embarressed of S.O.
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I have gained a lot of weight since moving to south carolina a year ago and my boyfriend shows me the same amount of love today as he did we we first met! so I think that lady needs to move on and grow up because when you love somebody with all of your heart it does not matter how they look0
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Both, actually. I try with him and when that has no affect I'll publicly comment on it. I'm not going to stand there and slag him off in front of people but I won't shy away from an obvious fact either.
Then you and I are in disagreement in that area. I feel very strongly that such things are a personal discussion and shouldn't be used to publicly humiliate the other in an attempt to motivate weight loss (I'm not saying that's what you do, but that's what I see the actions described by the O.P. as doing). For me at least, attempting to do something like that would make the problem worse.0 -
I don't necessarily think the friend does have her priorities wrong. Is it nice? No, but that's not the point.
I love my partner but his total disregard for his health (which has caused him to gain 2 stone since we started seeing each other) is a source of personal embarassment for me, especially when I'm working to try to improve my health. Watching someone you care about let themselves go is hard.
My boyfriend is not overweight but he has very bad eating habits. I found a good way to get him to eat healthier was to just talk about healthy food in general. I talk about what kind of food I'm eating all the time and now he's picked up looking at nutrition facts and eats a lot healthier.
This woman obviously didn't actually care about her SO and just wanted to look good.
None of us know enough about this woman to really judge whether she just wants to look good. If that were really the case surely she'd have binned the fat boyfriend in favour of something more akin to a trophy partner.0 -
she said even when she plans to introduce him to people she always prefaces with "he's fat, but he's really nice!"
:noway:
That's even worse than avoiding people to not have to introduce him. I hope he figures out that she's a vain, two-faced woman who's ashamed of him and leaves her for someone else. HE deserves better.0 -
at work this morning, a woman was talking to me about how she hid/ran away from someone she saw out in public because she didn't want this person to see how fat her boyfriend had become.
thoughts?
has anyone ever done this???
how would you feel if your girl/boyfriend told you they'd done that?
If my so did that, I would dump them because clearly they are an *kitten* who cares more about my size than about ME.
If my co-worker told me something like that I would tell them what I thought about it.
It is horrible. So sad.0 -
Thats horrible...and if my husband did that to me I'd be gone, to embarrassed to be seen with me in public, you don't get the benefits of being with me at home
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Both, actually. I try with him and when that has no affect I'll publicly comment on it. I'm not going to stand there and slag him off in front of people but I won't shy away from an obvious fact either.
Then you and I are in disagreement in that area. I feel very strongly that such things are a personal discussion and shouldn't be used to publicly humiliate the other in an attempt to motivate weight loss (I'm not saying that's what you do, but that's what I see the actions described by the O.P. as doing). For me at least, attempting to do something like that would make the problem worse.
We shall agree to disagree. Weight is publc - everyone can see it if you're fat.0 -
o_O
wtf?
Being embarassed about your own weight I can understand. But your significant other's? That doesn't even make sense. You have no control over someone else's health. Why on earth would YOU have to account for it? Your co-worker confuses me.0 -
that's awful - but too funny the guy with the lettuce girl friend...0
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Dump the *****! You don't need that in your life!0
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I don't necessarily think the friend does have her priorities wrong. Is it nice? No, but that's not the point.
I love my partner but his total disregard for his health (which has caused him to gain 2 stone since we started seeing each other) is a source of personal embarassment for me, especially when I'm working to try to improve my health. Watching someone you care about let themselves go is hard.
My boyfriend is not overweight but he has very bad eating habits. I found a good way to get him to eat healthier was to just talk about healthy food in general. I talk about what kind of food I'm eating all the time and now he's picked up looking at nutrition facts and eats a lot healthier.
This woman obviously didn't actually care about her SO and just wanted to look good.
None of us know enough about this woman to really judge whether she just wants to look good. If that were really the case surely she'd have binned the fat boyfriend in favour of something more akin to a trophy partner.
Not necessarily, she could be reliant on him or find another aspect of him valuable enough to keep him around. I just think if you're dealing with someone's self esteem you need to air on the side of caution (coming from someone battling with an eating disorder from almost this sort of treatment)0 -
Well, my boyfriend is a roofer and personally I think he looks hot in his work clothes. Men that get down and dirty are sexy. However, he does not like going to stores afterwards in his work clothes. He does like to shower and look nice. But I remember one time we went to AT&T to get new phone and he didn't have time to change and there was a couple that he over heard making comments about the way he was dressed. It made me mad. So my boyfriend has paint stains and tar stains on his jeans and maybe a few rips here and there, but dang I'm proud to say that my man can atleast work with his hands. He fixes everything that goes wrong in the house. I know some men that don't even know how to fix a clogged toilet. I'm PROUD of my man and never embarrassed about him.0
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If they are that embarrassed of their S.O. then they don't love them. My S.O. does things that are embarrassing (to himself) all the time. I don't have to run and hide over it.
Exactly. My husband is...nuts. LOL. But I don't judge. I love him for who he is and the way he loves me and our daughter. I don't care about the growing bald spot, and I wouldn't care if he gained weight. I don't care that at Easter, he piled his plate with every single unhealthy dish until it was a mash-up of thousands of calories of carbs and ended up with stains on his shirt because he's a messy eater. LOL. It's him, and he's free to live his life as he wants. It wouldn't even occur to me to be embarrassed.0 -
Why is the guy even dating her? He should dump that ______.0
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I seriously wish my wife had said something to me when I had put on about 20-30 pounds instead of just watching me get bigger. Of course, I would have wanted it to be said in a nice way, but said.
This is an interesting take! When you put on the weight would you have accepted anything she would have said? My husband has put on 80+lbs since we had our 2 kids (now 5 and 4) I put on roughly 50 but have lost 30lbs of it. I have encouraged him to go to the gym, run, or just get active and he won't. It makes me sad but I would NEVER tell people, "he's fat but really nice"....or be ashamed to be around him.
It makes me sad how shallow some people can be.
I just wish she would have said, "Hey, you have put on a lot of weight and I don't want to see you start to have health problems so how about we work together to get back to where you were." or something like that. She knows me well enough to know I don't want to be fat so it would have gotten me going sooner. Instead she just sat there quietly and kind of helped contribute to it, although ultimately I am responsible. I have warned her about getting big. I know she will hate herself if she gets big so I gently encourage her to work out with me or eat better but she doesn't. She has always been able to eat anything she wants and stay thin.0 -
That's terrible. When I recently came out of hospital after major surgery, I couldn't get dressed because of wounds. When my partner went out he took me with him, just sitting in the car in my dressing gown and nightie, just so I got out of the house, instead of being stuck in. Sat there in the car in the middle of town in my leopard nightie and dressing gown. Lol. True love for you! No embarassment from him! X0
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We shall agree to disagree. Weight is publc - everyone can see it if you're fat.
Fine by me
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That's really terrible. They obviously have their priorities all wrong.
This.
I really don't understand people sometimes, and how they think that what they say is acceptable, especially when it's about someone you're supposed to care about and love.
So what if he's put weight on since you've met? Surely that's a sign of contentment, but fact is you should love them for who they are holistically; their weight and appearance is just one element of that.0 -
If she is embarrassed by him she shouldn't be with him.
However, this reminds me of an episode of $ex and the City. This guy is dating a woman who he doesnt' find physically attrative, but he is emotionally attracted and they have great $ex & chemistry together. That being said, he hides her away and doesn't let anyone know about her...because he is embarrassed by her. They eventually break up because it isn't healthy & she eventually realizes what he is doing...
Maybe she should try to get him to exercise and eat right?? If she really loves him and has a connection that is what she should do. Be open and communicate with him!0 -
I've never understood this way of thinking. A S.O. shouldn't be a fashion accessory that you hide away because it doesn't shine as brightly as it did when new. There could be factors we don't know at play, such as the S.O. suffering from depression or low self esteem, but showing embarassment because of him sure isn't going to help that.
Hopefully the S.O. will realize this and move on to greener pastures. This woman may be thinner than her S.O. but I'm not sure she is quite so bright herself.0 -
I don't necessarily think the friend does have her priorities wrong. Is it nice? No, but that's not the point.
I love my partner but his total disregard for his health (which has caused him to gain 2 stone since we started seeing each other) is a source of personal embarassment for me, especially when I'm working to try to improve my health. Watching someone you care about let themselves go is hard.
Yes but do you parade that around other people or do you try to work with him directly on it?
In the OP, the woman in question didn't parade it around. She simply ducked out. There was no mention of her abusing the guy about it.0 -
Tacky :huh:0
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Ive never been embarrassed of someone I was with, but when I put on all my weight after having my daughter I started feeling embarrassed FOR my S.O. and hated having to be seen by his friends. He never said anything, but I felt horrible that he had to show up with "the fat girl". I often times stayed home when he went out with friends cus I didnt want to embarrass him. Or if they came over I would stay in the room. Not that he ever said anything along the lines of being ashamed of me...I guess I was just ashamed of myself and figured he would be too. I still dont like meeting new people cus of my weight. First impressions are so important and I just dont feel I make a very good one! lol0
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My boyfriend is actually on the skinny side but I love him for who he is. I am the overweight one but he encourages me and tells me how proud of me is he. I think anyone who would do that to their SO in public should be ashamed of themselves.0
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If she TRULY loved him, she would accept him in his current form. And if she's concerned about his weight/health, maybe she should offer to help him begin a healthier regimen.0
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Both, actually. I try with him and when that has no affect I'll publicly comment on it. I'm not going to stand there and slag him off in front of people but I won't shy away from an obvious fact either.
Then you and I are in disagreement in that area. I feel very strongly that such things are a personal discussion and shouldn't be used to publicly humiliate the other in an attempt to motivate weight loss (I'm not saying that's what you do, but that's what I see the actions described by the O.P. as doing). For me at least, attempting to do something like that would make the problem worse.
We shall agree to disagree. Weight is publc - everyone can see it if you're fat.
Which is why a public declaration of the fact, along with a qualifier that "despite his fatness" he still manages to be a nice human being (imagine that - fat people can still be nice! Breaking news at 11) is completely unnecessary. People will notice that he is fat. People will also notice that he is nice. MOST decent human beings won't actually think that the second is in spite of the first.
I agree that if a partner puts on weight you shouldn't sit idly by and ignore it. I think it's healthy for couples to be able to talk about these things. I think the woman in question is cruel at heart and narrow minded and I'm quite certain that her guy could find someone better.0 -
I've been embarrassed by a previous SO. Not because of weight, because she couldn't spell lettuce.
LAWL!!! I have to say, the only time I was ever embarassed of my previous SO is when he relapsed on drugs and they kicked in when we were in public... Talk about hard to explain why you have to leave somewhere really abruptly. I can't tell you how pissed I was when I noticed the signs!!!
There again too, it was never a looks thing. It was a "ok my spouse is falling over b/c he took too many pills and now I have to make a swift escape before people think I'm on that stupid crap too!" .
come to think of it thats probably why I'm going through the divorce >_<0 -
I don't necessarily think the friend does have her priorities wrong. Is it nice? No, but that's not the point.
I love my partner but his total disregard for his health (which has caused him to gain 2 stone since we started seeing each other) is a source of personal embarassment for me, especially when I'm working to try to improve my health. Watching someone you care about let themselves go is hard.
Yes but do you parade that around other people or do you try to work with him directly on it?
In the OP, the woman in question didn't parade it around. She simply ducked out. There was no mention of her abusing the guy about it.
She followed up by saying her coworker would introduce her S.O. as 'fat...but really nice!'
To me that constitutes parading.0 -
My boyfriend met me prior to my weight loss
he is extremely supportive
i really appreciated the fact that he saw me for who i was not the overweight gal i used to be
he didnt push me or anything but if someone has a problem with their SO weight..they should do activities outdoors ..try to eat healthier ..or in the end speak with ur SO kindly about the matter0 -
Throughout my marriage my weight has gone from 225 down to 106 and my husband was always proud of me and never said a word when I was heavy! But when I got down do 106, he was very concerned and wanted me to get help, sorry that is kind of beside the point. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I ever thought he was emabarassed by my weight it would have hurt me deeply.
To be loved unconditionally is what everyone deserves and I just feel so terrible for this guy...I hope you tell your co-worker she is truly a horrid, mean, b#@ch and I hope he ends up with someone that appreciates him and she ends up with someone that doesn't value her! Sorry, this just really upsets me!0
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