Why do people cheat?
Foxypoo61287
Posts: 638 Member
in Chit-Chat
I just ended a relationship, & I have a child with this guy. I always had my suspicions that he was cheating. Hell I practically walked in on him & his ex at my house when I was pregnant. Our relationship was going down hill, fast. We were together for almost 3 years. 21 months to be exact. He proposed to me 1 month into our relationship, said I made him feel different. That no one ever made him feel that way & he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Well that feeling for him lasted about, 3 weeks before he was talking to his ex. He apologized, he even cried. And things were ok for a little. Needless to say, a month ago I had it, and left abruptly.
Now, he used to tell people I can't wait for her to leave me. I'll be able to party, etc. A friend of his said to him, "You don't want her to leave" and he said oh yes I do. Boy, was his friend right. He is miserable to say the least. He has broken down to me many times telling me he is so sorry for the things that he did to me. That he gets sick thinking about everything he did to me. He admitted to cheating on me with 4 different girls. Before I got pregnant, while I was pregnant & after I had our daughter. He only worked for 1 year while I was with him. I worked, all the way until the week before I had our daughter. And worked after. Like CRAZY. I have forgiven him for what he has done. I have told him numerous times, I will never forget, and he will never get back with me. We are civil for our daughter. We chat, hang out with the baby, etc. He tells me how stupid he was, because if he hadn't done the things he did, we would be married & probably be talking about having another baby right now. And he screwed that up. He tells me he has no idea what he was thinking when he cheated. Now, he hadn't sexually cheated on me in 1 year. But he has cheated on me emotionally, and betrayed me. I was having this conversation with him tonight, about our neighbor who said to him that I told her I had a "fling" with someone at my job. I told him she was full of it. He told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend, whom she has a child with.
He said to me what is wrong with the world today? I told him that something was missing. That spark. The romance. The person who cheats is not happy in their relationship. They are needing something, and their S.O. wasn't giving it to them, so they needed to find it somewhere else. That is why there are habitual cheaters. They cheat, get caught, their S.O.'s don't want to show or give affection, so they stray again.
I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
Now, he used to tell people I can't wait for her to leave me. I'll be able to party, etc. A friend of his said to him, "You don't want her to leave" and he said oh yes I do. Boy, was his friend right. He is miserable to say the least. He has broken down to me many times telling me he is so sorry for the things that he did to me. That he gets sick thinking about everything he did to me. He admitted to cheating on me with 4 different girls. Before I got pregnant, while I was pregnant & after I had our daughter. He only worked for 1 year while I was with him. I worked, all the way until the week before I had our daughter. And worked after. Like CRAZY. I have forgiven him for what he has done. I have told him numerous times, I will never forget, and he will never get back with me. We are civil for our daughter. We chat, hang out with the baby, etc. He tells me how stupid he was, because if he hadn't done the things he did, we would be married & probably be talking about having another baby right now. And he screwed that up. He tells me he has no idea what he was thinking when he cheated. Now, he hadn't sexually cheated on me in 1 year. But he has cheated on me emotionally, and betrayed me. I was having this conversation with him tonight, about our neighbor who said to him that I told her I had a "fling" with someone at my job. I told him she was full of it. He told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend, whom she has a child with.
He said to me what is wrong with the world today? I told him that something was missing. That spark. The romance. The person who cheats is not happy in their relationship. They are needing something, and their S.O. wasn't giving it to them, so they needed to find it somewhere else. That is why there are habitual cheaters. They cheat, get caught, their S.O.'s don't want to show or give affection, so they stray again.
I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
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Replies
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DAG! I wish posts like these ...just stop at the title...0
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Get some therapy and move on0
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DAG! I wish posts like these ...just stop at the title...
Just read the last paragraph.0 -
DAG! I wish posts like these ...just stop at the title...
Right?? My head hurts...0 -
DAG! I wish posts like these ...just stop at the title...
Just read the last paragraph.
Yea...I did eventually do that..
Sometimes I wish there is a clifftsnotes section...0 -
I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
I agree with you. People cheat when they're unhappy, but scared to leave the relationship.0 -
I just ended a relationship, & I have a child with this guy. I always had my suspicions that he was cheating. Hell I practically I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
I think people cheat because they are selfish...
No matter the reason...it always points back to being Selfish...0 -
My S.O. cheated on me and the conclusion that I have come to, is NOT that I'm not enough (because, believe me, it was), it's that he's TOO SELFISH to appreciate what he does have. Good for you as far as leaving is concerned! You will be happier in the end.0
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I don't know what makes every man cheat, but this guy sounds like a real crybaby....a complete wussie.
You are better off with him gone.
Next time find a real man who know how to keep it zipped. You deserve fidelity in any committed relationship.
And remember this:
Once a cheater - ALWAYS A CHEATER!0 -
I feel bad for the kid involved in this trainwreck.
People cheat because they can.0 -
I agree with you. People cheat when they're unhappy, but scared to leave the relationship.
That's ONE reason...0 -
To me the only reason one would cheat is because they don't truly love or care about the person they are supposed to be in a commited relationship with. Or because they are horny *kitten*, or maybe they are just plan old sluts and take it from who ever where ever. But mostly my first sentence...0
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I agree with you. People cheat when they're unhappy, but scared to leave the relationship.
That's ONE reason...
..yes it is.0 -
People cheat because they are unhappy with themselves.... and they are looking to fill a void with temporary euphoria and "newness" if you will. When you cheat, the stresses of everyday life (kids, bills, housework, etc.) don't exist in the side relationship. So, yeah... pretty much boils down to being selfish.0
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everyone is a sex maniac. some hide it better than others. some are too ugly to score. life's a ***** then you marry one. then the cheating starts all over. its a vicious cycle.0
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Married 23 years!!! It took a while but I have learned she was the selfish one.
Blamed myself, etc.
If we are done move your *kitten* on!!
Cheater is a cheater.
But hey I'ma happy man now. Life is good!!!0 -
Truth is, feelings are lost. And the other person in the person can't confront the other about the situation and finds someone else to begin again.0
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My ex cheated because he was unhappy, because I was such a ***** to him, never bothered actaully talking to me to try and work crap out though. And because he was in love with another girl the whole time, but didnt cheat on me with her.
Basically he was just a wanker, and too immature to break up with me. People cheat because they are selfish and too lazy to deal with emotional problems. And a million other reasons as well.
Move on, dont ever date him again, it is just a waste of time.0 -
WOW! If it's not too late, you two should go into couples therapy.
Why are you the reason for the cheating? If the relationship was not meeting his needs, shouldn't
he have had a sit down with you and discussed it? You have needs and feeling, too!
Don't make excuses for him and his behavior. It was his choice to go outside the relationship.
Marriage takes two and it takes 2 people to make it work. It is hard and not always perfect but
if you truly love and respect and value each other you will be able to work it out.
Right now you need to be thinking about YOU because YOU are important!
Get a good support system for yourself and decide which direction you need to move in.
Good Luck!0 -
I think people cheat because they are selfish...
No matter the reason...it always points back to being Selfish...
End of conversation. THIS. You can be madly in love with someone, happy with them and your relationship with them...but are selfish and self-centered enough to want more.0 -
I think people cheat for the excitement and thrill of it and don't ever want to get caught because they actually don't want their main spouse to hurt or know..
I think there's people that will always cheat and people that would never think of it you just need to find someone who has more self control and higher standards then that.
It's pathetic how society is now a days and I think you childs father is a hoe! lol yes,guys can be hoes too theres some guys I'd never touch with a ten foot pole because of how much they've slept around... it's disgusting! and of course there are ladies like that too
I think the best thing for you to do is better yourself, get fit, be confident and happy with yourself that way you can constantly show your ex what an *kitten* he is for cheating on you and doing you wrong and so he can see what he's missing out on!!
atleast that's what I'd do!
Goodluck to you hun!0 -
Why do people cheat?
Hard truth time which most folks (Men and women alike) are not gonna like.
Why do people cheat? Simple, because they can. I know men and women both who have cheated, their partner had doubts about it, but still didn't anything about it. The partners were in denial.
Some people don't believe in monogamy but pretend they do so that they can be with the "home maker" while they have couple of girls on the side. Or in some women's case, they have a spineless turtle who lives just for the sight of her and so she can do whatever she wants behind his back all the while he's supporting her.
Its that simple. Some people don't have morals. End of story. It doesn't matter if you confront them or not or if you put a spy on them or even catch them red handed. They're really not sorry.
There are ofcourse exceptions where the person have a one time fling or falls for a certain person outside of the relationship. Things happens but because they still care for their partner they try to hide it but typically people who cheat, they just wanna get some on the side while they reap the benefits of a relationship and support from their partner0 -
People cheat for all different reasons. I've never cheated but I've been the one cheated on. In my case nothing had changed between us.. at least not to my knowledge we were best friends and had sex daily. He was a pathological liar and the one excuse he gave after I had found out and left him was that he felt he wasn't good enough for me so he tried to find someone less great? That was after we had been best friends for 10 years and in a relationship for two.
Only advice I can give as hard as it is..don't let it make you bitter. Everyone is different and not all men cheat. I started dating again and told myself that I wasn't going to punish anyone else for his crimes. I trust someone until they give me a reason not to. I agree with the other poster though. Most of the time "once a cheater always a cheater"
"Edited to say I did find a wonderful guy who I have been in a relationship with for over four years and we are engaged to be married so it'll all work out!"0 -
Yeah I think you got this right ^. OP I'm sorry this happened to you.I just ended a relationship, & I have a child with this guy. I always had my suspicions that he was cheating. Hell I practically I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
I think people cheat because they are selfish...
No matter the reason...it always points back to being Selfish...
0 -
Usually selfishness like was already said or immaturity/insecurity
My ex cheated on me. I never wasted a second blaming myself-from moment one I was pissed at him. But out of curiousity I asked his friends what the hell was going on in his mind when he did that.
They told me he said he didnt know, he was drunk the first time it happened blah blah blah. They told me flat out they think my ambitiousness and accomplishments over the four years of our relationship were starting to make him feel lesser about himself or whatever and his insecurities over himself were really starting to come out.
Naturally his friends and I agreed that still was no excuse and he needs to grow the hell up.
But 2 years later Im almost done with my bachelors degree, happier, healthier, thinner and have had a lot of fun.
As far as I know he still lives in his grandparents attic
Happy endings do exist :-)0 -
That guy cheated because that's what he does. He'll play come here come here come here go away go away go away all he can with as many people as he can.
You're better off without him. Move on.
In order to do that, quit the sad sack stories. You're training people to continue to treat you like **** when you dwell for days using all the words about how done dirty you were.
You're strong. You have a daughter. Focus on that.
And the less he's involved, the better for you, and probably the better for the kiddo.
But, as a wise philosopher said about 1979 or so, "it is time for you to stop all of your crying."0 -
People cheat because they are unhappy with themselves.... and they are looking to fill a void with temporary euphoria and "newness" if you will. When you cheat, the stresses of everyday life (kids, bills, housework, etc.) don't exist in the side relationship. So, yeah... pretty much boils down to being selfish.
I agree with you on this, 100%0 -
I just ended a relationship, & I have a child with this guy. I always had my suspicions that he was cheating. Hell I practically I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?
I think people cheat because they are selfish...
No matter the reason...it always points back to being Selfish...
Absolutely0 -
I think part of it has to do with the "excitement" of dating. Someone new, butterflies, feeling desirable to others. I agree that it's selfish, don't get me wrong.0
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People cheat because they are selfish a-holes who care nothing about other people's feelings period. There is no other reason plain and simple..0
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