Unsupportive friends :(

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  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
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    dude, you are NOT fat..you may not be in a 0-4, but i think few of us REALLY are..you look gorgeous now, and i say drop them..may seem like the easy thing to do, but if you talk to them about it, and they are that @$$holish, that may be 1 more thing for them to tease you about..it was easier for me to stop going to a friends house, when all she wanted me to do was eat..make the best decision for you, and good luck :flowerforyou:
  • chocciechip
    chocciechip Posts: 207 Member
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    there are so many of us who have had similar experiences, but trying to lose weight is alienating, my social life took a huge nose dive when I started gyming regularly and people made a fuss about it, but some of my friends joined the gym so I now have dinner at least once or twice a week with these people, and it's something healthy and tasty - I never starve myself but it'll be something like a big jacket potato with a side salad or a stew and rice and plenty vegetables.

    it was an issue to begin with - but the positives for me have outweighed the negatives. People will tell you once you've lost weight to stop losing weight or you'll look too skinny - but it's because they're amazed by your change and if you've been large for a long time then it's assumed it's unhealthy!

    I saw some of my family for the first time this weekend in about a year - in that time I've lost 2 stone and I can honestly say every moment ignoring those comments which are made off the cuff by friends about food/drink/gym don't matter in the slightest to the positive comments from those who are HAPPY for me and my success
  • bigprettygirl69
    bigprettygirl69 Posts: 19 Member
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    Subtle saboteurs are the worst when they are your friends and family. They don't want you to change and may be working behind the scenes to sabotage you. I had to tell my sister that all of her snacking was a trigger for me and she kept doing it so I have to limit my time with her because of it. One minute she says she's proud of me for losing the 43 lbs and then she comes over with snack foods. KEEP GOING TO THE GYM YOU'LL FIND THAT THE SEXIER YOU GET (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A PRETTY FACE WILL MAKE THEM EAT THEIR WORDS). If YOU need a real friend you can inbox me and we can do this together, the more the merrier and keep your head up and don't let them get in your head anymore. Next to God, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.
  • 061293
    061293 Posts: 2
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    Its because you look better than them now. little bit of the green eyed monster I thank. We are all here for you.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
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    Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.


    They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.

    I never read that she says that's what she talks about. Teasing can hurt and since when do people mean well when they do it? She needs to talk to them one at a time about how she feels when they say and do those things. Put it out there and if it continues, she will have a choice to make. Let them continue to tear her down or let them be.
  • catpow2
    catpow2 Posts: 206 Member
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    1) If they can't support you, then don't share this part of your life with them--make some friends at the gym who have similar lifestyle and fitness goals. 2) Being skinny when you're 20 is easy--maintaining that as you grow older is the real work. They should live it up now because, trust me, in a very few years they won't be able to eat whatever they want. And finally 3) Be confident in who you are. You're not in high school. You don't need their approval.
  • Lissakaye81
    Lissakaye81 Posts: 224 Member
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    Time for new friends, meet some at the gym, or the health food store. People change and so do friends when your goals in life change. Doesnt sound like they arei n your corner. Mabey your changes are touching some of their insecurities regarding their own lifestyles. Hopefully you will find some people with same goals as you. Take it with a grain of salt, you will feel better and look better then them soon :D
  • Mershon88
    Mershon88 Posts: 46 Member
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    My friends are all blessed to be skinny and have the ability to not exercise and eat whatever they want and keep their bodies, but sadly I don't. Lately they have been mocking me for being on a diet and making fun of me for spending time at the gym instead of going out and it's really taking its toll on me mentally...I feel like they need a 'fat friend' around to make them feel good about themselves, but it's really hard for me to keep my morale up when they are constantly trying to tear me down :( Whenever we go out they make fun of me for eating healthy and try to get me to eat unhealthy things and it just really hurts and I'm sick of it...I need people to be there for me and they don't understand me! Okay, rant over, thanks for the listen, I would appreciate any advide :) xoxo thanks and good luck on your journey

    I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. I, too, have had those loving friends who just didn't seem supportive the way a friend should be. I have been the "fat friend" for a long time... and I guess I just got used to it. We would go out to bars/clubs and I would hear things like "Let's see who gets hit on the most... you can be the ref (directing that to me, of course) It really stung... but I just blew it off like usual. I brought it up to them years later.. of course they said they didn't mean it that way... but that's the way it felt. So this year I told myself I am gonna use that to help drive me to my goal. I refuse to be the "fat" one anymore. I am hoping to go visit them this summer... none of them know I have been losing weight.... and see their reaction when I walk up and I'm not the chunky one anymore. I know it sounds vain... but hey... I think I deserve to feel good about it. And this isn't the only reason I am trying to lose weight. I want to be able to play with my kids, and not be so tired anymore. And ya know what.. it's working. And I feel soooo much better about myself that I don't care what anyone else thinks anymore. :) Just hang in there! Eventually they will be wishing they could look and feel as good as you do :)
  • jiggy_gibby
    jiggy_gibby Posts: 197
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    Change is hard, even positive ones, for other people to handle. You are not doing this for them. You are doing this for you.

    Also, if you had cancer or some other illness, no one would tease you for going to chemo, right? Same thing for changing your fitness level or your food habits.

    And, really, women can be so destructive to each other. The whole "frenemy" thing and competing with other women -- No one says you have to participate. Take time to compliment them individually and others you meet- one sincere compliment a day because it will make you start to notice all the positive in your life, especially in YOURSELF!

    Rock on, woman!
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.


    They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.

    I never read that she says that's what she talks about. Teasing can hurt and since when do people mean well when they do it? She needs to talk to them one at a time about how she feels when they say and do those things. Put it out there and if it continues, she will have a choice to make. Let them continue to tear her down or let them be.

    ^^exactly. What's this rubbish about 'good natured teasing'? Uh, no. Good natured teasing isn't teasing that hurts or makes fun of your weaknesses.

    And most people do not mean well.
  • jmbreister
    jmbreister Posts: 13
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    I feel ya! My friends are all incredibly skinny and have never understood what I go through. I finally got my best friend to sign up for a fitness class with me.... well that lasted about three times. She started finding excuses every night the class rolled around. BUT I kept going. And you know what, I finally found that it's pretty darn good to do stuff all on my own without needing a friend to do it with me. Maybe along your journey you will find new friends with your same perspective/ interests. Sometimes it's hard for others to be sympathetic to something they can't comprehend! Kudos to you for keepin doin what you're doin!!
  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
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    I just looked at your pics..and you are gorgeous. If your friends are making fun of you..its one of 2 things...

    innocent teasing or they are jealous of your commitment to your body.. I would let them know how it makes you feel..and move on from there
  • jenbrooke73
    jenbrooke73 Posts: 3
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    That's awful. Get new friends!
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
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    Looking at your profile pics you have a rockin' body. BUT I would use that as your motivation at the gym. I would stop talking to them about the health/fitness side of stuff and just do it. Sooner or later they will stop. You look awesome.
  • tequila09
    tequila09 Posts: 764 Member
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    Any updates on the situation?
  • mybeach27
    mybeach27 Posts: 243
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    Any updates on the situation?
    I tried to talk to one of them about it, and she got really defensive(?!) and said I was over reacting...I'm not sure why. I calmly pointed out that what I was doing wasn't easy and she was my friend and I needed support, that i wouldn't talk about it or try to change her, but just asked if she could support me, and if she couldnt do that that she could at least not try to stop me...she hasn't talked to me for 3 days. :( why does a friendship have to be ruined because I want to improve myself?! I was very calm and nice about it so i know I couldn't have offended her...oh well, I have you guys, and even though we have never met and probably never will you have given me more support than I could ever have imagined and I thank you all so much!<3
  • ArtGeek22
    ArtGeek22 Posts: 1,429 Member
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    That stinks! Hopefully, she will come around. But if she doesn't you may be better off. From what you are saying the relationship sounds a little toxic to me. I use to have a friend like that them she crossed a line and we haven't talked since. Also, they probably just don't get what you are going through while we do :smile:

    If you need a friend feel free to add me :flowerforyou:

    Keep Calm and Carry On,
    Anna
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Any updates on the situation?
    I tried to talk to one of them about it, and she got really defensive(?!) and said I was over reacting...I'm not sure why. I calmly pointed out that what I was doing wasn't easy and she was my friend and I needed support, that i wouldn't talk about it or try to change her, but just asked if she could support me, and if she couldnt do that that she could at least not try to stop me...she hasn't talked to me for 3 days. :( why does a friendship have to be ruined because I want to improve myself?! I was very calm and nice about it so i know I couldn't have offended her...oh well, I have you guys, and even though we have never met and probably never will you have given me more support than I could ever have imagined and I thank you all so much!<3

    Good for you for trying to make yourself understood. She failed at being a good friend. I'm sorry if any of this causes you emotional pain.
  • DoctorKyrina
    DoctorKyrina Posts: 130 Member
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    I do really understand. I have some friends who are still overweight and I'm ok with that, but they seem to dislike me leaving the fat club. It's a rough spot to be in.
  • Belvie_101
    Belvie_101 Posts: 3
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    I know exactly how you feel. I am currently in the same position and that's why I joined this program. All of my friends are in pretty good shape. I'm not saying I'm obesse but I do want to get a little more toned and fit. They say I don't need to lose weight and I'm wasting my time but I just want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not have to hide behind a towel when I'm with them. Sometimes I even think they are trying to keep my pounds on me by making me go out to eat and they pay for my snacks and drinks trough out the day. They encourage me to eat loads of food and be lazy because that's how I've always been. But I need to change for the better of myself. And no one here is giving me that extra boost to let me know that I CAN DO IT! My Fitness Pal is helping me a lot. All of the people on this program are extremely helpful, nice, encouraging, and inspirational. :)

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