Should I seek professional HELP?!?

I def think you should go speak to someone... EDs come in all varieties and if you feel like you are heading down the wrong path then its a good idea to get a grasp on it now before it's too late. You will learn how you can change your thoughts and that you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. It's never good to feel alone or like a failure in these situations.. just make sure to be honest with your doctor and yourself... good luck!! :flowerforyou:

Short answer: yes.

I would get help. I never in a million years thought I would ever be diagnosed with an ED, but mine was for Binge Eating and EDNOS. My best friend had to go into treatment last year for Anorexia and Bulimia. She does NOT look like the "typical" anorexic that you see in most articles about it. You'll feel better talking to someone about this, and they will help you get back on the right track!

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

You have to make a choice.
Continue as is and you will likely die at some point from this. I'm being very serious. Eating disorders kill women every day.
OR
Get help and risk gaining a little weight.

You need professional help from a psychologist.

Right now.

You know what's ironic...My mom is a psychologist.
GUESS WHAT SHE TREATS....

I'm not sure this is ironic.... this may be a related factor.

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer.

^^^ This.

We can support you all you want, but if you're asking the question, then it's time to ask the question of someone who can actually provide you with help. You need a professional, you need them now.

You've recognized the early symptoms and you're brave enough to admit it. Congratulations, you're braver and stronger than most. That means you'll almost certainly come out of this just fine if you get a little assistance.

You don't have to do this alone, it's easier with help.

I worked in mental health for a long time and there is no shame in getting help and a professional would never not take you seriously. The bravest and most "in control" people I know are the ones that went and got help.

I'm so impressed with you for starting this thread! Are you close enough to you mother to ask for help?

Think of it this way as well, the sooner you get this under control and get help the sooner you'll be able to work towards the body you REALLY want. Not a skeleton, but a fit young women. You recognise there is a problem, sort it out now before it ruins your 20's. You wanna enjoy your 20's right?! You can do it girl.

You need the help before your habits get worse. Purging is terrible idea the smomach acids ruin your teeth. I work for an oral surgeon.

You ARE skinny!! Don't compare your weight to someone a foot shorter than you. You're 2 pounds away from being officially "underweight" on the BMI scale (not that I believe in the accuracy of the BMI scale, but that's a different topic). Point being, you are FAR smaller than average, and the way you see yourself is not how the rest of the world sees you. That's part of your ED as well.

So if it makes you feel better, you did not fail at getting skinny. Now don't fail at getting healthy either! Talk to your mom. Luckily, you're young and still healthy and you probably haven't done any damage (yet).

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

No, you can still have an eating disorder. You've just allowed yourself the valuable opportunity to catch it before it started screwing up your health. Seize the opportunity. Now.

And that little voice you're talking about? It's probably your eating disorder trying to take over.

You need professional help. You'll be taught to have a healthy relationship with food...not an all or nothing relationship. It's not about being weak or being a "failure". It's about LIVING! You're probably already aware of the dangers but eating disorders destroy your organs & will, eventually, cause them to shut down. I'm sure that you're a beautiful girl who has so much living to do. Please don't be afraid to do the right thing! Wishing you well!!!

First of all I wanna thank you all SO MUCH for replying. I'm happy I started this thread.

Second I gotta tell you another part of my problem: I'm an exchange student. I'm momentarely doing Senior Year in High School and I live with a host family. This also makes me afraid of what will happen when I would seek help.. because I don't wanna go home before then end of the program. I don't wanna tell my hostmom either, because I'm afraid she won't understand or will not wanna deal with it and that I have to go home.
I saw my own mom for 2 weeks over Spring Break wen she came to visit me. I gave lots of hints and talked oenly about my thoughts and views. Since she is specialized in treating Eating Disorders I tought she would be right on it... talking me out if it. But she didn't.. She did ask a lot about my eating habits and my views on my own body, but she didn't do anything like "talking me out of it" or anything..she seemed more..observant. Of course I don't know if that's maybe the best way to treat a person with an ED (you know..not getting on their back) but for me... well... let's say I expected more, also because she's my mom of course.

I'm sorry I replied so late, I'm at a Track and Field meet ATM.
I would really appreciate anyone replying to the further information I just wrote down...

You might not like my tone, but get your priorities straight. You are putting your body in danger, period. End of Story. Fixing this is more important than any of the stuff you just listed, by a big margin.
Get help, now.

First of all I wanna thank you all SO MUCH for replying. I'm happy I started this thread.

Second I gotta tell you another part of my problem: I'm an exchange student. I'm momentarely doing Senior Year in High School and I live with a host family. This also makes me afraid of what will happen when I would seek help.. because I don't wanna go home before then end of the program. I don't wanna tell my hostmom either, because I'm afraid she won't understand or will not wanna deal with it and that I have to go home.
I saw my own mom for 2 weeks over Spring Break wen she came to visit me. I gave lots of hints and talked oenly about my thoughts and views. Since she is specialized in treating Eating Disorders I tought she would be right on it... talking me out if it. But she didn't.. She did ask a lot about my eating habits and my views on my own body, but she didn't do anything like "talking me out of it" or anything..she seemed more..observant. Of course I don't know if that's maybe the best way to treat a person with an ED (you know..not getting on their back) but for me... well... let's say I expected more, also because she's my mom of course.

I'm sorry I replied so late, I'm at a Track and Field meet ATM.
I would really appreciate anyone replying to the further information I just wrote down...

You can't "talk someone out" of having an eating disorder. It takes a lot of therapy usually. Pushing someone and trying to force them to "snap out of it" never works. Your Mom is probably well aware of what is going on.

Just because other people have 'worse' cases of ED doesn't mean you don't have one, and definitely doesn't mean you should aspire to become like them before you seek help. I used that faulty line of reasoning with depression for a long time before I sought help and now I really wish I'd snapped out of it sooner. You know you have a problem. You don't need to compare your problem to anyone else's problem. Mental illness is not a game of top trumps. You deserve help. Get it.

I get the living situation being tough as an exchange student, though. I don't know where you're on exchange but some countries have more or less stigma for this kind of thing which can make it rough, not to mention how hard it is to start seeing a therapist and then having to start all over when you go home in 2 months. I still think it's a good idea to try because your health is very important, but if you really feel THAT uncomfortable seeking help while you're with a host mom, try looking for other options. Your school might offer confidential counselling. Failing that, you can try and make progress on your own. This is way easier said than done of course, and will be slower and more painful than if you can get professional help, but it's better than doing nothing for the next 2 months. Do some research on how therapy for eating disorders work and see if you can try applying some of that yourself. Ask your mom about techniques she uses-- frame it as curiosity about her job if that'd make you more comfortable, though I bet she already knows what's going on.

But yeah. You need help. If not now, then definitely when you get home, and if you can't get professional help RIGHT NOW then you need to at least do everything you can on your own to start feeling better. And again, for emphasis, because this is IMPORTANT: the fact that other people have it 'worse' DOES NOT change the fact that you deserve to be happy.

I hope it goes ok for you and you can get better. And good luck at the track meet!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

And I wasn't as sad as some people with depression, but that didn't mean I didn't have depression and shouldn't have sought treatment for it.

Sometimes we need help. Take it. For my depression, and I'm pretty sure EDs are similar, I described it like someone who needs eyeglasses. People with bad vision can't see clearly. People with depression don't "see" the world clearly, but instead of things being blurry or out of focus, they see situations as being insurmountable. Everything seemed harder, darker and just plain worse than it really was. And I'm guessing that people with eating disorders don't see themselves or their relationship with food clearly.

You wouldn't tell someone who can't read an eyechart that they're being a wimp, that they should just suck it up and deal with it. They can't. And a mental/emotional problem is no different than a physical one. When you need help, you should get it. You deserve to be happy.