MEN.. HELP..!! (maybe women moms of pre-teens or teen..)

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ELENA_Z
ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
in Chit-Chat
So this is very awkward.. I have a son who is going to be 12 soon. Well today i was super busy cleaning up my entire kitchen top ti bottom.. My 2 youngest were in the living room playing with toys.. buuuut my oldest was MIA.. I went through all the rooms even rest room. Well heres my predicament i found him in his roomdoor closed well uuumm.. you know.. touching personal area.. now im no idiot and i know what he was doing.. He freaked when i walked in and saw what he was doing i got nervous and closed the door and asked him to come out.. He did and his excuse was that it was itchy.. lol.. but my question is do i need to talk to him or something or what..?? I know next time knock but i just thought he was still to young for.these type of um.. feelings.. how old were you when you started your sexual interest. My boys aren't exposed to any kid of sexual behavior or anything i have talked the basic how babys are made thing but thats as far as i went. They lead a "normal" life at home. Im just confused as a mom.. any advice is greatly appreciated.
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  • FitForSummer2012
    FitForSummer2012 Posts: 3
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    19 year old male here. I was about the same age, maybe a little younger even. I wouldn't talk to him, there is nothing that he really needs to know, just let him figure it out. Personally I would rather do anything than have that conversation with my mother. As long as it wasn't any weird there's no need to confront him.
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    Get a male that he looks up to explain a few things to him- maybe his dad, brother, etc. Just tell him that as you grow up things begin to change and it's all normal (but if he's going to 'touch' himself theres a time and place for it!)- you won't really have to go into too much depth- I'm sure he'll make sure he finds out what he doesn't understand!! If you're mature about the topic and treat him as a grown up, he'll respond a lot better than if you try make a big deal of it. Alternatively, leave the encyclopaedia lying around open to a specific page?!? (He might rather going over it/ through the information in his own time and at his own pace?!?
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I'm not a man, nor a mother, so take this with a grain of salt. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it - it's a natural thing that people do. Just because they aren't exposed to sexual things doesn't mean they can't figure out that it feels nice when they touch there, so in a lot of ways it's out of your control. But rest assured that there's nothing that isn't normal or natural about it.

    He is probably already embarrassed that his mom saw, so I'd tread carefully, but now might be a good time to have a talk about sex - safe sex - it is NEVER too early, because you don't want your son relying on information he gets from his friends at school. He may feel more comfortable discussing this with a male role model in his life, but honestly there are lots of great resources out there to help you discuss sex and sexuality with your son. Try to work past your own embarrassment, be open with him, and be sure to let him know that you are always available to answer hsi questions or talk to him about the subject - it will probably make things easier for the two of you :)
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    19 year old male here. I was about the same age, maybe a little younger even. I wouldn't talk to him, there is nothing that he really needs to know, just let him figure it out. Personally I would rather do anything than have that conversation with my mother. As long as it wasn't any weird there's no need to confront him.
    I agree with the part about not having it with my mother- I probably would have died if she'd tried to talk to me about it!! (I already knew all about it when I got the 'talk' cause of friends at school, but it still felt awkward!!)
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    Almost felt like a moment on those american pie movies..
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
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    I'm a mom of a 12 yr old, soon to be 13 in July. This is perfectly normal. I'm assuming that he has already had the health talk at school and at home. Go for a car ride (this way you are side by side and not eye to eye which is less embarrassing for males) and explain to him that you apologize for not knocking. At his age you realize that he needs his privacy. There is nothing for him to be ashamed of and these actions/feelings are normal. Then, just drop it. Not sure if there is a male he can talk to, if so tell him that if he has any other questions he can talk to his person. Period.
  • douglasmobbs
    douglasmobbs Posts: 563 Member
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    you could be nice and start leaving loads of clothes catalogs lying about. Let him go retro first before he discovers the internet.

    12 is about normal goes along with puberty.
  • cyn4him
    cyn4him Posts: 83 Member
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    Mom of 3 boys... 11, 13, and 15... I have been there. In my opinion, best not to say anything. He can figure that part out on his own. And if you mention it, you will embarrass him. He is probably already embarrassed plenty. And I am sure you are too. Just relax about it. Just my thoughts on it. I guess it's always a learning process.
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    Almost felt like a moment on those american pie movies..
    LOL!! :)
  • TheDoctor90
    TheDoctor90 Posts: 461 Member
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    Absolutely no need for anyone to 'talk to him' about it.
    That includes car drives, getting a male to do it. No need.

    He was in his room (therefore in private) so there is nothing else to talk about.
  • Moniqua1
    Moniqua1 Posts: 195 Member
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    It's normal. Don't freak out. Definitely don't make him feel guilty. It's natural and while he may be your little boy, he's growing up. It's not wrong to.....discover yourself. My boyfriend is STILL "discovering" haha. I don't know why this is an issue. Theres no need for discussion, unless you want to embarrass him more than I'm sure he already is. I don't have kids, I'm not a guy, so, maybe I'm off, but just think about it and why you think it's not normal. My brother brought home porn magazines from school that he bought from a kid in the bathroom when he was in 4th grade I think. My mom made him sit down with her and and go through the whole thing page by page. He was mortified!
  • NewTeena
    NewTeena Posts: 154 Member
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    I'm a single mom of teenage boys. I'm very honest and up front with my kids, I asked my boys (they're a year apart so I had the discussion between the 3 of us) if that was something they had heard of or had done, at first they didn't answer I told them that it was normal behavior, nothing to be ashamed of, every man does it, and that it should be done in private. They admitted it, were happy to find out they were normal, and went out and mowed the lawn after.

    After that conversation with mom, they had no issues asking me anything. If it's not something I can answer, I tell them that too.
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    Almost felt like a moment on those american pie movies..
    LOL!! :)

    lol.. just remembered the pie moment.. lmbo.. okay i have to see this with humor.. Ill worry when he asks for a warn cherry pie.. lol ok ill stop..
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    Absolutely no need for anyone to 'talk to him' about it.
    That includes car drives, getting a male to do it. No need.

    He was in his room (therefore in private) so there is nothing else to talk about.

    I don't think it needs to be a big event, but I don't think it's a bad idea for OP to be open with her son about sexuality, etc. I've always thought of the idea of "teachable moments" to be good ones - not like you sit down with your parents and they tell you about sex, but little discussions based on real life - commercials, advertising, things that happen in the news, etc. It doesn't have to be as awkward as it might seem, or go into much detail, but I think it's always nice when a children and parents feel comfortable enough with each other to discuss it to some extent.

    Like I said, I'm not a male nor a parent, but if anything, her son should know that there is no shame or anything unnatural in what he's doing. I feel that not talking about it because it "might feel awkward" is a disservice to kids who then feel that they should be guilty or embarrassed, or ill-informed about sex.

    ETA: I had my first period when I was nine years old, and I developed very early, right around that age. My parents were always too embarrassed/felt too awkward to really discuss what was happening to me, so it sort of made me feel like a freak. I feel that if I had a more open relationship with my parents regarding sexuality and puberty, it would have made the transition into "adulthood" a lot less scary and embarrasing to me than it wound up being.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    I agree that it's a perfectly natural part of growing up. My son is 11 and we have had "the talk" but that was a while ago, when his dads new wife was pregnant otherwise I don't think it would have happened yet. He knows the basics, better than him getting the wrong idea from classmates. He also knows that there is no stigma attached to any of the things he feels or does and if he has any questions we will gladly answer them.
    I don't know if I'd get a male relative to sit him down and explain things to him, it may be too embarrassing for him, but I would let him know that this person would be available to chat if he thought you weren't the person he'd like to discuss it with. Good luck :smile:
  • jennkain97
    jennkain97 Posts: 290 Member
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    mother 18 & 19 yo boys here... nothing to talk about, and ESPECIALLY not w/ mom! that's just about the right age, and perfectly normal. now, if he had a GIRL in there, that's a different story altogether! the only thing i would say is, if his siblings have a habit of entering unannounced, he needs to protect his privacy a little better -- for his sake and theirs. other than that, welcome to the teen years! good luck!!! (you're gonna need it!!)
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    Me and him have id say a god relationship.. He knows very well that if he has any questions he can ask.. and he does hes very open and asks whatever is in his mind.. I just thought he was to young for that in specific..
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
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    Absolutely no need for anyone to 'talk to him' about it.
    That includes car drives, getting a male to do it. No need.

    He was in his room (therefore in private) so there is nothing else to talk about.

    I don't think it needs to be a big event, but I don't think it's a bad idea for OP to be open with her son about sexuality, etc. I've always thought of the idea of "teachable moments" to be good ones - not like you sit down with your parents and they tell you about sex, but little discussions based on real life - commercials, advertising, things that happen in the news, etc. It doesn't have to be as awkward as it might seem, or go into much detail, but I think it's always nice when a children and parents feel comfortable enough with each other to discuss it to some extent.

    Exactly, I think there should be some discussion. This allows the parents to clear up any misconceptions, myths, etc. Children get in trouble when they are misinformed or lack information and knowledge.
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    I'd offer to put a lock on his bedroom door if he feels he needs more privacy.
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    Ditto to the "no talk needed" comments. Nature will do it's thing. Just expect him to disappear a little more often, and be sure to make plenty of noise when approaching his room so there are no awkward encounters.

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