. We usually don't when we are insecure and afraid. Stick to your guns about your workout, but spend some time finding out what is at the core of this sudden desire to spend every minute with you.

tabinmaine

What married woman, who even REMOTELY knows her husband ( or any man for that matter) , would sign him up for Zumba classes ??????????????

Give me a break ! She may as well have signed up you up for a Manicure and a wax.....

Someone earlier suggested setting her up with a personal trainer and buying her that New rules for women weightlifting book.... maybe once she starts lifting on her own ( and she can still do Zumba if she likes) she will get the concept that working out means being "plugged in" and in the zone....

With any luck she will see the light and not want you to be bothering her when she is lifting hehe... best of luck.

Amber50lbsDown

Im with you. I cant work out and talk. I hate it when Im doing my vids and my SO or kids try and have a conversation with me then they get mad because I dont answer them.
Im usually good at multitasking but working out and talking I just cant do it.

BrettPGH

Dude that suuuuucks! All I can offer is my sympathy.

Amber50lbsDown

Give me a break ! She may as well have signed up you up for a Manicure and a wax.....





Bwahaaa you just made me spit out my coffee.

j77r68

that is hilarious :laugh: :laugh: (sorry) i am the same way though when i go to the gym it isn't social hour i go in "pick things up and put things down" lol and then leave. apparantly softly suggest you could go at the same time and do your own things with checking in and saying 'hi' to each other to appease someone or she could get set up on her own weight program and work in the same area but both doing your own thing. my husband and i have done that and it worked out. i do zumba myself and it would be nice to share in a way but 1) my husband is like you wouldn't touch zumba with a ten foot pole even if he was surrounded by "hot" women 2) i love it and i want to keep the benefits i get out of it for myself. he might reap the rewards at a later time but for now it's ME time not US time. you could also find some hobby that you could do together- hiking, rowing whatever you have in your town !!

Good Luck with that !

Colbyandsage

OMG! Thank you for the awesome laugh this morning! You are so funny. I know you were really trying to be politically correct. I am in the IT/Enginnering world so I get guys and this kind of stuff. I am now picturing my 6ft, 200 lb, white husband that can't dance doing zumba :noway:

I don't go to the gym. I do videos and running. I like going alone. It's the only time that I get to myself. We have 2 kids as well. We started Insanity together. We couldn't get the schedules to jive so I continued and he quit on me. :mad: He mentions starting to run with me, I doubt that would go well. I just zone out. I work from my home office so when he walks in my office when I am zoned out, he gets mad.

I think this has way more than gym time and going together. You mentioned that she was the one that worked out but then you got into it as well. I am going to guess that your gym time is cutting into your time together. I think she should go and do her thing then you do yours, then you meet up to do something to wrap things up either at the gym or somewhere else.

Good luck!!!

datguy2011

Tell her you will talk and zumba at home in bed....

doorki

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

Could this be classified as Cross Training?

thebigcb

I think, she thinks, you are hitting more than the threadmill when you go to the gym without her my man. :laugh:

carlynn13

This is too funny! Good luck with that

msjersey73

FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teach her how to pick things up and put them down, so you're showing an effort to include her in the gym. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should ever be caught dead doing Zumba. I danced all through college and find the concept absolutely absurd!

cowgirlashlee

My boyfriend and I have VERY different workout routines, and stuff like this is exactly why! We know what works for ourselves, and we respect the fact that the other (usually me) isn't in as good of shape and needs to do things at a slower pace.

As for Zumba...no, just no. I don't dance, and I find the concept of Zumba kind of stupid. Sure it's decent cardio, but I can get better cardio WITH strength by running with weights, doing 30 Day Shred, etc. I also won't be caught dead doing Zumba.

jwaitman

I don't blame you. The gym is my time and I don't go there to socialize even if it is with family or friends. My husband calls me the workout nazi because I work hard when I go. He is a bit more leisurely with his workout. We all go and do our own thing and usually don't workout together.

I have a friend who recently joined the gym I go to and was excited that we could work out together. Her idea of working out was hitting a few machines and then going to tan. Not my idea of a workout. lol

To each their own I guess, but if I am paying for a membership I want to get the most out of it.

Good luck!

Cindy311

Being someone who also does not enjoy sharing my lifting time, or my cardio time or any of my exercise time I'm sorry to have read this (even though I laughed uncontrollably)! I think you should sit her down and explain that this is time for you and if she wants to go to the gym to consider it time for her. Sheesh, I guess I'm lucky since my old man is like hey go lift your weights already, the reason being so he can do his own thing.

Smuterella

Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.

Ugh. I read this and thought that you should be arrested ... for marrying a 12-year old.

Same thought here. I do not understand how perfectly sensible chaps end up with women who behave in such a petulant manner.

j77r68

Keep going with your argument, and just explain it in different ways. She's explained why she's upset with you, and you've just got to explain to her that lifting is YOUR thing, and you need to do it for yourself and yourself alone.

My husband and I go on hikes together, swim together and we have biked together as well- but there is NO WAY I want him to do yoga with me (something he's pretty happy about).

Why does he have to explain to her different ways. She should understand the first time he tells her. She is not a child that you need to repeat and remind. They are both adults and once you have talking it shouldn't be explained again and again.

Just because her age says she is an adult doesn't mean that she acts like one! Have you never met anyone that sulks? It is quite sad, I work with a number of them and I feel bad for their s.o.'s. but i do agree with someone's comment that she may be reacting to the threat of the major lifestyle change her husband is making and what that actually means to her life. she won't be the only healthy one anymore. may be a bit insecure. anyhoo going way too deep into what was originally a funny post.

yoovie

Dude... you are NOT terrible. People need to be allowed to do their own thing regardless of their marital status. We all need outlets. We all need something of our very own to nurture and cultivate, where we can unwind and keep our mental health. You should totally be allowed to have this.

jen88ve

I feel your pain! I HATE working out with other people! I would join a gym and a couple of my friends joined it to and wanted to work out together and do all these classes, but I want to do my own thing, I don't want someone telling what to do there and when I need to go, but they didn't understand why I didn't want to go with them. It's on thing to go to the gym with her, but the fact that she needs to be by your side when you're working out is another... Yicks and good luck! LOL

AlayshaJ

I would LOVE to work out with my husband. He just isn't as serious and doesn't have a work out "plan". He just goes and picks out what muscle he wants to use and then does random things in random sets and I just can't do that. I pretty much only try and go to the gym with him when I need a spotter. I lift, but most women don't so I see why husbands wouldn't want to be at gym with them.

mdsjmom98

I don't like working out with my husband. I can't explain it, I just don't. I've been looking for walking buddies for the evening, and he just doesn't understand why I don't want him tagging along. It's not that he chats or anything, I just can't explain it. I would rather have a gal pal to walk with. He just drives me crazy when I'm trying to work out. Don't know if it's because he tries to critique me or what, (which he does) but I just don't like having him along.

bigdawg025

Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.

Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.

She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!

Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?

I would go out and get the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"... have her read it. I can't think of any other way to explain to her that you need your OWN time. She's not going to get it on her own.