Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

pinkpascal
pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
edited December 18 in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend lives in New Jersey and I live in England. I've just come back from spending a week with him and now feel like i've been broken in two. I guess i just need some reassurance that this can work, we are both determind to make it happen and have discussed getting engaged possibly when i visit him in August with my family (he wants to ask my dad lol). So my question is this - has anyone else been in a long distance relationship and are you still with that person?
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Replies

  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I have been in a long distance relation ship (washington state - iowa) for 3 years now. We are both 100% committed.

    We also have plans to get engaged in the future. The relationship and love we have is worth the wait. Wouldn't leave him :]
  • DS67ATX
    DS67ATX Posts: 289
    Never been in one but I wonder if it would work.My guess is that it depends on both people in the relationship.
  • charmander89
    charmander89 Posts: 37 Member
    My fiance and I went to the same college and dated for a year before we had to do long distance, but right now we've been long distance for about a year with only a few visits in between (he lives in the states and I live in Canada). It was devastating at first but eventually it got easier. We skype every night that we can, I think the most important thing is to keep up communication!
  • pinkpascal
    pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
    My fiance and I went to the same college and dated for a year before we had to do long distance, but right now we've been long distance for about a year with only a few visits in between (he lives in the states and I live in Canada). It was devastating at first but eventually it got easier. We skype every night that we can, I think the most important thing is to keep up communication!

    I've been a mess since i got home this morning, all i've done is cry. I hope it gets easier.
  • pornstarzombie
    pornstarzombie Posts: 297
    Yes, they can definitely work :)
  • poeticallydevine
    poeticallydevine Posts: 56 Member
    long distance relationships are not for me.. if you not with in a 15- 45 min drive to where i can physically touch you .. its not for me... i have needs.. just being honest!
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    My fiance and I went to the same college and dated for a year before we had to do long distance, but right now we've been long distance for about a year with only a few visits in between (he lives in the states and I live in Canada). It was devastating at first but eventually it got easier. We skype every night that we can, I think the most important thing is to keep up communication!

    We do the same. Skype, talk on the phone, text, he writes me letters/cards and such
  • Jaxper
    Jaxper Posts: 23 Member
    we are both determind to make it happen

    It's tough, but you said it all right there in what I quoted.
  • rubysphoto
    rubysphoto Posts: 254 Member
    Yes, there are a lot of ways to keep to keep in touch that can keep that bond while apart. :-)
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
    Based on my and several friends' experiences, long distance relationships seem much more likely to work if you knew each other before the LDR started. If you've never LIVED real life together (not necessarily sharing a home, just living in the same general area...and anything that can be called a "visit" isn't "real life"), it's hard--if not impossible--to predict what that will be like. Good luck!
  • pinkpascal
    pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
    Based on my and several friends' experiences, long distance relationships seem much more likely to work if you knew each other before the LDR started. If you've never LIVED real life together (not necessarily sharing a home, just living in the same general area...and anything that can be called a "visit" isn't "real life"), it's hard--if not impossible--to predict what that will be like. Good luck!

    I knew him before we started dating, we both worked at Disney together and didn't realise that we liked each other. I spent everyday hanging out at his apartment and we kept in contact for two years before we got together after realising that we wanted to be together after failed relationships on both sides. He is my best friend as well as the love of my life.
  • nz_deevaa
    nz_deevaa Posts: 12,209 Member
    My husband and I met online in January, 2001.

    I lived in New Zealand and he lived/s in Australia.

    We dated 'online' for a year, before finally deciding that we wanted to actually be together.

    I packed up my life and my son and moved to Australia, and we've been happy since. It can work. :P
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
    Based on my and several friends' experiences, long distance relationships seem much more likely to work if you knew each other before the LDR started. If you've never LIVED real life together (not necessarily sharing a home, just living in the same general area...and anything that can be called a "visit" isn't "real life"), it's hard--if not impossible--to predict what that will be like. Good luck!

    I knew him before we started dating, we both worked at Disney together and didn't realise that we liked each other. I spent everyday hanging out at his apartment and we kept in contact for two years before we got together after realising that we wanted to be together after failed relationships on both sides. He is my best friend as well as the love of my life.

    Definitely sounds promising. (Plus, it's a good story!)
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    Depends, I think. It seems to be hit or miss for a lot of folks. Both people would have to be reeeally into it and keep constant communication, complete honesty, maybe occasional visits, etc in order for it to be successful. But then again I never been in a relationship so my remarks probably wouldn't carry much weight. :/
  • CaroSeraMince
    CaroSeraMince Posts: 51
    It can work! I met my boyfriend online while he was deployed. We met after he got home and we did the long distance thing with visits as often as we could for a year. Then we lived together for a year before he deployed again. So it's totally doable, you just need to talk about what your expectations for communication are. As long as you communicate everything, you should be ok! He gets back from Afghanistan this fall and we'll be doing the long distance thing again because my job is stable right now and he's looking at going to law school. So, we just hold on for the ride and remind each other every day how important the other is.

    You can do it!

    Oh, and also, re: crying after seeing each other. I about flooded the Phoenix airport last summer when he came to visit me for less than 48 hours before he had to leave again to deploy. It was wonderful to see him but SO HARD to be separated. You'll be ok, though. Talking about it helps. :)
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    I've been doing long distance with my boyfriend since August. We only each other every 3-4 months, which sucks. It's been working so far thanks to Skype, which we do a few days a week. Lately we've both been pretty busy which has taken a toll on our relationship, but he'll be home soon for a month so hopefully we'll get things back on track. It really requires commitment-to make time for each other and to stick with your boyfriend even when it's tough. You will probably feel like giving up sometimes, especially after he leaves again but those feelings may pass, and you'll get into a rhythm of life without him. It also requires trust, honesty, and open communication. And my advice would be not to rush to get married. It works for some people, but there's a lot you find out about a person by living near them that you can't doing long distance. It's okay to take time to see if things will really work. I think it helps that you're thinking about that kind of commitment though-that's what it takes to make it work in the long run!
  • Dee_84
    Dee_84 Posts: 431 Member
    I did the whole long distance thing for almost 4 years, after dating for a little over a year before. I lived in Germany, he in the US. We saw each other about twice a year. Got engaged one year into the LDR, and eloped a year later. One and a half year later we finally live together! So it worked out in the end.
    He's in the military and gone a lot. So we cherish even more the time that we get to spend together.

    If both want it to work, it will work!
  • pinkpascal
    pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
    Thanks for your responses. All I know is that we really want to make this work and I'm miserable when we are seperated. I'm trying to find a way of moving over there to be with him.
  • heyitsmegxx
    heyitsmegxx Posts: 444
    Absolutely. I live in Australia, and my boyfriend lives in America. Long distance relationships take work, but they can work. You just have to trust each other 100%.
  • startinganewleaf
    startinganewleaf Posts: 56
    depends how often you are able to see each other, and how often you are able to skype/talk to each other if not. my bf is in the navy, havent seen him in over a year now, its hard
  • 0always0
    0always0 Posts: 36
    I've been at uni in Brighton for the last 3 years and my boyfriend is in Somerset - I know it's not as far as yours but we're stronger than any relationship I've ever had. Skype is our best friend! They *can* work - promise! :flowerforyou:
  • roachhaley
    roachhaley Posts: 978 Member
    I lived in Oklahoma and my boyfriend too lived in England. I now live with him in the UK :)

    It can work if you really work at it. It's hard finding ways to immigrate/get a visa etc. I'm a student atm so that's how I'm allowed to stay here.

    Also, not to be a downer, but be prepared to deal with fights that arent happening in person. It's a lot harder than it sounds. And of course, if you dont move in together soon, be prepared for the heartbreak of dropping him off at the airport/going to the airport after being with eachother for a little while :( that was the hardest part
  • GroovyGma73
    GroovyGma73 Posts: 64
    My husband is Canadian and I am Australian, we have been married for 3 years, I spent the first 15 months living in Canada with him and his family and I ended up returning back home in January 2011 as I was so homesick and missed my kids plus my daughter gave birth to my 1st grandchild, but unfortunately Hubby could not return with me due to committments, we have been apart for the past 16 months and he is coming out to Australia at the end of September to live, yes its bloody hard but doable if you love one another
  • Brieve29
    Brieve29 Posts: 14 Member
    I lived in Georgia and my husband was in California for three years while he was in the military. The military added a lot to it as well but we have now been married 3 years in about 2 weeks and together for over 6 and 1/2 years. They can work but it's like any other relationship. You both have to be committed and willing to put the extra effort into it. :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Long distance relationships are hard (I was in one with my boyfriend for the first year we were together), but they CAN and DO work if both people are 100% committed to it.

    We live together now and often will comment how we managed to do it for an entire year, but you just do. If you really want to be with that person, you'll make it work.
  • 1953Judith
    1953Judith Posts: 325 Member
    Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But I know mine involved a lot of lonely tears, a lot of work and a lot of correspondence. My husband and I did three years long distance; the last of which we were engaged. During the engagement, we wrote everyday by snail mail no less. This fall, 36 years into the marriage, we reread and shredded those letters (lots of memories, but we didn't want the kids to have to deal with them in the distant future).
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member
    I'm a believer, thiugh I'm very affectionate and think I would find that hard not having the physical contact but if you both are madly in love it's completely possible. One of you will have to be prepared to relocate at some point too.
  • JSheehy1965
    JSheehy1965 Posts: 404
    I had a long distance relationship for a couple of years...I was in England (like you) and he was in Upstate NY - we got married after 2 years of emailing and talking every day and visiting when we could and just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last month. :)
  • thiscanbedone
    thiscanbedone Posts: 73 Member
    Based on my and several friends' experiences, long distance relationships seem much more likely to work if you knew each other before the LDR started. If you've never LIVED real life together (not necessarily sharing a home, just living in the same general area...and anything that can be called a "visit" isn't "real life"), it's hard--if not impossible--to predict what that will be like. Good luck!

    Hmmmmm ... I had the exact opposite experience... It is very dramatic though... My husband saw me at a wedding... fell in love at first sight.:love: .. I was 18 then .. he called me a lot ..( I was very far from where he stayed and there were other life situations and such) .. but we never met each other for one year IMAGINE!! I was seeing the face of my lover for the first time after 1 year since the relationship started:noway: . And the trauma didn't end there ... we were in a long distance for 3 more years after that but then moved in with him and now we are happily married for a year and half!!
    I guess It just depends... I just knew .... Distance does make hearts grow fonder!!! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
    We both were just crazy bout each other and couldn't let communication gap come in between each other though .. so you can definitely make it work... communicate communicate and share all u can :flowerforyou:
  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
    Yes they can. It's hard and takes a lot of work.

    When we were dating, my now-husband lived 3 hours away from me. We both didn't have a car so we could only see eachother on long weekends. We talked on the phone and online a lot. A few months after we got married he deployed for a year.

    We've always been in a LDR, although we've been together for over a full year now (FINALLY). We started dating in 2008.
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