A question for women, rephrased

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13

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  • hopeledbetter17
    hopeledbetter17 Posts: 6
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    A healthy relationship is TWO people choosing to be together and doing whatever they can to keep things that way. You are in a one sided relationship with a user. Based on the things you listed in your post about carrying her to the bathroom and passing out on Xanax it sounds like you need to get your girlfriend some help. You cant be in a healthy loving relationship unless both of you are healthy loving people. My impression is that your girlfriend has some serious issues of her own that need to be resolved before you can even attempt to work on the relationship.
  • amuhlou
    amuhlou Posts: 693 Member
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    She's spoiled. I'm guessing she was spoiled before you started dating, but you just enabled it further.

    If she can get everything she wants just by having sex with you, why would she do anything more? She's using you for your attention and your checkbook.

    I think most girls would be legitimately feel freaked out / smothered by that much attention, so the fact that she just wants more is pretty telling. She's not normal.

    Find a girl who appreciates you and does nice things for you. It's a two-way thing.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Dude, stop asking us. Ask her.

    Her reason is "I'm just not like that, i've never done this or that for any boyfriend i've ever had"

    Then it seems you have the answer. She's not going to behave the way you want. Period.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
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    One time she was all drugged up on xanax (thanks doc) and she pissed the bed. I didn't kick her out and make her clean it up like most men would have.

    ^Just gotta say.. I don't think most men would kick her out of bed and make her clean it up.

    And as for the rest....it sounds horrible. Talk to her about it and if it doesn't change then take her down off the pedestal you have her on!

    I had a similar situation, not quite as extreme though. My boyfriend always tells me how beautiful/sexy/hot he thinks I am and I never used to tell him how attractive I think he is, thinking it doesn't need to be said, because well - he's a dude. I was so wrong, after a year of being together he told me he needed to hear it sometimes too, and it really bothered him that I never told him. I felt stupid and a bit selfish when he told me this, I was just clueless and didn't realize guys need to hear that kind of stuff too. Now I make sure I tell him as often as I am thinking it :smile:

    Soo.. my point is.. she might just be clueless. Has she had many relationships before you?
  • hawkyfan99
    hawkyfan99 Posts: 1
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    Before I ask my question I want to inform you that I'm currently not in a healthy state of mind. I'm very depressed lately and I'm bugging out. I want to have a healthier state of mind because that is part of being healthy/fit.

    If your coming here with intentions of bashing my thread, going and looking at my profile and jumping to conclusions because of my inspirations and etc... then grow up. I want to be fit for 1 Vagina only, my girlfriends vagina. I'll touch base with that in a minute. I'm not a tool even though the signs are there. I've had 3 gfs in my life so I'm pretty sure that does not make me a tool.

    For the past year me and my girlfriend have been dating. I do everything for her. I pay the bills, I make her breakfast in bed when she wants it. I cook all the food, when she comes home from work I greet her with a kiss and ask her about her day. When she is sick I take extra special care of her including CARRYING her to the bathroom. She literally makes me go with her to the bathroom to P, and to do her makeup blah blah blah. I've cut out a bunch of hearts with sweet notes on them and taped them to her car. I've made her mix cd's of that acoustic love crap she likes and drew a little picture of a teddy bear holding flowers to be the cd cover. I open all the doors for her, I lift the seat... One time she was all drugged up on xanax (thanks doc) and she pissed the bed. I didn't kick her out and make her clean it up like most men would have. I picked her up and gave her a bath because she simply wouldn't wake up. I didn't want her getting a rash so yeah... She had a car accident guess who was there to take care of her? Me. Guess who wasn't, her family... I've made candle lit pathways to a bubble bath so to say that I'm not chivalrous is dumb. Literally when she gets home from work she kicks back and orders me around. "give me a drink, i'm hungry, let me have that pillow etc..."

    What do I get in return? She comes home to me, she might take me with her to see her friends, she smokes her ganja with me... Other than that NOTHING. Sure we have sex almost every night but to me that isn't enough. Is this all of this because she thinks "oh i'll just give him some and call it even?"

    If I didn't treat her like a princess we wouldn't be together I'm sure. What is behind this type of behaviour. Ask me any question you like to help me get to the bottom of this. example: "is her parents around?" Why oh why does she feel the need to be treated like a princess all the time and not treat me the same way?

    You're making it too easy. She knows she has you where she wants you. You need to make her think that you are capable of being without her. Women usually never go for the guy who is an easy catch and do whatever they want. Make her work a bit for the affection, if she doesn't come around, then find one who will. Make her see that you have a life besides her. I'm not saying treat her like dirt, but show some independence and you'll see what I'm talking about.

    Make plans that don't involve her
    Get a hobby that you can do on your own
    Show her that you have a life besides her

    On the other hand you are getting a lot of .... so you might not have it as bad as you think.

    I dunno, man. At that point, I think I'd rather pay for it than serve as someone's doormat.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
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    I think you should eat back your exercise calories...oops wrong thread.

    Why ask advice when we give it and you lash back? I'm sure this thread will get ousted as well.

    I get the whole "nice guys finish last" but this is beyond being nice. IF you are unhappy then why stay? Because you love her right? So either shut up and put up or GTFO, she won't change, you won't change... you've already proved that.

    Is this your third thread on this subject?
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
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    I've read a bunch of the replies and most of them make really good points. The simple statement I have for you to think about is this:

    Perhaps she is just not the woman for you.

    Take this for what it's worth. I've been married for 30 years and although we've had our ups and downs, we both do things for each other. He brings me soup when I'm sick and I do the same for him. It's a two way street. It should be a partnership, not a father/young daughter thing.

    Good luck.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Dude, stop asking us. Ask her.

    Her reason is "I'm just not like that, i've never done this or that for any boyfriend i've ever had"

    put a fork in the relationship...it's done.
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
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    oh-no-not-this-thred-again.jpg
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Either keep going with things the way they are, or change what you are doing and accept that she may or may not stay. Those are your options really. Not every woman is like that, in fact, I don't know any like that.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    People only treat you as bad as you let them. You treat her like a little princess and let her walk all over you. Move along and find someone who isn't a spoiled brat.
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
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    Dude, stop asking us. Ask her.

    Her reason is "I'm just not like that, i've never done this or that for any boyfriend i've ever had"
    So you are asking a bunch of strangers to try and change her?

    You have your answer. She doesn't want to change, nor should she. Now you have to decide if this relationship is worth it. Only you can decide that.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    DTMFA
  • llahairdna
    llahairdna Posts: 521 Member
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    She sounds spoiled, and (please don't take offense) but you kind of sound like a push-over.

    Women need men who will do those sweet things of course, but also have a back bone. Doing make-up? Carrying her to the bathroom? Some of these things sound like she can basically get you to do anything and everything.... She is using you!

    Not just men, but women too, should not only be willing to give up control but also be able to take control, be decisive/insistent, and sticks to their guns. Don't let her make you into a push-over. You deserve to be treated with respect...so stand up for yourself and demand respect.

    I agree with this 100%. Demanding respect does not equal being a jerk, it just means that you want to be treated with the same respect you are giving her - and that's a completely reasonable request.
  • Salvi30
    Salvi30 Posts: 196 Member
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    Yea, it kinda seems like she is taking advantage of you. You seem like a real nice guy, but you shouldn't have to do all that for her. She's a big girl, she should know better. No disrespect. Anyways, if you really love her and you don't mind doing all this for her, then so be it. If you really love her and this bothers you, and you don't feel she will ever change, then you might have to move on. I wish I had more insight or newer insight, but this is all I have. Good luck.
  • ShaSimone
    ShaSimone Posts: 276
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    Ask for what you want and need out of this relationship, get her to the point where she understands if cannot/will not reciprocate and show you a deeper, newer level of love and affection then she may end up losing you...and follow through. I would tell any of my girl friends the same exact thing I am saying to you.
  • Brechin89
    Brechin89 Posts: 92
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    Dude, stop asking us. Ask her.

    Her reason is "I'm just not like that, i've never done this or that for any boyfriend i've ever had"
    What do you want her to do?

    I don't know maybe cater to me for a change?
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    Your girlfriend sounds like a pissant loser. This is what you need to do.



    YOU need to cut that parasitic cancer fast. Or you want to know what will happen to you? You will get hauled off to deployment and come back to an empty bank and empty house because that rag you call girlfriend will just jody you will you are off and away*
    You sound lovely but seriously, you need to man the f%ck up and drop horrible people like her.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
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    I'm saying this to help in my normally blunt way, not to bash...

    Dude seriously? Cowboy up. No one wants to date someone they don't respect. And if what you wrote it true, she doesn't respect you, you're just convenient and foolish enough to put up with her behavior.

    And you sound hostile about it, like you resent doing the things you do vs. even enjoying it. If you stop acting like a little boy, she might respect you as a man. I say that with no bad intent, just a fact. Sit her down, let her know what you will/will not be doing and what you expect back. Like grown folks do.

    People only treat you bad when you let them. Don't blame her. Look in the mirror and reevaluate.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    . I want to be fit for 1 Vagina only, my girlfriends vagina.

    See if your foot is a good fit for her vagina. After you clam-kick her to the curb, take a few months to yourself, *kitten* a bit, and then go out and find a new woman. Preferably one who makes sammiches and will say nice things to you while she slaps it around a bit.


    Totally srs too.
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