How/Should I tell an alcoholic if he is an alcoholic?

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  • bisland
    bisland Posts: 245 Member
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    I do not think there is anything you can say or do. Untill this person recognizes he has a problem it will not change. Ya gotta want to change before change happens.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    You should probably mind your business and spend more time working on yourself.


    a little heartless? maybe minding your own business is truly good advice...but that just sounded mean.

    I agree. Even though I said that the OP probably should not intervene, I don't blame him for caring. We all have problems, and it's always easier to see the OTHER person's issues, but a friend with a new baby who has a possibly alcoholic husband does deserve support and sympathy.

    If it wasn't clear before, I think the OP sounds like a good person and hope he can provide some comfort.
  • fenrirGrey
    fenrirGrey Posts: 110 Member
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    Not that I need to justify, but the "friend" is actually my sister and I did not wish to make it public.

    To those who want to know what happened, I made my sis read this thread, told her I was concerned and ended it at that. I also made sure she does not bring this topic up with her husband for at least a week giving it a cooling off period.

    I hope that those of you who said "mind your own business" never have to make this decision. Maybe I have hidden motives, maybe you think I want to be a hero, maybe you think I don't have a life. I honestly couldn't care less. Save your hate towards me towards a better thing.

    To those who understood this is a hard decision, thank you!
  • gemiwing
    gemiwing Posts: 1,525 Member
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    Not that I need to justify, but the "friend" is actually my sister and I did not wish to make it public.


    To those who understood this is a hard decision, thank you!

    Try out al-anon if you want. Might take a while to find a meeting that's a great fit for you but having a community of support really, really, really helps.

    There are ripples that come outward from an alcoholic. It hits everyone.
  • natacha305
    natacha305 Posts: 117 Member
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    I am a recovering alcoholic, and speaking from experience: the LAST thing an alcoholic wants to hear is someone suggesting they go to AA.

    Its hard enough to go when youve decided youve had enough, imagine how hard it would be to go if your pressured. Even though he respects your friend, works and everything, just means he is a functioning alcoholic.

    You risk him hating you for bringing up the subject or making it an issue. basically in his mind he will think why the F are you getting into his life when his wife and kids are perfectly fine and happy.

    its a tough choice, just be prepared for the worse. Al-anon is a great place to start.

    the way they FINALLY got me.... it was problem after problem after problem, then an intervention with my family (highly recommended) then DUI.... now i just choose life and not death

    POINT: if your gonna do it, dont do it alone get the whole family together and have an intervention. (see show "Intervention" on A&E)

    I hated it but it saved me
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    I didn't read the whole thread, but I did read your updates in your original post. (just saw that this is a family member)

    You can support your friend, but stay out of their marriage.

    You might think that you don't have an option, but no good will come of an outsider interfering in their marriage. Even though this is family, you are still an outsider.

    Oh and if your friend has not come to you for support on this issue, then mind your own business. Especially since this is family.

    I think Al-Anon for yourself is a great idea. They will teach you how to support your family members.
  • natacha305
    natacha305 Posts: 117 Member
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    You should probably mind your business and spend more time working on yourself.

    Spoken like a true alcoholic/addict.

    Misery loves company dont it?
  • dlangenfeld
    dlangenfeld Posts: 119
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    Not that I need to justify, but the "friend" is actually my sister and I did not wish to make it public.

    To those who want to know what happened, I made my sis read this thread, told her I was concerned and ended it at that. I also made sure she does not bring this topic up with her husband for at least a week giving it a cooling off period.

    I hope that those of you who said "mind your own business" never have to make this decision. Maybe I have hidden motives, maybe you think I want to be a hero, maybe you think I don't have a life. I honestly couldn't care less. Save your hate towards me towards a better thing.

    To those who understood this is a hard decision, thank you!

    Good luck and I will be praying for your sister and her family, including you. To all the haters out there, it is truly sad what I was reading in this thread. You are a good person trying to help someone else and didn't deserve all those horrible comments. Sad excuse for people.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    You should probably mind your business and spend more time working on yourself.

    Spoken like a true alcoholic/addict.

    Misery loves company dont it?

    Lol but I don't use drugs and I rarely drink so what else could my addictions be, dr?

    Either way, its never helpful to butt into another couples issues because it rarely helps. They know their problems and if they wanted help they can ask. Some people like to try and work on things at their own pace and everyone deserves the space to do so
  • dyn3428
    dyn3428 Posts: 14
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    He isn't hiding anything. He knows it's a problem and so does she, they just aren't admitting it. Making excuses is what addicts and those who enable them do. The best thing you can do for your friend is just be there. You CAN NOT do anything to induce her husband to stop drinking. If he is truly an alcoholic, your words will fall on deaf ears. And you can't convince her to do anything else as long as she continues to participate in the relationship. Addicts need people in their lives who will support their choice to drink. You can support her and be her friend but you can't change one single thing about this relationship. Been there, done that..

    Women Who Love Too Much....read it.. I'm just sayin'
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    My brother's like this. Except he gets really stupid, can't talk, falls over the place, and has actually fallen into, and broken, my parents kitchen table. You know what they're doing about it? Nothing. Why? Because my dad ignores it.

    A lot of my family says that because it hasn't affected his work yet, that it's "not an issue." I wholeheartedly disagree with that.

    I've tried talking with my brother about it, politely and respectfully without making him feel like I'm attacking him, but he doesn't want to listen. He says he can control it and that everyone's exaggerating - which is not the case.

    Ultimately, you can and maybe should, say something, but if he doesn't see it as a problem then he won't do anything about it.

    I wish you and your friends the best of luck.

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