How mean would it be ...

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mruszaj
mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus :(
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Replies

  • frootcat
    frootcat Posts: 194 Member
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    If I were in your situation, being 'mean' is the last thing I would be worried about. As far as I can see, you have no compelling reason to maintain contact with this guy, and there are dozens of excellent and obvious reasons to cut off contact with him.

    Don't worry about what Gotye thinks. I don't think his song was referring to a situation like this.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    Yes, you're right.

    Damn you gotye for your misleading lyrics! lol
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
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    "He's a good guy"
    Realy?
    That is not the defintion of a good guy.
    Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.

    Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.
  • tat2dmrsgrimm
    tat2dmrsgrimm Posts: 226 Member
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    "He's a good guy"
    Realy?
    That is not the defintion of a good guy.
    Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.

    Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.

    I agree. Erase him and anything that reminds you of him from your life. You will be better off.
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
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    He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

    Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.
  • builtforlife
    builtforlife Posts: 259
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    Make a 180 degree turn the other way.

    Bad news! Find a bad *kitten* dude to replace him!

    Go to the gym, heck, go to a couple of different gyms and pick up some ripped and buff dude, but he has to be nice. Dont get another weirdo. Who cares if he was nice to you, its easy to be nice to a girl when you have money to spend on her. Go get a marine or army ranger, or something. Go get a mans man.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    "He's a good guy"
    Realy?
    That is not the defintion of a good guy.
    Change your number, move and change your name if you have to.

    Best wishes on your fitness journey. I hope you can start over and focus on being healthy and happy.

    I know it must sound crazy after the previous description! lol. But he always treated me pretty well, he was just involved in all the crazy stuff.

    But I guess you are right, our choices define us as either good or bad, and clearly he was bad if he was involved in crime and attempted marriage fraud .. lol
  • NewChristina
    NewChristina Posts: 250 Member
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    Yes, change your number, throw away unopened letters that may come in, and move on. Not to be mean, but to give yourself peace of mind. You will drive yourself crazy if you don't break it off-- completely. Best wishes.
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

    Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.

    LOL it sounds so horrible when it is repeated back to me. Jeez, boy was I stupid for 5 years. In my defense, I didnt find any of this out until 3.5 years into the relationship. by that time, i was stuck !
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
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    Why are you so worried about being mean to this guy? Of course he was nice to you, he wanted a marriage to make him a citizen!
    DO whatever you can to erase your past with him. Who knows, whatever illegal crap he's doing my fall back on you.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    that's not at all mean that's called living your new life - separately, since you're broken up and all...
  • JaySpice
    JaySpice Posts: 326 Member
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    Shhhhh itttttt. Like I think you need to do more than just change your number. More like your identity!
  • mruszaj
    mruszaj Posts: 105 Member
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    Make a 180 degree turn the other way.

    Bad news! Find a bad *kitten* dude to replace him!

    Go to the gym, heck, go to a couple of different gyms and pick up some ripped and buff dude, but he has to be nice. Dont get another weirdo. Who cares if he was nice to you, its easy to be nice to a girl when you have money to spend on her. Go get a marine or army ranger, or something. Go get a mans man.

    A man's man would be nice :)

    My sister and I joke that if i were to go on a first date, the initial conversation would go like this

    1.) Are you legally residing here in the USA?
    2.) Do you possess a stable, legal form of employment?
    3.) If yes, well you've surpassed my standards!

    LOL . horrible.
  • KMSForLife
    KMSForLife Posts: 605
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    Is this a serious question?
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
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    I like the "Bogus" part.....
  • Temple_Fit
    Temple_Fit Posts: 299 Member
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    Be mean and stay free or you may be singing Akon's, I'm locked up....
  • kcb315
    kcb315 Posts: 160 Member
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    I would say change it and erase him from your life, but I know how everyone is asking why you care about his feelings but I mean you were together for FIVE years lol thats a long time! So of course you dont want to hurt his feelings and its better said than done, but I say lose contact :)
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
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    Alot of people change their phone numbers and discontinue any accounts they shared with someone while in a relationship. If you are not intending on being friends with him (which doesn't sound likely) and he consistently texts/calls you it is not "low" "mean" or anything to cut off completely with him.

    The relationship is over, there is nothing connecting you to him (I.e kids, or divorce proceedings etc..) to keep in contact so why not clean your hands of him and start a new.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
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    Cut off contact. It will help you get over him faster too. You are right that this is not the kind of person you want around if you are trying to start a family. Congratulations for you for getting the courage to stand up to that. I understand it can be very hard and you want to over look those kind of things, because in their heart you know they are good.

    Changing your phone number is extreme because it might make it difficult for other friends to get in touch, so if you don't do that you need to ignore his calls and texts 100%. Any response from you will give him the message it's OK to keep contacting you.

    Definitely cut off all of the other shared accounts though, you don't want to have creditors calling you because he gifted 100 netflix accounts to all of his best friends! I am a big believer that you should keep all money separate until marriage.
  • JPod279
    JPod279 Posts: 722 Member
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    You shouldn't worry about being mean, you should worry about him getting worried you will go to the FBI. He may want to silence you before you can speak.

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