The Gym/Wife/Z. Class of Marriage Stress Part 3/III

The Gym/Wife/Z. Class of Marriage Stress Part 3/III

Well it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve updated on the situation. I was right on my theories, but we will get to that in a second. This is a preface to those who say “I can’t believe I read that or you are evil”…To that I say.. NANANAAA BOOO BOOO I’m like rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Whew… Glad I got THAT off my chest! Tooo the story!!!

It started on a cold rainy and dark night…(Actually It’s been sunny and quite warm around here) I get the bright idea that I’m going to get to the bottom of this situation, even if it kills me. (Luckily it didn’t) Knowing my wife and her ability to face melt and spit fire and on the rare occasion acid I decided the only way to get to the bottom of this was to force it out, but while her thinking she is opening up. Thus the plan was born!



So I already know that Zumba is out of the question but I thought HEY I can bring Zumba to the weight room! No not by making obscene pelvic thrust towards people while they are lifting. (Granted there is a guy at my gym who curls that makes pelvic thrusts when he is curling. That’s another story though!) I’m going to do it by BRINGING in some color and PIZZAZ that is seen by the Zumba crowd. I went to the store and looked around til I saw the brightest part of the store and headed there. There I picked out the crown jewel of clothing to wear to the gym. A shirt that was black but had day glo arm pits, this allowing my arm pits to look like they smell.. BIOHAZARD NUCLEAR FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH! (Sadly I must have extra glands because after the gym they are rank.) Words don’t always do justice so here is EXHIBIT A:



I show my wife and she looks at me, gets those wrinkles on her head and says.. I don’t like it. It’s too bright. TOO BRIGHT I say!!! Do you not realize what you put on your body when you go to the gym. It’s so bright that blind people put on sunglasses, NASA sent an exploration team thinking that a star went super nova. She then gets upset, says “Fine, I just want to look pretty” and goes into the bedroom. I follow her in there and say “hey what the heDOUBLEHOCKEYSTICKS is wrong with you. For 3 weeks I’ve been dealing with you being moody, cranking, and just a pain in my (donkey) to be around. I’m tired of it. Spill it lady!” (Bracing myself to ninja dodge any sharp objects. God Forbid I WILL NOT DIE wearing day glo workout clothes.)

She looks are me and starts crying. I do the dumb man thing and ask her… “Are you pregnant, you got all moody like this last time you were pregnant” After dodging a shoe she yells, “I’M NOT PREGNANT!” then she finally breaks down and tells me the story of her issues.

She had a friend, we will call her Lisa (I have other things I want to call her but I need to keep this PG) that told her at work that she saw me at the gym and I was chatting it up with a lady. EXHIBIT B:



that she watched us talk for about 15 minutes and that we were both smiling a lot. That we really seemed into each other and had a lot to talk about, so since she is such a good friend that spied on us for awhile.



She noticed we talked for a good 20 minutes and then I went and started to lift. She followed the woman to her Pilate’s class. (TALK ABOUT CREEPER.. I really dislike Lisa right now) and just wanted my wife to be aware.

So I look at her and I start laughing. That lady she saw me talking to, that would be my cousin. Not in the least someone I’d sleep with or cheat with. (I’m FROM MISSOURI not ARKANAS…sorry anyone from Arkansas….Truly!) My wife then immediately calmed down and then told me that she felt like I was being distant with her lately even when we were out and about. I decided it was best to leave the part out the reason I was distant was I was tired of getting my head bit off, spit out, and then having to sew it back on anything I said anything. Instead I said what was probably the smartest thing that ever came out of my mouth.. “I’m Sorry” Things got better to an extent.

After talking I headed to the gym with my new found shirt of pure awesomeness. I took a step into the weight room and a friend of mine goes.. “Zumba class is that way --->” I haven’t put the shirt on since.

Well that is it for this edition of Gym, Stress, Zumba, Crazy co-workers of your wife, and general life can never be boring. Thank you for reading!