Friend Failure

Options
24

Replies

  • Drawberry
    Drawberry Posts: 104 Member
    Options
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....

    This bolded bit here. I text Boyfriend and don't expect to hear back every single text.It's very possible he may have just thought "Oh that's cool" and never thought to comment otherwise. Instead of automatically assuming that he's ignoring or brushing off what you've sent him, just ask him.

    "Hey did you get my text message? I am pretty excited about hitting my goal!"

    It sounds more like deep seeded issues you have with having a past sexual history with him, but not being fulfilled in a romantic one that you know he isn't interested in and are lashing out by an apparent lack of interest. Instead of assuming this or that, just bring it up to him that you're excited, but you can't expect everyone to always have a response for you and you can't hold your relationship desires above his head and want him to react to you the way you WANT him to.
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
    Options
    Why don't you just ask him?

    Something like...

    You: "Hey, I sent you a photo of my scale. I've finally reached my goal weight today! I'm super excited about it. Did you get it?"
    Him: "Oh yeah, I saw that"
    You: "What do you think? As a friend your support and kudos would mean a lot to me"
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    Options
    you could try something like this: "When I tell you I have reached a goal that has meant so much to me and you do not respond, I feel (fill in the blank). Why did you do that?" If he doesn't come up with something pretty amazing, I'd reconsider the relationship. People who cannot be supportive in -some- way are taking up space and air in my world. By the way... you totally rock! Awesome on achieving your goals!
  • VeggyGal
    VeggyGal Posts: 25 Member
    Options
    I don't know, that's a tough one. Only you know when it's time to move on. I gotta say I can relate....my long distance boyfriend and I celebrated that we made the first year mark together and I sent him a more than great email with music and celebration. I gotta say he has always been more than a little oblivios, thick headed. He didn't send an email back not one word! When I Skyped him two days after our anniversary I had to ask if he received it. I couldn't believe it and it made me seriously doubt if he was good enough for me. He's a really good guy and when he came back to town we had a terrific time together but there are times when I feel really hurt because he doesn't show he cares in a reciprocating manner. I think he really cares but is somewhere else and forgets that he even likes it when I reciprocate. Boys are just thick sometimes, I don't know why. If it really bothers you I would tell him and not let his seemingly detached behavior change your celebration. Do it for yourself! Don't let his moodiness affect your happiness.
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
    Options
    lol. boys ARE dumb. Plus, they can't read minds as well as we can :).
    Like a couple of other posters have already said, I'd just out and out ask him "hey, you see that scale pic? what yu think?"
    if yu do it over text you will most likely get some sort of emoticon back, in person you might not get the over-the top reaction you were hoping for. In either case, you gotta be your own cheering section first and not rely on the reactions of other people to quantify your sucesses.
    also, THAT is a cool tatt! Now I want it. If I get mine on teh other side, we could stand side bu side and make a pretty picture :)
  • ScarletShopaholic
    ScarletShopaholic Posts: 169 Member
    Options
    Well done you! Not so well done him! But sometimes men are just not aware they are supposed to do something. If you ask him and he has no decent reason why he didn't congratulate you, drop him.
  • SkinnyTopher
    SkinnyTopher Posts: 35
    Options
    As a few people have stated, it's a tough call. Yes, your friends should be supportive of you and be celebratory towards your success. But if they don't act the way you expect, you should definitely communicate with them about it. Anyone can sit and ponder the "what ifs" about life but those that find the most satisfaction are those that go find out for themselves. Go talk to him about it. And if he gives you some bullcrap excuse that you're really not content with, THEN you should reevaluate the situation and decide whether or not to loosen the tether and maybe look for new, more supportive friends.
  • STLaferty
    STLaferty Posts: 38
    Options
    Congratulations on achieving your goal!
    I have had a friend who would refuse to respond or talk about milestones or happy events in my life, if the same thing wasn't happening for her. I was telling someone about the situation, and that person said "Why do you call her a friend? That doesn't sound much like friendship to me. " I approached the subject with her, and she went on about how hard it was to hear me so happy when she was so miserable, blah, blah...I dropped her.
    Life is way to short to waste time on negative people. Ask him about it, and if the answer doesn't sit well with you, he's gone. Makes more room for a real friend.
  • iva001
    iva001 Posts: 162
    Options
    maybe he doesnt like the tatoo so he isn't pretending to be happy?
  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
    Options
    Congratulations!

    While I have also had experiences with unsupportive "friends", I think that before jumping to conclusions and allowing your feelings to be hurt and potentially ending a friendship you should say something to him.

    After people share the most intimate parts of themselves (physically and emotionally), they shouldn't feel like they can't be candid with each other and talk about things openly. Maybe that's just me though, I dunno.
  • anacsitham5
    anacsitham5 Posts: 814 Member
    Options
    It was rude of him not to acknowledge your success. It's a little weird with "friends with benefits" (past or present) and how they react to things. I'd ask him right up front why he didn't respond and tell him you are hurt. Unfortunately, maybe it is time to wean yourself off of him...you've said as much yourself. As you said, you have feelings for him, but he doesn't return those. Not a reason to hang around, do you think? :frown: Congrats on a job well done. Can't wait to see the pics of the tattoo. :smile: That is actually my reward to...hopefully by July! I have mine all planned out... just waiting for a flatter stomach before I get mine.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    Options
    just because its important to you, does not mean its important to him. and how do you know he got it, if he hasn't mentioned it maybe he didn't get it... I have had it happen to me before.

    I don't think he is a jerk... I think he is just a guy. Don't let it ruin your excitment for hitting your milestone, Oh and congrats.
  • Rikki444
    Rikki444 Posts: 326 Member
    Options
    Why don't you just be honest with him and tell him that his action or lack of action hurt your feelings? I honestly don't think he's purposely withholding celebration from you and so, I cannot jump on the "he's a jerk" bandwagon....

    I don't know if your friend has ever struggled with his weight and he may not even be able to relate or KNOW to launch rockets because you do deserve them.

    So, instead of sitting there resenting the poor guy..... speak up!

    "So this morning I sent you a text with my weight on the scale. I am FINALLY below 165 and I wish you could be excited for me! Congratulate me, I've worked HARD for this!"

    or.... something like it..... don't be afraid to ask for what you want/need.....
  • Misalayne
    Misalayne Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    Get your tatoo and wait for him to notice...though he may not because you can put a mans socks in the middle of the room and he will still ask where his socks are. Just saying. ?.of course maybe that is just my husband. But then again he notices if I change my lip stick color!

    Sooooo....if he doesn't notice, flaunt it, perhaps remain friends and move on.

    Congrats on your success!:flowerforyou:
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Options
    How are you *sure* that he did receive it?

    I text pics to my Mom, and it can show up hours, days later. Cell service isn't 100% reliable.
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
    Options
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....

    This bolded bit here. I text Boyfriend and don't expect to hear back every single text.It's very possible he may have just thought "Oh that's cool" and never thought to comment otherwise. Instead of automatically assuming that he's ignoring or brushing off what you've sent him, just ask him.

    "Hey did you get my text message? I am pretty excited about hitting my goal!"

    It sounds more like deep seeded issues you have with having a past sexual history with him, but not being fulfilled in a romantic one that you know he isn't interested in and are lashing out by an apparent lack of interest. Instead of assuming this or that, just bring it up to him that you're excited, but you can't expect everyone to always have a response for you and you can't hold your relationship desires above his head and want him to react to you the way you WANT him to.

    I agree with this. I had a romantic feelings for an old coworker who's pretty much my friend now - and we would text pretty frequently - whenever he was bored or I was bored and just catch up whenever. I would get upset/hurt when he wouldn't return my texts quickly or even at all; I realized that I was making him and his actions more like a boyfriend rather than just my friend and it wasn't right nor was it cool. We've had this happen 2x now and it was the last time that I understood. It's hard to gauge with texts and even more difficult with the "weirdness" and overanalyzing of texts because of those feelings and your case, the sexual history. As someone stated above, if he truly values you and your friendship, he'll come around. You should be proud of yourself and focus on you right now! :)
  • KetoBella
    KetoBella Posts: 141 Member
    Options
    Don't use his lack alleged lack of interest derail you. Sometimes we expect the world to be a better place if only we get to our goal weight. Fireworks do not go off, your bank account will not get a unexpected deposit, and your friends might not do cartwheels for you. What really matters is you committed to a goal, you suceeded in accomplishing the goal and most important along the way you have a great deal to be proud of. Congrats!!!
  • AprylChicken
    AprylChicken Posts: 1
    Options
    I think that you are looking too much into this. We are all strangers to you and do not know your full history with this gentleman. However, your personal weight loss is always going to mean more to you than anyone else because you are the one who has worked so hard to get to this point. Remember, guys aren't wired the same way as women. Chalk it up to that. Be happy with your acheivements and don't allow someone else to navigate away from your success.
    You've lost the weight now regain your power. You alone control how things affect you.
    Just sayin'
  • VooDooChylde
    VooDooChylde Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    So... Today, I reached a major milestone in my weight loss.

    For over a year I've told myself, when I was below 165, I would reward myself with a tattoo. It has been the weight goal that I've had ever since I was overweight, and I've worked super hard to get there.

    Well... I have a close friend that means a lot to me. I have romantic feelings for him, which he does not return, but we're still friends (probably because he finds me attractive and we've had a sexual past). We've both been exercising, and he has known about this goal for a long time and heard me vent through my plateau, etc.

    Well this morning when I reached my goal, I took a picture of my scale showing 164.8 and I texted it to him.

    He has not said a single word about it all day. :-( I know he has seen it, and I've been chatting with him online a little, but he will not even touch the subject of my success. I KNOW he has seen the text message.

    This has hurt me so incredibly much, and I don't understand why anybody would act that way. It has made me so angry, I am thinking that this friendship just needs to end when someone can't even say congrats to you.

    Someone please tell me what a jerk he is, and how I should just drop his stupid behind :(

    I say your part is done, you informed him, now stop wasting time worrying about what he may or may not be thinking and be proud of YOURSELF!!! focus on the goal you just reached and if he responds, great, if not, don't get too tripped up about it, and just enjoy your success for all it's worth!
  • glitterpiss
    glitterpiss Posts: 113
    Options
    I think you're the one over-reacting. Why does it hurt your feelings so much? Did you lose that weight for his approval? Did you lose that weight just to get congratulations, and now that hes not paying attention to your accomplishment and that ruins it for you?

Categories