How long were you with your SO before you got engaged?

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Replies

  • bcl003
    bcl003 Posts: 331 Member
    I don't put too much stock in marriage - it is a piece of paper given to you by the government approving your relationship. I don't need someone to approve my relationship and I've gotten used to the "why aren't you two married" comments. I'm not a religious person, so that doesn't come into play. Besides, there was always an expectation in my family that marriage = kids and my Sweetie and I decided early on that we would not be having children. So, as of July 1st we will have been together for 19 years and we're not engaged yet! Although we've talked about marriage recently simply so I can add him to my health insurance. My employer doesn't offer coverage to "domestic partners" and we're not getting any younger.

    Actually, the purpose of marraige in the legal sense isn't so that the government can approve the relationship. It is actually more like a business partnership. The marraige contract protects you the same way a contract does in any other sense. I would never dream of going into a business and purchasing a building, hiring employees, taking out a line of credit and signing letters of guarantee with a business partner unless I knew that I had some legal protection in case my business partner/s decided to just walk out and leave me financially ruined.

    I always wonder why couples are willing to move in together, purchase homes and cars, have children and pool their money into one checking account and then don't see the need to get married. At least with a marraige contract, while divorce is possible both parties have the protections a contract provides.
    Not very romantic, but you're absolutely right!

    No actually your not right, in many states all of that equates to being "common law" so it doesn't matter if they walk out and leave they still have to pay for the divorce.
  • hark15
    hark15 Posts: 148 Member
    About a year and a half until we were engaged - I was ready after 6 months :) - then another 11 months until our wedding (this September). But everyone's different. By the time I met my fiance I was 25 and he was 29 and we both had been in at least one very serious relationship. We knew what we wanted and we were both in stable jobs and knew where our lives were going. I have plenty of friends who have been dating longer but are not engaged yet because they decided to go back to school and/or are still settling into careers, etc. Everyone goes at their own pace - but if you are starting to let it bother you, you should talk to your SO about it!
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 378 Member
    One year too long. Wish I had never met him. Yep, after nine years of marriage (if you want to call it that) I divorced the jerk and haven't really dated since. I was 23 when I married him.
  • Oliviamarie05
    Oliviamarie05 Posts: 528 Member
    we were together for 3 years, now four, and getting married on August 4th :D
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    About a year.
  • cubizzle
    cubizzle Posts: 900 Member
    We never got officially engaged. We had been dating for a few months and she asked me to marry her while I was in the kitchen and she was lying in bed watching tv. (Small studio apt.) It was sort of a joke at the time, but we ended up getting married 8 months after we started officially dating. We would have done it sooner if we could, but honestly, and this is going to sound terrible, we were both going through divorces when we first met. Timing can be the most important part. After seriously discussing it once or twice we drove to Vegas, as we lived 2 hours away, and we married at the courthouse. We've been married 5.5 years, and have twin 4 year old boys and a 4 month old baby boy. We've left the military, I've finished college, we've moved from California to Illinois, and then to Wisconsin. We've gained weight and lost weight. All in all, we work our *kitten* of to be a family and we love each other for it. Damn, I love my wife.
  • demitraknows
    demitraknows Posts: 82 Member
    7 months and we were married, but i came from a crazy wild seven years with my ex so at the time anything was better than having someone like him. Its different for many people because right now I have a cousin who has been with her boyfriend since 1994 and they still havent been married and have all of the things that married couples do like a house, cars, life insurance, etc. Its really what you feel comfortable with so take your time and make sure everything feels right spiritually...
  • Aviendha_RJ
    Aviendha_RJ Posts: 600 Member
    15 months into our relationship here... closing in on 16 months, actually. He hasn't even said "I love you" yet.

    You're YOUNG. I'm 29. Be YOUNG for a while, & don't rush things. They'll happen when they'll happen, if they're going to happen. And if they don't happen, they aren't meant to happen.
  • bck80
    bck80 Posts: 81 Member
    engaged after 8 months and married after 11 months.
  • Miss_dannii
    Miss_dannii Posts: 1,351 Member
    Nearly 8 years but we were kids when we started going out x
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
    Got engaged after 9 months of dating. Engaged 9 months before wedding. Been married 16 years.
  • monroe61
    monroe61 Posts: 620 Member
    We were together for 2 years then moved in together, lived with each other for 1 year then got engaged then were engaged for 1 yr and got married so we were together for 3 years before engaged and 4 years before married and this year is our 7th wedding anniversary. I was 22 and he was 24 when we got married but my birthday was the next month so I was really close to 23 :)
  • spicypepper
    spicypepper Posts: 1,016 Member
    6 months :blushing: And then it was almost 2 years from our first date when we got married.
  • kiwigal41
    kiwigal41 Posts: 1,059
    7 years....:).......now married 10 years this year!!!! whew......we've been together 17 years???????? wow...:)
  • RainxPain
    RainxPain Posts: 152
    I love reading everyone's stories. Especially ones that started out young and have now been marred/dating for several years. So adorable!
  • heathermora11
    heathermora11 Posts: 154 Member
    dated 6 months, engaged for 3 months, married now for 3 years (yesterday was our anniversary!) might not be right for everyone to go that fast (we were 26 years old, graduated college and working when we met), but it was perfect for us and I am very thankful for our healthy marriage. my husband is my biggest supporter in getting healthy by far and I love him!
  • superstarcassie
    superstarcassie Posts: 296 Member
    We were dating for 2.5 years before getting engaged- we had a over a year engagement and we are getting married this Saturday!!! :)
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
    Been together 5 years and just got engaged this past Christmas. We've been living together the whole 5 years. We don't plan on getting married until next year. We've been together so long its more of a formality at this point! :laugh: In our hearts we are already married, and I don't look at other relationships and think "they were married after a year, so I should be too" because I am not in their relationship, and for all I know, they are unhappy and on the verge of a divorce. Also, I am 23, so I won't tell you to "be young" because (well frankly i hate that and) I may be young but being in a settled down, committed relationship rather than dating a bunch of people and club hopping is more my preference in life! So if you are happy in your relationship, be happy! Don't put so much importance on the title (wife, fiance, g/f etc.).
  • _HeyMommy_
    _HeyMommy_ Posts: 323 Member
    We knew each other a year, 7 days AFTER we got married. lol... dated about 6 months begore getting engaged. (at 21)
    Our 20th anniversary is this coming Jan. :0)
  • sistasledge101
    sistasledge101 Posts: 80
    he was 32 and I was 25 at the time. we met, moved in together 3 weeks later,got engaged immediately, married 9 months later. June was our 2 year anniversary of meeting. Sometimes you just know its right. this was my second marriage. We are living happily ever after :)
    if you are wanting to get married maybe you should be the one to ask. but don't be pressured about what other people do.
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    We got engaged 7 months after we met, and married 14 months later. When we got married, I was 21, he was 30, and our son was 5 months old. :P We're celebrating our 10th anniversary this September, and are very happy! :)
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
    Kind of random and funny but he just sent me a text with an SRT8 jeep that said "After we get married we should get one of these together :))" So we're on the same page, but it is a matter of when... I need to be patient but these texts just seem like teasing!


    might be his way of making sure you'll say yes if he proposes... men are strange creatures sometimes :wink:
  • KetoBella
    KetoBella Posts: 141 Member
    I don't put too much stock in marriage - it is a piece of paper given to you by the government approving your relationship. I don't need someone to approve my relationship and I've gotten used to the "why aren't you two married" comments. I'm not a religious person, so that doesn't come into play. Besides, there was always an expectation in my family that marriage = kids and my Sweetie and I decided early on that we would not be having children. So, as of July 1st we will have been together for 19 years and we're not engaged yet! Although we've talked about marriage recently simply so I can add him to my health insurance. My employer doesn't offer coverage to "domestic partners" and we're not getting any younger.

    Actually, the purpose of marraige in the legal sense isn't so that the government can approve the relationship. It is actually more like a business partnership. The marraige contract protects you the same way a contract does in any other sense. I would never dream of going into a business and purchasing a building, hiring employees, taking out a line of credit and signing letters of guarantee with a business partner unless I knew that I had some legal protection in case my business partner/s decided to just walk out and leave me financially ruined.

    I always wonder why couples are willing to move in together, purchase homes and cars, have children and pool their money into one checking account and then don't see the need to get married. At least with a marraige contract, while divorce is possible both parties have the protections a contract provides.
    Not very romantic, but you're absolutely right!

    No actually your not right, in many states all of that equates to being "common law" so it doesn't matter if they walk out and leave they still have to pay for the divorce.

    Granted there are a few States that have "common law" however each State still has specific tests for what provides protection and what protection it provides. However, assuming that there is a State that after a specific time period determines you are "legally married" in the eyes of the law without having received an official marraige license my question is out of curiousity. Why not get married then? No need to answer since this wasn't the original point to this thread, just throwing it out there as a alternate point of view.
  • Allison714
    Allison714 Posts: 77 Member
    I was with someone for 6 years, and it never happened.....felt like I was waiting around forever too.

    I was with the next one for 2 years and bought a house together and it lasted like 7 months after buying the house before everything totally bombed.

    My current...we have been together for 3 years....got engaged 3 months ago, and are planning a wedding for May 2013. We dated long distance for a year, he moved from Orlando to Tampa....and then a year later we moved out here to CO together. I felt like I was waiting on this one too....but then again it's mainly due to the fact that we have been through so much together already that it's like ok now what.

    Either way, don't judge by whatever anyone else is doing. A lot of things play into your situation, and if it feels forced, that's not really what it's about. You're just getting a name change and the wedding anyway. It's about you 2 and your love for one another, and when it happens, it will. Plus, trying to cram a wedding and buying a house all into the same year sounds super stressful anyway!
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
    2.5 years.
  • SerenaNatasha
    SerenaNatasha Posts: 246
    5 months. engaged for a year. Our wedding is in September :)
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    7 mos. before engagement, and then married 4 months later.

    HOWEVER, we were 32 and 44 years old, and each already had well-advanced careers, lived around the wolrd, and owned property on our own. We have now been married 12 years and have 4 kids.

    I still think people should not live together or make significant purchases together until both have made the greater commitment of getting married. This is because it adds significant pressure to relationships that have skipped an essential foundation step. Typically, living together or buying a house imply different degrees of commitment to each party, which eventually wears on both partners, when one is not ready or willing to make the final step. Often, children are then added to the mix (intentionally, or not--sometimes intentionally only by 1 partner), and BAM, it's put-up or shut-up time. This is never a good thing.

    Next is the big meltdown of "you pushed me, you pressured me, I resent you, I deserve more, our child deserves more, etc, etc.

    Call the lawyers, start writing the checks and it's over before it ever began.

    Of course married people get divorced, HOWEVER if one or neither person ever intended to get married anyway, there is much less chance of success.
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
    Got engaged one year after dating.

    Married 8 months after engagement.
  • ShannonTodd
    ShannonTodd Posts: 105 Member
    Hubby and I were together for 4 months before we got engaged.
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have known each other our whole life (growing up he was my brother's best friend). He has asked me to move in, but I wanted to be traditional. I wanted a ring before that happened. Thus, I still live at home with my parents because I don't have a ring yet.

    Living together, buying a house together, being engaged, etc. is a huge step. Do not take it lightly. Don't feel pressured to do it because everyone else around is. I am the oldest of my girlfriends here are there stories
    *One was married, had a kid, divorced, had another kid, and engaged again she is literally 22 years old!
    *One is married and has been for almost 3 years now (she is 24)
    *One is married and has a kid and has been for 4 years (she is 23)
    *One has a kid and live-in boyfriend (not the dad)
    *One is single but owns her own home

    So believe me.. i understand the feeling! However, I have enjoyed taking our relationship slow. have you talked about marriage? Do you feel that you are 100% positive he is the one? Does he feel the same way!? do some talking with him!

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