Caught Red Handed

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  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    My husband and I quit smoking 2 years ago this month.

    For the last 3 weeks I've had my suspicions he was smoking again. So this morning (which happens to be his birthday) I come downstairs and he's not in the house at 7am so I went looking for him and sure enough if I didn't find him in the basement smoking.

    Any thoughts?
    1. rig cigarrette with explosives. 2. find non-smoking husband
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
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    Everyone has to work through their own method of quitting, and sometimes that includes the quitting-starting-quitting cycle. I, for one, "paused" many times before I actually quit 2 1/2 years ago.

    It's a lot like weight loss...you have to do it for yourself, and you have to find the one permanent way that works for you.

    Don't think he betrayed you by starting again. He didn't. If anything, he betrayed himself.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    You're getting a lot of smartassery here - but I understand your dilemma.

    I went through the same thing with my husband. I told him that we agreed together to quit and I fulfulled my end of the promise. The smell of smoke now makes me queasy and he can choose cigarettes or he can choose my physical proximity - but he can't have both.

    I helped him make an appointment for Chantix and have done nothing but praise and support him (and put aside my "I don't feel like it" nights) - and it's been working since January 1st.

    I feel your pain, dear.
  • regina2063
    regina2063 Posts: 203 Member
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    Love him through it. He's yours no refunds, exchanges or returns. He's going to have his challenges and battles and your going to have yours. maybe he never quit smoking and your just finding out...who knows, but im sure that it wont change the reasons you fell in love with him, after all you were a smoker also. It will be ok. He's just going to have to learn to respect your lungs.

    I agree....I know their are some things that he has ACCEPTED from you as well....so just continue to love him and talk to him.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    I would get a propane tank and just before leaving for a trip out of town, hide it in the basement and open the valve just enough to let it leak out slowly. It'll fill the basement and when he goes down there to light up it'll solve the problem. You have insurance, right?

    Nice.

    however, beware...I have been unfriended for making sarcastic posts not nearly this violent.....
    I would not wish to be friends with someone who would unfriend over something like that. I have my standards.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    I would get a propane tank and just before leaving for a trip out of town, hide it in the basement and open the valve just enough to let it leak out slowly. It'll fill the basement and when he goes down there to light up it'll solve the problem. You have insurance, right?

    Nice.

    however, beware...I have been unfriended for making sarcastic posts not nearly this violent.....
    I would not wish to be friends with someone who would unfriend over something like that. I have my standards.

    Yep, CB, I agree with the mad redhead.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.

    Actually the internet porn would probably be mine.
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
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    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
    Actually the internet porn would probably be mine.
    Perhaps he noticed this, and has feelings of inadequacy (like his ding dong doesn't compare to the ding dongs you're looking at) and this stress triggered the smoking.,
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    Rub his nose in it and smack him with a newspaper \m/
  • Marper8521
    Marper8521 Posts: 160
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    Don't beat him up for it, as you know its a very difficult habit to quit and I don't subscribe to the disease bit that being floated by the medical establishment. Encourage him, support him, buy him some patches, gum, chantix or whatever you can get and be loving and caring all the way. I'm recovering myself, second time quiting in the last 30 years of smoking, its difficult and painful, but I'm fighting through it. 7 weeks now free and the cravings are still there!!! Hang in there.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    Is your basement detached from the house? Otherwise I don't see how you wouldn't smell it in the main are of the house.

    He was in a car basement under the apartment... he was far from the house. I see how that was misleading. :flowerforyou:
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
    Actually the internet porn would probably be mine.
    Perhaps he noticed this, and has feelings of inadequacy (like his ding dong doesn't compare to the ding dongs you're looking at) and this stress triggered the smoking.,

    Yeah, I don't think that was it...!
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    This is one of the funniest threads I've read in awhile. OP, I hope you have a good sense of humor.

    I think it would feel pretty terrible to find out your partner that you made a commitment with was breaking that commitment and hiding it from you.

    You asked for thoughts. Here are my thoughts about your story. Others have pointed out some important things. But a lot of what people are posting is focused on your husband. And you are the one that posted. There is one issue that I haven't seen mentioned, and I find the most troubling.

    You suspected something for three weeks and waited to "catch" him in the act. You don't state whether you asked him during those three weeks if he was smoking, but based on your story, and based on the thread title, I'm going to assume you suspected for three weeks, became resentful/upset, then caught him in the act. I think that behavior pattern is a real problem. I think you may be angry with your husband about other things, and this was a very real, very concrete way to put him in a position of being wrong so you can feel justified in your anger.

    That's just a guess based on what you posted. You didn't post much, and that's a lot of assumptions. I hope I'm wrong. Sorry I couldn't come up with something funny.

    I didn't say a lot on purpose, I'm not sure what to think.
    He is an adult and can make up his own mind about what he wants to do with his body.
    I didn't yell at him, I simply said Happy Birthday and waited for him to put the thing out and we went inside.
    It was his idea to quit smoking but now I'm a non-smoker and don't have any interest in starting again, so that worries me!

    Sorry for being vague!
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Maybe if you suggest he save his cigarette money for hookers and blow. That stuff isn't cheap.
  • microMXL
    microMXL Posts: 51
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    I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.

    He'll change in no time.
    of course, withhold sex and he'll change to another wife/girlfriend
  • Minkime
    Minkime Posts: 41
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    Spray him with silly string next time he lights up.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
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    get some cigarette 'loads' at your local prank shop (Spencers) and LOAD those cigarettes. NOT all of them & be sure to push the load in far enough he won't notice it ... a cigarette exploding in someone's face is ALWAYS funny- so whether he quits or not, at least it's amusing
  • Brandei
    Brandei Posts: 119 Member
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    Oh MY!! This thread went in so many different directions! I would give the guy a break and offer support (just like we all do here on MFP)
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
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    If he is smoking IN THE HOUSE, he probably wasn't really trying to hide it.

    Maybe get him one of those smokeless fake cigarette thingys for his birthday! Say, if you wanna smoke, use this. I have a friend who has one and he loves it.

    THIS!!^^ EXCELLENT!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    well, I would just be disappointed that he wasn't that sneaky. or just give him a free pass because it's his B-Day

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