Dealing with an abusive person...
angbieb
Posts: 668 Member
I know MFP is for weight loss and questions about food, but I've found such great friendships here and I need advice....I have been struggling with depression since October, 2009; my mom committed suicide (not something I usually share, but to understand my situation I think that is a big piece of the puzzle). For about a year I was in and out of the hospital and I didn't care about anything.
Before this happened I had a job I loved and worked there for 4 years and I lost it because I pretty much lost my sanity. I was drinking every day and just pretty much gave up on everything.
About a year later, I decided I wanted to get my life back....I went back to school and I started working out and got my life back in order.
Yesterday, I started my new job; I took this job at $7.50/hour (a lot less than what I made at my previous employment) because they would work around my schooling. So, I went to work yesterday and it all went downhill from there...first, the manager had me sign some papers which said $7.25/ hour (which is only a quarter not really a big deal) but when I said something about it his face turned beet red and he said you don't have to work here. I said that's okay it's only a quarter. So, we continued on with orientation, he told me I needed to take a packet home and do some training for the job at home, I asked how long the training took, he said 4 hours and I don't know if I was correct in saying this...but, I asked him if I would get paid for this training and he said no...I said I don't think that's legal. He said we are paying for you to have this training so you should be happy about that; do you want us to make you pay for it? I could tell he was really upset! I felt extremely uncomfortable; I said okay that's fine. So, he continued on with the paper work; for the next 5 minutes I could tell that he was getting more and more upset thinking about it and out of the sudden he went on a rant about them paying for the training again and pretty much let me have it for the next 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it; I mean I had accepted what he'd said and told him I was okay with it; I didn't challenge him on the matter.
Well, throughout the orientation he was swearing, talking down to his other employees, and telling me about "stupid people" that had worked for him in the past. At this point, I had many red flags that had gone up and just felt threatened and worried about working for him.
I was suppose to go back to work today at 8am and I stressed over it all last night; I couldn't sleep and I didn't know what to do! Well, I just called him about a half our ago and told him I decided I didn't want to work there...he hung up on me, he didn't ask why or anything he just hung up! I just cried and cried; I feel like I did something wrong. I feel so fragile and I am just shaking as I'm sitting here typing this. I use to be so strong....I'm just not sure how to deal with this, or where do I go from here. How am I going to explain in future job interviews? It's gonna make me sound bad no matter how I put it. I am just in shock.
ang
Before this happened I had a job I loved and worked there for 4 years and I lost it because I pretty much lost my sanity. I was drinking every day and just pretty much gave up on everything.
About a year later, I decided I wanted to get my life back....I went back to school and I started working out and got my life back in order.
Yesterday, I started my new job; I took this job at $7.50/hour (a lot less than what I made at my previous employment) because they would work around my schooling. So, I went to work yesterday and it all went downhill from there...first, the manager had me sign some papers which said $7.25/ hour (which is only a quarter not really a big deal) but when I said something about it his face turned beet red and he said you don't have to work here. I said that's okay it's only a quarter. So, we continued on with orientation, he told me I needed to take a packet home and do some training for the job at home, I asked how long the training took, he said 4 hours and I don't know if I was correct in saying this...but, I asked him if I would get paid for this training and he said no...I said I don't think that's legal. He said we are paying for you to have this training so you should be happy about that; do you want us to make you pay for it? I could tell he was really upset! I felt extremely uncomfortable; I said okay that's fine. So, he continued on with the paper work; for the next 5 minutes I could tell that he was getting more and more upset thinking about it and out of the sudden he went on a rant about them paying for the training again and pretty much let me have it for the next 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it; I mean I had accepted what he'd said and told him I was okay with it; I didn't challenge him on the matter.
Well, throughout the orientation he was swearing, talking down to his other employees, and telling me about "stupid people" that had worked for him in the past. At this point, I had many red flags that had gone up and just felt threatened and worried about working for him.
I was suppose to go back to work today at 8am and I stressed over it all last night; I couldn't sleep and I didn't know what to do! Well, I just called him about a half our ago and told him I decided I didn't want to work there...he hung up on me, he didn't ask why or anything he just hung up! I just cried and cried; I feel like I did something wrong. I feel so fragile and I am just shaking as I'm sitting here typing this. I use to be so strong....I'm just not sure how to deal with this, or where do I go from here. How am I going to explain in future job interviews? It's gonna make me sound bad no matter how I put it. I am just in shock.
ang 0
Replies
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Im feeling for ya!.. Dont disclose it!0
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You did the right thing. You will find something much better! Just don't mention this job or the orientation at other interviews..you never worked here so I don't think you need to bring it up at all. Good luck!!0
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Why do you need to mention this in job interview? You didn't actually work there so it doesn't need to go on your resume.
Is this a large firm? You should contact the Head Office or if they are a small firm the HR department and report this person for his behaviour.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
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you need to report him and his unprofessional behavior. You did the right thing-I would never work for someone that treated me like that!0
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If directly asked, you can just say "After the orientation and getting a feel for the work environment, I felt that it was not the best fit for me."
You haven't insulted anyone in saying that, and you maintain your dignity and integrity.
As a side note: you should never devalue yourself enough to work for someone like that. Ever.0 -
write down EVERY SINGLE occasion with times of any abusive behaviours. note the times. keep emails. phone logs.
i have had formidable bully bosses. they crumble when you BULLY THEM. hold your ground..the worst that an happen is that you will work else where. do not let this monster beat you. confront him, report him and get support from co-workers of colleagues. if you do let him abuse you, then not only will he continue to do so, but he will also do it to others.
get tough and face this evil b*****d.0 -
Technically I worked there for one day...wouldn't this show up on a background check?0
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You dont need to mention the interview. Personally that man needs to be turned in by the other employees thats crazy! There are always going to be mean people out there, just keep you head high because you did the right thing. There is no way in HELL I would ever work for someone like that. Maybe that job didnt work out, because something grater is in store for you. Good luck and dont worry about it you DID THE RIGHT THING 100 percent.0
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Hey dont worry, its not your fault you left that job due to it NOT being a nice job, not nice circumstances. Dont worry keep your chin up girl...also its good you have seen that its a **** place to work straight away rather than wasting your time.xx0
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Well what he did is illegal. Of course the company is paying for the training so you know what the hell you are doing. If you didn't have a job there you wouldn't need to know the info. You should be paid for it. I had a manager who treated me the same way and destroyed my self esteem i worked for her for 8 months crying daily. Finally I walked out on her but I should have reported her. What he did was abuse and against many companies conduct codes and h i p a laws if you are in the US. CALL A HEAD OFFICE IF YOU CAN!!! And do not be upset with yourself you did what is right for you and he will continue to loose people over he is a prick and no one wants to work like that. I have managed places before and I went by what my grandfather taught me, never ask someone to do something you would not do yourself. I was tough I was a woman in a mans world but the staff all liked me because I was not above any job and if I wouldn't do it for free I did not expect someone making 5 less an hour than me to do it for free either!0
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Hugs you did the right thing. And there shouldn't be a need to explain it, you worked there what a day? Either don't put it on your resume, or just be honest with any other potential employers. I totally understand why you would feel crappy after that. Regardless if it's the other person being a jerk, it's hard not to feel like something is your fault when others are acting like you did something wrong.
Hang in there! Good job looking out for you! You saved yourself a lot more pain and suffering by quitting the job NOW0 -
WOW...sorry to hear that. It sounds like you absolutely did the right thing. The job market is improving and its not so much of an employers market anymore. You'll find something better...working for someone NICE! I would not disclose this, or if you want, just tell them they weren't willing to work around your school schedule!0
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I think you did right. You already felt uncomfortable, imagine how worse you would've felt if you had accepted the job.0
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You COMPLETELY did the right thing!! No one deserves that kind of treatment. I wouldn't mention it either. Sort of like an interview gone bad - even though you were "hired". I wouldn't mention it or give it another thought. Not worth your time, girlie!~ Go on out there and find the job you were meant to have! Forget that goof off~ lol0
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i worked for somebody like that for a year, believe me its not worth it. going to work miserable every single day plus the stressing out before you go to work, and then being upset when you get home is not worth the money. if you have to tell future employers about it just say after doing the training you chose not to accept the job your not lying good luck in your job hunting0
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You did absoloutly nothing wrong! I would call HIS boss, and report him. Call the corporate office, and anyone else you can think of. If he will do it to you he will do it to someone else. Not to mention what he is already doing to the people that are working there. I'm glad you decided not to go back. You didn't need that.0
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Technically I worked there for one day...wouldn't this show up on a background check?
It wont show up so don't worry about it0 -
This is just.. awful.
I wouldn't worry about future job interviews.. and if someone does happen to ask, then tell them what happened. No one is going to expect you to stay in a place where that kind of abuse happened.
As far as background checks, it won't show up on there. The main thing they look for in background checks is, have you been arrest, broken any laws, convicted of child abuse.. etc.0 -
You did EVERYTHING RIGHT!! This was not your fault...Is there someone higher up than him that you could speak to about his abusive demeanor? You were right to not go in b/c if he treated you like that before you even started, imagine how he would speak to you once you were under his employee....No way was this job right for you....Please don't think that you were in the wrong...This man needs to be reported - for all of the things that you explained - The 25 cent diffference, the 4 hour training with no pay....Like you said this is NOT legal. This won't effect any of your future jobs applications b/c you never worked there so you don't need to put this place on your resume at all....You are better off b/c if you had worked there & decided to quit I am sure that he would have given you a bad reference & you probably would have had an issue getting your last check as well...I hate people like that - I feel sorry for his family for sure....I am glad that you didn't go to work for him b/c you would have been upset every single day it sounds like....Move on from this as a learning experience!! I wish you the best!!0
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You 100% did the right thing, don't even doubt yourself for one second. Had you gone ahead with this job, I know for sure more things would have come up and made you miserable. Well done for listening to your gut :flowerforyou:0
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First of all, dont worry about future job interviews. No real boss/manager will care, and if they do, they probably aren't good either.
Also I'd like to say that I've been in lots of these situations, having worked in restaurants and the food business most of my teenage years. I agree with a previous poster that as soon as you start to bully them back, they back off a LOT. I used to be a pushover when it came to a manager or higher-up, but now I stand my ground on everything and I'm a lot better off (mentally, as Ive actually been fired for this behaviour once...oops).0 -
And btw, it IS illegal for them not to pay you for training.0
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Don't take **** from a rude boss. Life's too short.
Find another job in sane environment.
Obviously the rest of his crew puts up with his BS and are happy with it. How bizarre.0 -
I think you did absolutely the right thing. Also, you have every right to ask about the pay. Any sensible management wouldn't belittle you for asking that, it's the reason you're going to work! On another note, I can't believe they're allowed to pay that little money. The minimum wage where I live is $10.00/hour.
Don't beat yourself up over this, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You have rights and I personally would not feel safe working in an environment like that. No future job would penalize you for this, and you have no reason you should have to bring it up.0 -
And btw, it IS illegal for them not to pay you for training.
Unless it is specifically declared an unpaid internship, which I don't believe is the case.0 -
Dear Ang
I do voluntary work with young adults who have had similar life experiences, so know how fragile you must be, but it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. Please don’t let a fool like that ruin all the hard work that you have done getting your life back together. I have nothing but admiration for you; and you should be applauded for all your hard work. That gentleman (I use the term loosely) should be ashamed of himself. You are correct that no-one has the right to talk to you in that manner and yes in the work place it is illegal as it’s classed as abuse.
Be assured that anyone with half a brain would have asked the same questions you did; I know I certainly would have.
Thinking outside the box, the Gent must be a very unhappy man indeed to be so angry all the time, maybe he has his own issues to work through, but it’s no environment to work in. I feel sorry for anyone who did not have the common sense to stay well away. Well done for standing up for yourself.
Keep your chin up
Chrissie0 -
I guess the easiest thing would be to say that the salary offered was not the one previously agreed?0
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I quit a job after one day once. We were inventorying warehouses, and they sent us up on order-pickers, 30 feet in the air, without any kind of fall protection, and we were supposed to walk from the picker to the platform and count stuff, then step back onto the picker. When I asked about fall protection they looked at me like *I* was the one who was nuts.
Sorry, dudes, not risking my life for $11/hr. Fall 30 feet onto concrete and die because you're too cheap to buy a harness and lanyard getup? Not doing it. I just never went back.
It never showed up on anything and never gave me any problems.
You did the right thing. Take care of yourself.0 -
hey chin up and dont worry, just dont write it down on your resume and look for another job, no one needs to know you ever worked there.0
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That sounds like you have the best option - not working there. What a mongrel boss he would have been. Use the whole situation as a learning tool, and it can be an example of how you managed a difficult situation! You did the right things - communicating, discussing, coming to a "negotiated" resolution - he didn't.
You made the right decision, it is very upsetting for you but you have done the right thing. Take care. :flowerforyou:0
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