Would you move anywhere for your lover?
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Different situation for me, as my relationship is currently long distance... So, there was always that, "if we're really going to make this work, one of us will have to move." He had hoped it would be me, but, since his daughter all ready lives on the other side of the country, he is coming to where I am, as my son is only (almost) 14 and I share custody of him with his dad. Once he's graduated in 4 years, though, we can go... It will be weird not living in Ohio, but I love him and want him to be happy, too, so if leaving Ohio does that, so be it.
(Side note, I did tell him, at one point a while back, that we needed to figure out what we were doing and on what time table sometime soon because I couldn't continue like this indefinitely. We've been together almost 16 months, he lives in Louisiana and I'm in Ohio. We've known each other 4+ years. I told him that, probably 5 or 6 months ago. It wasn't that I wanted to end things, I just couldn't keep on with long distance with no end in sight. He'll be here by September.)0 -
I would absolutely move with my boyfriend if it worked for both of us. We were going to move to Louisiana because it would be easier to find a job. But we didn't want to move if we didn't have something set up for both of us.
We try to think about which situation would be best for both of us.
I personally don't think it's fair to say "You have to do [xyz] or we're through"
Yeah, I sure as hell didn't like that either. I said, um, is this an ultimatum? He said "no, but you keep saying **** that makes it sound like we will be here for longer."
Then I assured him that we could move when we have saved and more importantly found a place to go.
He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.
And he can't understand why you don't want to move back??? I'm kinda speechless as far as that goes.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you're better now0 -
If I really truely loved that person and he loved me as much I would move with him but I would put limits for example I wouldn´t be willing to move to a country where war is like Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria....0
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Yes I would and have, but by my own decision, not his. If I had decided not to come with him, he wouldn't leave.
I would be SO incredibly hurt if he said he was going to move with or without me.
^^This. I would totally move, pretty much anywhere in the world minus obvious war zones, etc. But it would be because I wanted to for us, not due to a threat of his leaving me. And I know he would move anywhere for me too.0 -
Yes I would...and I would move especially fast if you were in Hawaii, Tahiti, or south florida!0
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He convinced you to move to CO...and now he wants to go back to Austin..."take it or leave it". Hmm.
Why can't you compromise...he doesn't like small towns, you have a very valid reason to not go back to Austin...?
This too. There are other big cities you can move to. Dallas? New Orleans? Denver? There are TONS0 -
Moved my family from the South (where I spent my whole life) to NE Indiana. It was hard but it was for my husband's job and we all got through it. I was told it takes about 2 years to really feel like a part of a community and that is what I tell everyone I meet that has moved or is about to move.
At about the 1.5 year mark I started feeling like I was fitting in by 2 years, I felt like I was at home.
I say wait it out two years and see if he still hates it!0 -
WOW...It really depends on how long you guys have been dating(if that is the case).. I know with my guy we discussed the options and both of us are open to it ....We would have to be married though..no way I would move and we are dating..You have to consider finding another job, leaving your family, and friends....I feel like if you guys were married you would have already known where it stands on relocating.... Only thing I can suggest is talk about it...and then pray on it.....Then follow what your gut is telling you...0
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I've relocated to 3 different states in the last 3 years for my husbands career.. I'd follow him anywhere. Except when he retires, he better move to my home state lol! It's only fair.0
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I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?0
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I would absolutely move with my boyfriend if it worked for both of us. We were going to move to Louisiana because it would be easier to find a job. But we didn't want to move if we didn't have something set up for both of us.
We try to think about which situation would be best for both of us.
I personally don't think it's fair to say "You have to do [xyz] or we're through"Yeah, I sure as hell didn't like that either. I said, um, is this an ultimatum? He said "no, but you keep saying **** that makes it sound like we will be here for longer."
Then I assured him that we could move when we have saved and more importantly found a place to go.
He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.And he can't understand why you don't want to move back??? I'm kinda speechless as far as that goes.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you're better now
Wow. I don't care what he has in Austin. He should totally understand why you don't want to move back there. Not to judge him too much, but that's bs and would make me personally question the relationship more.
And honestly, my guy would be like "Let me go to Austin first, take care of 'the problem', and then you can come on down honey." I'd be worried about my guy doing something crazy if he ran into the other ahole.0 -
It depends. My bf is probably going to have to move out of state to get a much better paying job. But his options are pretty awesome - Los Angeles, NYC, Knoxville, Dallas - So I'd probably move.0
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If he is willing to leave you over something petty like that he doesnt deserve you. You have reasons for not going back that out weigh music. If anything he should want to stay with you. i wish you the best of luck, dont go back if you dont feel safe!!!0
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I'm thinking maybe Boston.....0
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Hmmmm.....
Dont know then....sounds like you 2 have opposite tastes in environments. If you wont be happy going where he wants to go, I dont know if just the relationship alone is enough to keep you 2 together. But if you DO go with him and find you cant do it, have a backup plan so you arent stuck somewhere you dont want to stay.
I know, we realized this a while back, in November when we got here actually and were pretty upset about it. But we have a daughter, so legally neither of us can move without permission. Ha!
I already know how this goes down though, we talk about other places besides Austin that we can move for a few months, we TRY to save enough to visit other places and check them out, he gets tired of Durango, and we move back to Austin. I should just save myself the worry and go back when we have the chance. He really loves it there. I'll eventually forget my past there I guess.0 -
His approach sucks. No one like ultimatums.
But I'd move anywhere for my SO. She's my best friend, I can't imagine my life without her.0 -
Moved 4000 miles across an ocean for mine.
If you wouldn't follow someone around the world I would question the strength of the relationship.0 -
Yes, I would (and have) move anywhere my husband wanted to move. I might not be happy about it, but I would do it. And I know that he would do the same for me. He is my husband, best friend and my soul mate. I would be lost without him.
That's incredibly sweet. :flowerforyou:0 -
I love change, and have always had itchy feet.
My guy actually brought this up last month, as he may be required to move anywhere in the World in the next year for work.
We've been together for 6 years, and he was surprised when I said I'd be happy to tag along. He thought we'd have to do the whole long-distance relationship thing, but I can't see that working out to my liking anyway.
Frankly, I'd be happy if he had to work somewhere outside of North America. I'd be happy to join him! We'd just end up renting out our house and have the tenants pay off the mortgage
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I would - absolutely and without question. When its the right person, you don't care where you are, as long as its together.0
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Not until I saw an offer of marriage on the table.0
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Love, or LovER?
Big difference. For the first...yes. That later, Never0 -
Yes..well any desirable location. :P0
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I would absolutely move with my boyfriend if it worked for both of us. We were going to move to Louisiana because it would be easier to find a job. But we didn't want to move if we didn't have something set up for both of us.
We try to think about which situation would be best for both of us.
I personally don't think it's fair to say "You have to do [xyz] or we're through"
Yeah, I sure as hell didn't like that either. I said, um, is this an ultimatum? He said "no, but you keep saying **** that makes it sound like we will be here for longer."
Then I assured him that we could move when we have saved and more importantly found a place to go.
He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.
And he can't understand why you don't want to move back??? I'm kinda speechless as far as that goes.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you're better now
Thank you, and I AM much better, I did years of counseling etc. He says he understands (which he can't possibly understand, right?) but he promises that he will keep me safe or get that guy if he ever sees him etc. But it's not about that, it's more about me having to run from my car to the door everyday because I was scared, avoiding the entire south side of town, and not going places alone at night. Those things have completely gone away now that I am in Durango. I feel safe here. He says we can check out other places to live too, but keeps mentioning how he wants to move back to Austin.0 -
If I was fearful of a place, then no, I would not move back. You will not forget about the crime that was committed against you and shame on him for being insenstitve to why you do not want to move back.
Does he know you saw the "man" in the store last year? And that he laughed at you?0 -
Hmmmm.....
Dont know then....sounds like you 2 have opposite tastes in environments. If you wont be happy going where he wants to go, I dont know if just the relationship alone is enough to keep you 2 together. But if you DO go with him and find you cant do it, have a backup plan so you arent stuck somewhere you dont want to stay.
I know, we realized this a while back, in November when we got here actually and were pretty upset about it. But we have a daughter, so legally neither of us can move without permission. Ha!
I already know how this goes down though, we talk about other places besides Austin that we can move for a few months, we TRY to save enough to visit other places and check them out, he gets tired of Durango, and we move back to Austin. I should just save myself the worry and go back when we have the chance. He really loves it there. I'll eventually forget my past there I guess.
This is really sad to me to hear you say that you will eventually forget your past there. You have a real reason for not wanting to go back (which is completely understandable) and it doesn't sounds like there is a clear reason why your bf wants to be back there (sorry don't count music as being a "real" reason). I could understand if he had a better job (or something to make your lives together better) waiting for him there. He should wants what's best for you & should understand why you don't want to be there. There has to be compromise in every relationship and it sounds like you are the only one compromising..0 -
I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?
I agree. I guess since it happened months before he and I met, it doesn't seem as real to him as it does me. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me that he wants to go THERE so badly instead of finding a new place.0 -
I would, but I am desperate. So I am probably not the best guy to watch.
LMAO, you made me crack up!!0 -
I live to shelter my children. Luckily so does he. So he would never move anywhere not suitable for my life. So, yes. I would follow him. But we would always do it together.0
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Unless there's a ring on my finger, I'm staying where I am.
yes amen sister, if i'm making the commitment to uproot and move for you, you better be showing me some commitment as well0
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