How do adults make friends?

13

Replies

  • knitfastpurlyoung
    knitfastpurlyoung Posts: 102 Member
    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

    how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

    This.

    This works when you go to the same place, and see the same person on a regular basis (think gym, craft group, meet up group, church if thats your bag). You can build on small interactions (smiles, nods "hey, how ya doing?"), then eventually a social occasion will come along, and you can hang out without you having to awkwardly instigate anything.

    For example, my gym organises club nights, and promotes boxing/MMA events. There I got chatting to a couple of people that I had previously just said hello to, which was fun. Then, the next time I met them on the treadmill, or in the changing room we had something else to chat about, and if I felt so inclined, I could ask whether they are going to the next event, did they want to grab a drink before hand or get a group together to go...

    Alternatively, parties. Meet your friend's friends!
  • GeneveSparkles
    GeneveSparkles Posts: 283 Member
    Edit to add quote: "Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?"



    Retirment age, three people in my office retiring withing the next few years and we have a very small office. I'll be an old fart one of these days too!
  • iRebel
    iRebel Posts: 378 Member
    Do you enjoy a certain aspect of fitness? I love running, and hope to soon join a running group. There is potential to meet a lot of people there! :)
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
    Go to church and get to know people. I have a big group of friends/aquaintances and a smaller group of close friends, only
    because I met them all at church:smile:
  • CarSidDar
    CarSidDar Posts: 118 Member
    I completely understand! I moved to a new state not knowing one person who lives here and everyone I work with are old farts.

    Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?


    I think an old fart can be any age at all. It is an attitude not an age. Old farts don't want to do anything, won't go for lunch, won't join in any reindeer games, have no sense of humour, and are surrounded by other old farts.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    My biggest problem is moving it into the "friends" stage without being considered...weird, creepy, imposing? I mean, I meet people, sure! But how do I go from, "Hey! I see you all the time and our kids play football together!" to "Wanna hang out/get a drink, etc.?!"

    Well, first you have to strike up a conversation about anything. It's strange to invite someone somewhere if you've never even spoken. So do that.

    Here's how not to do it: "Want to go to dinner some time?"
    Here's how to do it: "We're going to trivia night at Bob's pub after the game this Thursday. Want to come along?"

    You invite them to something specific, short, low-key, "ejectable" (they can bail early without looking weird) and most important - something that you're going to do anyway even if they don't show up. That way they don't feel pressured or boxed in.
  • CarSidDar
    CarSidDar Posts: 118 Member
    When you unlock this secret, let me know because I have zero friends.

    Granted my focus has been on marriage, college, kids, and now finding a job that I'll enjoy.
    I'm socially awkward too, always have been and sometimes painfully introverted. Plus, I've never had close friendships with women and I'd really love to change that.

    I would love to be friends with "captain mal"...any serenity fan is a friend of mine :)
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,670 Member
    also want to add that the secret to my success going from shut-in with 0 outside contacts to having a vibrant and exciting social life was getting the guts to go out and meet lots of people

    seriously, hundreds of people

    i didn't become friends with everyone; didn't even hit it off with every person i met,

    but a few really good friendships grew out of the contacts i made

    so the stress and anxiety of putting myself out there time and time again eventually has paid off
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,304 Member
    ]

    how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

    I have that worst time with this. Lol. I can never seem to ask for numbers or anything without feeling like a complete weirdo. I like meetup.com a lot for activities and groups to go do things with, but unless you live in a pretty big city, the offerings can be a little slim. You can always start a group on there too as a way to meet like minded people. :happy:

    *taking notes* I definitely need to learn a trick or two before I move to a completely new place next year....
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    All my friends are on the internet. When you figure out how to make friends in real life please let me know.
  • dme1977
    dme1977 Posts: 537 Member
    :bigsmile: * just here to MARK for later reading*
  • tinacrane
    tinacrane Posts: 134 Member
    How about starting with MFP friends in your nearby area? Go to Find Members, select female, put in desired age range, area code and distance from the area code. That way you can at least become fitness buddies with someone and perhaps invite them to walk with you at a nearby park or something.

    Also keep in mind that even 'old farts' or 'old people' may still engage in many similar activities as you and may make for nice friends to chat with or join for lunch or shopping. Even if they are not your bff, they may inspire you, give you confidence to meet others or even have children or nieces your age that you can invite out.

    Now that my 5 children are grown, I am working once again full time and have discovered that friendship comes in many shapes and sizes and strengths. It has never been my nature to approach others and mostly I seek quiet and tend to read books,etc.So I have adjusted some of my habits, including parking near the others, remembering birthdays and occasionally going to lunch with someone even though I usually bring my lunch. Many of my work mates I feel close enough to ask out for a movie and lunch at least, and some of them have engaged in fitness activities with me.

    When my oldest son passed away, 15 of my various work buddies came to his memorial, visited my house, sent flowers and donated money- yet not one was my bff. It was still comforting and reinforced our various friendships. It has shown me how to be a better friend, to move out of my comfort zone and be the friend to others that I wish to find.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    Great question, thanks to the poster!

    I've moved to a new country a few months ago. Most of my workmates are about 2 hours drive from me (I work mostly from home). We joined a church and they're lovely but are all a good ten years older (and none of the ones we talk much to are female!). Women around my age (35) are often absorbed in their kids.

    We joined a choir which has youngish members and does the odd social event but again, those who go to the pub afterwards are all 10- 20+ years older than us. Maybe the younger ones are working hard and want to get home to bed? And I end up sitting next to different people every week. I do chat to whoever I sit next to.

    Meetup.com looks quite promising - there's a book group and a general social group that are worth a try.

    It's comforting to hear from a previous poster that she met hundreds of people to gather a small group of friends - and that it took time. I look forward to a few months or a year down the track when I'll hopefully have a group of friends.

    I do miss my friends from home - the effort of trying so hard to be friendly, smily, not too weird, funny etc and trying to work out whether I click with people is quite exhausting. It's quite a bit like dating, I think. (Haven't dated for 15 years, as I'm married, but from memory...)
  • Blaqheart
    Blaqheart Posts: 235
    All my friends are on the internet. When you figure out how to make friends in real life please let me know.

    What she said ^ :cry:

    I too am a SAHM to a 5 yr old dd and have tried to make actual friends for the past 5 years since my move here. The only person I actually knew was hubby. Everyone around here is just too busy and wants to meetup on Facebutt instead of IRL. Is this lame or what?? :noway: (yeah my hubby and I now call FB facebutt because of the weirdness going on about it not wanting to post certain things. Seems they have become censored for all things considered truth).

    I joined a gym - Planet Fitness a week before Mother's Day so I will keep trying to make friends there. Seriously is it really this hard???

    No can't reconnect with the few old friends I had in HS because have NOOO idea where they are. They were military kids got shipped in and out a lot. No I have no family either except hubby's. The 2 friends I had before the move have become some kind of over glitterized self - absorbed "look at me" that I'm ashamed to ever admit I even knew them! :sad: I did try to reconnect with them on MS, but like I said they are both "all about me" jerks now.

    I am always looking for new friends here though. If you want add me I am a great cheerleader. Oh I love to laugh. :laugh: I've been here nearly a month and have a few friends that are great and very supportive. Shame none of us live close I'd totally hang out with them!

    Oh there are a few things you should know about me. I am socially awkard and shy. This is why I don't have a pic of me on here. Not one of the "beautiful People" whatsoever. No matter how careful I am when dressed up be sure somehow I am going to get messed up. be it my eyeliner runs due to getting something in my eye, I will fall down at least once and I'm SOBER (damn heels), someone spills something on me and I give the lamo "It's ok" response. or a car actually splashes me soaking me. yes all of these things have happened to me at one time or another. :blushing:

    I love to read alot, I love action/scifi movies (no chick movies please I can't understand them. to me alot of the stuff is illogical, and yes I am a nerd, but I'm a funny nerd. :happy:
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    I did not mean to put down or disrespect older people.... I have work friendships with these older ladies but I'm not going to invite a 60 year old lady out for a beer. I'm not really ready to retire that part of my life completely at 36. Between work, kids, housework and working out I like my free time to be fun.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    What about MFP? Start a local thread for your area or search the "find members" tab under Community. At least you'd know you have something in common to start.
  • ThreesCompanee
    ThreesCompanee Posts: 33
    Like the PP said, I was just going to suggest doing a search on MFP for your town or even broaden it to your state. Start chatting it up with people you find through the search and then maybe you can meet up for a walk IRL!
    I actually found someone who is now a dear friend by doing a search on a "mommy website" a while back.

    I live in CT near the Mass. border if anyone wants to meet up for a walk! Message me.
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
    Sometimes the real trick is moving from acquaintance to friend. If there's someone (or several someones) that you'd like to spend more time with or have always been inspired by/curious about/impressed with, then make a move to make it a relationship. Invite the person for tea. My current favourite is to ask a friend/potentional friend to join me for an evening walk. We both get fresh air and exercise and I get a social life without totally neglecting my fitness goals.

    Another choice is to volunteer. You will almost certainly make good friends. You could even offer to be a friend, e.g. visit an elderly shut-in or be a big sister.

    :)
  • kristalael
    kristalael Posts: 69 Member
    Don't bother. My MFP friends are better than my "real" friends, they don't drive my nuts and they're supportive! If I could swap my real friends for my MFP friends and have everyone in the same area, I would in a heartbeat. My RL friends drive me crazy more than they make me laugh or happy! My MFP friends make me laugh everyday, support me in so many aspects of my life, they don't put me down for the choices I make in life and if I'm not on for a few days they don't think our friendship is over! LOL :laugh:
  • Shayztar
    Shayztar Posts: 415 Member
    bump
  • beduffbrickie
    beduffbrickie Posts: 642 Member
    bump
  • ndnmomma
    ndnmomma Posts: 466 Member
    Ahhhhahahaha...just play in the sand box, and others will soon join you :) I am talking adults just so your certain.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Edit to add quote: "Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?"



    Retirment age, three people in my office retiring withing the next few years and we have a very small office. I'll be an old fart one of these days too!

    Well, duhhammmmmmmmmmn.....................be nice to the old farts!!!

    Although I'm not officially 'retirement age" yet, I am considering going down that road..........I'd hate it if all of you whippersnappers started to call me an "old fart". I try to be hip and cool..................no, wait, is that "old fart" talk?

    lol.......just giving you some crap. But yes, remember, YOU TOO will be there someday. Stay young - it's good for the soul.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    I completely understand! I moved to a new state not knowing one person who lives here and everyone I work with are old farts.

    Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?


    I think an old fart can be any age at all. It is an attitude not an age. Old farts don't want to do anything, won't go for lunch, won't join in any reindeer games, have no sense of humour, and are surrounded by other old farts.

    Whew! I LOVE lunch, and reindeer games are among my favorites, and I laugh at stupid jokes, and I surround myself with people who are young, and young-at-heart.

    YAY, I am NOT an old fart!!!!

    :glasses: :smokin: :glasses: :smokin: :glasses: :smokin: :glasses:
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Yeah, I tried that website and clearly my area sucks.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    I did not mean to put down or disrespect older people.... I have work friendships with these older ladies but I'm not going to invite a 60 year old lady out for a beer. I'm not really ready to retire that part of my life completely at 36. Between work, kids, housework and working out I like my free time to be fun.

    I'm 57.

    I'd have a beer with you!!
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    I did not mean to put down or disrespect older people.... I have work friendships with these older ladies but I'm not going to invite a 60 year old lady out for a beer. I'm not really ready to retire that part of my life completely at 36. Between work, kids, housework and working out I like my free time to be fun.

    I'm 57.

    I'd have a beer with you!!

    If your a chill 57 thats one thing. I should clarify that the ladies are work with are uptight 60 yo ladies. :drinker:
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    Yeah, I tried that website and clearly my area sucks.

    I just checked my area and there is a book club. I do enjoy reading but I'm not big on sitting around talking about reading.

    and a hiking/running group. - This one I think I might try :smile:
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member

    i didn't become friends with everyone; didn't even hit it off with every person i met,

    but a few really good friendships grew out of the contacts i made

    so the stress and anxiety of putting myself out there time and time again eventually has paid off

    thanks for posting this. i've been putting myself out there since march and haven't made a friend yet. :(. we'll go out once, and i'll invite people to other events again... no one is interested! pretty disheartening.

    after your post, i guess no biggie. i'll just keep putting myself out there and throwing out invites.
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
    I met my closest girlfriend through a weight watchers website, we live in the same town and she was looking for someone to walk with, luckily she can talk the hind leg off a dog and that helped with the awkward stage of the friendship. Facebook is great, my most awesome friends I have picked up from other friends along the way, yeah most of them are miles away from me and one of my dearest friends is across the planet, but we skype and hang out that way.
    I have friends I have made at work and my knitting friends most of whom are past retirement age but those ladies are hilarious! I have made friends talking to other parents at school while waiting to pick up my kids. When we moved here 4 years ago I knew nobody and now I have a wide range of friends from all walks of life.

    I am a painfully shy person, but do have to be a people person in my job so I fake that when I meet people socially. Fake it till you make it and most people are interesting, just ask them if they would like to grab a coffee one day and see how it goes.
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