Unsupportive Spouse

My husband was very unsupportive. He'd gripe & complain anytime I wanted to workout, and would sabotage my eating habits. Much the same as you're describing. He would make me feel guilty for exercising for 30 MINUTES a day and would imply that I was "taking time away from my kids" and not being a great mother because of it, etc.

I divorced him.

Well, I am not sure if he is unsupportive or just plain dumb...and sadly I think its the latter. My BF would often try to be nice by getting something I like to eat or make plans to spend time by watching a movie. This was just him trying to be a nice BF and not even thinking that these things go against my plans to lose weight. I just had to break it down to him...he had no idea. Boys don't think in the most logical ways (and no not all boys...please don't attack me for this!) I also make it understandable for him. He works outside all day doing manual labor, so he doesn't get that when I get off work I want to run. I just tell him he got his physical time and I need mine....THEN we chill on the couch and relax together. Its about finding the right balance.

My sweety inspires me and supports me as I do her. We are both active. I wouldn't have it any other way. Unsupportive spouses, especially in this realm where you're trying to get healthier, are being selfish IMO.

Being together means being a team, not an anchor.

Can you get up earlier and exercise before he is up and about?

Your husband may be feeling insecure with the healthy choices you're making for yourself. Maybe he feels you're going to get healthier and leave him?

Time to sit down and have a discussion with him. It's ok if he doesn't want to join you in healthier food choices, or even to work out (have you asked him to?) but reassure him you love him and aren't going anywhere.

Perhaps you can also let him know how much you appreciate his thoughtfulness (even if his motives aren't pure...but we don't know that yet) and give him new ideas of what he can bring that are healthy and will help you stick to your goal.

Good luck. I'm sure this is very difficult but you can do it!

I'm not in the same boat, actually generally both of us end up having to take turns with the "prime" gym time (6-7 pm) due to us having 4 kids.

I wonder, could your husband possibly be jealous and just not admitting it? I'm wondering if he's not seeing you trying to turn your life around and sees himself not doing the same. Due to that, it makes him frustrated at himself for not doing it, and therefore he halo's that frustration onto you. I would assume it's jealousy at play here. He would feel better if you went back to the old way, so he doesn't have to feel bad about not doing the same thing as you are.

In the end, you can only lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink. Maybe try having a calm and direct conversation with him. Ask him what his reasons are for being frustrated at you for trying to change your life. My suggestion is don't take a superior tone with him, nor a "mother" type tone. Listen more then speaking at first.

As far as food, that's something you will have to learn to fight. Because you are on a lifestyle change doesn't mean everyone around you is going to change as well. You have to learn to tell yourself no, and ignore it. With us having 4 kids, there are ALWAYS "bad" foods/drinks around our house. We have just had to learn to ignore them and keep on trucking.

Just a thought...

Hmmm. My husband is very supportive in what he says, but not what he does. He will still make or buy trigger foods, or just cook with too much fat, even when I ask about. Fortuntately, I work around it, but it's still frustrating.

I think the thing is, we can't control anyone else's behavior or make someone more supportive. It almost doesn't matter why your husband is sabotaging you. You have to decide in advance how you'll handle these situations. You can scoop ice cream into a bowl and let it melt, then dump it in the sink. or scoop it directly into the garbage. Or throw some pizza away, if you want to have a limited amount first. I freeze slices of pizza.

Trying to "win" the argument isn't my style. I just stopped eating the stuff. It's unfair of a husband or wife to do this to their spouse, but the most important thing is that you not get derailed, so just assume HIS behavior's not going to change. How are you going to handle it so you meet your goals?

When I started racing my wife always stayed home and was not willing to excercise or to come with me. After 2 years she felt lonely when I was out running with friends. She finally decided to join me and my friends. Now she has done 7 Marathons and wants to run one in every state. I will follow her. My point is that it may take some time before your husband understands that you need to excercise. Try to do it with a group of friends and show your husband how much fun you have. One day it will want to join you. Good luck.

Tell him to gtf over it.

Talk and communicate. Try do to this without losing your temper. Rehearse what you want to say and the questions you want to ask. Understand that he may not open up to you right away. I will usually ask my husband if I can have a few minutes to talk to him without him interrupting me but just listening. I then tell him he doesn't have to talk about it right now - he can have some time to process and then we can talk. Sometimes we talk then and there, sometimes we a talk a little bit then and then in a few days more and sometimes it will be a few days before we talk about it. But the point is it is out in the open and not eating at you as bad and sometimes that is over half the battle. Good Luck:flowerforyou:

Sadly I never understand it when things like this happen. Don't get me wrong, I know they do and far to often. He's your husband, to me that means the two of you communicate freely and openly. I would personally recommend sitting down and have a heart to heart with him. One of two things will happen if you don't. You'll snap or quit because you didn't want to rock the boat. Never forget how important you, your goals and your dreams are! Best of luck to you!

Let him understand this is not an appearance matter but a serious health issue, then get him under that statement, doesn't he want you to be healthier?

I seriously believe he is insecure, and by doing this he's showing why you would have reasons to leave him at some point.

Just never forget, everyone deserves someone who loves you, but that also supports you, otherwise, something is missing there...

I can completely relate to what you are saying. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me, but, I think that he prefers me overweight and with low self esteem. He, as well, will bring home all of my favorites and think that he is doing a good thing. When I bring it to his attention, his response, "Just have a little." There is no such thing as, "Just have a little"! I am trying to work on an addiction here. I came to MFP because honestly, I have no support whatsoever form anyone. I can tell you though, it all stems from insecurities. Imagine what is running through their minds, "She is looking great-if I see it, what are other men thinking?" I wish ya a world of luck, but remember....Do not give up on yourself!!

my husband was this way for the first 4 months i was doing this, so much so that i gave up. eventually he started to notice the changes in my attitude and how i felt about myself when i had given up compared to how i was when i was really trying hard to be healthy. we talked about it and i let him know how important this is to me, how bad i feel about myself for how unhealthy and over weight i am and how happy i am when i work out or eat right because i can feel the changes in my body. i even broke down a little and almost cried when i was telling him how bad it makes me feel when he doesn't support me and it really seemed to open his eyes, he has promised that for now on we can buy and eat only healthy food and he will be supportive of my work outs and help with our daughter when i need extra time or when im cooking.

However he did tell me WHY he was so anti-healthy, for him it was because i went from eating when i wanted to only eating when i was ACTUALLY hungry and he didn't think that was often enough, he looked at it as me starving myself because he didn't understand, it was also because i went from cooking US meals and eating together to cooking MY meals and eating at the times i set for myself. He also hated that i went from sitting around doing nothing but computer and vid games with him to getting up and being active outside, mowing the lawn, walking the dog, playing with our daughter in the yard, and he sleeps all day (he works over nights) and i use to sleep with him but now i don't because its important for me to get a healthy nights rest and stay active all day. basically i started changing the way i live and he felt left out and didn't understand the importance behind it.

now we have met in the middle, i wake up at 8am when he gets home and we a healthy breakfast as a family. then we have a shower together and he goes to bed, which is when i pick up the yard or play with our daughter or w/e else i have planned to keep me active, then i make us a lunch and wake him up so we can eat together again, and we play some games or go out together and then we have dinner as a family and he goes to bed to get a nap before work and i do my elliptical at that time, then i wake him up for work and stay up with him while he gets ready and leaves then i relax, put our daughter to bed and do the same. so i guess my epic long post is just saying TALK to him, explain your side in a way he will understand it and LISTEN to him about how he feels, then work on a compromise.

I would tell him to F off and if he doesn't like it he can kiss my *kitten*!