Down 79 lbs! Ready for my next 79 and beyond (with pics)

**TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOSE WITH SENSITIVITIES TO VIEWING NUMBERS AND DISORDERED EATING PATTERNS**





 
When I first started this journey, I refused to post numbers because I was so ashamed at how big I had gotten. My start point is the largest I had ever been in my whole life. I was miserable. I was deep into my ED and binge eating daily, sometimes twice daily.
I started on December 2, 2011 after feeling resentful that my family wanted me to go shopping and do all the things that you do with family during the holidays.
Here I am on Black Friday morning in my mother's blue wing backed chair, forcing a smile before we headed out to shop.


I really just wanted to stay glued to this chair and parked in front of the TV. I hurt all over, and the slightest movement left me gasping for breath. When it dawned on me that I was mad at them for wanting to do something that NORMAL people do, that was rock bottom.
Here I am, a couple weeks later and wondering how I was going to get up off the floor after wrapping gifts. I had already started my journey and was feeling a teeny-tiny bit better, but I was still depressed at how much I had to lose.


When I hit my -75 lb mark on April 19th, I went back to my mom's house to visit “The Chair.” That chair has become a symbol of my journey in many ways – One of the few chairs in her house that was able to hold me up at my heaviest, its wings became a structure and tool that helps me measure my success. Though it's wide in girth, at one point I was wider than the chair … now I'm not. It gave me the “wings” to do something about my health once and for all.





 I wanted to tackle this on my own, without supplements or powders or living on under 1200 calories per day, or worse, (for me) surgery.  I knew how weight loss worked, and I knew what I needed to do for it to work for me.  I just needed to get it in motion and not stop until I am at my goal. I think of this journey as one pound over and over until I am at my goal weight of 150 and/or a size 10.   I wanted to see if I could be as successful at it as I had been with my studies – I am an almost-straight “A” honor student with a 3.95 overall GPA after spending 15 years as a college dropout. At this point I am sure that I can do anything I set my mind to do! I decided to stop letting the pain and shame of my past manifest itself on my body (long story, another day).


I tracked my actual weight loss (and gains!) in a note on my phone.  I'll post it here:

Dec 2, 2012 - 475 lb.
Jan 9, 2012 - 460 lb.
Jan 16, 2012 - 440 lb.
Jan 23, 2012 - 440 lb.

- DIGITAL NEW SCALE -

JAN 25 - 441.6
JAN 26 - 438.8
JAN 27 - 436.8
JAN 29 - 435.6
JAN 30 - 436.6 +
JAN 31 - 435.0

FEB 01 - 434.6
FEB 02 - 433.0
FEB 03 - 433.4 +
FEB 04 - 433.0
FEB 05 - 432.2
FEB 06 - 429.6
FEB 07 - 429.2
FEB 09 - 428.8
FEB 10 - 427.8      10%    B
FEB 11 - 429.0+
FEB 13 - 426.8
FEB 14 - 427.2+
FEB 15 - 427.8+
FEB 16 - 426.6
FEB 17 - 427.8+
FEB 18 - 426.4
FEB 21 - 425.8
FEB 22 - 425.6       -50 lbs
FEB 29 - 424.0       

MAR 02 - 423.0
MAR 03 - 420.0
MAR 05 - 419.2
MAR 09 - 417.8
MAR 11 - 416.8
MAR 14 - 415.2    -60 lbs
MAR 16 - 412.6
MAR 22 - 409.8
MAR 30 - 411.8+

APR 02 - 409.8
APR 03 - 406.6
APR 04 - 405.8     -70 lbs
APR 12 - 403.2
APR 18 - 402.8
APR 20 - 401.0
APR 22 - 398.4     OUT OF THE 400s!!
APR 24 - 397.8
APR 25 - 396.4
 
I measure on the last day of the month.  Here are the results of my last three measure-ins.


Feb 29th (Leap Day!):
Chest 55"
Bust   61"
Waist 58"
Hips  73"

March 31st:
Chest 49"
Bust  60"
Waist 51.5"
Hips 71"

Today, April 30th:
Chest 49"
Bust 57"
Waist 48.5"
Hips 69
 
And .... Here I am yesterday afternoon @ 396

 
Most of my weight is situated around belly, waist, hips, and thighs.  I'm definitely a pear.  Fortunately, though, this is where I lose weight easiest and soonest.  I have been told that I "carry it well" when it comes to my weight.  I really don't want to carry excess weight "well," I don't want to carry it at all!


About my food and eating:
When I first started I was on Weight Watchers' PointsPlus plan. It was an excellent tool to help me get a handle on my binge eating and bring the focus back to myself. Counting points was a catalyst that helped me want more for myself. I eventually weaned myself to Weight Watchers' Simply Filling plan, where you don't count points but eat what you need from a set list. On the SF plan, you give your body more autonomy by learning to listen to its cues for hunger. I was very familiar with Intuitive Eating and how it's a model to help people with eating disorders – SF is Weight Watchers' approach to that. This was good for me, but I still needed to be set free from the notion that some foods are “good” or “bad” and do away with the list of foods. I needed to heal me and my relationship with food. I have since weaned myself off Weight Watchers and I am completely to the mercy of my body. I listen to hunger cues and feed myself accordingly. I have learned that I get hungry 4 times per day and I am satisfied with anywhere between 300-400 calories per meal, which ends up being 1200-1600 calories per day. I have also learned that it is good for me to honor my body by satisfying cravings – If I don't eat what I crave, then it's possible that I will end up eating more of what I don't want and pack on unnecessary calories that could have been avoided if I had just eaten what I craved in the first place. I have had cholesterol and heart issues in my family so I have cut out red meat and eat (mostly) non fat dairy and egg whites only. I don't believe there are any good or bad foods if you don't have any dietary issues with them, and that you should have what you want in moderation. I eat carbs, I eat sugar in the form of fruit, I eat some high fat cheeses. I don't eat red meat, poultry, or fried foods. I eat fish, a TON of veggies, beans, fruit, and lots of water.
About my fitness:
I've never been militant about my exercise. I started with a gentle walking program. It was so hard for me because just standing hurt so bad - my back, hips, and knees were screaming. I gradually increased my endurance and now I walk 10K steps per day (Love my Fitbit!). On my 37th birthday in February, I bought a bicycle and I ride it everywhere, every day -- to work, to the store, or just around the neighborhood and beyond. I have found tremendous joy in being on my bike and riding is something I have wanted to do for the past 20 years but I was always so scared and had a serious case of Fat Person On A Bike syndrome. Now, I don't even care who laughs – I am free on my bike. I do structured exercise for an hour about 2 times a week – either Zumba or some other form of aerobics. I do train with resistance tubes 3X a week and I just started Kettlebell workouts.
Gotta say that it feels good to come out from behind the curtain and to post actual numbers! Thanks, Fitness Pals!