Online dating differences

Can't speak from my own experience but I can tell you my daughter met her husband online plus my husband and I know lots of people who have found love, happiness, companionship whatever you want to call it online. I think it's a great way to meet! So, when it's right it will be a good fit. Have fun with the process Cris :-)

I actually met my husband on an online dating site.

Funny thing was, I was totally against using them before that. I thought that the only people i'd meet would be weirdo's and possibly abusers looking for their next victim.

A friend of mine was looking thru profiles of men for me, (becuase i wouldnt do it myself) and came across one and emailed me the link for his profile. I took a chance and read what he had to say, and saw that he was military (his picture was in one of the unit vehicles and in uniform)

He seemed to say everything decent in his profile. Course I was so jaded that I just said...'well he could just be SAYING what he thinks women want to hear'

Bottom line is I decided to give him a chance and the rest is part of our history that you didnt ask about..you were just asking about what to SAY to get to that next step...

Not really able to answer that specifically as each woman is different. There could be a whole host of reasons that this/these women didnt respond back. Maybe they were not online/didnt get your message yet/are currently dating someone and didnt take their profile down/just being extreemly hesitant and careful like I was/ etc......

It doesnt mean you said or didnt say anythign wrong. It simply means that this whole online 'dating' thing is subject to many different personalities, thus many different peoples whims.

Yea, mabye you should put a little more 'out there' when you respond to or send an email to a potential interest, but then again, mabye you should just keep it the way it is. Its more of a matter of the womens 'whim' at that particular moment. You dont know what her personality is like, so I think the bottom line is just keep it real for yourself.

Write what you feel comfortable writing, and leave it at that. You ultimately want her to like you for you dont ya? Not what you 'made up' in order to try and get her interested. If she doesnt respond to what you write, truthfully its her loss. Try to move on to the next one you find interesting.

Honesty, straightforward, gentlemanly. Thats what QUALITY women want. Be yourself. You will win the right one over!

*ok, just my two cents cris* :drinker: good luck my friend!

Cliff, we feel the same way about you guys.

I meet my girlfriend on MFP. Dating sites blow big hairy balls.

So...I was talking to a friend about the differences in men and women when it comes to online dating. I had mentioned how when I was looking for people to meet with...even on a friendly basis, 95% of women(or more) wouldn't reply. Many wouldn't even read the messages. She asked me for sample messages to see if that was the problem, so I gave her some...but what they amounted to was a hello, a short comment on a point or two of commonality in their profile, and usually some kind of polite question that gave them something to say if they felt like replying. A generic example:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My friends reply to me giving her this example as a message was:

It doesnt say much. I would respond because Im nice & you asked me a question. I would be thinking whats up with this guy? Is he shy? He didnt say anything.

I just sat there dumbfounded.

If a woman I found attractive (particularly if she had a semi interesting profile) sent me one simple word:

'Hello.'

I would reply.

It made me very curious what women in general really expect from men on these sites. I mean, no matter how intelligent and interesting you are as a man, you can only pull so much to discuss out of a typical online dating profile lol.

What gives?

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

Cliff, we feel the same way about you guys.

Then I'm gonna be lost.

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

If all a guy from an online dating site said was hi. I wouldnt even look at the profile. If you cant come up with more than hi why waste my time.

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

This is what my friend said (along with the reply about being more specific in my questions/comments...ala hiking mentioned above). The thing is...among my many faults, its not likely that you'll find 'poor conversation skills' listed lol.

I finally drew two conclusions to my lack of replies. First...attractiveness. Whether it be the pictures I was using (all dressed, some with my kids, none shirtless or posing in a mirror as they are on this site), or simply how I look in general, I wasn't attractive enough to reply to. Second...I clearly suck at the online dating thing...along with the dating thing in general. Relationships tend to be pretty awesome, finding one...not so much.

See, men (and me in particular) don't need to feel a reply is 'worthy' of us. A reply is a reply...we go with it. We don't need complicated replies either, or replies with real meaning. I mean...what are you actually going to learn in replies on a dating site? We don't have 17 different criteria for whether a girl is worth meeting either. If she's nice, attractive to us, and doesn't come off bat**** crazy in any of the conversations before meeting...and meeting, or at least conversing other than in text...is where you'll know if you get along, friends or no.

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Unattractive? They must be blind and therefore need to get off online dating sites. The pics you have had on here of you clothed and with your kids - no lack of attractiveness there. I would guess maybe they had too many requests to deal with? I have no idea why they would just click delete without at least looking at it.

Good luck though Cris, the whole dating thing is a nightmare. Casual hook ups seem easier to acquire than anything meaningful.

Ok I would definitely respond to your message. It's friendly and makes you sound easy going. Just be yourself and the right girl will come along...you may have to be patient and kiss a couple frogs... but it will happen!

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

This is what my friend said (along with the reply about being more specific in my questions/comments...ala hiking mentioned above). The thing is...among my many faults, its not likely that you'll find 'poor conversation skills' listed lol.

I finally drew two conclusions to my lack of replies. First...attractiveness. Whether it be the pictures I was using (all dressed, some with my kids, none shirtless or posing in a mirror as they are on this site), or simply how I look in general, I wasn't attractive enough to reply to. Second...I clearly suck at the online dating thing...along with the dating thing in general. Relationships tend to be pretty awesome, finding one...not so much.

See, men (and me in particular) don't need to feel a reply is 'worthy' of us. A reply is a reply...we go with it. We don't need complicated replies either, or replies with real meaning. I mean...what are you actually going to learn in replies on a dating site? We don't have 17 different criteria for whether a girl is worth meeting either. If she's nice, attractive to us, and doesn't come off bat**** crazy in any of the conversations before meeting...and meeting, or at least conversing other than in text...is where you'll know if you get along, friends or no.

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Post the pics! And yes, I absolutely judge a person by their photo. Especially by their eyes...Do they look crazy stalker? If not continue conversation...A first question is why did they choose that pic? Some wouldn't talk to you with your current mfp profile pic on a dating site. Even though you look good, your muscular, you also look kind of menacing lol. That's not what the girl on the dating site is going to go for...unless you have some 'sweet' pics up...because you know us girls like a puffy serious and muscular man in front of us from time to time But first off, if someone approaches a girl to say hello, the last thing they want to see is immediate menacing glare.

Then there's the people who don't like animals who will not message you if the first thing they see is you adoring them...vice versa goes to if you say you hate pets. But you don't want the opposite anyway.

Then there's the people who don't like kids. Or they don't want to be associated with someone with a kid. Or they realize that a lot of people with kids are jaded. Either way, if they can't deal with it, you don't want to talk to them anyway, it's not going to work. You can't convince someone to have kids, or "hello nice to meet you would you some day like to look after mine". Plus the mention of kids often brings up the thought of how many crazy ex gfs you have to deal with or if you are the crazy one. The fact that it may be none of the above will probably not cross their mind. Don't hide the fact you have kids, mention them lovingly immediately, and you get a lot better feel for this is a nice person then "random dude with kids trying to talk to me".

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My thought process went why are they cold? I've had many many conversations that were not cold at all and ended up in some pretty good friendships and some of them even relationships. People I will keep around for life. In fact the people you message are likely in a meaningful conversation with someone else if they are interested in dating them or not. Also, I don't want to start off an argument with a stranger off the bat, so I'm likely not going to comment on it.

If you hate a hook up concept then I may think why are you on what people consider a hook up site messaging people about how you hate hook ups in an attempt to meet them...especially if it's written in your profile...and by my massive amount of common emails I get, you've probably sent a similar message to someone else. This can also be associated with something bad...are you just saying that because you think that's what people want to here? Because there are those people and you have not distinguished yourself to be outside of that group. If you think that, then why are you here? Maybe if you said why it would have cleared things up...something more to roll with. Once again, I don't want to start an argument off the bat, I'd like to get a feel for the person first.

So all I have left to talk about is the 'hi' comment now...and I have 19 more emails to read.

My husband found me on myspace. When he messaged me he introduced himself a little, explained that he was new to the area and was looking for cool people to hang out with. He mentioned that he read my blogs on my trip to New York and asked what places he should visit since he was planning on going. We got to talking and hit it off. Eventually, we met in person, and, obviously, got married.

The thing is, meeting online is hard. There's not a lot to go on and if a person isn't hooked by the initial message they probably won't pursue making a connection. You're also being judged on pictures, which makes it that much more difficult.

Please God do not succumb to the shirtless picture in the mirror!!! Only thing worse is the duck face!! Patience - your response will draw the RIGHT one when it's time. LOL Who am I to preach this? I want it NOW!