Is there anyone here who isn't/wasn't a "sad" fat person?

I started gaining weight at the age of 9, 2nd grade. Around this time my mother had divorced my step dad and i was being bullied in school for my weight. Had no friends and felt alone and ugly. My real father only had visitations most my life, an alcoholic, who only filled my head with lies, made me feel like nothing. My mom pulled me out of school after 2nd grade because i wasnt able to talk to anyone, the doctors thought i was emotionally detached. She home schooled me for 4 years...which included giving me a book a week, books below my grade level, puzzle books, math books for kids you can buy at a book store. Not work issued from the school system...So as i sat feeling like i was getting dumber and eating my emotions day after day. Having random visitations with my real dad who spoke only nasty of my mother my whole life and smelled of whiskey 24/7. I will never forget him always feeding me candy, chocolate bars, lots of them. potato chips....telling me "I hope you end up fat and ugly so no man wants you".....I had blocked this out until therapy revealed it in my teenage years later on in life. But I truly believe my weight was my fathers fault. And all the kids that teased me, and my mom beat me. all my sisters....I lived a life of devistation, molestation, physical, mental and emotional abuse. Eating was my escape...i felt good while i was eating, it tasted good, and when i was full. It hurt, but i was feeling something other than heart ache. it was stomach pains. which isnt what i wanted, only made me more depressed. but then i did it again, and again....It took years, i took counciling, went to church, read self help books, pray every day...and lots of healing and forgivness towards those who have HURT me deeply. Then i was able to see myself, really see me. For who i am...not for who everyone saw me as, this FAT *kitten*, UGLY, STUPID girl.....no. I began to see i was creative, an individual, beautiful, funny, worth loving. If i dont love myself, if i dont break that wall down. if i dont stop thinking the worlds out to get me, i cant live life to its fullest. I had to forget and forgive all those nasty "LIES" people have implanted in my head over the years. and see the truth God see's. He created me in his image. imperfectly perfect! I want to lose weight for myself now. not for anyone else. and now that its for me, i finally have the self control, the passion and drive.

I'm not fat but I still hate how I look! Being thin isn't always attractive either, I just want to be fit and in shape! I am more skinny fat than anything so basically I have a low weight but high body fat %...so untoned abs and legs..yuckk! I think we all struggle with our self image somtimes, we all have our days. )

I started gaining weight at the age of 9, 2nd grade. Around this time my mother had divorced my step dad and i was being bullied in school for my weight. Had no friends and felt alone and ugly. My real father only had visitations most my life, an alcoholic, who only filled my head with lies, made me feel like nothing. My mom pulled me out of school after 2nd grade because i wasnt able to talk to anyone, the doctors thought i was emotionally detached. She home schooled me for 4 years...which included giving me a book a week, books below my grade level, puzzle books, math books for kids you can buy at a book store. Not work issued from the school system...So as i sat feeling like i was getting dumber and eating my emotions day after day. Having random visitations with my real dad who spoke only nasty of my mother my whole life and smelled of whiskey 24/7. I will never forget him always feeding me candy, chocolate bars, lots of them. potato chips....telling me "I hope you end up fat and ugly so no man wants you".....I had blocked this out until therapy revealed it in my teenage years later on in life. But I truly believe my weight was my fathers fault. And all the kids that teased me, and my mom beat me. all my sisters....I lived a life of devistation, molestation, physical, mental and emotional abuse. Eating was my escape...i felt good while i was eating, it tasted good, and when i was full. It hurt, but i was feeling something other than heart ache. it was stomach pains. which isnt what i wanted, only made me more depressed. but then i did it again, and again....It took years, i took counciling, went to church, read self help books, pray every day...and lots of healing and forgivness towards those who have HURT me deeply. Then i was able to see myself, really see me. For who i am...not for who everyone saw me as, this FAT *kitten*, UGLY, STUPID girl.....no. I began to see i was creative, an individual, beautiful, funny, worth loving. If i dont love myself, if i dont break that wall down. if i dont stop thinking the worlds out to get me, i cant live life to its fullest. I had to forget and forgive all those nasty "LIES" people have implanted in my head over the years. and see the truth God see's. He created me in his image. imperfectly perfect! I want to lose weight for myself now. not for anyone else. and now that its for me, i finally have the self control, the passion and drive.

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Thanks for sharing your testimony it truly blessed me and I identified with much of it.

I am not a "sad" fat person. That is one of the reasons that I struggle to lose weight I think.
Sure I want to look better, and YES! I want to be a better example to my children, and YES I can get down on myself over my weight, but I'm not a sad fat person.

I have low moments when I grab the Doritos, and the voice says "Nothing can taste as good as being thin feels." but I say back, "Ehh, I don't feel so bad now." Thus, my challenge.

I can absolutely relate to that. I don't have this giant pressure of not loving myself, hating my body or some sort of big drive. It's just something that I need to do. It's like balancing a checkbook to me- not like 'shedding my skin' or 'finally having the inside and outside match'. Nothing wrong with feeling that way- but I don't feel that way.

I'm awesome. I just happen to have a body that likes to store awesome away for future awesome drought. So I have to keep moving to keep the awesome level right. I just don't see it as this big deal really.

Kinda jealous of those who DO have this huge drive but don't really want the bad things that come to give that sort of drive to a person.

I know that most people (including myself) are here to lose weight and obviously there's nothing wrong with that. However I always wonder if there is anyone who started off pretty significantly fat but did NOT start off depressed, hating themselves, hating how they looked, with no confidence, etc. Peoples' weight loss stories always seem to start off that way but mine does not. I'm just wondering if anyone can relate.

I was most definitely not happy with Myself, but I can truly say, I was NOT depressed (THANK GOD!) I have always been supremely confident in Myself (I'm a woman lawyer and when I started law school you could count the women there on 2 hands.), as I gained weight I did NOT like how I looked and I am sure that cost Me promotions...BUT I was always confident in My "tastes" in clothes/shoes/jewelry/My Grooming and I knew I was the best I could look even though I was obese. I also knew that I was good looking and had a "presence" about Me. But for sure I was unhappy about My weight and how I know I was perceived (as undisciplined because of the weight gain.) That bothered Me too. But it was true, I was disciplined in every other part of My Life but Eating and Exercise (My HEALTH). NOW I know of ALL the areas of which I should have been Disciplined and Constant<> My Health should have been 1st...and NOT just Lip Service to it! I have learned, if you don't care about Yourself (Loving Oneself does Not Indulging in what is Not good for you), there is no way You can care for someone else...No Matter how Much Stuff you do for them or what you Give them. To Love Someone is to Pray for THEM what You Pray for Yourself.

My Prayer for Me is: Live Total Wellness, Success in All that is Good, and may I have the Peace and Joy of God upon Me...Because I know how this Feels and the LIFE that comes with it! So that is My Prayer for Everyone.

I didn't come here feeling I was "fat". I just had fat I wanted to lose, and in exchange, gain muscle! For some people, you might need to hit the low of feeling bad about yourself in order to get motivation, but I hope that changes for anyone who felt like they were a "sad fat person", or still does. You're outside does not determine who you are, but it's still important to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Im so glad that you were able to empathize with my story. And thankyou for sending me a request. oxo i look forward to helping you with support.

I was never "sad". I had some confidence, not a whole lot, but it was there. Ive always loved myself, but I didnt love how I looked. So I decided to make a change, and voila! here I am today, loving myself inside AND out more every day. and the best part is Im not even at my goal yet!