Dealing with an abusive person...

24

Replies

  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 668 Member
    Thank you so much...everybody! That's why I love this place, the people on here are so great! I feel a lot better after reading your posts! Before I felt so alone, thank you all so much.
    :heart:
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 728 Member
    What an *kitten*. I would say report him unless the reporting process is just going to add more stress to your life right now. Ultimately you need to do what's right for you. *hugs*
  • katysmelly
    katysmelly Posts: 380 Member
    A) You did the right thing by not going back. In fact, it was very professional and generous of you to even call and tell him.
    B) You don't need to tell anybody about this "job." Don't put it on applications or anything. You didn't actually work there. It's not like there will be this suspicious gap in your resume that needs to be explained. Forget about it.
    C) It probably wouldn't be worth the headache to try and get paid for the few hours you were there. Some people may enjoy fighting for it just to see justice, but you sound a little bit fragile and if you just chalk those few hours up to experience and move on, that may be best for you.

    I'm sorry you had this experience. Good for you for not going back. It would have only gotten worse.
  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 668 Member
    oops
  • tonilizzy88
    tonilizzy88 Posts: 920 Member
    ang,

    you need to rinf the head manager and explain to him exactly what happened just like you have with us. he/she is the only one that will be able to sort the person out. try not to let it get to you as i know you were slowley coming on with your esteem.

    if they dont do anything about it then there are ways of the law you can take it further if you wanted to.

    you need to remember THIS IS NOT YOU FAULT that some arigant man took his small fuse out on you xxxxxx:heart:
  • angbieb
    angbieb Posts: 668 Member
    A) You did the right thing by not going back. In fact, it was very professional and generous of you to even call and tell him.

    Thank you...it was very hard making that call, I was scared and I knew he would be upset...completely shocked when he just hung up!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    You did absolutely nothing wrong. There are plenty of jobs that will work around school where you are treated with respect by professionals who don't lie about salaries or expect free work from you.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    A) You did the right thing by not going back. In fact, it was very professional and generous of you to even call and tell him.

    Thank you...it was very hard making that call, I was scared and I knew he would be upset...completely shocked when he just hung up!
    I'm willing to bet you aren't the first person to be screwed around by this jerk, and you won't be the last. No worries....karma will get around to him eventually!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    If you only worked there for a day or two, don't bother putting it on a resume or disclosing it. That sounds like a horrible place to work and I think you are very right for staying away. He wouldn't have gotten any better with time.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    hi, it's Zara :flowerforyou:

    Its normal to feel fragile after everything you've been through. I think you need to go to the doctor and tell him your still struggling. I think you need some therapy. Its so much for a person to deal with.
    Concerning the job, no it wont show up on your background check, nobody need ever know you worked there! You were right to quit, whether your feeling fragile or not, its not a good environment to work in and its not right. You should never have to put up with that! Well done for getting out. Dont worry about it! you did nothing wrong and nobody ever needs to know you worked there for a day! PM me if you need to chat xxx :heart:
  • PLUMSGRL
    PLUMSGRL Posts: 1,134 Member
    Report him to Human Resources, he's wrong on soooo many levels!
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
    You were totally in the right and you shouldn't feel bad explaining it to perspective employers. For $7.25 an hour there is NO WAY I would train on my own time. Be proud that you stood up for yourself.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    report him as abusive as your reason for 'not taking the job' then you have that in writing for future use. (job interviews, if it comes up).
  • tkcasta
    tkcasta Posts: 405 Member
    Call the companies HR department and report him, then go online to the BBB and report them and then file a complain with OSHA because that kind of mental abuse is not acceptable.

    Edit: I think also you'll be able to get unemployment if you say that the reason you left was because of abuse.
  • nikki778
    nikki778 Posts: 148 Member
    You did what was best for you & that is all that matters. Be proud of yourself knowing you were smart & lucky to see the signs before they escalated.

    He sounds like such a jerk & definitely needs to be reported.

    Keep your head up there will be other positions that will be more pleasant & perfect for you.
    Best of Luck.
    <3
  • New_Keeley
    New_Keeley Posts: 170 Member
    Like the other posts you do not need to disclose it but if you feel you need to then I'd use the example given earlier (after training just wasn't for you). You have done nothing wrong!!

    You say you aren't strong but it took a lot of strength to make the call telling him you didn't want the job!!! I personally just wouldn't have turned up!
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    If your one day of work does come up say it was an interview/training and you called to tell them you didnt want the job...but i highly doubt it will even show up....also I would call his corporate office and explan to them how hes treating potential employees..you never know u might not be the first ..perhaps hes been hogging all the hrs for himself LOL..and corporate is asking him to hire people...
  • DEEDLYNN
    DEEDLYNN Posts: 235 Member
    Good for YOU!!!! I mean it. No one should take abuse....regardless who is dishing it out. Family, friend or employer. And, how could you go into work everyday, feel good about yourself and be working for someone you can't trust and who tries to belittle you. You can't. There will be other jobs.

    I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself how proud you are of yourself for standing up....for yourself. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret....I've spent my entire life, ashamed, lacking confidence and self esteem, because I let other people dictate how I felt about myself. Recently, I slammed the brakes on that cycle. Now, I tell myself everyday how good I'm doing and how far I've come. I've had to let loose of a few people who were abusive. One...my 26 year old daughter.....she use to be my best friend....I live alone and she is my only child....but when I was recently verbally abused and disrespected by her....I politely told her not to contact me until she could treat me with a little respect. We are now back to talking, but my expectations is that there will be no disrespect or we will go back to square one.

    'Nuff about me. You have done a WONDERFUL thing here.
  • hazev74
    hazev74 Posts: 252 Member
    you were right not to take thats job. something else will come up. what an asswipe!!!. id still report him to someone senior and say exactly what happened!
  • monty619
    monty619 Posts: 1,308 Member
    so one altercation with a rude boss and it makes him an abusive person?
  • greeneyes191
    greeneyes191 Posts: 78 Member
    The term CONSTRUCTIVE DISCHARGE immediatley comes to mind.
    I would truly report him to the HR department of the company. No harm, No foul.
  • droberts3311
    droberts3311 Posts: 87
    First and most my heart goes out to you about your mom. You are still dealing with that I know. Lost my mom in Nov, 2012. My best friend!
    Then you was sooo right on. You do not deserve to be treated that way, I would report it and move on. I worked in a bad place and took it for as long as I could only saying things that I had to. To stand my ground without losing my job. Kept looking, found a great job!! So well worth the wait. You can do this, you are worth it!!
    Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • tlc12078
    tlc12078 Posts: 334 Member
    I find this awful. As far as I know you are suppose to get paid training. I would definitely report him to his higher up. How rude and the foul language is not professional either. Get a hold of his supervisors and if all else fails, report him to someone. Get a hold of a lawyer adn explain to them what happened. They can direct you on who you can report this too.
  • Drudoo
    Drudoo Posts: 275 Member
    Sounds to me that you did the right thing. There will be other jobs and bosses who are much kinder and helpful!
  • Katanthus
    Katanthus Posts: 346 Member
    1. YOU are NOT in the wrong.
    2. He IS abusive, you are correct.
    3. IF it is ONLY a quarter, then WHY is HE arguing about it?
    4. No wonder he can't keep employees if those are the conditions to work in. They should be paying a whole LOT more to put up with him
    5. You didn't technically work there, so don't put it on your resume.
    6. Report him to the company Head Office, and tell them, you are reporting the company to BBB, and you are going to have words with a lawyer. (even if you can't afford a lawyer, you can get advice from some for free).

    I know that your depression history can make you feel like you are not worth anything, make you feel less than you are. Think of how far you have come, what you have overcome. Read the top part of your post, and see what you have come.

    Stay strong. I say "stay strong", because YOU ARE STRONG... it take a LOT to open up like you did, and a lot to walk away. That takes character and courage.

    All the best.
  • tlc12078
    tlc12078 Posts: 334 Member
    so one altercation with a rude boss and it makes him an abusive person?


    To act like that, yes. That is is very unprofessional. And its not rude, it is abuse.
  • tlc12078
    tlc12078 Posts: 334 Member
    1. YOU are NOT in the wrong.
    2. He IS abusive, you are correct.
    3. IF it is ONLY a quarter, then WHY is HE arguing about it?
    4. No wonder he can't keep employees if those are the conditions to work in. They should be paying a whole LOT more to put up with him
    5. You didn't technically work there, so don't put it on your resume.
    6. Report him to the company Head Office, and tell them, you are reporting the company to BBB, and you are going to have words with a lawyer. (even if you can't afford a lawyer, you can get advice from some for free).

    I know that your depression history can make you feel like you are not worth anything, make you feel less than you are. Think of how far you have come, what you have overcome. Read the top part of your post, and see what you have come.

    Stay strong. I say "stay strong", because YOU ARE STRONG... it take a LOT to open up like you did, and a lot to walk away. That takes character and courage.

    All the best.



    Exactly right here. :)
  • trinoc
    trinoc Posts: 73
    I would call HR of the company (unless he owns it and he is HR...lol...because he took the paying issue so personally). If a future employer asks, just state that when you started the job you found out the terms were different than you agreed to when you took the job and they weren't acceptable. That's no big deal.
  • katysmelly
    katysmelly Posts: 380 Member
    so one altercation with a rude boss and it makes him an abusive person?

    The behaviour described sounds like he's an abusive boss. It's not merely "rude" to scream and curse and call employees stupid. Combined with the bait-and-switch on the hourly pay, I think there are plenty of red flags for an abusive bully.
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
    Thank goodness you decided not to work there. Believe me if someone is like that in the honeymoon interview orientation phase its only going to get much worse.
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