huge rant!
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In my humble opinion, I think she feels threatened by the prospect of you being happy, having a boyfriend...and most especially you becoming fit & healthy. I had a good friend once that was SO MUCH FUN to be around, but inevitably the world revolved around her & her drama (s)...if I had a problem that I wanted to discuss, she listened for a minute, then turned the conversation back to her. When I started dating my husband, she got mad at me for something stupid I sent her via email, b/c she couldn't just get mad at me b/c I had a boyfriend & she didn't. Then I decided that some friends are just poison... & when the negative outweighs the positive...it is time to move on & choose yourself. I think you may need to do some soul searching & decide whether or not her "friendship" is worth working on...or is she just poison? If it is worth it...by all means...go for it & give it all you have...but if not...please choose yourself...YOU ARE WORTH IT...0
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Someone here said - sorry the pg wont go back for me to get the name- that people can sence ive been used before etc. Its my mistake because i trust people so much and end up telling them myself that ive been used alot before0
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TOXIC. She wants you to be dependent on her and I'm sure she's afraid that if you lose weight you'll be happy and not want to be around her. I'd tell her she needs to be more supportive. If she doesn't, kick her to the curb. You don't need that junk in your life!0
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Ur welcome. Everyone involved in this thread is in support of u. As the saying goes "you can take a horse to water but u can't make it drink" The advice being the water. Its ur decision ultimately. Good luck with it. Hope u make the choice the makes YOU happy.0
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The reason you only have one friend is because she's controlling your life and keeping everyone else away. You need to do something about it. But if you prefer, keep on complaining about it and doing nothing.
^^^^^ THIS!0 -
she may get lots of attention but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have self esteem issues. There are lots of gorgeous people in the world that just don't think they are beautiful or even that people just like them for their looks and nothing else about them0
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One thing for sure: shes not the WHOLE cause people stay away from me.
The reason is that im Arab but born / raised here so its a long story but in short, the arab "community" sabotaged my life because im "westernized" ... another diff story0 -
maybe she loves yu,life is weird??????0
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She's no friend, she's a manipulative sociopath. Run away fast and don't look back.0
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@ willy: i know, thank you so much & also to everyone else
@savage: i know i just ment its sooo hard to believe
She gets asked out atleast once a day and knows she turns head
She knows everyone thinks shes innocent bcus she has said it to my face0 -
@ Clio: if thats love.. then what is dislike0
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I confronted her peacefully and ... not being ruuude and she listenes to it then argued a bit then asked if we can go to the mall to shop. Outta nowhere in the middle of the friggin mall she freaked out "crying" and saying sorry she was "trying to be a good friend!" Etc etc. People stared like im the bad guy. This is always the case with her
She looks and acts innocent soo nobody believes my rant in person lol. Just saying this because some people said i should confront her; i have. Many many times. >_< i really do need a new friend huh..
She was seeking attention, and unfortunately you unknowingly fed right into it. She sounds like a very toxic person, one that always has to be the center of the attention...no matter what...whether it be from playing the victim or something else.
Quite frankly, her friendship is probably what is keeping people away from you...not anything about you. You also need to change your mindset - because if you go around assuming that no one wants to be your friend - they will pick up on your prickly body language and stay away.0 -
One thing for sure: shes not the WHOLE cause people stay away from me.
The reason is that im Arab but born / raised here so its a long story but in short, the arab "community" sabotaged my life because im "westernized" ... another diff story
That's a whole other problem to solve for yourself. You face hardship and difficulty just being who you are but that doesn't mean it ultimately has to cost you friendships, relationships, and trust of others. Like with anything in life, you can't let the circumstances drag you down into a pit. If you do, then you can't fix it. That problem can be fixed, though not overnight.0 -
Don't let a jealous friend hold you back from your happiness... go for it!So ive been under alot of stress and time managment has been horrible do to the fact its been the last month of school with last minute assignments and diplomas. I havent been there for my mpf friends or logged food for probably 2 weeks or something. However i appologize to my friends and will get back on track !
Now that thats out of the way...
To add to my frustration is my only (in real life) friend. She seems to just want to crush my happiness
All the time and its really annoying. She doesnt let me eat healthy what so everr. Shell buy the biggest / fattest meal for me and say i should stop trying to loose weight. She says "you dont need to". Im friggin 5'2 and 260 pounds!!! How the heck do i "not need to"?!
Besides the weight loss, she dosent want me to move in with my bf or even be with him! She says i need a new man etc when she knows we are perfectly fine together. She tries to get me to be mean to her bf so he can hate me. Yes she accually said that.when i asked why she said "because itll be funny!" She says we should both ignore him so hell get mad and itll be funny yet when we see him they are tickling each other, making out, etc. WTF ? Why does she try to ruin everything?! It cant be jelousy because shes the one turning heads -even men with gfs stare- wherever we go. She has the body, looks, and ..
Fakeness. Yes i say fake but thats a different story.
Bla!!! Im so annoyed atm0 -
Your so-called "friend" is an awful person. You do not have to "officially" break up with her. Just try to see less of her and more of other people. If she brings you any food, tell her: yuk! I don't eat that. If she says something that is toxic, say to her: You are so annoying!0
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@ sara: yes i know, i did say thats a diff thing
Its much more complex than this lol
@poh: shes much more controllinh than that
Its difficult to explain...shes very sneaky
Im pretty sure the only way out is to keep her out forever0 -
From your rant it seems you know this friend really well and you know exactly what she does that is weird. You can keep the friend, just change your reaction to her so the you are not affected badly. I have a friend who sends me candy when I say I'm on a diet, likes to make digs about things I like, and other toxic behaviors, in spite of having some good qualities. As long as I'm mindful that that is the way she is, insecurities and all, I just don't react and know it's not personal. Your beautiful friend is a lesson to all that having great looks going for you does not solve the inner struggles or the ability to sustain friends. That comes from deeper work on ourselves.0
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Just "break up" with her. You don't need negative people in your life :flowerforyou:0
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@vvan: like i said before shes more controlling than that
.i cant really explain it but a exple would be that she put om boxing gloves we have and "jokingly " beat mr up just to eat the food she bought. I know people will say i let it happen so my reply to that is yes i probably did0 -
Make a mutually agreed upon plan to talk. Communicate to her exactly how her behavior affects you. Let her know you feel like she is trying to sabotage your attempt to get healthy. When she understands exactly which behaviors you are talking about, ask her if she can support you in your mission. If she say "yes", give her a big hug and go from there. If she still insists you don't have to lose weight or continues to try to get you to eat stuff you don't want to eat, just let her know you can no longer spend time with her. Then go out and find a new "best friend". I have never had a "best friend" who didn't look out for me the same way I looked out for them. I can't imagine subjecting myself to being treated in that manner. I would be gone
>0 -
Can you talk to a counselor about how to take control of your life and deal with the issue of your friend and your identity issues (being Arab not feeling you fit in)?
OP means Original Poster which in this thread is you. The person commented that OP needs to grow up but I think they were just being mean.0 -
Ummm so i need to "grow up" just because i have these problems? Wow. I can say somerhing mean to but forget it0
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No need to waste your time.Ummm so i need to "grow up" just because i have these problems? Wow. I can say somerhing mean to but forget it0 -
@ suzi - its not even "fitting in" im accually "banned" from being a part of the community activities etc. Its prettyugly. Having arab parents means no counclin. They think its a joke >_>…0
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That's pretty harsh. Could you see a counselor without your parents knowing - through school?@ suzi - its not even "fitting in" im accually "banned" from being a part of the community activities etc. Its prettyugly. Having arab parents means no counclin. They think its a joke >_>…0 -
I had a similar problem when I was in highschool and even afterwards; it was more about my self esteem than my friends to be honest.
At the end of the day people are going to do what they're going to do, it's up to you whether or not you want to stick around and let them treat you in a way you don't like.
You're enabling this behaviour and you're keeping someone you clearly don't really like that much in your life (if you did like and respect her, you wouldn't feel the need to rant about her on a public forum). This means that you're as responsible as she is, which is great because it also means you have the power to make a change to the situation. If you really can't have an honest and constructive conversation with her about how you feel, and you really don't think there's anything to do to improve things, then it would be best, as many others have advised, to spend less time with her and more time making new friends.
If you don't do anything about this, and you constantly come up with all these excuses as to why you can't make a difference, then you're just *****ing about someone you call a friend behind her back, and you're completely cutting off access to possibilities that will allow you to improve your friendship/your life/your self esteem.0 -
you are between a rock and a hard place. I am sure now that you have talked about it you will be able to make subtle changes aand get her out of your life. It sounds to me like she has a crush on you and is trying to get rid of the men in your lives.Is she a member of your community? Do your parents like her? She is acting like a 10 year old with a crush.0
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I had a similar problem when I was in highschool and even afterwards; it was more about my self esteem than my friends to be honest.
At the end of the day people are going to do what they're going to do, it's up to you whether or not you want to stick around and let them treat you in a way you don't like.
You're enabling this behaviour and you're keeping someone you clearly don't really like that much in your life (if you did like and respect her, you wouldn't feel the need to rant about her on a public forum). This means that you're as responsible as she is, which is great because it also means you have the power to make a change to the situation. If you really can't have an honest and constructive conversation with her about how you feel, and you really don't think there's anything to do to improve things, then it would be best, as many others have advised, to spend less time with her and more time making new friends.
If you don't do anything about this, and you constantly come up with all these excuses as to why you can't make a difference, then you're just *****ing about someone you call a friend behind her back, and you're completely cutting off access to possibilities that will allow you to improve your friendship/your life/your self esteem.
Yes it's behind the friends back but no names were mentioned. She posted here to get opinions, advice etc.0 -
@suzi - i asked and they said if they feel im at risk for suicide etc theyd tell my parents so i obviously didnt say anything
@ aleham - its not as easy as alot of people on here think
Maybe even for some it is. I did confront her so i dont think this is behind her back
Everything i typed and MORE is what i said to her face. I even told her when i once "conplained" to my teacher about how she acts
So im not so sure its "behind her back"..0 -
@vels - no shes from a different culture
My parents & basically anyone who meets her loves her
My parents tell me to act like her in some things such as being a "good persom" etc0
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