Off topic but feeling sad Wedding cancelled

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  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    In the end, marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything by itself. If you're happy with the long-term relationship then why not enjoy it? If he doesn't want to get married you can't force him.It sounds like he's very committed so in the end it seems like a pretty minor thing.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    Are you happy? Other than this thing of course, but generally are you happy?

    If so, then why is getting married such a big deal?

    That question isn't rhetorical by the way...

    Agreed.

    Yes but this has made me feel have we a future?
    He says ges always wanted to marry but avoids it so am I just ok for now & not forever?
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 999 Member
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    If you have been together 9 years you are already legally a married couple.. common law couple (at least in Canada, not sure about UK).

    I've been with my guy 4 years.. i don't want to get married.. I'm perfectly happy being together, living together, spending our lives together... For some people a party or a legal piece of paper doesn't change the fact that you love each other so what is the difference. This may also be his attitude.. Because that's how i feel.
  • tinksmommy2006
    tinksmommy2006 Posts: 575
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    Maybe he just doesn't like planning it. From what I understand - guys could care less... it's the woman's fairy tale - so enlist a brides maid or maid of honor to help you plan it... and just tell him where to pick up his tux and what time to be at the church.

    Men are fickle creatures!

    this is what i did to my husband...married 6 years as of yesterday...together 10. he says it was the best decision i ever made for him...lol
  • sathor
    sathor Posts: 202 Member
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    just elope. get him out somewhere, get him to agree and get it done with before he can change him mind, you have to have somewhere in the UK like 'Vegas' that does that kind of thing, right?
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Out of curiosity, why is getting married so important to you? (Which I will understand, that's what I want as well, even though some of my friends say "oh it's just a piece of paper").

    My other question, aside from this marriage thing, are you really happy in the relationship?
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    LEAVE!! You need to understand this man will NEVER marry you. You will either be unhappy in this situation or happy out of it. Of course you have to start planning to leave, don't just walk into a shelter in the middle of the night. Once your at a point where you have enough to sustain than make your move.

    I did in 2009 for 2.5 years we saw each other still
    I moved back in as he said we would marry.
    Should of made sure we were married first.
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    AMEN. honestly I understand it's ever girls dream to have a white wedding and such but it's really not important unless you feel the need to gather your families and the community to share your commitment with them in a house of God.I personally believe the whole shindig is a waste of time and money.. you could spend that money elsewhere such as your childs education. you should see if he is willing to do a courthouse wedding, maybe you could have a backyard barbeque or something to celebrate the ceremony... :) much luck to you
  • slsmoot123
    slsmoot123 Posts: 98 Member
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    I'm going to be the dissenter in this group and say, get rid of this dude. He's not even trying to meet you half way. You can do bad all by yourself. You can be in business by yourself and find a way to live on your own. You can find happiness without him and maybe even meet someone else that is a nice guy. When a man tells you the truth, believe him.
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
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    Hi, Well you have to decide if you want to stay in this relationship and NEVER get married, or take your chances. If your picture is recent and accurate ,it doesn't look like you would have any probelms finding someone else. Face it, you have to get out or stay in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. You could stay in the relationship until you find some one else!

    Basil
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    Where do you live? Many states in the U.S. have common laws that protect women in your situation. Due to the length of the relationship you would legally be considered married and you would have similar rights to a divorcing spouse. You would also be entitled to child support in the U.S. if you chose to leave him and raise your child in a separate household. There are organizations that help women in these situations and that is probably the case if you live abroad as well.

    It seems like you may need some independence. Being completely dependent on someone for shelter, sustenance, etc can't be pleasant if the person isn't meeting your emotional needs. I have no idea of your circumstances, but circumstances like these can easily lead to abuse of all kinds (verbal, physical, etc.) If he won't go to counseling, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot. You look like a lovely person who deserves happiness in life. Don't let this person stop you from finding it!
  • msjersey73
    msjersey73 Posts: 182 Member
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    my husband and i have been together total of 6 & 1/2 years. we fought about marriage for the last two of them.
    5 months ago at our wedding he said to me "We should have done this years ago!"......i just about died!!!

    Some people just seem to not care about a "Marriage/Wedding". I told my guy, that its important to me, and its what I want.
    Maybe he is stuck on something, and he wont talk about it in fear that you wont listen?
    There is something stopping him from being happy about getting married. something stopping him from getting enthused....you need to find out what it is. It may take another year to figure it out, but you will be glad you did. Don't give up on him, not yet.
    maybe offer to sign a pre-nup. there are a lot of *****es out there that will ruin a man and leave him homeless after a divorce, show him you are not one of them.
  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    What you want is pretty important here. Your feelings are not good for your marriage, but they are totally OK. I've known a lot of long term relationships like yours who have broken up very shortly after the wedding. Couples counseling, especially since you have a child is good advice. If he won't go, go alone. There are things that you need to sort out.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    He won't marry me it seems big small or teeny ceremony

    It's very hard to leave sone one you love & have a family with

    He won't talk it through says I'm moaning at him which ever way I ask he doesn't want it mentioned, if I never mentioned it again the subject would never be talked about

    Wish it was different just really want to get past this empty feeling so I don't comfort eat
  • msjersey73
    msjersey73 Posts: 182 Member
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    Out of curiosity, why is getting married so important to you? (Which I will understand, that's what I want as well, even though some of my friends say "oh it's just a piece of paper").

    My other question, aside from this marriage thing, are you really happy in the relationship?

    Excellent question!!
  • smcesko
    smcesko Posts: 126 Member
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    What if he doesn't like the idea of the whole formal wedding thing. Do something fun go to Vegas or the court house. That way there is no stress. Just the two of you. You can have a big party for a reception when you get back. My hubby and I got married in Laughlin AZ on a boat during a motorcycle rally in shorts non the less! Best day EVER!! No stress!! We did have some family and friends come but other then that it was very laid back!! His friends that have gone through weddings have envied us and said they wish they could have done it our way. Just a suggestion. Good luck to you!

    Reading back through some of the comments it could be simply the piece of paper. My Aunt and Uncle were married and then divorced a year later however they are still together and consider themselves married which has been almost 20 years. We also have some friend that have been together well over 12 years and are not marrying. I think it just depends on the couple and what works for you.
  • rmchapman4
    rmchapman4 Posts: 152 Member
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    I will pray for you!
  • PiperMommy11
    PiperMommy11 Posts: 56
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    You need to do something hon. Seriously you sound so defeated and scared. You have to put yourself first! If you don' thave matching goals with him... all the love in the world won't save it. Do what is best for you. He seems like he's got you where he wants you.. He dangles the carrot and you do whatever he wants with the 'Promise' or 'idea' of a wedding/marriage as the carrot.
  • msjersey73
    msjersey73 Posts: 182 Member
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    He won't marry me it seems big small or teeny ceremony

    It's very hard to leave sone one you love & have a family with

    He won't talk it through says I'm moaning at him which ever way I ask he doesn't want it mentioned, if I never mentioned it again the subject would never be talked about

    Wish it was different just really want to get past this empty feeling so I don't comfort eat
    He (you both) NEED to talk about it...... relationships are no good if there is no communication. tell him to explain WHY, and then you wont 'bother' him.
    if you are happy and in love with each other, then work on it. Someone who Loves you, shouldnt make you feel like this.
  • threnners
    threnners Posts: 175 Member
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    Think of it this way: Why do you want to marry someone who doesn't want to marry you?

    Cut him loose.

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