Feeling down, just sad and in need of virtual hugs..

*Note: this going to be pretty pathetic, I totally realize that, I just need to vent it's been a frustrating day and feel like I just need virtual hugs and some support.

I just had a whole day of meetings and sessions at work after a very long and stressful week with coworkers, projects etc, I was exhausted. I'm moving next week and I've been stressed out and feeling a lot of emotions, sad, anxious, my building manager at my current apartment is a bully and I'm of course not a big conflict person, usually like to talk things out but it's just gotten to the point where I need to leave but they are making my last few days here difficult, trying to book elevators, asking for help this one guy who works there obviously has a hatred for women so it's difficult to deal with him, unless of course I was thin and he could flirt in a really gross way and try to control me like he tries to with other tenants....anyways, so it's hard coming home.

I found out too that after the whole day of attending sessions at work, because I left to go back to my office 10 mins before it ended to deal with a moving company for next week, that I had won a leap pad tablet but because I wasn't there they gave it to someone else I could never afford something like that, at least not in the next couple of years, it just was the icing on top of the crappy cake that was today.

On top of it I'm having a bad body image day and I'm just not feeling attractive, I'm tired of being the 'friend' to everyone and helping guy friends meet girls or listening to them talking about who's hot and whatever else and I just feel so invisible, I just feel a bit down today, I'm pitying myself I know it's pathetic I just needed to write it out, it's just hard always being the friend that tags along and hangs around while guys hit on my friends and completely bypass me, not that I want to be hit on, I just feel like I'm seen like a kid or not a woman to people but just a buddy or something. Work guys have a great time chatting with me I'm part of the circle because I can dish out jokes and sarcasm and keep up, but I guess that's not what guys find attractive, that and I think my weight probably plays a huge part. I think everything combined just makes me sad, work people have been hard to deal with, again bullying, I'm so tired of it and I think I try too hard to see the good in people I always give them the benefit of the doubt so I think well maybe they were having a tough day or something and that's why they acted that way. Okay I'm done, I think I'm just scared that since I'm turning 33 next month and havent had a date in maybe 2 years (part of which is because I'm tired/scared of the constant rejection) or been in a relationship since maybe 6-7 years ago when I started gaining weight, I'm aftraid that this is my life, that I'm never going to be seen as attractive, just fun and yes nice and smart to some people and a good friend but nothing beyond that. Okay thank you all for letting me vent today I just feel really down, I'm tired of packing up my apartment to move into another apartment and live alone again somewhere else, so lonely




******Thank you

Everyone is so nice, I really appreciate the hugs; hugs back to all of you. I think stress and feeling unattractive just makes for a bad combination. I know I'll have a better day, and I hope I don't sound ungrateful in that post, I am thankful for all the good things in my life, I just need to get out of this building, it's hard to come home and feel like a prisoner in your own home (at my building the only exit is a controlled exit and I have to go by the bully to go in or out). I think the dating thing is hard too and I definitely know I play a role in that, I think I've just scared myself so much about dating that I've just started avoiding it altogether, too many bad experiences on some blind dates, Hopefully maybe if I lose some weight, even though I know that shouldn't matter and I hate writing it, maybe then I'll feel more confident in going out again.