The gym that causes me marriage stress!!
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This is awesome! My wife saw how my going to the gym was working for me (my gym is at work!) and decided that we would all join the YMCA. Turned out to be an excellent idea. I always felt like I was slacking off over the weekend and now we have a place to go. WE just never seem to go together as someone needs to stay home with our son who's 4 months old.0
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Have a baby!
It gets much simpler with that. Obviously, you two won't be able to go to the gym (most likely other places as well) together. Works incredibly well for me as one of use take care of the child when the other one goes to the gym!0 -
That story totally made my morning!0
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only advice i would have would be compromise... every relationship needs it. not telling you in ANY fashion to do zumba... no man should be forced into that unless he volunteered himself. but what you said, about doing cardio together on days off.. that would be compromise to me. she should understand you need your time to be a man and lift or whatever it is you dudes do at the gym, and devote time to her as well. chicks dig working out together - it's been proven to bring relationships closer and it's different than normal "spending time together." I hope things clear up for you!0
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Tell her if she can rep 220lb deads and bench her body weight then you will go to Zumba with her...
Your not horrible this is just logical, you don't want to hear about her stuff while your trying to concentrate on lifting. Tell her to do her class then do something together afterwards. Perfectly reasonable.0 -
I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down.
She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)
Oh my god I love your sense of humor! HAHAHA!0 -
It sounds like she has some attachment issues she's just going to have to work through. My boyfriend was sad when I told him I didn't want to work out with him, but only for like 5 minutes. I explained that I need 'alone time', I like to concentrate on my workout, I don't like to do chronic cardio (he runs a TON), and I like having my headphones on. The end.
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Sometimes I feel the same way. My husband doesn't cry about it but does give me a hard time. I love doing a run with the dog as soon as I get home from work. I only do a few miles but I love it. I love putting on my music and just letting things go. He thinks I don't want to hang out with him but that's not it. Plus half the time when we are out he gets a phone call from his business partner and then I feel like I jogging by myself anyways. Of course if I put my head phone on he gets off the phone and says hey wait for me... You don't want to run with me... And it's like well heck if you want to run get off the phone. Then if he I tell him I really rather just do it on my own he asks if I am angry at him... Why would I be I just want to run by myself!0
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I go with my SO to the gym Fri-Sun. We walk in the door together, sign in and then we say, "See you here at X time." Neither one of us has any interest in working out together. Now we do other fitness things together like hiking or biking, but gym time is alone time as far as I'm concerned.0
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Tell that you would love for her to still come to the gym with you. I know... you are freaking out... just try this.
"honey, I would like you to come to the gym with me. I understand that may our ideas of working out maybe a bit different. But I have been thinking, because I want to be healthy with you. We can look into a trainer for you to get you started and comfortable with weights. And after my lifting and your training we can do HIT together. I will even let you pick the program. If you like lifting maybe we can work on a program together in a a few months." Also, get her the "New Womens Guide to Lifting" and $50 gift card for workout shoes or outfit whatever she needs.
If she sticks with it, she will be used to the gym. She may decide she doesn't want to lift and take Zumba without you. If she hangs in there get her a HRM.
Good Luck. And remember a women's libido can increase by 50% just by working out 3 time a week. 0 -
So totally made me giggle, which is a good way to start a work morning.
But, I totally get what you're saying. I like to go "heads down" when I workout also. Headphones on, blinders on, focus and go type of deal. When I go to the gym, it's to work out and not be social. (Minus any passing nods and quick hellos during rep breaks or whatever.)
When I tell my boyfriend, "I want to work out together." It's just me trying to get him motivated to start working out again. (He's off the wagon and having a hard time getting back on.) But I don't mean, "Let's go to the gym and run it like a three-legged race together." I'm all good with stretching together and spotting. But other than that, I'm perfectly happy with being in a solo work out bubble.
LOL @ three-legged race!!0 -
Poor guy!
I have no desire to work out with anyone at the gym. I have a friend who gets there after I have finished my workout, and she likes to talk, so I will get on whatever cardio machine she feels like doing and chat with her. But that's only because I am done with my own workout.0 -
OMG is this even for real??
Yes.. Unfortunately it's for real.0 -
Stand your ground bro... hubby and wife workouts are meant for the bedroom! The gym is one's personal sacred place for the ultimate "me" time. That is why there is only room for ONE on all the benches and other fine equipment. If fitness was 'her' thing before, then she should understand the real reason people go. SELF-IMPROVEMENT and GRATIFICATION. Explain that you are giving your ALL in there so that you can me the most you can be outside of the gym also. Remind her that she will ultimately reap some rewards out of it too; however, you are not willing to give up any of the attention you are putting into your workout so that you can get caught up on who will be voted off of the next Dancing With the Stars!!!
Last resort before cutting your hands off... Challenge yourself to come up with some little hobby that can become BOTH of yours in place of sacrificing your time at the gym... does she like basket weaving?? hahahahahaa....0 -
Hillarious! Sorry I have no good advice. But, like you, I can't dance and I break out in hives at the thought of having to Zumba. I tried it once, for about 3 minutes. I almost fell twice, back handed my sister who was 3 steps ahead of me, and got my feet tangled avoiding my neice next to me. 3 minutes...and I walked out! My recommendation is to cut off your foot instead of your hand. You wife will say you can still zumba without hands. But maybe not without a foot. :laugh:0
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When I first joined the gym January 2011, there were days that hubby and I went together. But there is no way that I can work out with him. First off I do not do his lifting, and if I did, we would have to reset the weight between sets! Maybe you could explain that it is difficult for men and women (even much stronger men and much weaker men) to work out together because you have take the weights off and on.
You could tell her about the Zumba (I teach it) that you would feel awkward because there are a lot of women shaking a lot of stuff. And you would not want them to think you are a creeper. My husband said that there is no way that you would catch him in my class. He says that he does not need to see all these women shaking and pumping! LOL!
Surely your wife has got to understand that men and women are different. I have to say tho, this was a super funny story and I could totally see it happening (not with me tho!)
EDIT: Zumba is mostly a chick thing. I have been teaching for a year and have only had 3 men show up. One guy was gay (he did great), one guy knew how to dance (he did great), the other guy came for his girlfriend. That guy was lost and they left early.0 -
See I am on the other side of this my husband keeps trying to work out with me and is driving me crazy. Its not that he is always trying to talk to me its that he comes up from behind and attempts to knock me off my stride or scare the pants off of me (since I always wear my headphones). Just last night I was walking around the track during my sons baseball practice and he comes up even with me takes his foot to kick me in the behind he misses and nails me in the back of the knee. Not sure if being annoying is grounds for divorce but he is sure close. If I am working out at home he sits in the same room and starts asking me questions like I can or want to answer him. At least he didn't cry not sure I can handle that.0
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I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.
ROFLMAO!!!!!
C is my favorite!
I would never in a million gazillion years EVER sign my hubby up for Zumba! It's a Chick thing! (Yeah, I just stereotyped, get over it!). Hubby and I go to the gym together frequently. He has his headphones, I have mine. We usually do cardio together (side by side ellipticals or what-have-you), but it isn't a "date" and we don't chit chat. I envy those people who can work their butts off while holding on a conversation tht doesn't punctuate every syllable with a gasp! LOL0 -
My husband and I go to the gym together sometimes, but we do our own things. Even if we are on side by side ellipticals or bikes on a given day, we talk afterwards, not during. I do go work out with a girlfriend sometimes, and we do talk to one another on side by side ellipticals, (or she talks while I pant, gasp, and nod :laugh: ), but my husband seems to prefer concentrating on his workout (or he thinks that my panting and gasping makes conversation difficult).
We do go on walks together when the weather is nice, and we go swimming when the weather is warm. A few years ago we took dancing lessons! I think it would be great if you and your wife found something you enjoyed doing together, but she DOES need to respect that you want time to lift. How long have you two been married, anyway? My husband and I have been married sixteen years... Long enough to enjoy being in the same place at the same time without necessarily doing the same thing.0 -
Wow! Thats a hard situation to deal with. The problem is that your wife looks at fitness in a whole different way then you do. She has probably gone with her girlfriends before and they just do cardio and chat it up and gossip. She is looking at you as one of her girlfriends to do the same thing. You did a great job of trying to explain it to her and that you wouldn't mind doing cardio with her together on your off days. I would talk about this at home when both of you are not high on emotions like at the gym. She needs to understand that you need your time to lift weights and you need to understand that sometimes she needs a buddy (which you def understand as you were willing to compromise with cardio on your off day)
I know there was a comment on here that stated why not lift with her. Unless she was a hardcore lifter I wouldnt only because it will slow you down. You are focused on lifting and getting out. Thats why you go alone. I would understand her frustration if you went with a guy friend and just talked when you lift but you dont. You go there to work out and focus.0 -
Haha, my girlfriend tried to get me to do zumba once, I agreed I would try the dvd's in the privacy of her room, which I did, but no way in hell was I doing the class, when we go to the gym we separate as well, she goes to zumba, I lift and run. I would just tell her on lifting days its just you, however you should offer walks on days off, its not stressful and you two can talk and walk. Burn calories and conversations. Win win. Good luck.0
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1) You're hilarious
2) I think you handled it very well
3) Zumba isn't that bad (I don't dance either but I love Zumba). Maybe you could offer her a compromise: you will do Zumba with her one time (and explain to her that you'd rather die young, hand-less, and fat than do that but you love her THAT MUCH) if she will let you lift weights in peace.0 -
omg i love it! my husband and i joined the gym together that was in feb. i had been waiting to go with him because i didn't want to be the only one their that didn't look like they were born in a gym. needless to say last sunday i decided to go by myself for the first time. he and i have been together for 11 years married 4 this summer we have 3 kids at home . i am so glad i came across this because i get it from a man's point of view. we don't get a lot of quiet time to talk about stuff so i did think the gym would be a great place to spend time together, work out and talk without the walls listening. for some of us women things go by faster and easier when our mouths are going. i don't know what you are going to do but your story has helped me realize what i won't do if he ever does decide to go to the gym with me. some stuff does have to be our own my husband loves fishing and i hate it so he can have it like you i'd rather cut off an arm than sit on the lake even if that means i could run my mouth for hours on end. i do think i would have been like your wife not the crying part but upset . so glad to here it from you . sometimes when our loved ones tell us something but if we here the same story some where else we see stuff different funny like that we are. good luck to you0
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Have a baby!
It gets much simpler with that. Obviously, you two won't be able to go to the gym (most likely other places as well) together. Works incredibly well for me as one of use take care of the child when the other one goes to the gym!
We went that route once! Would do it again.
Gym wise I don't think she still understands lifting vs cardio.
Glad you guys enjoyed the story, I just needed to blow off a bit of steam. I'm going to go to the store and buy some easter candy and burn it in my backyard to make a sacrifice to some god to appease them and get me out of this situation!0 -
Hahaha....Me and my husband can't workout together. He's a power lifter and he believes the heavier the better. I am 100% pro heavy weights myself, however I tore my acl playing volleyball about 10 years ago and my knee has never been the same. Although my knee plagues me much less when I'm in shape and working it....It just can't handle the stress that my husband thinks I should subject it to. Us working out together ended one day with the following converstation:
Husband: "you can go heavier than that"
Me: "I upped my weight last week and my knee still isn't feeling right"
Husband: "why are you still so scared to trust your knee, that injury was 10 years ago?"
Me: "I've been walking on it, continued playing volleyball, and have been exercising regularly for the last 10 years on it. I think I know myself well enough to judge what it's capable of by now."
Husband: "Quit being a baby"
Me: "Quit being an *kitten*."
God I love him, but he's a *kitten* in the gym! I don't think you're being a *kitten* though. All couples need something that they do just for them. Having a hobby that you do without your wife is very healthy. My husband and I love doing all kinds of things together, working out just isn't one of them. And luckily, neither one of us are very sensitive people. We just agree to disagree sometimes. Sounds like you are very reasonable. Good luck!0 -
I'd say, at least stand by what you told her about doing something together on your off days (but not Zumba) and like someone else mentioned, maybe meet for a smoothie afterwards if you go to the gym together. And maybe the two of you need to talk about some other way to have date/together time. She obviously really wants to spend more time with you since she's latched on to this idea of going to the gym together but you need to come up with something that you'd both enjoy.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Hi.....Your wife sounds like an annoying, pain in the *kitten*, who is also a snotty snot who just wants attention. Ignore her attitude, and tell her to back off your alone time. she can join you after you lift for cardio or something.
It sounds like you do enough stuff with her, she needs to stop being a little brat.
Good Luck.
(PS...you should print out this entire thread and have her read it, with all the comments. other comments are great, and then maybe she would understand better)
AND----if any of you don't like what i am saying, too bad. I don't sugar coat anything. this is the real world :-)
we ALL deserve to be happy.0 -
The only work out I do with people is walking, hiking, skiing and shopping. I will swim in the same lane as someone but don't expect me to talk to you same with biking if u around that's ok but don't expect to chat. THAT'S IT. I will not run with other people. I will not do Jillian with other people. I also do not go to the gym but if I did I would not do that with other people.0
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Wow! Thats a hard situation to deal with. The problem is that your wife looks at fitness in a whole different way then you do. She has probably gone with her girlfriends before and they just do cardio and chat it up and gossip. She is looking at you as one of her girlfriends to do the same thing. You did a great job of trying to explain it to her and that you wouldn't mind doing cardio with her together on your off days. I would talk about this at home when both of you are not high on emotions like at the gym. She needs to understand that you need your time to lift weights and you need to understand that sometimes she needs a buddy (which you def understand as you were willing to compromise with cardio on your off day)
I know there was a comment on here that stated why not lift with her. Unless she was a hardcore lifter I wouldnt only because it will slow you down. You are focused on lifting and getting out. Thats why you go alone. I would understand her frustration if you went with a guy friend and just talked when you lift but you dont. You go there to work out and focus.
Exactly, I explained the lifting part to her. I have a trainer that sets up my lifts and programs for me. It's designed for me.
I do 3 lifts in supersets which means It's not like I lift and get a rest. I lift, next lift, next lift, rest shortly and repeat. I can't be chatting it up between sets as I'm gasping for air, making fish faces, and generally trying to get feeling back in my arms and legs...all while trying to suck down some water/bcaa's.0
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