I feel stupid but...

KAF711
KAF711 Posts: 165 Member
edited December 20 in Chit-Chat
i think it is so hard to make friends as an adult. i have friends from work, but outside of work i feel like i have no clue how to make a friend. it was so easy as a kid, you see another kid and boom youre friends. anyone have any ideas?
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Replies

  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Nope. I suck at it too.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Ps. I would totally be your new BFF.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
    Me too I try to talk to mums at school years ago but they aren't very chatty to me so I gave up I've a few friends but I'm so busy I hardly see them

    Maybe start a hobby similar interests?
  • Drenched_N_Motivation
    Drenched_N_Motivation Posts: 1,004 Member
    Nope. I suck at it too.


    Just walk around in your bikini, you'll be fine.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
    Don't have any tips to add. I just wanted to say that if you find out let me know. I haven't made a friend since I was 14. I guess it doesn't help that I'm pretty awkward socially.
  • nursedb
    nursedb Posts: 297 Member
    I asked my very social bff how she does it ...I am a bit introverted...she said you always ask people questions about themselves. It's the subject they know best and find most interesting...from there you build...good luck hun....take a chance...ya never know!
  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
    It is really much harder to make new friends now.
  • Raezor1207
    Raezor1207 Posts: 80 Member
    Nope. I suck at it too.


    Just walk around in your bikini, you'll be fine.
    I was thinking the same thing. :laugh:
  • KAF711
    KAF711 Posts: 165 Member
    my boyfriend and i have tried talking to people at bars when we go out, but this is a college town, and everyone is just there to get drunk. maybe we should join a gym with classes
  • tryinghard71
    tryinghard71 Posts: 593
    Nope. I suck at it too.


    Just walk around in your bikini, you'll be fine.
    I was thinking the same thing. :laugh:

    Yep, that would work. :)
  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    I suck at it too. But see if your area has a "meetup" sight were you can find people with similar interests. www.meetup.com
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
    More people have this problem than are willing to admit I think :)

    As adults I think we underestimate the degree convenience plays into making friendships. At school, people were always there everyday so we pretty much had to make friends. As adults we don't really have that same expsosure to common ground. I'm going through the same thing right now, so basically I'm trying to nuture the friends I have, and get friendly with their other friends too. Or try joining some community centre activities like arobics classes or playing badmitton, or take a language, craft class. Invite some nice gals out for a coffee or something afterwards. You just have to go for it. It really can be like dating trying to make new friends.

    :) Chin up.
  • KAF711
    KAF711 Posts: 165 Member
    Nope. I suck at it too.


    Just walk around in your bikini, you'll be fine.
    I was thinking the same thing. :laugh:

    i dont think those are the kinds of friends she wants
  • Jyster
    Jyster Posts: 74 Member
    I think this is difficult to do, make friends that is. Especially if they are the opposite sex. One of the problems I find is that everyone who wants to be friends are usually not part of a healthy relationship. IE Everything has to be about them and you get nothing out of the friendship but a constant source of problems. I've cut a lot of ties in the last few years because if you are not good for me, then why do I want to spend what little time I have doing things for you?

    I take classes at the local tech school and meet a lot of people there but nothing has really blossomed into a good solid friendship. so yea, if someone has some great advice, let me know too :)
  • anabell31
    anabell31 Posts: 268
    I agree with the hobbies. I do a lot of costuming and have made a ton of friends through it. It's like being a kid again! "HEY! I like your costume, let's be friends!"
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
    I asked my very social bff how she does it ...I am a bit introverted...she said you always ask people questions about themselves. It's the subject they know best and find most interesting...from there you build...good luck hun....take a chance...ya never know!

    That's great. In business communication we learned something that suggested: at the end of a conversation where the other person just gets to talk about themselves most of the time, they tend to like you at the end of it lol.
  • Mgregory723
    Mgregory723 Posts: 529 Member
    The only friend I have is my hubby, he is my BFF. Sad? Not really, I he will honest with me even it the truth hurts, he will support me and love me no matter what. However, it would be nice to have girlfriends to hang out with and talk to about "Girl things".
  • missattitude57
    missattitude57 Posts: 77
    I totally agree!! I always feel like people my age already have their set group of friends and don't want/need any new ones...maybe I'm selling myself short here?
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    Bump....Same problem here.. :(
  • jiggy_gibby
    jiggy_gibby Posts: 197
    Be friendly to people at work but don't get too close. There's a reason for the saying "do not play in your own backyard"- too people watching over you and knowing your business - most people can't keep their mouth shut. And really do you want to know everyone at work that well?

    That said, join a club or take a class or take up a hobby! Common interests unite people and open the possibility of friendship!
  • JessieArt
    JessieArt Posts: 275 Member
    It's extremely hard, isolating and lonely. And, women can be cruel, catty biatches. It's hard to find someone nice to be friends with.
  • arojas1227
    arojas1227 Posts: 56 Member
    I agree :(
    I thought I would make friends in college, but it's way harder than I thought. Although Feed_the_Bear has a point. There is a thing called the proximity theory that says when you spend more time with people, you are more likely to develop some kind of relationship with them.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    I find, and my daughter does too, that it's easy to make superficial friends if you yourself are superficial and enjoy stabbing your "friends" in the back. Those of us that truly treasure a friendship may have a few close friends that are true friends. I would rather keep my small circle of true friends that I know I can count on. They all know they can count on me too. I lost a lot of trust in people when I realized how shallow the majority of people can be. :angry:
  • ironmom77
    ironmom77 Posts: 45
    I have met a ton of great new friends by joining a running group. It seems like its easier to make friends as adults if you are participating in an activity that you can bond over. After runs, some of us would have drinks or dinner. We always had something to talk about: running. After a while, we discovered more things in common, and spent time together outside of running.

    Maybe you just need to find an activity you really like and join a club. Could be kick ball, knitting, a book club, or a volunteer group. Its a great way to be around other like minded people without the stress of having to walk up to a complete stranger and introduce yourself.
  • clioandboy
    clioandboy Posts: 963 Member
    I am similar, returned to this country then found myself single and with only a couple of friends in the area, at work Im the boss so dont socialise there, have found a social group which i started at on fri - we will see, they arent exactly my type not too many 40-50 year old psychobilly punk monsters out there in suburbia! have started zumba, we shall see. join a club or two, find some activities. good luck
  • Jaidee1979
    Jaidee1979 Posts: 61 Member
    Aside from friends from work I really don't have many either. All the friends I grew up with married after high school and moved away and I find that the older I get the more selective I become when it comes to who I want as my friend and who I don't want.
  • seandcarey
    seandcarey Posts: 7
    Vested interests are the best thing to do. If you like football, snowboarding, ect. Easy to find people who care about the same things and share your ideals. Don't be afraid to open up to people. I find it as part of a development as a person to talk to 5 people a day. Regardless of sex, age, ethnicity, ect. Everyone comes from somewhere and you'll find out soon the world isn't so small.
  • DrJackson6
    DrJackson6 Posts: 156 Member
    yes, I feel the same way.
  • Emv79
    Emv79 Posts: 245 Member
    I suck at it too. But see if your area has a "meetup" sight were you can find people with similar interests. www.meetup.com

    This. It's not a guarantee you'll make friends Day 1 of participating in an activity, but we all need to get out there if we're ever going to possibly develop friendships. It was soooo easy when we were kids! :)

    I've had a tough time finding friends after being relocated for work (I'm a 6hour drive away from my friends and family). But, I'm getting out there (gym, indoor rock climbing, hiking) and meeting people. There are 2 girls that I met while hiking that I really get along with and with whom I now keep in touch. Friends? Not yet, but getting there!
  • BOATS52
    BOATS52 Posts: 46
    Texting and computers not making this any easier in the old days had to rely on friends and neighbors so much for modern Man and Woman.....KINDA LIKE THE SONG IN THE YEAR 2525 BY Zager and Evans Give it a listen if you have never heard it !:brokenheart:
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