Discrimination against skinny/fit women
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Having been underweight my whole life, just naturally skinny, I have had some horrible horrible things said to me, but all sorts of people, from strangers to job managers to medical staff) both as a highschooler right through to an adult woman. I am actively trying to gain right now, and it is not going on easy. the thing is I want to grainy healthy weight and muscle, not just fat, so eating 2000+ a day being at least slightly heath conscious can be a challenge. I was actually surprised but how mean people can be to skinny people on MFP, esp those trying to gain, like you are lying, you don't eat, or you have an ED. its a constant bombardment of "go eat a burger" jokes. I suppose there is the same meanness directed at fat people too in the real words (you are lazy, you eat too much, you don't "work at it enough" etc) I think the thing that I always found hurtful were those kinds of pics (like the one in this thread) that's say real women have curves, etc, etc, well, even after 2 baby's, I just never got curves, so what does that make me?? I would give anything for some curves and a bit of butt, I don't even have any freaking hips!
This is totally off topic but when I first saw your profile pic I thought they were boobs hahaha0 -
it sounds to me like you are discriminating yourself. A "heavy-set "woman wanting to run you over? An "over-weight" woman not holding the door for you-sounds like YOU have the issue.
Sounds like these people are just rude but you are choosing to focus on their size as a reason for their behavior.
people are rude! In all shapes and sizes!
I know you don't know me, but I WAS fat. My mother is obese...actually my entire family is obese and so was I at one point in time. I am not so confident and egotistical as to say I will never be overweight, or obese, again so to assert that I am prejudice or discriminating is almost laughable. You do have a point though, I DO have a problem! My problem is that I cannot for the life of me understand why it would seemingly appear as though I am treated differently, overall, at a lower weight. I simply wanted feedback from other women and for them to share in their experiences. I am inclined to agree that: 1- people are jerks, at any level. 2- The size of the person is probably not the determining factor, but rather the attitude and size of the person combined. 3- There is a discrimination that exists, just as common (or uncommon) as prejudices against race, color, and/or creed that is based on weight. Nevertheless, although I would prefer that everyone extend the same respect that I would extend to them, that is not the case and the best bet is to shrug it off0 -
I have read all the posts, and I'm not saying that this NEVER occurs, but I think a huge portion of them are the result of reading meaning into things that just isn't there. If someone expressly says, "I hate X because she's skinny" or "thin women are this way," then I'll accept that at the reason. But if there are other probable explanations, and no reason whatsoever to believe that it's more likely to be weight than anything else, I simply don't believe that the perception of a weight bias is likely to be realistic.I wish I could say it is all in my head, hence, the question posed. If it were in my head, it would make it a lot easier for me to see this world as a better place. However, if you read all of the posts, this is not the only example I gave. There are several.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that you're telling the truth. However, it seems to me that some cognitive or confirmation bias is an issue here and may be coloring the way you're viewing things. Think about when you're thinking about buying a new car or trying to find a new apartment. Suddenly, that car model and vacant apartment signs are EVERYWHERE. They were always there, but now you notice. Similarly, now that you've found that pattern, you're more likely to remember the instances that match than the ones that don't.Nevertheless, the men always stop to allow me to cross and there is a striking number of women who would agree that they, too, have experienced some sort of shunning for their weight. Furthermore, I have been going to the same gym for quite some time. Day in and day out; even was I was fat. Oddly, I never had this issue before. It is not as if I am bolting out into the middle of the road without regard for oncoming cars.
You may well be right that you are treated differently now, but it's not necessarily because of the weight change itself. You likely act differently, respond differently to situations, or think in ways you didn't before. People might react to any of those things entirely without recognizing any relationship to your weight. In that case, no, it's not all in your head that people are treating you differently than they used to. They could be. But it's not necessarily unfair bias, prejudice, or discrimination from resentful fat women.I like to think I examine situations logically, and I cannot honestly say that I have found a logical explanation with the differences in the way I was treated when I was fat vs. thin except for either there is a clear and distinct discrimination OR that it is all in my head. Being that there are other woman who share in my experiences, I tend to believe it is the former and not the latter
I like your train of thought. Thought provoking0 -
it sounds to me like you are discriminating yourself. A "heavy-set "woman wanting to run you over? An "over-weight" woman not holding the door for you-sounds like YOU have the issue.
Sounds like these people are just rude but you are choosing to focus on their size as a reason for their behavior.
people are rude! In all shapes and sizes!
^winner!0 -
Having been underweight my whole life, just naturally skinny, I have had some horrible horrible things said to me, but all sorts of people, from strangers to job managers to medical staff) both as a highschooler right through to an adult woman. I am actively trying to gain right now, and it is not going on easy. the thing is I want to grainy healthy weight and muscle, not just fat, so eating 2000+ a day being at least slightly heath conscious can be a challenge. I was actually surprised but how mean people can be to skinny people on MFP, esp those trying to gain, like you are lying, you don't eat, or you have an ED. its a constant bombardment of "go eat a burger" jokes. I suppose there is the same meanness directed at fat people too in the real words (you are lazy, you eat too much, you don't "work at it enough" etc) I think the thing that I always found hurtful were those kinds of pics (like the one in this thread) that's say real women have curves, etc, etc, well, even after 2 baby's, I just never got curves, so what does that make me?? I would give anything for some curves and a bit of butt, I don't even have any freaking hips!
My mom is a personal trainer and Healthy Lifestyles Program director (she just got that last title btw, go mom!) and one of her clients is a woman pretty much exactly like you. She's married, has 2 children, and despite having children, she is still incredibly slim. It's genetic, her parents are both very slim and her brother is the same way. She is extremely self conscious about it, and I can only imagine. I had a good friend growing up who was the same way. It boggles my mind how people think they can say some things to people, fat or thin. Body shaming is never cool, we've all got things we want to work on! Hope you've been able/are able to find some good supportive friends on here that you can relate to because that's such a huge part of being successful!0 -
I must be extremely lucky. I was thin for most of my life until a few years ago, and then I got very fat, and I'm now probably a stone and a bit over where I used to be, and I have never had negative comments made to my face regardless of what size I was - not one.
I have seen it though - years ago I was friends with a very skinny girl, and people just constantly asked her if she ate. It wasn't only bigger women, it was all women.0 -
I've been targeted by overweight women when i've been thin. "skinny b*tch" "anorexic wh*re" i've been called.
I've been told many times that some person who has never spoken to me (a classmate, a friend of a friend, a friend's sister or girlfriend) has been telliing people I'm mean or that I'm stuck up. It's always been an ecceptionally overweight woman, and it's only happened when i've been thin.
I once had a girl I thought was my friend systematically go out of her way to try to poison all mutual friends against me, started rumors, broke me and my boyfriend up, and sabotaged my car to prevent me from getting a job. When I confronted her, tearfully, about all of it, she said it was because she "hated skinny b*tches" and told me i didn't deserve to be happy.
When I gain weight i'm invisible. No one talks to me or bothers me. When I'm thin, I get negative attention and occasional blind hatred.
This is why I have had an unhealthy self image, and have struggled with food and weight, my whole life. This is also why most of my close friends are male.0 -
I have known many women who are very thin and it's just as painful for them to have women look at them with hate in their eyes as it is for someone to 'moo' at me at the mall. One friend I had could NOT gain weight. She would cry herself to sleep at night because she was so bony. She finally gained some weight due to having to go on steroids and she was SO HAPPY with her new shape.
I generally don't notice except when a woman who is a size 2 and so thin I can see through her is complaining about how 'fat' she is and how she needs to lose 10lbs, OMG porker! *rolleyes* Then I might have something hateful to say.0 -
I've been thin most of my life. I never really had a weight problem at all until I was about 40, and even then I was just a few lbs over. I've never been obese so I can't comment on how it feels to be fat. But I can honestly say I never felt discrimination from fat women. Or I didn't notice it at least. But I can be pretty stupid about stuff like that at times.
I have gotten the occasional "you wouldn't understand since you're naturally thin" (I'm not, I've watched my diet since Jr. High and I stay active), or other such commments but I always took those as more of the person commenting trying to justify why they are fat rather than an insult to me.0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.0 -
kiara knightly is gorgeous
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If I could share my 2 cents? Please don't attack, I am being COMPLETELY honest and trying to shed some light on what's going on with that...
As an overweight/obese woman, I've found that because of MY OWN INSECURITIES with my body, I am much more likely to be judgmental of other people's bodies. I have a theory that the thing we are most self-conscious about is the thing we first notice about other people. So for me, it would be size/weight. When I became conscious of this, it was a behavior that I could learn to change -- so instead I try to focus on other things when I meet new people.
Now, this isn't to say that just because I SEE a thin person means I label them a "skinny *****" but I do NOTICE that they are slender. If the slender person says or does something that makes me feel uncomfortable, I have a bad habit of automatically ASSUMING that it is because of my weight and THAT makes them a "skinny *****" because, in my mind, they have done something to insult me because of my size. Again, something I am working very hard on.
I will also say that as someone who has struggled with her weight for my entire adult life, I have occasionally given a friend a hard time if they are thin and seem to be able to eat anything. Not saying it is fair, but I am guilty of it. I have a girlfriend who is just naturally thin -- she can pack away the food and throw back the drinks and doesn't seem to exercise a whole lot and is still small -- while I'm busting my butt at the gym and eating lean protein and veggies. Yes, sometimes I get a little bit jealous. But that doesn't make her a ******. What would? Well, if she knows I'm working hard to lose weight, and she rubs in the food and booze or something, well that does. But it would make her a ***** whether she were fat or thin. Haha.
Overall, best to ignore negativity and move on. That's what I try to do when people make snide comments about my weight. And when I am thin(ner) if someone gives me a hard time about that, I'll try my best to either ignore OR maybe I'll take a few minutes and tell them my story. :bigsmile:0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.
I know this was not for me but sometimes when I am writing on my smartphone the autocorrects kicks in and the correction is not necesarily the word I wanted to use. So she might have had the same autocorrect problems.0 -
Okay, so I have been fat and I have been thin, and/or fit. I have found that there are two types of discrimination. Discrimination from skinny people (mostly women) against fat women and the contrary - fat women against skinny women.
I will tell ya, I have a new appreciation for women who have looked good their entire life. Having been on both sides of the discrimination, I have found that skinny women are far more tolerant of overweight women then the other way around. These days, heaven forbid should I want to cross the road and a heavy set woman is driving my way. She'd just assume run me over then let me cross. OR, if I am walking into a building behind an overweight woman, she'd just assume let the door hit me in the face than hold it. Things like this keep happening and happening to me. Although, when I was fat, I had a small degree of this from skinny women, the contrary far out weighs those experiences. I have had women say, very seriously, "I hate you" or "You B*&^ch" because of my weight loss. Thoughts and experiences on the subject?She'd just assume run me over then let me cross.
Lol. I think that's just applicable to bad/impatient drivers in general. To equate it with someone's weight is just silly.
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
Also.... I think, if this is true (which seems hard to believe, considering I've known A LOT of awful skinny/thin/fit people - male and female), then people might be nicer to you when you're fat because they're hypocrites. They're nice to your face when your fat because they feel bad for you - they aren't "accepting" you, they just might assume* you have a hard/rotten enough life already, so they'll be kind to your face and then talk *kitten* about you later.
Thank you for your grammatical tips. After I posted and reread, the "than" and "then" became apparent to me. With regard to the phrase, that was my blonde coming through
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Now, with regard to your opinion I have to say that because you are a man you're less likely to have a creditable opinion on the matter LOL. I'm sorry, but the male/female dynamic is not the same as the female/female dynamic. Although you may have known a lot of skinny/thin/fit people, the question is really only relative to those who are or have been living as fat or thin woman. As a side note; Everyday I have to cross the CROSSWALK to get from my car to the double doors of my gym. My gym in nestled in the same complex as a Costco. On numerous occasions I have started to cross, as pedestrians have the right of way, and have been nearly plowed over by car. The driver always fits the same description - a woman. I assure you that it is not a figment of my imagination. I am sure I have punctuational and grammatical errors in this reply, as well. No need to critique. Fortunately, I work with numbers for a living
Another assumption. I'm actually a gay man, and body image issues are quite a bit worse in my community.
So, I DO know and I still think you're wrong. Maybe women in general are just more aggressive drivers? I've often noticed that they're more likely the ones to race me on the road. :P0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.
I know this was not for me but sometimes when I am writing on my smartphone the autocorrects kicks in and the correction is not necesarily the word I wanted to use. So she might have had the same autocorrect problems.
Or, like me, she could just be a really lousy typist. I was just noticing a bit ago how many times I type "then" when I mean "than". My brain knows the difference but apparently my fingers don't.0 -
I've been big all my life and I've had women of all shapes and sizes be rude to me for no apparent reason. I am always nice and courteous to everyone so it really makes no sense. I suppose women just don't like me. My husband tells me that they don't like me because I look stuck up and conceited. Hello! I am usually bigger than a lot of these women so why would I think I am better than anyone? Women are just weirdos. lol0
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I used to think that my weight was the reason I didn't have any friends...because people were mean to me in school about my weight. And then I grew up and got out in the real world and saw all the different sizes and shapes people come in and how everyone is different...different likes, different dislikes, different attitudes, and different way of behaving. Those people who used to make fun of me are now long gone or have told me the truth about why they made fun of me...because they were intimidated by me (I was very smart and almost a year younger then everyone else) or because they were jealous of me ("You were always just so happy and easy going about everything. And you ate what you wanted and didn't care what anyone thought!" was what one girl said to me. I had to laugh. I cared! Alot! but I never let it show). So in short...people are just people. Sometimes they are going to be mean to you or say hurtful things to you but just let it roll off your back. Ask yourself...why are they being this way to me? It doesn't have anything really to do with how YOU look but more about how the other person feels about themselves. Only very insecure people feel the need to make fun of other people. And I now think of it as the easy way to tell if someone is worth taking the time to know or not. If they're that insecure and insensitive to someone they don't know then I don't need or want to be their friend anyway.0
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I get sad when I read forums like this where women so freely admit to body shaming, whether it be toward overweight or underweight women. I consider myself a bit of a feminist and I wish we as women could focus on one anothers strengths and accomplishments rather than solely on our appearances. Why as a society do we have to look at someone and become envious of what they look like or what they have? Why can't we use them as a source of motivation for the betterment of ourselves. If I ever bring a daughter into this world I hope things progress toward a more positive direction when it comes to body image and body perception.0
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I've been big all my life and I've had women of all shapes and sizes be rude to me for no apparent reason. I am always nice and courteous to everyone so it really makes no sense. I suppose women just don't like me. My husband tells me that they don't like me because I look stuck up and conceited. Hello! I am usually bigger than a lot of these women so why would I think I am better than anyone? Women are just weirdos. lol
You are also beautiful, so that could be it. *****Disclaimer****** I said "COULD* lol0 -
B!tches comes in all shapes, sizes and colors.
/end rant0
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