Would you move anywhere for your lover?

I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?

I agree. I guess since it happened months before he and I met, it doesn't seem as real to him as it does me. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me that he wants to go THERE so badly instead of finding a new place.

Ok, from what I have read, you have a good reason NOT to return. It is a place you do not feel safe.
I am sorry but if your trauma is not REAL to your man, then he is not your 'partner'. A real partner would be more interested in your feelings, in your needs, in your safety. He would want the mother of his child to feel safe and happy.

A compromise and a move to a place that fit's his personality could be done when it would be a logically financialy feasable step.
If the changes, and moves, and sacrifices you have made so far are not enough for him, I can tell you now you will "NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY!" Happiness comes from being satisfied with yourself, not what someone else can give.

Best wishes to you and yours.

me and my boyfriend live far apart. i live in cali and he lives in florida. we have been together for a year and a half with this distance. we both are willing to move. i am going to move though because he has many jobs over there and i have none here....and it would just be easier for us to survive haha. but anyways, i love him so much that i am willing to move there. the only way i wouldn't move for him would be if it was in a dangerous place or something ghetto. although, i would be a little apprehensive to move to the midwest, since im a complete cali girl. :ppp

Maybe you could find a place that you both like in Colorado. I'm sure there is a great live music scene someplace overthere. There are some small towns that are still progressive and maybe located near a larger city.

opps.

My husband is in an apprenticeship program and since work is scarce in the profession he's chosen around where we live, he has been working 3-5 hours away from home, 5-6 days a week since February 2011. It sucks and I miss him like crazy, and have contemplated moving, but...... There is no guarantee he will be at any particular job location for a substantial amount of time. His program moves him where the work is available, so he could be at one location for 3 months and then with only a day or two's notice, move to another location hours away and be there for 6 months. With 3 kids (one is in school) it's just not feasible. And with our luck, the kids and I would move to be with him and then 2 weeks later he'd be transferred to another job in another state...then the kids and I would be stuck in the exact same situation we're in now, only with no support system nearby.

i wouldnt have moved anywhere for my lover... but i did move 3000 miles for my love... he didnt pressure me or tell me i had to it was a choice i made freely because in my heart it was the right...

I would move in a heartbeat.

I actually did move to my husband's home town after a 2 year long distance relationship. He asked me to marry him after a year of dating, but I was not ready after going through a divorce. Well here it is 9 years later and we are married and I believe that I made the right choice. I am thankful each day.:happy:

I would move if he was my husband, not my lover. Committment is the answer .

My husband and kids live in a different state than I do: I'm here because I have a good job with benefits. He's there because he likes it there, hates it here, we were able to purchase a house, and he could actually find work there. If I were able to find work in my chosen field I'd be there in a heartbeat.

So far, no dice. But, since I'm the primary bread winner, I'm a long distance mom and an alaska air mvp.

I am currently in this dilemma. :sad: However, I have ended up saying yes. So I am moving 13 hours away with him with no family, friends of my doggie to whoop whoop! Out to the country... and trust me, I am no country gal. Hmmmm... STRESSED OUT!

yes

I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?

I agree. I guess since it happened months before he and I met, it doesn't seem as real to him as it does me. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me that he wants to go THERE so badly instead of finding a new place.

Ok, from what I have read, you have a good reason NOT to return. It is a place you do not feel safe.
I am sorry but if your trauma is not REAL to your man, then he is not your 'partner'. A real partner would be more interested in your feelings, in your needs, in your safety. He would want the mother of his child to feel safe and happy.

A compromise and a move to a place that fit's his personality could be done when it would be a logically financialy feasable step.
If the changes, and moves, and sacrifices you have made so far are not enough for him, I can tell you now you will "NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY!" Happiness comes from being satisfied with yourself, not what someone else can give.

Best wishes to you and yours.

This is so very true. and hearing everyone's opinion on the matter really made me realize that I shouldn't move back to Austin, and that it should be more of a compromise and also that if he makes any other inconsiderate moveslike this I should just leave him. But everything is harder when you want your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday. I hope he likes the San Antonio idea honestly, so that I can get him off of moving back to Austin.

I just had to comment on your last comment about wanting your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday... it really hit home for me. I moved to IL to be with my husband (originally from FL), got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. In the meantime my husband was cheating on me the whole time, lying about everything, taking advantage of me and my kindness every chance he could get and I would confront him and he would apologize and promise never to do it again, etc. I took so much abuse- physical, mental, emotional etc just to keep our family together because I wanted my daughter to have a family and in the end all my sacrificing didnt matter because he put us in a car on Easter and drove me and our daughter to my parents house in FL and dumped us because we were 'interfering with his life and personal matters too much.' He only thought about himself and put himself first never considering the fact that he had a family now. In a relationship where I was constantly giving and sacrificing myself and my happiness to try to keep this family together wasnt worth it. I was selling myself short and teaching my daughter all the wrong things as far as a respectable relationship goes. Him dumping us was the best thing that could have happened to us. We are happier, stronger and closer because of it. I realize in most instances that her and I being on our own is better than the 'family' I worked so hard to keep together. Im not saying that your situation is just like mine but I got the vibe that he seems a little selfish and your comment hit home.
My advice to you is if you are happy where you are, are making good money and its a good place to raise your daughter you need to think long and hard about leaving all of that for someone who gives you an ultimatum, has made you move before because he was unhappy, and isn't more sensitive to you about your reason to not be in Austin anymore. Its a whole different ball game with a little one involved...

Doing it now, hate it, if I could go back in time I would not have moved...here at least... at least once a day I yell to myself "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"