Really need some support.. non-weight loss related..
Replies
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Yeah... It's time to move out. You will be so much happier on your own.
When I was 17 I moved out of my parents house and rented a room from my best friends grandmother. It was a good step because I still had family-like support and wasn't overwhelmed with bills yet.0 -
SusanM, I'm sorry but I have to disagree. I am 29 and most of my high school friends have Phd's, masters degrees and a few even passed the bar exam. They are all unemployed due to the economy. Some had full scholarships but others have huge loans that keep getting them deeper into trouble. Sometimes school is not the best way to go. At least not in this economy.0
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And your relationship with your mother will probably change as you get older, so I wouldn't stress on that. As my parents got older they relaxed and I could talk to them. Also they want to be involved with their grandbabies.0
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Glad you are meeting up with your dad. Dad's often get a bad deal in breakups and he probably misses you like hell
Keep your head down till he comes, it seems like a long time but it will pass and it will seem not so long when you look back.
If you need to say anything to your mum email her or say it in a chat room if she relates better that way
but really just stay away from her as best you can till this is over.
Give your dad a big hug and tell him how glad you are to see him.
Then you can get a job or go to college in Oklahoma
Look up on the internet for things around his house you can do.
You can start sounding out employers and colleges even before you get there.
stay strong
you can do it0 -
Sure. You should be able to google FAFSA and get the page. You enter some basic tax information (total earned last year, etc) and they will give you a printout that explains the kind of financial help you can get from the government.
This should get you started. http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/0 -
You sound like a good canidate for goverment assistance you know their is nothing wrong or shameful in being in a bad spot as long as you use it for what is designed for assistance. Mental abuse is as hard on a person as physical and I would not want to submit my children to that kind of abuse. I would go speak to a state agency and see what your options are its people like you that government assistance is there for everyone needs help at least one point in there life. Good luck keep your head high and I hope this may help you.
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Move out.
Yep...
Again, I am. Within the next month or two. right now I can't because.
I.
Have.
No.
Car.
You should count yourself lucky that you have a roof over your head. At 19 you are old enough to look after yourself.0 -
I hope I'm not repeating what someone else has said, but maybe you can do some research and find a woman's shelter. Many of the shelter's will give you free counseling and housing while the case managers help you set goals and accomplish them. If mom is divorced and it her 40's she could be a little off her rocker right now. You sound extremely angry at her. If you start with some simple goals and planning you can have the life you desire. Mom needs to take responsibility, but so do you. At 19 it is time to make your own destiny. If you don't have the ways and means to do it, then you have to do some research and find out how to make it happen. Sounds like mom sees her job as finished. Go out and do what you can and perhaps when she comes out of this funk she is in she will show you the respect you deserve.
I'm serious about the shelter. There is no shame in trying to better your life and a shelter is not the bottom of anything. It could be the best tool available to you. Hang in there. Friend me if you wish. D.0 -
Seems like you are stuck and lonely. It seems as though you are wanting something from your mother she is not able to give. Are you seeking her approval by doing things for her? Has it worked? Sometimes when we do things with the hopes of getting something in return, we are disappointed when that doesn't happen. Have your graduated high school? That time right after high school is a tough transition for all parties involved. You aren't necessarily able to strike out on your own due to finances/job, but you feel as you are an adult. Parents feel that their job is over and may or may not give hints that you need to plan for your future to be on your own. Sometimes it is straight-forward and sometimes it is with behavior such as getting angry over little things like silver ware. You give only one side of the story, so it's hard to see if you are pulling your weight as much as you say. Do you have any friends with supportive parents? They are a good source of providing support and encouragement with you life and future. You say this is a new move. If you are eighteen, do you have good relationships where you moved from where you could move back, offer to nanny or something, as you find out what good prospects for your future are? Have you ever considered going to school? A junior college counselor could give you an interest test to see what job would best suit your personallity, etc. You could get finanacial aid and possibly get a room mate and get out on your own. There are families that are willing to help young people get on their feet if that young person shows true determination and drive. This includes helping you to get a car. You say your older brother is still at home and does nothing. Perhaps your mom feels that may be the same with you, too. If you are so unhappy at home with the way things are, you could choose to live differently. Seek out ways to improve yourself and your life. It can be a great adventure. But please don't expect your family to create that or be that for you. You may be always be disappointed. You have so much power and potential within you. Get with it, girl! Praying for you...0
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hm...haven't read all of the posts here so I hope some closure to this current situation has come your way. I don't know your situation entirely but, sometimes, knowing others are going through the same thing will help for now.
It may help to change your perspective on the situation. You may have your share of issues, for sure. I think she might just be projecting her life as a failure onto you (probably been covered by another MFP member - as I said, didn't read). There is nothing you can do to change her view of you and I wouldn't even bother. By going down that road, you're setting yourself up for looking for acceptance by someone who cannot accept herself (even if she acts like she is awesome-sauce) and disappointment galore.
Be kind to yourself and feel a little sad for her. She is obviously having a very hard time dealing and conforming to life's ever-growing list of changes, and it's all in her. It takes a lot of character to not take personal pain out on the ones you love. Maintaining that character can take a lot of practice and dedication too. She might need someone to say - "I accept you for who you are". Whether that person is you, well...
I can't say I know best at all, just my opinion on the problem. I hope she will change her ways as you will inevitably do as you go through life. It's an adventure for some and a death-sentence for others, either one found in the same person with different perception. You get to choose for you while, as sad as it can be, no one can help her but her.
Good luck to you!0 -
It sounds like your mother has some personal issues she's not dealing with. As a result, she's made you her personal punching bag and it's not fair to you at all. Have you tried the "kill her with kindness" approach? Don't get me wrong here, you have every right to stand up for yourself, but maybe your defensiveness makes her feel like you don't understand her and makes her feel like it's okay to continue abusing her relationship with you...but maybe, just maybe, if you kill her with kindness, tell her you you're just a girl who wants to spend time with her mother, she'll start to feel guilty about the way she's treated you and maybe you'll slowly start to see a change?0
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I hope you will contact some of the universities near where you live (if you're in the US, stay in state if you can, or tuition will be higher). See if you can get a phone interview or start an email correspondence with a loan counselor. Let them know your situation. There might be grants, loans, even scholarships available for you that will let you move into the dorm and attend college full time, with possible workstudy options to cut down on your debt. Then you won't need a car at all.
Another option is online education, which you can get grants and loans for as well, but unless you have a specific field in mind as well as doing your research to find reputable providers, that's not a great option, plus you'd still be stuck living with your mom.
I'm not so much troubled by you fighting with your mom or doing all the chores, I'm more concerned that you're stuck with no job, no car, and no skill training. Life is tough enough when you have those things, you really don't want to continue in a situation where you don't.0 -
Anyone who's just going to say "you should be lucky you have a roof over your head" please don't reply. I'm JUST LOOKING FOR MENTAL HELP. *kitten*.
Yes. I'm 19. I'm still young. Blah. I get it. That's not helping.
I AM MOVING OUT. BY THE WAY. BUT I STILL HAVE A MONTH UNTIL THEN.
I want to know what I can do to help my MENTAL STATE. So I don't go overboard with anger!
but thank you to all those who are serious about helping me and telling me what I should do, even if the suggestions include womans shelter, college, etc.. Please understand it's not that easy where I am and that's why I'm moving to a different state. If you're going to say "Respect your mom because I don't have a job and I should do as she says" Fine. whatever. I DO everything around the house, even put in flooring and my brother just sits on his *kitten* and ruins everything. I can't even trust my dogs at home alone when I go to the store because no one watches them. I live in a bad neighborhood, too. I can't be on the streets because again, bad neighborhood. But again, I'm getting out.
I am looking for replies for HELP with my MENTAL STATE and someone that is willing to let me vent. not advice about living situation, but my mental state.
So again, if you can't help with that, please don't reply.0 -
It sounds like your mother has problems of her own, but they're her problems not yours (or shouldn't be anyway)
It's time to stop doing all the cleaning & cooking etc and start thinking about other living arrangements. No one needs this kind of emotional abuse.
I don't have a job..& no one wants to hire me that's why I pretty much need support and love from MFP friends, so I can deal with this right now positively..
Find a job in a neighboring town and get your own place or a roommate.
Do something, but move out.
You're 19. It will do you some good.
And that is advice intended to help both your situation AND your mental state.0 -
It sounds like your mother has problems of her own, but they're her problems not yours (or shouldn't be anyway)
It's time to stop doing all the cleaning & cooking etc and start thinking about other living arrangements. No one needs this kind of emotional abuse.
I don't have a job..& no one wants to hire me that's why I pretty much need support and love from MFP friends, so I can deal with this right now positively..
Find a job in a neighboring town and get your own place or a roommate.
Do something, but move out.
You're 19. It will do you some good.
And that is advice intended to help both your situation AND your mental state.
I don't know if you've read, but there is no job here that will hire unless I have a car. The only civilization I have is family runned buisiness that refuse to hire outside their family and a liquor store & Gas station, which I can't because I'm not 21. I applied at Subway over and over, and I had an interview, still no because I have no transportation, and again, I've applied and nothing.
Other than that, they're all 3-4 miles away and i've tried, and nothing because I have no car.0 -
It sounds like your mother has problems of her own, but they're her problems not yours (or shouldn't be anyway)
It's time to stop doing all the cleaning & cooking etc and start thinking about other living arrangements. No one needs this kind of emotional abuse.
I don't have a job..& no one wants to hire me that's why I pretty much need support and love from MFP friends, so I can deal with this right now positively..
Find a job in a neighboring town and get your own place or a roommate.
Do something, but move out.
You're 19. It will do you some good.
And that is advice intended to help both your situation AND your mental state.
I don't know if you've read, but there is no job here that will hire unless I have a car. The only civilization I have is family runned buisiness that refuse to hire outside their family and a liquor store & Gas station, which I can't because I'm not 21. I applied at Subway over and over, and I had an interview, still no because I have no transportation, and again, I've applied and nothing.
Other than that, they're all 3-4 miles away and i've tried, and nothing because I have no car.
What about a bicycle? 3-4 miles is pretty easily done on a bike and you'd get your exercise in. I had the same difficulty a long time ago and had to put in a lot of ridiculous effort to get a job without a car.0 -
Seems like you have more on the ball in life, already! Don't listen to the insults, you have a great head on your shoulders, know responsibility and seem to have great reasoning skills!
She's the one loosing here.......
Feel free to contact me anytime....yelling, venting, talking.....just getting it out helps...maybe only a little, but it helps!0 -
move out sweety! go to college see if your friends or other family members can take you in get a job... but you really need out of there0
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HeyJess sounds like your mom definitely has problems and isn't really being a "mom". She's not healthy, so don't let her define who you are. At age 19, you are definitely ready to be on your own, so not having a means to support yourself is a major issue so I recognize that you're pretty stuck. Our family has dealt with long term unemployment so I know how important a loving a supportive family is when the job market is just not cooperating. Someone else mentioned getting a support group for your self which I agree with. You basically need to build a life for yourself outside of your home with and I would recommend thinking of your compassion triggers. Who does your heart go out toward. Find an organization and do some volunteer work until the job opens up. You start gaining new friends, work experience, other people who can give you job leads and an identity beyond the negativity that's being dished out to you. And speaking of identity, I'll just say, you will never know who you are as long as you allow the WORLD to define you...that's family, work, social circle...because as you can see, they can be shaky at different times in our life. You were created to be in a profoundly loving relationship with God, through His son, Jesus Christ. If you ever pursued WHO God is and how HE much he loves you, then so many gaps would be filled and you would not be standing on continually shifting ground.0
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From what I can see, it's her that's a failure, not you! The fact that she is divorced, should tell you something, isn't it! More than likely, the situation is going to get worst! If you can leave, do it!0
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sorry to hear about your problems-check with your pastor or anybe a couselor at your local scholl who could steer you yo work study programs in college
good luck0 -
Is living with your dad an option? College or some type of training would also be helpful. I know that finding a job nowadays is difficult. Hope you find a solution that works for you.0
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It's difficult when you don't have a job and you aren't in school and you don't have a car. I am assuming all these things though. At 19, if you are not being treated in a kind and respectful way, you should move out. Easier said than done.
You could call churches and see if they have anyone willing to take you in to help you get on your feet. My husband and I have done that on two separate occasions. One for a girl who felt like Cinderella from a step-parents home and another from a woman who was pregnant and living in her car. Let them know your predicament. They can help you apply for aid, give you food, and possibly a place to live until you get a job.
You could check the internet on indeed.com and check every job you can in your area. Do you like children? Live in nanny positions may be a way to move out, get a job, and bring some fulfillment to your life as well as the lives of children. It's good that you are reaching out. Don't give up.
Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and there will always be many difficulties in our lives. I will pray that you are able to move on and feel respected, loved, and cared for.0 -
It sounds like your mother has problems of her own, but they're her problems not yours (or shouldn't be anyway)
It's time to stop doing all the cleaning & cooking etc and start thinking about other living arrangements. No one needs this kind of emotional abuse.
I don't have a job..& no one wants to hire me that's why I pretty much need support and love from MFP friends, so I can deal with this right now positively..
Find a job in a neighboring town and get your own place or a roommate.
Do something, but move out.
You're 19. It will do you some good.
And that is advice intended to help both your situation AND your mental state.
I don't know if you've read, but there is no job here that will hire unless I have a car. The only civilization I have is family runned buisiness that refuse to hire outside their family and a liquor store & Gas station, which I can't because I'm not 21. I applied at Subway over and over, and I had an interview, still no because I have no transportation, and again, I've applied and nothing.
Other than that, they're all 3-4 miles away and i've tried, and nothing because I have no car.
What about a bicycle? 3-4 miles is pretty easily done on a bike and you'd get your exercise in. I had the same difficulty a long time ago and had to put in a lot of ridiculous effort to get a job without a car.
They don't accept bikes either, already tried.0 -
I was in a similar situation, and I found solace in music. I would put on headphones and let myself escape in the words. It was the one place I could go and be alone. Maybe you need to find your escape (as long as it is healthy).
Sometimes people project their own feelings. I sounds like she is really frustrated with her own life and took it out on you. Life is messy, just keep your head up and things will get better.0 -
In regards to your mom moving to a remote place to trap you I have to wonder if you ever considered that you mom is just simply making life choices based on her own needs. When kids get older parents don't make all of their life decisions based on their adult kids or kids that are very close to adulthood, they make them based on their own needs because they know that their kids will soon be doing their own thing.
While I don't know your mother do you think your mother is having anger problems because she has two unemployed adult children living in her house? Is the sole financial burden all on her? You don't need to actually answer that, but you should try to see it from her perspective.
Even though you're going to move on with you dad, you really need to figure out what you want to do with your life, because living with your dad isn't a permanent fix either. If I were you, and of course this is just my opinion, I would try to make the best of the next month with your mom. Repair your relationship before you go because someday you will need and want to have a healthy mother daughter relationship with her as an adult. And really take the time this month to figure out exactly where you want to go with things in your life. FAFSA is a good place to start if you're college bound. You might even want to consider some military branches. That could open you up to a whole new world.
One more mini tip before I go, some places you can apply online. Maybe if your dad lives in a bigger area, you can start applying now for jobs so that when you are one step ahead of the game before you move there. Good luck!0
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