MEN.. HELP..!! (maybe women moms of pre-teens or teen..)
Replies
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Like others have said, leave him be.
In fact, don't even talk about it to your friends or relatives. Put it far, far out of mind.0 -
And long showers;)As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".0 -
My son was 10 when I walked in on him (in all fairness, his door was open and he was supposed to be cleaning his room before we went someplace). I turned around and left the room. It was no big deal, just a bit unexpected at his age. I never felt the need to talk to him about it. If he had questions, he'd come to me. Otherwise, it's a natural thing and not a big deal.
Edited to add, from then on, I'd call his name down the hall as I headed to his bedroom if the door was open or knock if it was closed.0 -
I lost my virginity at 11. I started very young. Here's my thought son the topic
He's going to do the business no matter what the culture in your household is (conservative or more modern and open about this kinda stuff). If you've had "the talk" with him then let him be. If he has a male role-model in his life (father, uncle, somebody else) then you can ask him to have a more detailed talk with him about being cautious etc.
These things are gonna happen. I would suggest that YOU yourself donot talk to him for couple of reasons. First, he is embarrassed enough as it is, talking to his mother would make it worst. Second, no boy should be talking this stuff with his mother mainly because you're a woman and even though you know whats going on and stuff, you cannot possibly understand it completely so definitely see if some other male can have a more detailed talk.0 -
I was 14 and my now fiancée 13 when we
actually had sex and we've been fine. I get why
you're worried but it's totally natural and it could
be way worse at this point.0 -
And long showers;)As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".
Basically this. VERY long showers
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Like others have said, leave him be.
In fact, don't even talk about it to your friends or relatives. Put it far, far out of mind.
LOL. What every boy hopes his mom will do if she ever walks in on him.0 -
I don't know why people think he needs to be spoken to...
That 'act' doesn't necessarily mean he's thinking about sex. When I started I didn't even know what sex was.
The argument that 'he might think it's dirty'...No, people think it's dirty when you're told it's dirty. He won't automatically assume what he's doing is bad, therefore absolutely no need for anyone to explain anything.0 -
It's perfectly natural and I know that I will catch my son doing it someday (my mom embarrassed me and told my whole family while laughing about it the first time I got caught). In either case, as long as he is in his room and is being "clean" about it then there is nothing to talk about. I will probably talk to my son if I ever catch him, but I'm just going to tell him not to use the good lotion and leave it be. By then, he will know all about sex, the male and female anatomy because there is no need to wait all the way until he is a teenager to discuss that with him. Even my two girls are decently familiar (for their age) because it's not ostracized in our home. It is what it is and we'll leave it at that. I agree with the others, there is nothing that needs to be said. As long as he's in his own playground, it's all good
Good luck! 0 -
If you want to talk to him, I don't see the harm. Just tell him that 1) it's natural to have those urges, but that there is a time and place for them.
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
The 'sex' talk comes later, and that's a whole different bundle of things he needs to know - doing it safely, respecting his partner, pregnancy being a reality, etc.
It's nothing to be ashamed of and as long as you emphasize that it's a NORMAL part of life, it shouldn't be a problem. If you don't feel comfortable, talk about it with a male figure in his life and tell him what you would like him to know, and then get him to talk about it. Whatever works. Just don't demonize it, and I can't stress that enough.0 -
I have an 11 and 8 year old and am dreading the day. Im very honest and open with my boys, and personally, I would make a educational joke out of it, so as to not embarrass him, but put him at ease in knowing that its normal. Be happy he went to his room to do it and not on the couch or something! lol
These days, kids can probably tell us things we don't know about.....Im sure he knows its normal and fun. Don't sweat it.0 -
And we thought we were getting away with it, and that it wasn't obvious at all...........................!!
And long showers;)As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".
Basically this. VERY long showers How can it not be guessed that that's what's going on?!? 0 -
I am fortunate that my 17 year old son have a very open relationship and he has asked me questions about sex/sexuality and relationships I would never would have asked my parents (EVER). I also agree that no talk is warranted or encouraged. However, you should apologize for walking in on him and that from now on you will knock and if he never hesitate to come to you if he has any questions about sex (would prefer he came to you than learn MISinformation from the kids at school or worse expose himself to predators on the internet).0
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And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?0 -
I'm a single mom of teenage boys. I'm very honest and up front with my kids, I asked my boys (they're a year apart so I had the discussion between the 3 of us) if that was something they had heard of or had done, at first they didn't answer I told them that it was normal behavior, nothing to be ashamed of, every man does it, and that it should be done in private. They admitted it, were happy to find out they were normal, and went out and mowed the lawn after.
After that conversation with mom, they had no issues asking me anything. If it's not something I can answer, I tell them that too.
As a 36 yr old man, I personally think this is the best option. Since the OP walked in on her boy doing that, ignoring it will only make things uncomfortable for longer. Just tell him it's normal, that basically all guys and most girls do it. If he asks questions, answer them honestly no matter how embarrassing they are. And let him know you'll remember to knock before walking into his bedroom.0 -
Agreed!I have a 26 year old son and walked into the same thing. Obviously, he is interested in feeling pleasure and will seek it out, maybe even with a girl. If you don't talk about it, he may think of it as dirty. Sex isn't dirty and no one should she it that way. Since he is interested and curious, now is the time to talk about it. In its entirety.
Some tips:
1. Get pictures of male anatomy.
2. Explain how things work down there.
3. Explain the primary purpose of intercourse.
4. Explain that it is okay to please oneself, but clean up the mess. LOL Better yet, he isn't too young to do his own laundry, mom.
5. Explain about how girls get pregnant. In other words, intercourse and the fertilization of eggs to produce a baby.
6. Explain that it only takes one sperm.
7. Explain that there are diseases associated with sex. Reading material from a clinic can help in this department.
8. Explain your expectations. In my home, this included an agreement that my son would not have sex before the age of 17 and that when he did, he would use protection. Also, my son could not have sex under my roof when I was home. This was in recognition that if I wasn't home, I wouldn't know and I didn't want him to lie. Additionally, if a child was a product of his having intercourse with someone, he would assume responsibility and support that child.
The result of all that teaching is that my son is 26 years old, moved out early (he's in the military) has had sexual intercourse with a few girls, says he uses protection except with long-standing relationships, has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and no girl has gotten pregnant by him.
The alternative is ignorance, getting a sexually transmitted disease, getting a girl pregnant, and a whole lot more.
Hope this helps.
This!!!!!! Well said! =D0 -
I don't know why people think he needs to be spoken to...
That 'act' doesn't necessarily mean he's thinking about sex. When I started I didn't even know what sex was.
The argument that 'he might think it's dirty'...No, people think it's dirty when you're told it's dirty. He won't automatically assume what he's doing is bad, therefore absolutely no need for anyone to explain anything.
I don't necessarily think that they should talk about sex because of this particular happening - I just think it's a good thing to inform your kids about in general.
Then again, I don't know your son personally, I can only speak from my own experience.0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...
0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...
YAY I GOT A MEME RESPONSE!!!!! =D =D =D0 -
I have a 26 year old son and walked into the same thing. Obviously, he is interested in feeling pleasure and will seek it out, maybe even with a girl. If you don't talk about it, he may think of it as dirty. Sex isn't dirty and no one should see it that way. Since he is interested and curious, now is the time to talk about it. In its entirety.
Some tips:
1. Get pictures of male anatomy.
2. Explain how things work down there.
3. Explain the primary purpose of intercourse.
4. Explain that it is okay to please oneself, but clean up the mess. LOL Better yet, he isn't too young to do his own laundry, mom.
5. Explain about how girls get pregnant. In other words, intercourse and the fertilization of eggs to produce a baby.
6. Explain that it only takes one sperm.
7. Explain that there are diseases associated with sex. Reading material from a clinic can help in this department.
8. Explain your expectations. In my home, this included an agreement that my son would not have sex before the age of 17 and that when he did, he would use protection. Also, my son could not have sex under my roof when I was home. This was in recognition that if I wasn't home, I wouldn't know and I didn't want him to lie. Additionally, if a child was a product of his having intercourse with someone, he would assume responsibility and support that child.
The result of all that teaching is that my son is 26 years old, moved out early (he's in the military) has had sexual intercourse with a few girls, says he uses protection except with long-standing relationships, has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and no girl has gotten pregnant by him.
The alternative is ignorance, getting a sexually transmitted disease, getting a girl pregnant, and a whole lot more.
Hope this helps.
Yeah...this is exactly what should NOT be done. Leave the kid alone. The only way he's gonna think 'dirty sex' isn't dirty is if YOU set the tone of the household like this. I understand you're a mother of a wonderful child but what you wrote above is not why he turned out great. He turned out great because you raised him well. However, talking to him like this most likely disturbed him greatly. If you've had the how kids are made talk, thats enough
Edit: Made this remark in lieu of reading that the sex talk is already done. Safe sex talk, even if already done by you, should be done on occassion with boys by male figures in the family0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Make that three of us.0 -
Oh ok:) I see your point then:)
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...0 -
Yea if I remember correctly I was somewhere around 10 or 11. It's so normal. It deoesn't matter what kind of home life you present as it has nothing to do with that, well mostly. First he probably hears stufff at school from other classmates. I was brought up in a house with no cable until I was in like 8th or 9th grade and even then it was just 14 channels and you didn't see that same kinda stuff that's on now. Mostly family channels, sports, and news.
For me it was all an accident. I remember kinda just feeling that odd feeling. Remember, our "junk" us external and it rubs on something all day everyday so there is absolutley no way to avoid that feeling. He probably needs someone to explain it like a male role model but honestly most of us never got it explained to us and we are mostly normal I suppose....0 -
I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...
YAY I GOT A MEME RESPONSE!!!!! =D =D =D
You're welcome.0 -
If you want to talk to him, I don't see the harm. Just tell him that 1) it's natural to have those urges, but that there is a time and place for them.
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
The 'sex' talk comes later, and that's a whole different bundle of things he needs to know - doing it safely, respecting his partner, pregnancy being a reality, etc.
It's nothing to be ashamed of and as long as you emphasize that it's a NORMAL part of life, it shouldn't be a problem. If you don't feel comfortable, talk about it with a male figure in his life and tell him what you would like him to know, and then get him to talk about it. Whatever works. Just don't demonize it, and I can't stress that enough.
This was a Bazinga right? 0 -
LOL- The Big Bang Theory........................Sheldon?!?If you want to talk to him, I don't see the harm. Just tell him that 1) it's natural to have those urges, but that there is a time and place for them.
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
The 'sex' talk comes later, and that's a whole different bundle of things he needs to know - doing it safely, respecting his partner, pregnancy being a reality, etc.
It's nothing to be ashamed of and as long as you emphasize that it's a NORMAL part of life, it shouldn't be a problem. If you don't feel comfortable, talk about it with a male figure in his life and tell him what you would like him to know, and then get him to talk about it. Whatever works. Just don't demonize it, and I can't stress that enough.
This was a Bazinga right? 0 -
If you want to talk to him, I don't see the harm. Just tell him that 1) it's natural to have those urges, but that there is a time and place for them.
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
The 'sex' talk comes later, and that's a whole different bundle of things he needs to know - doing it safely, respecting his partner, pregnancy being a reality, etc.
It's nothing to be ashamed of and as long as you emphasize that it's a NORMAL part of life, it shouldn't be a problem. If you don't feel comfortable, talk about it with a male figure in his life and tell him what you would like him to know, and then get him to talk about it. Whatever works. Just don't demonize it, and I can't stress that enough.
This was a Bazinga right?
To continue the meme trend.0 -
no need for a talk about that.0
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