To call/text him or not to call/text....
So, everyone, I need an opinion.
Quick back story: I have what I like to call my "lightswitch" boyfriend. We are on off on off on off. Already redflagging, right?! Well that's not what I'm here for. We have long periods of off in there, it's not a weekly thing, but it's been going on for like 5 years. We just always end up back with each other. Ok. So that's the background.
This time: We've been together for like... 8 months this time. Really good. We have been training for the color run, he's been all excited about it, I've been SUPER excited for it (I paid for it for him to do it with me since he couldn't afford it), and just been overall pumped for it to happen.
So Friday night rolls around, and I told him he should probably just sleep over at my place, so we could just get up and go. He said ok. Then he went to the bar with his friends like always. I told him I'd be up till 11 if he was going to come over. If not he better be at my place at 7 am sharp. He didn't come up, but said he'd be there at 7 in the morning.
Next morning, 7 rolls around... 7:05... 7:10... some phone calls and texts..... 7:20 and still nothing. So I left and told him to meet me. At 7:45 I asked my best friend, who was coming to take pictures, if he'd run with me and I'd give him the boyfriends stuff. So I called the boyfriend and still no answer, so I left a message. At 7:57 (mind you the race started at 8am) I get this text: "dang clock." I was so angry and just texted back "f*** you".
I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have said that but I was just so annoyed. So since then.... he has not apologized, texted, called, or made any attempts at communication with me. I was expecting at least a "OMG I'm so sorry!" or something... I don't know.
I'm not mad he missed the race, now. What I'm mad about is the fact that he hasn't apologized or said ANYTHING to me.
So now, 4 days later, I'm wondering... should I text/call him? Or just wait and see how long he actually goes and if he ever does apologize.... I've been struggling with this all day.
Thanks.
p.s. The color run was AWESOME.
Quick back story: I have what I like to call my "lightswitch" boyfriend. We are on off on off on off. Already redflagging, right?! Well that's not what I'm here for. We have long periods of off in there, it's not a weekly thing, but it's been going on for like 5 years. We just always end up back with each other. Ok. So that's the background.
This time: We've been together for like... 8 months this time. Really good. We have been training for the color run, he's been all excited about it, I've been SUPER excited for it (I paid for it for him to do it with me since he couldn't afford it), and just been overall pumped for it to happen.
So Friday night rolls around, and I told him he should probably just sleep over at my place, so we could just get up and go. He said ok. Then he went to the bar with his friends like always. I told him I'd be up till 11 if he was going to come over. If not he better be at my place at 7 am sharp. He didn't come up, but said he'd be there at 7 in the morning.
Next morning, 7 rolls around... 7:05... 7:10... some phone calls and texts..... 7:20 and still nothing. So I left and told him to meet me. At 7:45 I asked my best friend, who was coming to take pictures, if he'd run with me and I'd give him the boyfriends stuff. So I called the boyfriend and still no answer, so I left a message. At 7:57 (mind you the race started at 8am) I get this text: "dang clock." I was so angry and just texted back "f*** you".
I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have said that but I was just so annoyed. So since then.... he has not apologized, texted, called, or made any attempts at communication with me. I was expecting at least a "OMG I'm so sorry!" or something... I don't know.
I'm not mad he missed the race, now. What I'm mad about is the fact that he hasn't apologized or said ANYTHING to me.
So now, 4 days later, I'm wondering... should I text/call him? Or just wait and see how long he actually goes and if he ever does apologize.... I've been struggling with this all day.
Thanks.
p.s. The color run was AWESOME.
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Replies
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let him go.0
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Hmmm my first instinct is that you should apologize for being so crass with your response. He may have Irresponsible for not holding up his end of the race bargain but you totally disrespected him. I wouldn't call you back either. Sorry0
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Hmmm my first instinct is that you should apologize for being so crass with your response. He may have Irresponsible for not holding up his end of the race bargain but you totally disrespected him. I wouldn't call you back either. Sorry
Thanks, I appreciate your honesty. I knew heat of the moment it seemed like a great idea. But yeah, been thinking probably bad idea.0 -
tl;dr
don't call or text.0 -
Oh, hell no. He's an idiot. He blew it. You were right to be mad. Don't you dare go crawling back.0
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So, everyone, I need an opinion.
Quick back story: I have what I like to call my "lightswitch" boyfriend. We are on off on off on off. Already redflagging, right?! Well that's not what I'm here for. We have long periods of off in there, it's not a weekly thing, but it's been going on for like 5 years. We just always end up back with each other. Ok. So that's the background.
This time: We've been together for like... 8 months this time. Really good. We have been training for the color run, he's been all excited about it, I've been SUPER excited for it (I paid for it for him to do it with me since he couldn't afford it), and just been overall pumped for it to happen.
So Friday night rolls around, and I told him he should probably just sleep over at my place, so we could just get up and go. He said ok. Then he went to the bar with his friends like always. I told him I'd be up till 11 if he was going to come over. If not he better be at my place at 7 am sharp. He didn't come up, but said he'd be there at 7 in the morning.
Next morning, 7 rolls around... 7:05... 7:10... some phone calls and texts..... 7:20 and still nothing. So I left and told him to meet me. At 7:45 I asked my best friend, who was coming to take pictures, if he'd run with me and I'd give him the boyfriends stuff. So I called the boyfriend and still no answer, so I left a message. At 7:57 (mind you the race started at 8am) I get this text: "dang clock." I was so angry and just texted back "f*** you".
I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have said that but I was just so annoyed. So since then.... he has not apologized, texted, called, or made any attempts at communication with me. I was expecting at least a "OMG I'm so sorry!" or something... I don't know.
I'm not mad he missed the race, now. What I'm mad about is the fact that he hasn't apologized or said ANYTHING to me.
So now, 4 days later, I'm wondering... should I text/call him? Or just wait and see how long he actually goes and if he ever does apologize.... I've been struggling with this all day.
Thanks.
p.s. The color run was AWESOME.
If its been off and on again and he did this you should probably just dump him and find someone who respects you more. You had all right to say what you did to him out of anger, it was very rude and disrespectful on his part so why show him any curiosity? The next text you should send him is that you guys are done and don't have contact with him.0 -
If he cant understand that you were upset because he was irresponsible, then there is no point in who communicates first. You paid for the race, you offerred to help with transport, and you even provided wake up service. This guy has it made with you and he probably knows it.
Unless you like that kind of treatment, don't bother reaching out.0 -
you say you are on/off/on/off, so he's getting the message it's alright to treat you with disrespect, so he walks all over you.
and you expect him to say 'sorry'?
not gonna happen.
why do you keep taking him back anyway? does he shoot sparks out of his *kitten* or something?0 -
If its been off and on again and he did this you should probably just dump him and find someone who respects you more. You had all right to say what you did to him out of anger, it was very rude and disrespectful on his part so why show him any curiosity? The next text you should send him is that you guys are done and don't have contact with him.
This.0 -
You want to run back to him? Really? No offense, but what the hell are you thinking? All you did was send a text...he didn't show up to his commitment, nor did he attempt to contact you, apologize to you or anything.
You went through planning, paying, waiting, worrying, and finding another partner so you wouldn't have to go through this alone and you want to run back to him? I just don't get it.
Look, if you want to contact him, I'd say go ahead. I don't understand why, but you have your reasons.
On a side note, I heard someone say once: If your relationship is on/off over and over again, what makes you think it won't be that way when you're married? He made a compelling case and I tend to agree with him. I'm sure there are cases where it can work...but I've seen that most don't. Either way...good luck to you.0 -
I would NOT call or text. I agree with you that you shouldn't have sent your last text but his passive approach to this situation is not respectable. Move on and find a healthy relationship with someone who will respect and value you, your time, and support your goals.0
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If this has been going on for five years, you guys either need to see a counselor to see where the issues are or just let it go...this wondering what the other person is thinking limbo isn't adult at all..these conversations should be able to be had and must be had..its no way to live
p.s.-I'm working off limited information here0 -
I would NOT call or text. I agree with you that you shouldn't have sent your last text but his passive approach to this situation is not respectable. Move on and find a healthy relationship with someone who will respect and value you, your time, and support your goals.
^^ Agree!! ^^0 -
He is using you...dump him and find a guy that will respect you.0
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Sounds like he needs to do a little growing up. A simple "**** you" should be a wake up call that your mad and if he doesnt care enough to make things better or fix things he isnt worth your time id say. Find someone who wants to be there in your life and show you the respect you need. Just my 2 cents....0
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Lose him! He had multiple offenses. You're in college now right? This is the perfect time to meet some really nice, better-quality guys. It gets a little harder once you're out of college.0
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End it. Done. Over.
He goes to the bar every Friday night with his friends? I understand time alone, but every Friday night... even before a big event that the two of you were doing together?
Doesn't seem worth holding onto IMO. You need to have more value in yourself than settling for that sort of treatment.
Just my take.
Good luck.
Jen0 -
While I could see how your reply may upset him as well, I really don't think it should warrant 4 days of him ignoring you. In my opinion, it doesn't sound like he is worth the time you are wasting on him by waiting by the phone. If it has been on and off, there are more underlying issues than just this incident. He seems extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful to you. Immaturity at its best. Why not forget about him, and find a guy that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Maybe one that supports you.
Josh0 -
To call/text him or not to call/text....
Didn't even read the post. Simple answer. No. Whenever these types of questions pop up, answer is always no.
No buts, if's. Unless you're pregnant and he's the father, donot call him0 -
Drop him like a wet jockstrap.0
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Waiting to see how long it goes before he calls back seems like "testing" your boyfriend. My ex used to do that to me, and I hated it. It's not mature, and it's not a good way to deal with your problems. It's just going to make you bitter.
BUT talking to him doesn't necessarily mean making up! Have a straight up conversation. Don't try to manipulate, don't try to guilt trip. Just be honest about how he made you feel and state your deep concerns. And if he's not straight up with you, get out. And the faster you do, the faster you can move on. No looking back.0 -
We are always told to go with our first instinct. I think when you sent that "**** you" text that was your instinct telling you that something was wrong with his behavior. You two had been training for it for a while and clearly he seemed, behaved, appeared, that this race was just as important to him as it was to you. Now again, you instinct was probably telling you that he didn't miss that race because he overslept....it was some other reason.
It was definitely a harsh reaction....but maybe it was necessary for you to do what you need to do about the relationship as a whole.0 -
You want to run back to him? Really? No offense, but what the hell are you thinking? All you did was send a text...he didn't show up to his commitment, nor did he attempt to contact you, apologize to you or anything.
You went through planning, paying, waiting, worrying, and finding another partner so you wouldn't have to go through this alone and you want to run back to him? I just don't get it.
Look, if you want to contact him, I'd say go ahead. I don't understand why, but you have your reasons.
On a side note, I heard someone say once: If your relationship is on/off over and over again, what makes you think it won't be that way when you're married? He made a compelling case and I tend to agree with him. I'm sure there are cases where it can work...but I've seen that most don't. Either way...good luck to you.
This^^ coach gives good advice0 -
let him go.
^^ Agreed. I had an old boyfriend like that. Too much stress to deal with him. You don't need him...
Focus on yourself and be glad you have a great friend (the one who was going to take pics) to be there to support you! 0 -
I haven't read the replies so far but I just wanna say this............
Let him do the chasing. If he's really serious about you & it's meant to happen between you, he will contact you. Don't sit & wait, go out & get on with your life. I've wasted soooo much time waiting for guys, now I figure if one comes along that is crazy about me & will treat me with respect, he'll call or text me
I don't know you but I do know that no woman deserves to be left waiting & worrying.0 -
Waiting to see how long it goes before he calls back seems like "testing" your boyfriend. My ex used to do that to me, and I hated it. It's not mature, and it's not a good way to deal with your problems. It's just going to make you bitter.
BUT talking to him doesn't necessarily mean making up! Have a straight up conversation. Don't try to manipulate, don't try to guilt trip. Just be honest about how he made you feel and state your deep concerns. And if he's not straight up with you, get out. And the faster you do, the faster you can move on. No looking back.0 -
I read your Post and I took the time to read ALL of the responses. Everybody (including Me) says DUMP him...Except one chick, who tells you to go back begging. Going back and someone advising you to go back and apologize is a prime example of LOW Self-Esteem! Why did you respond to the one person that gave really sick advice...is it that YOU want to go back begging. If you do, you like abuse and to be disrespected...but you are going to DO what You will. I feel for women like you, but in the end YOU CONTROL YOU, something you should have learned from losing weight. Think of that disrespectful piece of junk you call a "Boy-Friend" as the FAT that is trying to bring you down>>>What do you do with the FAT?! Then DO IT with him!0
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I read your Post and I took the time to read ALL of the responses. Everybody (including Me) says DUMP him...Except one chick, who tells you to go back begging. Going back and someone advising you to go back and apologize is a prime example of LOW Self-Esteem! Why did you respond to the one person that gave really sick advice...is it that YOU want to go back begging. If you do, you like abuse and to be disrespected...but you are going to DO what You will. I feel for women like you, but in the end YOU CONTROL YOU, something you should have learned from losing weight. Think of that disrespectful piece of junk you call a "Boy-Friend" as the FAT that is trying to bring you down>>>What do you do with the FAT?! Then DO IT with him!
Actually... I was the 'sick' chick you speak of. My response has been bugging me all night. I don't think she should go back to him either. Im just saying her response and his behavior was indication that there was no respect in their relationship. Without mutual respect - its done for anyways.0 -
This relationship is ALL BAD. If you feel like you need to apologize for saying f you, then text him "sorry I said f you" because then your side will be clean. This whole situation should be a final straw for you. He can't honor a commitment to you which shows a complete lack of respect, plus he's too broke to do this run but not too broke to go out drinking....
The best thing you could do would be to delete his number and be done no matter how lonely it is without him. If he calls then tell him you are done and not to call you anymore (in a nice way). Then cut off all communication....be strong and walk away.0 -
Hmmm my first instinct is that you should apologize for being so crass with your response. He may have Irresponsible for not holding up his end of the race bargain but you totally disrespected him. I wouldn't call you back either. Sorry
Thanks, I appreciate your honesty. I knew heat of the moment it seemed like a great idea. But yeah, been thinking probably bad idea.
If you feel bad about it, then theres your answer. Apologize and then move on! On and off again is certainly a toxic relationship...0
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