Advice please...guys point of view as well

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AwesomeMoJo
AwesomeMoJo Posts: 1,145 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have been doing very well on my eating plan and thank you to all who have been helping to support me. Now, here is something thatcame up. I have gone one a couple (2) dates with a guy (who himself has lost 50lbs as well)..and he told me last night that he NEEDS to know if the sex is good before he has a relationship with anyone. I am not going to just give it up to a guy who says that sex is the most important thing. In a true relationship a person has to have communication (which we both do very well), trust, laughter, mutual respect....In my opinion, telling me he wants sex otherwise he will move on is pressuring me for that...

Now, if all he wants is sex...he can either find a regualr booty call who is as shallow as he is OR pay for it. If he truly wants a relationship, wouldn't he want to take at least a little time to get to know me better to see if we could have that friendship, fun, and mutual respect?? Keep in mind I am attracted to his guy...but I just don't want to make a huge mistake.

The reason I am asking here is because I trust you all. You have been helping me eat better, exercise, inspire and motivate me...but since I am an emotional eater, I felt the need to ask for advice and if I was crazy or he is being a jerk (or I could ponder about it while eating a package of oreo cookies....) I don't want to eat but this is taking over my brain and I think I am convincing myself that I am in the wrong when I am sure that I am not....
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Replies

  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    He's being a jerk. Not only does it sound like sex is the only thing he wants from the relationship, it sounds like he is saying if the sex isn't good the first time he's not willing to work at making it good.

    Good sex, like a good relationship, is give and take and sometimes takes a little time to know your partner's preferences.
  • RacerX_14
    RacerX_14 Posts: 578 Member
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    He's being a jerk. Not only does it sound like sex is the only thing he wants from the relationship, it sounds like he is saying if the sex isn't good the first time he's not willing to work at making it good.

    Good sex, like a good relationship, is give and take and sometimes takes a little time to know your partner's preferences.

    I so agree with this!! Well said!
  • PShep17
    PShep17 Posts: 221 Member
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    Aww sounds like a bit of a chancer (although I'm in a 'all men are evil' stage at the moment).

    Fair play to him for being up front, perhaps he's had girls go for that in the past. If you're not happy with it walk away, who says he gets to call all the shots!
  • Arwen280804
    Arwen280804 Posts: 25 Member
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    He's being a jerk. Not only does it sound like sex is the only thing he wants from the relationship, it sounds like he is saying if the sex isn't good the first time he's not willing to work at making it good.

    Good sex, like a good relationship, is give and take and sometimes takes a little time to know your partner's preferences.

    I so agree with this!! Well said!

    I agree too.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    In my experience, sex is good when two people know each other well and care about each other. Plenty of people are virgins when they get married and have satisfying sex lives.

    If this is something that is important to this guy, though, there isn't anything you can do about that. You just need to decide if he's worth continuing on with.
  • hoskibn
    hoskibn Posts: 86
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    It's a **** move...and he wouldn't bring it up if his plan wasn't to pressure you into it
  • solarpower03
    solarpower03 Posts: 12,160 Member
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    Lovely jojo,
    It is an exam and you will be tested on 6 different positions akin to 6 questions. Time duration of test 3hrs. LOL!
    OK jokes aside, if it comes naturally between you two, go for it but if it is objective decision-making for him after this test, don't do the test.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    Screw em. He's trying to be conditional, and at way too early of a time. If he had more respect for you as a person, he'd wait and give it some more time before making you feel pressured into something. You've only been on TWO dates, that's not a lot at all.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
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    If he truly wants a relationship, wouldn't he want to take at least a little time to get to know me better to see if we could have that friendship, fun, and mutual respect??
    Yes. You should not have to ask this question.
  • discodaddy61
    discodaddy61 Posts: 161 Member
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    i believe that he isnt sincere. whoever heard of bad sex. lol really though sex in a relationshio is a display of love and emotions with that special someone its not just about physical attraction but about connecting emotionally as well. tell him how you feel and see how he responds. if he leaves it wasnt meant to be.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
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    ok its nice to have someone being upfront but he was out of line I feel for a second date! its par for the course if two people are attracted to each other and have mutual affection etc for each other then the sex is always going to be great...if not the first time then the (many) times after that! seems like he was hoping you'd be up for it right away! be cautious :)
  • itsme_timd
    itsme_timd Posts: 59
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    Guys want sex. From the first date a guy goes on he's thinking about sex, before that even. However, to tell someone on the second date that you need to see if the sex is good before moving forward is in poor taste and in my opinion means that you've already decided the only thing you want out of the relationship is sex. Most people these days want to know if the sex is good in a relationship but if you are considering someone as a possible long-term relationship I wouldn't see telling them that on the second date. Sounds like it's his way of saying he wants to have sex or he's not going to waste his time.

    With that said, it also depends on the overall tone of the conversation when this happened. Had the discussion playfully turned to sex? Was him making this comment in response to a question about the importance of sex? Or did he just throw it out there like, "Hey, this is something you need to know now."? Context can make a huge difference in how to take what he said.
  • omlax24
    omlax24 Posts: 31
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    Im sorry but it seems to me like hes being a jerk. Having sex just to have sex is just that, its just sex but when you have a emotional connection with the person it means so much more and becomes making love. So if hes not willing to put the time in then hes not for you.
  • missattitude57
    missattitude57 Posts: 77
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    Wow he sounds either a) shallow or b) desperate...ask yourself if that's really what you're looking for...A good man will get to know you and establish a relationship first, you can always work on the sex afterwards. It's not like if it's not so great the first time it will continue to be not so great.
  • kokaneesailor
    kokaneesailor Posts: 337 Member
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    My heart calculatin'
    My true love will be waitin'
    Be waiting at the end of my ride
    Move 'em on, head' em up
    Head 'em up, move' em on
    Move 'em on, head' em up
    Rawhide

    I'd just sorta move on. :smile:
  • runbikehike
    runbikehike Posts: 18
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    Run



    Fast
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    What a douche! RUN RUN!

    Men who like you for you will wait for sex. Trust me. Now, they probably won't wait until marriage, but they will wait until you are ready. Which should be a great time than 2 dates, IMO.
  • curlygirly80
    curlygirly80 Posts: 176
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    I would pass him a bottle of lotion and say "Get to it and then you tell me if it was good cause that's all the sexin you gonna be gettin"
  • bwmiller1
    bwmiller1 Posts: 98
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    I think it's awesome he said that upfront. cuz you know what you're dealing with. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck....He's out. whatever the play, it's terrible. I second the rawhide song....
  • wantstolooseweight
    wantstolooseweight Posts: 166 Member
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    Ask him what he actually thinks is important in a relationship.... I bet sex is in the top 2 things and comes before friendship and respect............. Only you can make the decision but I'll be honest he sounds like he is only interested in getting his rocks off rather than getting to know the person that you actually are.

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